Commitment

Sarita mentioned in the Way of Mastery-webcast Jeshua’s reminder of commitment to intention. That sank in. In the night, the inner Voice said “ drink water, go pee.” No way – I did not want to leave my warm bed and get all awake and sleepless. “Commitment.” Oh that. No. I want to be here for that inner suffering child, take care of her, keep her warm. Etc etc etc.

It seemed like hours went by before I decided to honor my commitment and not talk it away. I sat up, drank water, went to pee – and then the huge release started in the body. Giant yawns for a long time. Realizing the huge conditioning we all are subjected to when growing up – this is the “ME” we are taught to believe that we truly are. No wonder we defend it.

Went back to bed – and realized that my commitment has been to the ego, to keep the idea of the suffering me alive. And realizing that God never created sufferers – I did. God never created a false believer – I did.

I lay there, feeling like a drowning one floating up from deep murky waters in timeless eternity.

Then the “bad” feelings and sensations started. I remembered that I am in a “No complaining-week” – “this comes for your highest good, here are the jewels, sweetheart.” THANK YOU. Ideas flowed in, and insights:  I saw a shadow that looked demonic, and knew that it was just a costume – and that I was the costume designer. As my main official job has been in this life – I have worked in the Theater as Set and Costume and puppet-designer

Oh the humor of it!

So – I made these dark and hateful designs. They are MY creations.

The energy is now tremendously heavy and depressive/gloomy. And I know I can say THANK YOU, since I am in a transformational process where I  as Mind truly take responsibility for my creation.

Now I see a figure in a distance, slowly approaching me. It is my creation, made from the intense wish to separate and flee from guilt. A memory comes to me, from something I once read – about a man who met a wild boar in the wood, and immediately said inside: “ You are Spirit, made by God. I am Spirit, made by God. I declare that there never has been anything else between us than perfect Love.” And the boar stopped and retreated.

I also remembered words from A Course in Miracles that came to me on a journey where I met a particular nasty couple with small children on a train – they sat on the seats across  me, and the toddler kicked my legs. Hard. When I wondered if it was possible  for the mother to take him on her lap, she just looked at me as if I had insulted her gravely.

Then I heard this, from the Course: “Holy Son of God, give me your blessing.”

I became calm. And in no more than one minute, all changed. The father smiled at me and took the kicking kid on his lap. I got up and stood in the isle, looking out at the stunning nature. The mother did it too, we stood a bit a part. But she turned to me and smiled – such a happy smile. All the heaviness had slipped off her.

Maybe some of you read my post a couple of days ago, where I shared from Pierre Pradervand’s book “The Gentle Art of Blessing” –  about the gang in Rwanda that were out to kill a family, and how the father SAW their innocence and confirmed it inside throughout the time the killers were at his house – and how this transformed them.

In the night, I saw that THIS has been my soul’s desire – to have a life with lots of possibilities to see through the dark costume to the Christ inside.

This process started when I was a baby – and the professional part started about 28 years ago in an agonized demonized night where I asked God for help, and then pretended He answered me. I taped the conversations on my little dream-recorder. Later, when I played it back, I realized that the answers truly came from Source.

This was the start of the long process of writing my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love.” Here is a site where you may read more about it: with the help of Jeshua – and now –  it is so nice to see all the help I have received, in order to truly be able to ACCEPT what Pradervand’s friend KNEW: ““The Law of Love is present here, controls the situation and governs each and everyone.”

Looking at the figure symbolizing my creation, approaching me from far off, I know that this is not a snap transformation. But this time I trust fully that healing HAS happened – and that the appearances may continue in the world, but I will not take it so seriously any more: what people DO is not who they ARE.

I will add that I am a very good costume and set-designer 🙂 The State awarded me with a three-year scholarship, and I represented my country on an quadrennial international exhibition in stage and costume design. I can now smile a gigantic smile and recognize that this was the Universe’s symbols for me: my official job was in the theater,but as The Son of God I have costumed each and every “person” I meet to play the role I have chosen for them to play, so I can be helped to see the pattern and unravel it together with my faithful friends –  my family, friends, and all my patients in therapy. The symbolism of it says that I in fact costumed the world. LOL

And so do we all – says the Course

Now the masks are off, the players are wiping off the makeup, the costumes are giving to the dressers to clean to next performance – and the players are eating and drinking and just playing “themselves.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mask or no masks

This morning I had a dream:

My sister – 84 – called my new cellphone, and i could not find out how to answer the call – how to operate my new phone. I slide the ruler from left to right, it does not take. I  feel stressed out when i suddenly spot a  little metal thingy that one can slide towards the right – and there’s the connection! I just had to take a new track to connect …I listen to her voice, and she is coming from her true Self. Wise,loving,patient,compassionate…I never met this sister before, I am thrilled!

When I wake up, I know that when we meet today I want to be straight about what kind of communication that does not work for me any longer.

At the bus to town, I start to feel the old usual doomsday-energy. Blue tells me to breathe into it, open it up and allow it to go – and he adds one important part:You don’t have to do the releasing part – all I need, is your little willingness, and your willingness to breathe and let go. You don’t need to believe that it works either 🙂” and it is the last part of the sentence that sets me free today: I realize that before i have always believed that I needed to have a proof that release had happened right away. Today, I just relax and trust him. I need do nothing.

My sister and I meet, and I tell her what I want re our communication, and it feels AWESOME.  There’s no fear at all present. The energy I am in when this happens changes my sister’s communication too. We are in my favorite coffee-shop, and I find myself going silly to the owner behind the counter – telling him that the last stamp on my coffee-card is not visible enough. I will surely miss the next free coffee because of it I say, and we fall into a gigglespell that ends with him stamping me one extra stamp. The energy around this communication is hilariously free and giggly, and completely out of habit for me.

Then I visit a Hamlet-production where all the players wear Hamlet’s mask as their mask…everybody is an outer projection of our inner forgiven “parts” – and what a strong moment it is when Hamlet – who is played by a woman – does the “be or not to be” monologue with her own mask in her hand, instead of a scull. Symbol not to be missed:)

 

 

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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