Liberation of the Root-chakra

For old readers, who has followed this blog for some years – you will remember the “morning-gloom-and-doom” that has stayed in place, whatever else I have done healingwise.

These glorious days I see it as my greatest liberator.

Let me repeat that with an exclamation mark!

These glorious days I see it as my greatest liberator!

The last two days it has come with a ferociousness that is remarkable – and luckily I remembered this advice I had received recently:

“Scary difficult memories/energies/sights: Now you have the choice NOT to launch into your habitual patterns of resistance, but to stay with the rawness and discomfort of the situation – and let it transform you. ALLOW IT to set you free!”

And as soon as i dropped the identification with the feelings – I am NOT this, I am the awareness of it – it dropped, and it was tolerable. I talked lovingly to the part that had held on to the pattern of resistance as a surviving/coping mechanism, and honored for her choice to do that – she kept us alive and reasonable sane – well, sane enough to go through educations, get a job, get married etc etc – all the stuff we call life.

As soon as I saw this as a gift, the energies started to move. The part of me went through several layers –  intense terror, then dense fields of confusion and thought-spin – then huge rage and anger, then deep grief, then loneliness –  then I allowed it to wash through me, but knew all of this belonged to her – that little one that had gone through all of that. I was in the observer-position – and the part was not fused with me any longer, and could feel it all. I felt it with her, but did not identify with the “me” in it -it was just energy, it had come for a reason – to be seen and acknowledged and held and honored, so “she” and I could finally experience the LOVE that surrounded all of that.

The little one asked the Light “why wasn’t you there when the awful thing happened!” and the Light gently and lovingly told her :

“We were there when it happened. You dissociated from the trauma, and your fear and horror prevented you from seeing our presence. Now you know that we were there – and in that way, you will feel safe being in touch with the repressed feelings later. We have witnessed it, and our love and space for you will melt the negative energy-fields still clinging to your aura – as you yourself find forgiveness within.”

The last paragraph is part of the book ” When Fear Come Home to Love” which I present in the right menu. I have “known” this for 30 years – but these days, it feels like a much more comprehensive healing – like i visit it through many layers. It feels blissful each and every time i get to this place – it is only the resistance, and my identification of this victim, that keeps the pain and energies going. WITNESSING the pain FROM the Self – the loving Observer – transforms and transmutes it.

And now to the fun stuff – the synchronicities after such a lovely process. I get out of bed, and are nudged to open one of the many creative journals I have in front of me in the bookshelf. I open it randomly, and find this image:

The freed Root wicenter

After taking a photo of this to share, I found my had going into another cupboard and taking out a miniature book. I opened it on this page:

 

 

Through the Gateless Gate

Below is a post of a thread on this Forum:

The ones who wants to follow this, please go and read from the thread.

Dearest Chris,

It is amazing how the fear is  not believable any longer to me. Just ego doing its work.

The night started with intense intense tensions and impossible to sleep. Something inside reminded me that “this is simple. Just allow it to be easy. Allow the process, the momentum, to carry you.” So I  invited the terror  to stay with me.I listened to what it had to say, it was connected to a chronic pain in the lung/chest-area. As I allowed it to just BE, the heart started fluttering and pounding, skipping beats. A sweet feeling of tenderness enveloped it, held it. After 4 hours or so I fell asleep and had this  dream:

I am together with a huge crowd of people – 2000?20000? The atmosphere is a feeling, impression, of a shift of immense importance for the whole world ( which  could well be the world of “me”.)The crowd has come together to join this shift, this work.

I have an ally there (Hi, Chris) – we are taking care of the food for the two of us.:-)

We are now all in the same room. A woman is talking from the stage,feverishly, about how dangerous this is and how impossibly hard this is to do.She is the voice for separation. The crowd takes no notice of her. Then she stands right in front of me, her back to me, talking desperately to herself about the impossibility of going through this. She then turns to me for support, and I say – again and again and again loud and clear to her: “There is nobody her who does not see how hard this is for you.” I look her in the eyes and repeat it until I see that she hears me, and receives the compassion. She stops speaking, and I see that the truth seeps into her mind. As I write this down now, it seems that she played the role of suffering victim- “my” main identity “this life.” I am seeing that her role slides of her: she has seen clearly that it IS a role.

The crowd is now outside the building again. There is a unified decision in the crowd – that we hold the momentum of connection to truth, and don’t allow any opposing force to separate us. But right now, we cannot find any opposing force at all. Still it is clear that it is a possibility – but only if we allow ourselves to listen to silliness and take it seriously.

At this time in the dream, I am confused about which year we are in – is it 2012 or 2013?

*

Sometime yesterday,a decision was made – to commit to this fully. It may have happened when I mailed my friend and co-student of ACIM, Shell, who also was guided by you, and she reminded me that I had promised to be completely honest and transparent here – and I felt “Of course!” and I added here what I had written to her – how scared I was.

I am writing down what I spoke into my recorder in the night/morning:

The pressure and tension in the chest and whole torso is immense.”I” am seeing  the crowd as the zillion of fragments “I” split into and dissociated as baby/child/youth -now come together to listen to truth instead of the constant threats from ego.The feeling of the crowd is a unified trust in the leaderJ – and the leader is truth, “who” speaks from union and not separation. We all recognize truth the second it is spoken. It is Home, it’s not a place, it is a recognition of our true nature.

What is beautiful now is SEEING this seeming multitude of “me’s”, and while seeing it, realizing that it is a construct that it is the process of being subjected to truth. There is a watching of this all -and right now (in the night)this watching feels like it is positioned as me. Right now language is experienced as such a clumsy tool for conveying what I am experiencing: I see that I am just at this point in time where this understanding is “placed” (oh god its clumsy.)

