Heart and Mind

Heart and Mind

What I notice, is that I have given mind the job that truly belongs to the heart. Oh the pushing I have done to UNDERSTAND… I have tried to understand insanity, f.ex – parents/people behaving in weird ways, driven by their insane thoughts and traumas – I have tried to understand, to comprehend, the connection between the ways they behave, with how I perceive the little me. Cause it must surely have something to do with me, she says – this crazy violent behavior – and I need to UNDERSTAND it so I can stop it and I must UNDERSTAND how I must change so that they relax.

Beautiful mind – I let you off the hook. You are trying to do something you are not created to do. This is not your job. You are constantly saying “I am trying to make you safe” – and the heart says, “You ARE safe.”

I notice that I  left the heart at a very early stage in my life, I aborted it and flew into the “trying to understand”-mind. I see the mind’s love for me, and its struggle to do something it simply cannot do.

I want the mind and the heart to work together. I see them negotiate and get to a point where the mind realizes the areas where it can withdraw and rest – and allow the heart to feel and allow and transform.

In this world, we surely need both to guide us.

I discovered that the mind does not really really know how to receive love. A hug it likes 🙂 –  but not unconditional love: “there is nothing I would not do for you.”

But when I enter the Sacred Heart-space where we are all One, it opens wide

Radiant,peaceful and joyful

Crying out for Love

Yesterday a woman in my Way of the Heart-group shared that she used this sentence, suggested by Matt Kahn, when she was stuck:

“Thank you for helping me. Whenever you find the mind bracing against, irritated or troubled by a thought, person, circumstance, you remember to say ‘Thank you for helping me”

Because, indeed, it is all helping you. It’s the phenomenal display of what you haven’t found peace with yet.Thank you for helping me.Notice how in one holy instant, the resistance of mind drops away and the heart moves to connect and join with the grievance, a movement of gratitude, of appreciation, of true seeing. The whole experience softens and you no longer feel separate and in defiance of what is appearing. It’s a movement of consciousness, of heart – towards – rather than away from.”

It went marvelous for along while, and then in the night it just stopped. I asked for help. This “part of me” said, “MUCH better to end this life now. This will just get worse and worse. You know there is a voice in you that is stronger than Love and God.It will win.Just give it up!”

It listened to this for quite a while.

Then there was this clear, calm and truthful simple Voice who said: And exactly this is crying out to be loved by you.

There was an instant release – and it was instantly possible to say thank you to that doomsayer- voice: It showed me what I still haven’t included in Love, where love is still conditional.

The relief I felt was great: now I saw that this voice was NOT stronger than Love – and that I was NOT a victim of it. The love for it poured forth as a started to talk to it – “of COURSE you felt you needed to be right, no WONDER you have been fighting. You truly believe that your “reality” is real. You truly believe those stories that you are worthless and can not have love, ever. You truly are afraid of love, that it will betray you and trick you, much better to adapt to hell.”

The crazy body sensations tapered off as “it” knew it was not judged – and still, there was a fear of surrendering to Love and then hear a horrible laughter, “and you believed in that, moron? how stupid can you be!”

I can still sense the imprint after that shock in the mind.

“Of COURSE you don’t believe in Love then” I said, and it relaxed again.

And now the next stage:  I entered that resistance, and immediately hard the calm true Voice again: Remember – this is not being done TO you, but THROUGH you. The decision to explore this comes from Spirit – and the holy power given you by God is then twisted, hidden, denied and punished and made into this fearful identity, who truly believes in the thought of separation – that you and I are not One. – There is a thought – “It is unsafe to be Loved.” and you and only you charges  that thought  by choosing to believe in it. And by your consent this separate fear-driven “me” is being born – and is living out its hells, all deriving from that belief that it is unsafe to be Loved.

I SEE THIS NOW

 

No wonder this “me” feels safer in a place where suffering is predictable: at least it will not be tricked and shocked

I have made this. What a perfect strategy for keeping the ego going

This is a turnaround. There is no doubt any longer now that I DO choose – as Jeshua prompts us in Way of Mastery – to open to incarnate the Christ Consciousness through the body – to practicing desiring that. And of course that brings up everything I before have held as “me” and “valuable” to upheld that me.

When i read that yesterday, about being open to incarnate the Christ consciousness, I felt a great resistance. And so I met the resistance in the night and listened to it and felt love for it – and now I am willing.

As soon as I state my willingness to embody the Christ, I sense the resistance in solar plexus.  “Thank you for helping me see the place that still needs to be allow and included in Love.”

