LOVE

This morning I had a webcast with a teacher who channels the Christ Council – Israel Ahn’ Asha.

We were invited into breathing and connecting with each other, and suddenly some words sprung out to me, like written with fire: whatever you think, you are loved

meaning – whatever you think, you are loved thinking that(in this moment)

acting like that – judging like that – talking like that

truly seeing that that LOVE that is my Source allows all my expressions

The God that I love allows all

and allows all to be embraced by love,

even my “bad memories” – actions – thoughts

*

At first this was just thought – and then I was prompted from inside to allow this to be true and FELT and bodily experienced

and that was when the fun started

It feels like a huge bottlebrush is working me inside – I almost throw up, yawn, hiccup,sweat,

then i lose contact with it and then another thought of should not-comes – self criticism, critic of others – and at exactly the same time, this new thought comes again:

you are loved WITH that thought – resistance – judgment

this is nothing I “need” to practice or remember –

it just is turned on 🙂

I am reminded of the Course, where Jesus tells us that  as soon as that first thought of separation from God happened, He at once introduced the correction –

Now I am experiencing that very correction each and every time my mind wanders into the familiar forests of separation

 

Ants

This is a biggie for me – on this path of awakening:  the energy of invasion/attack. My book, “When Fear Comes Home to Love” explores how to relate to, and deal with, our mind-imprints of being invaded/attacked and abused – which is just the other side of the coin of invading,attacking and abusing. The last months, the revelations and healing of this common pattern in the human mind has been the challenge of embracing the souls of the attackers – the willingness to see through the dark acts to the part of the soul that cries out to be loved and not judged.  Not loving the acts – but seeing through it to the very essence of the Soul.

So. Ants…

They have lived under my terrace for about 15 years or so. They swarm up from holes between the tiles in clouds so big that it is not fun to sit outside in the warm season – unless you love to breathe them in as they swarm. -I have long seen them as a mirror of a part of  my subconscious that I have learned to hate and judge and deny in myself – like expressions of rage, anger, jealousy, impulses of murder. The last year has been a deep dive into these areas, lifting them up in the Light of the Holy Spirit, and learning not to judge the impulses, seeing them as as a natural thing in the human mind – and embracing all of that. Simply embracing it.

So when the ants entered my living room, I freaked out first, and tremendous fear arose -the energies and memories of being invaded in exceptionally ugly ways. And in Way of the Heart, Jeshua reminds us that the Soul chooses ALL kind of experiences – for then to transmute them in Love. So I trained myself to just sit with the old imprints of violence and terror -and asking for help to erase the charge of these memories in the soul. Gradually this became possible, and then I was reminded to do a connection with the ant-soul or Deva. I intended to join with their “Queen-part” – and the light that I felt was wonderful, and i felt nothing but love. Suddenly they were no longer “horrible” to me.

The morning after there were no more ants in my room

Today has also been free.

And – I am even OK with the thought that they may be back – and in that case. there is just more for me to include and embrace, and I will NOT be invaded 🙂

So the best of all is the feeling that the disgust and fear of them has simply disappeared – with the help of Holy Spirit.

And in less than a week too 🙂

A Miracle  to me!

Feeding the Ghosts

How wonderfully liberating it feel to explore stuff together – feelings, thoughts, sensations in the body. Compared to the kind of communication where A wants to convey that she has important knowledge that the poor B does not know about, but A is kindly willing to share her vast knowledge.

You may just have met such A’s…or been one

In exploration today with Kit I wanted to sit with the sensations in my body, of being subject to somebody who preaches. Images of violent anger came up: I wanted to hack B to pieces with 2 knives. 2. It got to be a rhythm to it to be effective. When I followed that imagery, suddenly I saw that I was hacking away at a ghost – and the name “Montsegur” came up.

Kit said: “You are hacking away at a ghost – there is nothing to get from it, except more pain.”

It hit me with full force: there is nothing of value to have from this fight, this insistence of being heard, of winning, of being the “right” part. Nothing except more pain.

I think about all the pages I have written to “explain” and to justify my view, believing it to be a valuable asset for the readers. Underneath that effort was the belief that this was a way to make me seen worthy.

