Blue is playing

Blue – my name for Holy Spirit – is enjoying Itself,playing with Nichola now.

This morning I got this mail from her:(everything printed here from Nic is with her permission)

The first person I saw at the beach today was a woman with long dreadlocks(snakes?) standing in the water. A swimmer was telling her that the water
was full of jellyfish – and it was, for the first time this summer – small ones almostcompletely transparent…

My answer:

oh that is precious, Nic!  How absolutely adorable funny hilarious. We really  need it spelled it out to us –

ah –

just like when you get the 13 empty mails –

hm

I have already forgotten what that was about – do you remember?

Nic:

It was nine empty emails after the empty tomb – also I thought later that there
are 9 children in my family – so one empty tomb for each hehe

*

I had a very stressful dream about a young boy demon who harassed me and my friends in obnoxious way. At the end of the dream I decided not to pay attention any longer, and he started to splash huge amounts of  pinkish water on me. I iggnooorrred him

At last he stopped,looking sad. I went over to him and explained that we all hated what he did, and that we would not play with him unless he behaved. Then he surprised me he said “Do you forgive me?”

And automatically I said yes, and he was gone

*

Now this is a very unusual behavior from the dubies – my nickname of them.Don’t want to strengthen that label anymore! I sat with that for a while after waking up, and suddenly remembered that I once made a drawing of a dubie who had a little girl inside – somebody who believed she was a dubie. I talked a lot with that little girl, and learned that she of course was a projection of everything this little Leelah had to repress and deny when she was small, to stay sane and survive. I truly learned how the dubies were made – and explored it for years in my therapy/healing practice. You will find these investigations and healings in my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love”

Now – at this age, and 22 years after I learned about how the dubies are made – it is truly clear that this “dubie” was a part of “me.” I used the sacred will God shared with me to create him  – and so he was experienced as real.

I want to remember this when/if they return – truly remember – I can welcome them Home through the “window” in the Heart, into the formlessness they came from, and allow a wave of blessings to pour forth from that formless Presence into the world of form and thoughts.

And there is nothing to forgive – nothing serious and bad happened in reality – only in the dream that seems so real

if “he” returns, I will remember that he is a child of mine that I have judged so deeply as to dubying it, and take him back into the Heart.

And tell him that all that happened, happened in a dream and we are OK now:)

*

I am including a favorite Flashmob: Carmina Burana. I marvel at how wonderful refreshing   it is to see a woman in straw hat play the violin, and cleaners doing ballet – they are all taken out of their roles, costumed in very unconventional ways – how liberating: usual labels of singers and orchestra are screwed up, and I listen as the first time

The Medusa

Today we have our 4th sharing on Skype, with the intention of lifting in to the light our common false perceptions of God as an angry punishing father.

This is Nichola’s rapport:

The day started with a swim in the ocean and so maybe it’s no surprise that I was feeling light and happy when Leelah and I had the Skype session. When I looked further the feeling was like a golden light a couple of centimeters from my face – shining gold with rays going out like hair or like the rays of the sun. A big deep feeling of joy came up from my belly and the golden light became a mask, ancient made of some kind of metal. The energy traveled down my arms and my fingers were alive with energy so that I saw that they were made of small wriggling snakes.

I had a feeling of rising from the sea – standing on a rock and the image of the Medusa with her hair made of snakes standing  the rock in the middle of the ocean.

 Leelah suggested we look at Medusa –  the myth of the Greek goddess who turns people into stone and she asked me if I had been (or if I had turned myself?) into stone. I said yes. In fact the stone cold boy in a story that I wrote is me, I recognised that when I was writing it, and today I remember that when my father was speaking in his familiar humiliating way I would purposefully harden my body and mind so that the hate from my father couldn’t get in.  

I remember giving my bother a painting of the Medusa when he was about fifteen. Leelah asks if he was also turned to stone and I remember that yes he was, more than me I think.

After that we looked at the Medusa jelly fish on You Tube. Leelah asks me why I think it is called Medusa and I think it is because of its sting, and also maybe because of its tentacle that look like hair. The fish is transparent, very primitive and beautiful.

As we watch it gives birth to several tiny jellyfish. Beautiful. Around this time I am struck with how much the tentacles of the fish remind me of synapses, the nerve endings that are sometimes damaged in MS and which I have been trying to visualise growing back in my own body.

I am also struck with the seemingly rambling way that we have meandered through this session, guided by Leelah’s instincts and I am very much surprised and almost enchanted.

 Leelah suggest that the way the medusas are born from the jellyfish – just “plop” out very easily, is something that I can use to think of the way my own synapses can easily be regenerated.

 Then I look to the side of the screen and see that there are a number of YouTube videos in a column going down the page and oddly, amongst them there is a five or so minute lecture by David Hoffmeister called the death of the Ego –  there amongst all these jellyfish. I can’t believe it. I tell Leelah but it does not appear on her page, just mine. As it turns out we are using different browsers  but strangely I have returned to that page this morning and David Hoffmeister has disappeared and there are only jelly fish there.  (Right now I am wondering about that – it feels like a notice to pay attention to things when they appear.)

We watch the video together and Leelah asks me at the end if there was anything there for me, as it had only appeared on my browser . I say, yes – the very last sentence. Which is stop looking for fulfillment outside yourself. That seems a very strong thing for me to look at, as I feel I have identified as a searcher or hunter who does not find. Like I am constantly trying to get something from the world that I can’t.  So this is a big thing for me to explore – that I am just looking outside for what I think I want, instead of inside.

*

I mention for Nic how the very essence of the ego thought system is “look, and do not find.”

I find this image very symbolic for deep transformation – from snakes to rays of light:

shining gold with rays going out like hair or like the rays of the sun.

 

I too have  stone – symbols:

Petrified

My mother has become stone

I am pummeling her chest with my fists

Come out! Come out!

My fists are made of ice,

My tears are burning

Come out!

And

Whack

My father hits my bottom hard and unexpected

Warm pee flows down my legs

“Go to your room!”

But my mother

Where is my mother?

 

 

 

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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