The Holy Child



Today I want to share a true story from “When fear Comes Home to Love.”

As the birth of The Holy Child threatened the kingdom of Herod,the Christ within us all threatens the reign of our inner “Herod”, the ego.

At Winter Solstice 1994, I gathered a group of students to celebrate the newborn light. In my healing-room, I had created an altar on the floor: a deep blue rectangular cloth sprinkled with small golden foil-stars. An angel guards each corner. In the center, a tall altar-candle, surrounded by a wreath of stars in silver and violet. When the group-members take their places, only three figures are present on the cloth: a Shepherd with his long staff and a little lamb – and an angel who has called him to follow the star leading to the Child.

I present the Shepherd as an image of man in harmony with nature and animals – man living and acting from instinct and heart, from a deeply felt interdependence with life. Our authentic Self.

Now I present the rest of the figurines belonging to the Christmas-mystery, one by one: please notice, inside yourself, how these characters live and are part of you – and which qualities they bring to the sacred event: Joseph… protective, fatherly, faithful. Deeply accepting his role as the head of his family and serving God. Never questioning his destiny. Mary…the motherly, nourishing quality… grace… innocence, willingness to serve. Her silent ecstasy by being the Chosen One to carry forth the Child and the new consciousness on earth. Through the Divine Feminine incarnates the Holy Child.

And now the animals… we sense them inside us: the motherly and faithful cows. The sheep, the lambs, the bull and the ass – they are all present when Truth is born. There are no false borders between the true humane and the animals.

Now I place the tiny Jesus-figure in the crib: the pure love, the total trust, the one Heart who embraces all. The joy, the innocence – the Sacred.

We are sitting in the circle in an atmosphere of unfathomable peace and SPACE. A Voice in me asks us to enter meditatively the stable where the Child is lying in the crib, and BE there with all our senses..

When I approach the stable, I am filled by breathless expectation. Time does not exist. The moment is eternal. The stable is so small – and so infinite in extension. There is nowhere in the Universe that this stable is not.

I hear small small sounds. They create a musical image: the creaking of the straw. The smack of tails. A deep sigh. I smell the comforting smell of warm cow-bellies and fresh milk. I AM HERE. THIS HAPPENS NOW.

The Holy Child is lying naked in the crib. The clear brow! His eyes are open, peaceful. I have never in this body met such a look. His eyes are reflecting Heaven – I feel that all these eyes fall upon, must melt in love. I know beyond all doubt that this child is safe in the dragon’s den, he can meet the horror beyond all horrors – and all that is seemingly dark will yield and melt before this look: all disguises fall away, all illusions fade. These eyes can only see truth. See the essence behind the monster-mask and the dragon-hide.

I am filled with a burning wish to learn to see with the Child’s eyes – and I give this wish to the Child.

A couple of nights after this, my wish is fulfilled.

I awake at night, seemingly captured within an insane and destructive energy. I am mortally afraid. “This time I am done for!” says Fear. Further and further inward through the dark hellish caves,, then downwards through yet more abominable depths of horror. The visions are unfathomably gruesome.

Then I remember The Holy Child.

In that very moment I have Him in my arms, and see with His eyes. My heart and lungs expand, all is filled with light, all that is monstrous is melting in light, there exists nothing else but this light. Everything else is unreal, created by our own fear. I AM FREE. I know Who I am. He and I are one – and so are we all.

Unbounded relief and gratefulness fill me to the brim. Warm tears flow warmly and dissolve the fear and agony the muscles have contained. Everything these eyes look upon dissolves and reveals their true essence, which is love.

But living in the world and in the body has a way of letting you forget what you see for real. A couple of years later I sit in meditation in one of Denise Linn’s seminars – about to meet our main inner guiding principle. I am on the shore of a crescent beach, the sand is smooth and golden, the sun is caressing me. I am looking out toward the horizon: a vessel is gliding toward me. I can only glimpse its outline, the sun is so bright. – Now I see it is a shell – like the shell in the painting “Primavera” of Botticelli. The inside is pale pink shimmering mother-of-pearl, with a rim of shining white, like a halo. Sitting inside the shell is my guide: it is the Holy Child! He sits like a little pink Buddha, laughing, holding a shiny, radiant transparent golden ball. It is made of light, but still seems to be material. The shell is sliding softly onto the sand, and he is holding the ball out to me: “This is yours.”