Kit and I shared how “comforting” others with words and interventions may just encourage MORE complaining. The “comfort” feels so good, so a bit more going into MY story and MY pain will bring MORE relief…

But MY story – and worse, MY pain is exactly what keeps small me stuck in separation. It is not my pain. THE pain.

And all the times I used to comfort my daughter with wise advise – sigh – until she, when she was sixteen, told me to shut it – that it just let her know how little trust I had in her capability to find out things on her own.

OH that hurt. And OH what a thrill to see that she was right.

All I want is somebody who sits with me and lovingly LISTENS, being present.

I want to include Emmanuel’s letter in this post too:

“What to do about the nightmares – the times when it seems that darkness is to take your breath and life away? simply know this: you are living a recall, not a current event. You are projecting out into the void a memory – fraught with terror, and a child’s experience – but a memory in distortion. What to be done? Listen with respect to what the wound is telling you, but never, never again believe it. What is needed now, is what was needed then – a presence of a loving and tender adult who can compassionately embrace the terror and remain in truth.

Dark spirits are simply dark memories projected from past to present. They seem to take form and hold power for exactly as long as you are willing to give them life. You cannot kill them with hatred. You can transform them with love.”

 

Old movie

Following the process – still the old theme of “darkness.” Yet another tough experience in the night and morning, with overwhelming depression and gloom. Yet – Blue is very available when I ask for help.

Blue:The attacks and darkness you are having are memories from the past – and thus the effect of the belief in Time – being projected into the Present. You cannot fix them – but you can receive them with Love.

Me: Many many times I have met them with the willingness to Be with them and bless them, to extend all my Love into  “this” – and to see it as scared children dressing up as demons, crying out for love and forgiveness – which I have offered, as the gifts I can give as the Holy Son of God, created in His image.

Seeing “darkness” is seeing through a dark filter of judgment –  and with  judgment I see myself as unworthy and ugly and afraid. I see myself as a terrified child/victim – and it seems SO alive in me, I feel all its feelings of overwhelm. Because of  the sensations/pains in my nervous system, I identify with it subconsciously.

Blue: If this pain and darkness and horror is real, God is not real. If you believe God is real – and you do  – then this pain and horror is just ego’s creations, which you, as the Holy Son of God use your tremendous power to animate – or make real. Do not deny your immense God-given power  that you share with Him: the world around you, just an imagination, seems so very real – because as humans, you believe that what you can touch has reality – and the mind is just “thoughts”. Since you, as Mind, made all of this up – = the Universe – saying it is real –you can choose again.Just acknowledge this: “It is impossible for me, who am created in God’s image, to discreate what He has created. If that was possible, it would also mean that it is possible to discreate my Self.”

Me: So I am acknowledging that what seems to be visiting me, telling me that it is more powerful that Love, are just projections/manifestations of guilt, fear and sin – it comes in many packages and variations, to divert my mind and make it interested in my creations.

Blue: Fear loves to dress itself up – and fragment itself into a multitude of costumes and “spirits” that now must be placated by you. Lots of efforts now – to take your mind off the Truth. There is nothing wrong in noticing these occurrences – but you are the awareness noticing it, and not a victim of it. When you stop giving your God-given power to the belief that the show is real, you might just tire of the show and leave the showroom. It is like an old film you have seen in all possible variations – why are you still buying tickets?

Me: so what do I do then, the next time I wake up and feel the old horror in my veins and muscles, and hear the threats that I belong to it? And feel a HUGE identification with the victim-child-part?

Blue: realize that you have used your vast power to imagine something that is impossible, and by that trick you have proved that God is wrong and you are right: separation really happened. The one in you that does this, CAN NOT be the real Self – right? YOU are aware of it – and YOU can choose again. Forgive yourself for dreaming this dream, and for repeating it until you are tired of it. Choose to believe that the power you use to recreate the dream of darkness, you can use to co-create with God: extending the Love That you are.

Me: On behalf  of the Son of God, I choose to release the part of my mind that joins with the ego in this. I know that you will be released, unless I want to use you to imprison myself. Holy Spirit, please let me know when I enter this self-imprisonment-game, so I can choose to smile instead. In the name of my freedom, I release you – because I realize we will be released together.

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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