BREATHING FREELY

For years I have had a chronic difficulty breathing. There have been strong constrictions around the heart and lungs. I have knows it has to do with earlier defense in traumatic situations, and have unraveled many layers. Two days ago I found a new one – what in shamanism we call “lost soul-part.”

In my spiritual practice, my body, house and surroundings mirrors back to me what goes on in my mind. Two days ago, my stove-fan broke down.

For me, it mirrors my lungs, and my ability to breathe and filter out the stronger smells from cooking. I knew it was a signal to yet another layer with the lungs/heart.

The same late evening, I sat down in my Healing Room to do a daily Chi Gong Kidney – exercise which has shown to be very efficient. Video below. When it came to ex.nr.seven, where we softly circle our hands around our  breast, I heard distinct tapping sounds behind me, as if somebody tapped the door/window: “let me in!” Then my body shivered and shuddered and was filled with an energy that did not feel “mine.”

I completed the exercise and prayed for insight – got that it was a “visitation:” some part of me that I had exiled wanted to reconnect. That made it easier for me: I truly want the LOVE that I am to transform all those memories and energies and “soul-parts.”

She was easy to connect to now, and I opened myself to fully be with her and acknowledge everything that she had felt – and her interpretations and conclusions about what this meant about her:

deeply unworthy of love from parents AND God. I let her know I saw and acknowledged all her hatred at self and others – “of course you felt this, it is a perfectly normal response to your situation. You have a right to feel all this now, WITH me, not alone.”

The constriction was at first so strong that I thought I may die – and then I realized that it was her constrictions that I felt, so I could be there as her  neutral loving witness. There was a big shift, the constrictions abated the more I realized that this happened for me and not to me: this was part of loving myself free from the old pattern I had seen as my safety, and that now almost choked me to death.

On x-ray one can see a mass around the heart/lungs – and doctors let me know it is not cancer or any sickness. I know the part of me had to create a lot of pain and goo and coughing there – it was like a bomb inside that said “don’t go here! Go away! We will NOT remember this terror!” So the constriction has been a life-saver, allowing me to heal memory after memory all the way up to this NOW. The exiled part is back, and presenting me with the agony, as much as she is able and willing to.

I bless the part in its true being. I forgive myself for all the judgments I placed upon this, and I embrace it. I allow it to be transmuted in Divine Light.

So…the stove-fan?

I have decided to let God take care of that. No worries: I am taken care of each step of the way

I invite you to click the two book-covers in the right menu, and check out if my two books may be for you.

Here is the video:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Conveyor belt

Kit and I, both as therapists and “persons”, experience that just being with whatever in the body – bringing clear awareness to it – is transformational. When we Skype, we take 20 minutes each to be either the “explorer” or “witness.” We can talk about it, or just go directly to the body and ask “what is most alive right now for me, what needs attention inside? “ And examine, with innocence and curiosity, how this feels in our muscles, tissues, bones, intestines. Any images coming up are welcome – and saying YES to it, as it is, and just allowing ourselves to have that sensation – and emotion – will set it free, as long as it is done with wonder and curiosity and wonder – that is, no judgment.

And no judgment means LOVE

When we primarily talk about, we can compare it with being in a field of flowers – the sight and smell may be so overwhelming that we become sedated. The mind simply lures us into talking, discussing, analyzing – but what brings healing is to just sink into the sensation/emotion and BE with it – without all those me-identifying stories.

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The session put me right into the place where I could see how vehemently I had refused my child-eyes to see something obnoxious and scary brutal. As I stated my willingness to see, I was shown four wolves who served as guardians of the wound – placed there by my wish and decision of course, to protect me when I was small. And now something wonderful happened: I saw those wolves’ faithfulness and absolute loyalty to me, their creator – there was nothing they wouldn’t have done for me. So instead of being angry at the defense-system, my heart melted and I went to them and told them to “lay down.” They obeyed immediately. Then I sat down and opened my arms to them, and they came, all four of them, to receive cuddles. It felt completely real – smell and sounds and all.

It is vital for us to recognize that we all have chosen our defense-systems – only then will it be possible to let go of them, or rather, to have them let go of us – and they will, if we see no value in them any longer, since our perception has been healed.