I recall with a stabbing pain in my heart that I so often have failed to receive this Child. I have seen Him often, but told myself it is only imagination – or convinced myself that I am unworthy. The Child is not judging me. He is not reproaching me. I do not have to confess my sins and regret to win his love. “Remember Who you are!” He says. “You and I are One!”

“I will never forget.”

“You will forget again and again. And beyond time and space I am in reality always here and now. There exists nothing else but this now, and only fear takes you out of it. The fear is not real. I am.”


The Madonna

New guest post from Nichola

I have corrected the “god” to God:  the God we give our stuff to needs to be all powerful and all loving, and not “a” god at all 🙂

This will be a little back to front. I had a session with Leelah on Friday in which I was very surprised to see the Madonna emerge, floating above the sea. I have some very old and deep scorn for the image of the Madonna. I think it has to do with some scary nuns and my mother. I had a Madonna figurine, though, I remember, by my bedside when I was younger and I loved it. The image became tainted for me, that is all. Anyway when I came to write about that session all I could see were the nuns and an old school desk and I was angry and felt that I must refuse to write the blog about it. Until now, some days later when the anger towards the nuns, or whatever it was, is dropped.

Leelah was telling me: Look out for the thought “you should feel different than you feel,”because I was feeling bad that my MS symptoms were returning. They had been retreating for a couple of weeks before.

The bad feeling felt like a rock in the middle of my stomach, dragging me down. When I allowed it that is when the Madonna emerged.

Leelah says: What does she want to tell you? and I tell Leelah that she says: You can be like a child in your innocence – you don’t have to take care of anything – I will take care of it.

Leelah sounds happy: Give all the shit to Mary… she says

Leelah says something next that I have been using all week: What I am feeling is sickness and pain that is leaving–I can just be with what is leaving while it is leaving…..

…And sometimes I can’t just do it….and ask for help

This has helped me every time I feel these things since then, and another thing she says: If it is not loving, it is not the Holy Spirit. Which has been useful when I hear myself with some criticism.

I am worried about taking this new diagnosis of MS on as a new identity

Leelah advises me to talk to Maria: I believe that I am MS and I give this belief to you…I am willing to be wrong about it….and I allow you to choose God for me now  in this situation

It feels wonderful to have this sentence.

Sickness is a way of the ego separating from god and attacking itself – belief in separation means that I believe God and love are outside, and me  separated and  then I can attack myself .

Leelah’s part I didn’t write at the time and now it has been some days – but I remember that she is cold and covers herself in a red shawl that feels better. She has anger – is banging her fists on the table tired of carrying all the shit for men – she feels it in her arms

I feel a bit dazed as we are closing and feel it is like a golden light, so we finish by sitting in a golden light and I am smiling and smiling

The undressing room

(For those who haven't seen these stories before: 
First, I paint a painting of max 1 minute. Just allowing the brush to go, no forms. 
Then I look for "characters" and outline them - and give them a name. 
Then I allow a short story to take form, involving the characters in ways that
just comes to me.


The Shame Box

 “Whoo! And out of the box I came. I am the bearded Greygreen Shame Googlemonster…I had to get out, she found me at last, in the recesses of her vast storehouse of mind…I am the shame of being woman, and object of sexuality and nothing more -oh the shame of being such a lowlife thing! Yes,lady, you are hiding your eyes from me, but I am out of the box now, and I can’t get back in again.” –

The lady wails, “Why the heck did I open that hell hole, it was much better closed!”

“Oh no no no no no” says Blue Mary at the lady’s head, “We are going to use this for good. You bearded thing looks so monstrous only because you believe in this shame-identity. Now enough already. Just drop into the stream going from the box into the head of the woman – You are in for a big surprise…“

He drops. How sweet to fall and just float – his mossy old slimy hide is softening, and the journey through the circle of incarnations, fluid and shameless, feels wonderful. At last he is at the top – and Mary’s back is opening softly to him, he melts into her  -o h h h h  o o hhh   h   h  – this is not shame, this is golden peace, yellow laughter, juicy play – fullness – forgiveness is what it is –

“Forgiveness is like an “undressing”-room where I hang all my old false identities” thinks the lady –

And then there is only radiant Space

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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