From this “place” I see that “me” is just a condensed point in “time” – which also, from this view, is seen as a silly attempt to separate what it impossible to separate. Something that thinks it is possible to position itself in something called time, and that it is REAL.I see oh how necessary this seems is in the world of special “me’s.”

It’s just stories.

Seeing clearly now that “me” is impossibility and a story -and I also see and feel how much I love this I and what she has grown into because of believing in the story and taking it for real. I appreciate the journey to this point of clarity –  and since there is no time in reality, it is seen that there was no journey at all, just a willingness to be wrong about everything about this separated me, all its values and concepts and ideas about the world and its separateness.

It feels very enjoyable to  speak these words into the recorder and allow them to come. It dawns that a shift has already happened. I am aware of the truth all this is coming from, in all its clumsy expressions – and “I” might be wobbling a while until it stabilizes. There is a fear that says I might  just be stuck in hell again – and I notice the thought, and an attraction into hell again.

While I am speaking these words, the constant painful tension behind my eyes is releasing as a gush of tears from both eyes. The release melts down into the neck and throat too, as tensions are seen as not necessary protection any longer.

There is an intense gratitude at knowing itself to be connected to this inner guidance and truth, which has been here all my life, available when “I” have chosen not to believe in fear.

It is also seen that there IS no other places than HERE. Everything else is a construct and illusion. And at the same time, enjoying the whole PLAY of it all: when “me” is absent, joy is here -as I frequently feel in the creative process as an artist.

This morning I listened to a taped program. A man talked about his passion for church-bells. He visited a craftsman who mold bells. He learns that the tone is already in the material – and that the material must meet someone in whose hands this tone can be liberated.

Love

Leelah

 

 

The me is thinning out

Ilona Ciunaite allows me to post these quotes from her and Elena Nezhinsky’s free-e-book “Gateless Gatecrashers” – 21 interviews with people being guided to look at the self

I am reviewing  the notes I have made, each morning. The me is becoming thinned out.

Garcius: Still this feeling of “I” is here. Yes, a huge label of “me”.
Grrr, I want to get rid of that labelling…
Ilona: Labeling is happening and there is no one here to get rid of it. It’s happening and it will be as it always was.
It’s not the labeling that drops and not the feeling of beingness, but the belief that there is a “you” to which all this is happening.
And that drops because you see the truth that actually, in real life, there really isn’t. So investigate that first and foremost.
Life is. You aren’t.
Do the math.
Garsius: There is a feeling of apathy here. It’s like “yeah, yeah, that is true, but—whatever”. Sometimes moments of strange happiness come, then everything’s the same again.
Ilona: Good, good, it’s all happening. There is no “you” to see but seeing is happening. Is this true?
Garsius: Yes, it’s true—there is no “me” seeing, just a feeling that it is “I” who sees, seeing happening by itself.
Ilona: The feeling that it is “I” that sees—look there. There is a feeling of seeing + labelling. = “I see”. Look at that feeling again. Get on it, don’t be shy. Climb inside it, look at the world from that perspective.
Seeing is happening….

Ilona: How is everything looking today?
Garsius: Peaceful, quiet and no one cares even about such nice things. Today there is no apathy. Today is… nothing.
Ilona: How does it feel to be liberated?
Garsius: Like a beginning, or something like that. There is a strong need to show this to others also. There is silent gratitude with no target for it. And mind becomes like this: “oh, I should be very happy” and disappears. And there is love—silent warmth towards all: you, Elena, table, rain…
Ilona: Awesome! Thank you. Much appreciation here.
There are some questions left that we need to go through just to clarify, but I see you’ve made it.
Answer when ready.
Is there a “you”, at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Garsius: Nope, there is no “me” at all.
Ilona: Explain in detail what the self is and how it works.
Garsius: I don’t know how it works. Somehow “I” is connected to every thought that comes. That is how “I am that, I am this, I feel this, I don’t feel that” is here. Somehow there is a belief about that—that you are this every statement “I am…”.
Like you are inside thought. You are content of that thought and acting with no questioning. If a question arises, it becomes an “I” immediately. So that, Ilona, the nonsense of self goes on forever.
Ilona: How does it feel to be liberated?
Garsius: It’s just perceiving all happening, looking at the “I” thought without being touched by it. Actually, you are not touched by anything. There is no “you”. Nothing. Everything. But not “I”. Even “I” is in that everything.
Ilona: How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about “no you”?
Garsius: Spontaneously.
There is no “you”. Look and see that there is the body, thoughts, feelings etc., same as other things around in the world. Perception of those things happens,but there is no perceiver. The “I” thought is everywhere, but it is not you. Try and find that out yourself.Anything you can identify yourself with while trying will be false. You can’t be the thing you’re looking at. Look and take off layer after layer of that false “I” until nothing is left of “you”.
Ilona: Brilliant!
The last bit: is there any doubt at all?
Garsius: Nope, there is no doubt. “I” can return, but it is always clear that it is not me.
Ilona: Perfect. Can you tell me what pushed you over? What was most instrumental, what made you actually look? Can you look back and see if you can pinpoint that shift?
Garsius: Cannot say. Maybe that will come later. You and Elena just chopped, chopped and chopped. And somehow, at some point some resistance fall apart and nothing was left… Hah, now tears come. Much Love here.
This morning, when I opened my eyes, there was full clarity. Later I slipped and again did not understand what and how. (There was understanding, but also a thought that I don’t understand anything.)
There was nothing left to identify with, not even with emptiness. After this apathy started, like “oh well, it does not matter” and later something gave up. There was nowhere to retreat. Seeing happened.
Thank you.

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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