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Today I received a huge gift from a fellow lover of A Course in Miracles: the new edition. 1946 pages.

The book lay on my right side, while I was attending to some old pains and inner jumps around the heart. Each time I have been able to reach deeper into the origin of this old fear imprint. Yesterday I saw that it has to do with the primal pain of being a body who is ripped to peaces by wild animals – reptile brain-memories – but this time also Colosseum memories – the gladiators and the lions.

I have long time stopped to try to figure out if these are personal memories from earlier incarnations  – suffice to say that they belong to the memory pool of mankind, of death and fear of death – and all the human may tell him/herself at the moment of such a death, and therefore carry further in their soul. I am a conduit of it – that I know. The Self has chosen to  “round this off” in this life – that I know.

So now I sat down again with the strange inner “jumpiness” and fear -energy, and asked for help to see. I was shown a group in another country, and I asked to speak to their spokesperson. She came forth, and I told her it was time for this group to allow the energy to return, so they could own it and allow it to transform  – realizing the wonder of forgiveness and their own connection to Self. I also introduced them to Spontaneous Transformation Technique, and felt all the time the connection between the group and me. Wonderful connection, and angels and Masters there to assist.

Then   I closed the connection, and went back to the “being with” the fear place. I prayed to feel safe always – permanent – I prayed to truly remember who I am  in Reality- the Holy Son of God, The Light of God.

Instantly I was nudged to open the new acim-edition randomly. I put my finger in there – there are 1946 pages in that book 🙂 – and my finger landed exactly on “memory”

I felt a deep peace. I will not doubt who I am, and the protection I have as His child. And something deep shifted within this fear filled body.

Then the phone rang. A dear friend who was supposed to come here and play was stuck in traffic, there was a marathon  in town and lots of streets were closed off. She would be very late, she said.

I knew the power of prayer now. So I declared that I was willing to have removed any blocks between us, and intended her to be here latest 5pm. I chose it with all of me.

She just called – and said that about that time, the traffic had mysteriously cleared up, and that she would be here in good time before five pm

And I know – this happens for me – so that I truly shall take it seriously that I am safe, held, helped,assisted,loved, and truly be willing to cancel old belief systems of fear.

I am not alone

I am not alone

I am not alone

Past

23 January

Wake up at 4am…usual crazy energies in the body. Inner Voice:

“You don’t need to go there anymore.”

Energies instantly gone – like a faucet turned off

Energies pop up around the vaginal opening. Voice:

“Maybe you don’t need to go there either.” Energies gone. Voice:

“Don’t drag the past with you. Let it go.”

I remember Emmanuel’s letter to me – by snail mail, 24 years ago:

“What to do about the nightmares – the times when it seems that darkness is to take your breath and life away? Simply know this: you are living a recall, not a current event. You are projecting out into the void a memory – fraught with terror, and a child’s experience – but a memory in distortion. What to be done? Listen with respect to what the wound is telling you, but never, never again believe it. What is needed now, is what was needed then – a presence of a loving and tender adult who can compassionately embrace the terror and remain in truth.

Dark spirits are simply dark memories projected from past to present. They seem to take form and hold power for exactly as long as you are willing to give them life. You cannot kill them with hatred. You can transform them with love.”

This morning – 24th of January – I also was prompted to flip the Course open, when the craziness was back and it did not disappear.How gracefully the Course always gives me exactly what I need to remember:

T-26.V.10. Would God allow His Son to lose his way along a road long since a memory of time gone by? 2 This course will teach you only what is now. 3 A dreadful instant in a distant past, now perfectly corrected, is of no concern nor value. 4 Let the dead and gone be peacefully forgotten. 5 Resurrection has come to take its place. 6 And now you are a part of resurrection, not of death. 7 No past illusions have the power to keep you in a place of death, a vault God’s Son entered an instant, to be instantly restored unto his Father’s perfect Love. 8 And how can he be kept in chains long since removed and gone forever from his mind?

T-26.V.11. The Son whom God created is as free as God created him. 2 He was reborn the instant that he chose to die instead of live. 3 And will you not forgive him now, because he made an error in the past that God remembers not, and is not there? 4 Now you are shifting back and forth between the past and present. 5 Sometimes the past seems real, as if it were the present. 6 Voices from the past are heard and then are doubted. 7 You are like to one who still hallucinates, but lacks conviction in what he perceives. 8 This is the borderland between the worlds, the bridge between the past and present. 9 Here the shadow of the past remains, but still a present light is dimly recognized. 10 Once it is seen, this light can never be forgotten. 11 It must draw you from the past into the present, where you really are.

T-26.V.12. The shadow voices do not change the laws of time nor of eternity. 2 They come from what is past and gone, and hinder not the true existence of the here and now. 3 The real world is the second part of the hallucination time and death are real, and have existence that can be perceived. 4 This terrible illusion was denied in but the time it took for God to give His Answer to illusion for all time and every circumstance. 5 And then it was no more to be experienced as there.