Blue then told me that there is no point in me continuing seeing details from trauma – “re-living things” – but to allow H.S to show me just the essence of the wound, which in this case is an archetypal wound – the one with perpetrators violating babies and even killing them for their own relief. The relief consists of projecting their own vulnerability outside and attacking it there – now seemingly having killed it off. What a kick that becomes for them – but then it has to be repeated, and becomes an addiction. Blue reminded me that now, that I truly saw this without identifying the perpetrators with their acts –  and seeing how severely their minds were disturbed, for them to be able to act like this –  that now, when images like that comes up for me, i.e. in the media, I can and choose to immediately look beyond the acts to the light behind – or also, look for the light space that the acts are floating in – or, look at the screen the acts are projected on. Remember Plato’s Cave? In all cases will I remember that I am within a dream that the One Son of God(we all) made when we choose to experiment with separating or Self from Source/God – and when I recognize the complete impossibility of that, I am joined with my Self again and all is well.

I find that when I have that intention to notice the “invisible” screen we project on unconscious guilt on, the seemingly constant iron-band around my lungs/chest immediately lightens, and a deep relaxation entering the heart.

What we do when we do this work, is to diffuse the appearances, the illusions. And since we truly are One mind, “the perpetrator’s” soul and the “baby’s” soul will somehow pick up that evil is not almighty: there is a light surrounding it. When just one person is willing to look for the light and truth, therefore the One mind is affected- and then, it is of course each and every one’s choice to notice this- or wait.

But it is unavoidable that we get there – since it is Who we are. And of course Blue reminds me that since time is also just a joint construct in our mind, we already ARE Home – looking back and believing the dream is real.

I remember many stories where people report about being the “victim” in a rape-situation – and that something in them shifted, and suddenly they stopped resisting and looked at their rapist with Christ’s vision – and that the “rapist” recoiled with a look of terror on their face and ran away.

These persons saw right through the illusion of “assailant” to their true Self.

Next step – to truly recognize, as the One mind, that I/we have collective invited this darkness into existence when we decided to believe in a world without God as our One and ONLY Source of life and love.

And then we became mesmerized by what we had created, and forgot that it was just a big show of projections in a holographic universe – and Our very decision to separate became the projector.

I talked to my inner child with Kit as a witness on Skype – telling her that it was safe now, and something deep inside abated, as I just sat with all the strong sensations in the body, without making stories about them. I saw that it was important for the baby that both Kit and I were there – Kit’s kind voice supporting what I told happened in the body, and helping me to stay with it instead of talking about it.

And in the last minute of the session, Kit laughed out loud and told me: “Just now, right outside my window, two ladies stopped. One of them has a baby in a harness on her chest – and right now, they both stopped walking and looked at the baby.

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Two days after this, I was sitting on the sofa and watching a movie about a young man with Asperger’s syndrome – when, suddenly, I was aware that I was completely inside my body.

OH Simplicity.

Complete absence of drama

Just HERE, with all of me, no “parts” outside, not me outside body either.

It lasted ca an hour. And in the night, when  some heavy stuff came to the surface, I was given a perfect image for me to just let it go:

I am at a conveyor-belt on an airport – there are two tracks of belts, I am in the middle. I place the two bundles of heavy-murkiness on the belts, and watch them travel toward the little door in the wall – and instead of a door, there is only LIGHT that receives the released stuff.

Feel free to try it out – and please comment here if it works well for you

 

 

 

 

 

Opening to Love

I go deep down inside the lung/heart area where the chronic cough comes from. Dark.Dense.Sensation of cave.Nausea.

“Do you want to leave?”

Murky.Nausea.Slight movement. G U I L T

We “talk” for a while – gradually it sees that the guilt is just a thought, believed in -and it is ready to leave this nervous system

As is does, what it was protecting/hiding is becoming clear -a vast unending space of calm sunshined peace

I bathe in it, while the cells are gradually opening to love. The skeleton is releasing toxins

So much nausea is here – but it is not serious:)

This morning I am taken down there again – more pockets of guilt are visited: this identity believes it killed off God – but it is not quite certain, and in that case, God is surely after it

It is amazing to experience the Course metaphysics playing out in my mind –

I am willing to be wrong about this belief – that it could be possible for God to separate out a piece of Itself that wants to kill Its Source off –

I give the thoughts and ideas and beliefs to the Holy Spirit, and  I trust that it is done

There are strong heart palpitations and nausea, and it is seen that it is not serious

And “Aint  I special!” says the spiritualized ego, “to have seen all of this..aint I good!”

Listening, a giggling a bit

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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