T-26.V.13. Each day, and every minute in each day, and every instant that each minute holds, you but relive the single instant when the time of terror took the place of love. 2 And so you die each day to live again, until you cross the gap between the past and present, which is not a gap at all. 3 Such is each life; a seeming interval from birth to death and on to life again, a repetition of an instant gone by long ago that cannot be relived. 4 And all of time is but the mad belief that what is over is still here and now.

T-26.V.14. Forgive the past and let it go, for it is gone. 2 You stand no longer on the ground that lies between the worlds. 3 You have gone on, and reached the world that lies at Heaven’s gate. 4 There is no hindrance to the Will of God, nor any need that you repeat again a journey that was over long ago. 5 Look gently on your brother, and behold the world in which perception of your hate has been transformed into a world of love.

 

 

The love of being RIGHT

As Presence places my inner old emotional charges as outer manifestations, I am in for quite a ride. It also demonstrates that what The Presence Process – and The Course – says, really is a fact. What before sat deep inside the unconscious as an imprint in the nervous system is now appearing on the outside, driving me nuts. Except that it doesn’t.

Yesterday at the bus – ah, such a place for learning and awakening:) – I presented my electronic ticket/card to the driver and said “senior”. He gave me a ticket which showed me he had not given me senior-status = cheaper ticket. As I pointed this out, he told me with very loud voice that I had NOT said senior. I said I had, and with even louder voice and an incredibly preachy tone he said “I will fix this for you, and next time you need to say “Senior.” I said I had – and as if he had not heard that at all, he repeated in this preaching voice that I j u s t  n e e d e d   t o   s  a y  S E N I O R . And “Now remember that next time, hm?” and I realized we were in one of my stories, and said “Yes” and we both smiled, as if it was just a big joke.

I noticed the smile, and noticed the lesson for forgiveness  – and I managed to realize that ego was having a ball,and that he was a messenger and NOT the message – (but he was sure messing with my anger:)

Today I was sitting with Michael Brown’s 40 days procedure of being with discomfort – and I choose the theme “eyes looking at me.” It brought up all kinds of strong discomfort/fear/disgust/panic/sickness – and pains everywhere in the body – so this is quite a useful and effective theme to clear out! And in the middle of it, the memory of how  I felt  with the condescending bus-driver presented itself. The feelings of helplessness, being made an idiot of, and the impossibility of correcting this.

What a treat it is to sit with the intention to just BE with all of that, and know that everything happening in th world of time and matter that I react to, is just my mind emptying its emotional charge in projecting it on the outside. It did not happen TO me: it happened THROUGH me.

It also showed me one of ego’s most favorite ploys of all: the need of BEING RIGHT and the fear of BEING WRONG and STUPID and the whole can of  inner torment-worms that that belief brings.

Holy Spirit, I forgive myself for wanting separation in all its forms

and I bless the bus-driver for playing the role I needed to experience.

It did not happen TO me: it happened THROUGH me.

*

I also want to share a divine photographer:

http://www.timflach.com/

click at “portfolio” and enjoy the slide-show

Description or reality

Ilona:
Dear Leelah.
Try this:
Smell something nice for 1 minute. Feel the scent. Indulge.
Then for the next minute describe the smell.
Read further after you done this exercise.
Description:
Filtercoffe from fairtrade, bag just opened. First sniff makes me happy: exotic,strong, with the ability to affect and bring out feelings and images. How to describe the smell? No idea! I can only describe what it makes me see, fantasize, associations to having great coffee with others. I can not describe the smell itself. It just is. This, by the way, was delicious just for 2 seconds – and then it turned chemical and rather nasty. Going to throw it out.
What does description have to do with direct experience of fragrance?
Nothing
What is real- the sensation of scent or description?
Sensation.Immediacy.
Is description a story
yes
What is story
Descriptions about the real thing : associations,images, memories
Can it be close to reality and far away?
You mean can it be both? description of smell can  NOT be accurate at all – the descriptions are filled with emotional qualities like soft, tender,happy and so on. It can also be far away, and it really does not make a difference
Does it make a difference?
No
Does story about scent influence reality?
No
Dig here, focus on direct experience, notice the difference between real and description of real.
I did. Description of my experience – what it made me feel -may bring some of the memory of it back, maybe – 
Can description be ever experienced same way as experience itself?
Never
 Story does not deny what happened, it describes it. But it can only be in thoughts. Biographical story is also a story about what happened in the past. But is it here now?
Be kind to yourself Leelah.
That which is imagined, is not here now. It is in imagination.
What is here now?
Memory of the mechanical after-smell, and the disappointment – expectations ruined –
You are getting closer.
Sending love.

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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