It is still there, as imprints – but no longer as sign of danger, signs of my “doing it all wrong.” Now its just energy that wants to be included. And the wonder is always that when i am truly willing, the unpleasantness transforms into bliss

*

I read the above into my little recorder and fell asleep. I dreamed that little girl about 4 years old came to me where I live now, and told me she just met a bunch of very drunk men in a wood. “One of them talked to me” she said, and I heard myself saying, “And he has SO  much respect for you!” “YES!” she says, knowing this is true – and so very pleased with this

Writing this now, I remember the group-rape in a wood when I was four

And I happily look at the dream and notice the different perception ♥

 

 

 

Short and sweet overview of A Course in Miracles

I have received questions about what the Course is about – and wanted to do it in as short and sweet matter as possible. Nothing could be  better and simpler than my friend Alan Dolit’s simple overview – and his blue little gem here:
Seriousness causes  reincarnation; guilt is an acronym for Godless Useless Insane Loveless Thought; sin is an acronym for Self Inflicted Neurosis; ego is an acronym for Exponential Guilt Orchestrator. Ego is also the master Travel agent for guilt trips.
OVERVIEW OF A COURSE IN MIRACLES
The Course introduction starts out with the statement :
                                                Nothing real can be threatened.
                                                Nothing unreal exists.
                                                Herein lies the peace of God.
If we could really get this statement, how much easier our lives would be. When the Course refers to reality it is talking about the level of God. In truth God is the only reality. I won’t try to define God except to say that God is Spirit and beyond “belief”; beyond form, time and space which are perceptual ego terms. The nature of God is LOVE. The concept of this LOVE is beyond anything we can experience at the perceptual level. It is important to accept that God is not/has not a body and therefore is not male or female. I will use terms like Father and He only because of our language structure and because they are used in the Course. God is complete and whole and does not change or evolve. God exists only in the present. Even though God doesn’t change, it is God’s nature to extend. The extensions of God are still God and are created of the same Spirit.
The Course refers to the extensions as Creations or Sonship or Son or Christ.  These terms are used interchangeably. The Son is co-creator with God the Father. The only difference is that The Father creates the Son and the Son in turn has His creations which are still part of the Sonship.  An image I
have is that God the Source extends light rays. The light rays are caused by the Source and could not exist without the Source. It is the nature of God to continually extend. The Son will always be an effect of God, And God will always be Cause.
In truth, the Son cannot leave the Father any more than the rays can leave its source. However a “Thought” of separation enters the mind of God’s Son. A tiny mad idea that the Son could have more
than everything or basically usurp God’s power, and the Son forgets to  laugh at this impossible situation. This “Thought”, preposterous as  it is, and which is over in an instant, is so overwhelmingly frightening to  the Son that he is terrified and goes out of his mind with fright.
The Son has no one to turn to for help, so he makes up an imaginary “advisor” called ego. The ego first tells him to deny that he had the thought. As this doesn’t work, the ego then says “hide from God so He can’t find you and punish you.” So the Son makes up an entire physical universe in his mind. This is the only place the physical world exists, in our mind. We have a horrible dream that seems to be going on for billions of years, but in truth it is really over in a flash. However we still choose to experience the effects of the dream.
During the sleeping phase of the dream, God knows that His Son is asleep and places in our mind, the Holy Spirit, God’s Voice. The Holy Spirit does understand what is in our mind and at the same
time knows none of it is real.
Eventually we all wake up and the dream of separation ends.
14. HOW WILL THE WORLD END?
M-14.1. Can what has no beginning really end? 2 The world will end in an illusion, as it began. 3 Yet will its ending be an illusion of mercy. 4 The illusion of forgiveness, complete, excluding no one, limitless in gentleness, will cover it, hiding all evil, concealing all sin and ending guilt forever. 5 So ends the world that guilt had made, for now it has no purpose and is gone. 6 The father of illusions is the belief that they have a purpose; that they serve a need or gratify a want. 7 Perceived as purposeless, they are no longer seen. 8 Their uselessness is recognized, and they are gone. 9 How but in this way are all illusions ended? 10 They have been brought to truth, and truth saw them not. 11 It merely overlooked the meaningless.
M-14.2. Until forgiveness is complete, the world does have a purpose. 2 It becomes the home in which forgiveness is born, and where it grows and becomes stronger and more all-embracing. 3 Here is it nourished, for here it is needed. 4 A gentle Savior, born where sin was made and guilt seemed real. 5 Here is His home, for here there is need of Him indeed. 6 He brings the ending of the world with Him. 7 It is His Call God’s teachers answer, turning to Him in silence to receive His Word. 8 The world will end when all things in it have been rightly judged by His judgment. 9 The world will end with the benediction of holiness upon it. 10 When not one thought of sin remains, the world is over. 11 It will not be destroyed nor attacked nor even touched. 12 It will merely cease to seem to be.
M-14.3. Certainly this seems to be a long, long while away. 2 “When not one thought of sin remains” appears to be a long-range goal indeed. 3 But time stands still, and waits on the goal of God’s teachers. 4 Not one thought of sin will remain the instant any one of them accepts Atonement for himself. 5 It is not easier to forgive one sin than to forgive all of them. 6 The illusion of orders of difficulty is an obstacle the teacher of God must learn to pass by and leave behind. 7 One sin perfectly forgiven by one teacher of God can make salvation complete. 8 Can you understand this? 9 No; it is meaningless to anyone here. 10 Yet it is the final lesson in which unity is restored. 11 It goes against all the thinking of the world, but so does Heaven.
M-14.4. The world will end when its thought system has been completely reversed. 2 Until then, bits and pieces of its thinking will still seem sensible. 3 The final lesson, which brings the ending of the world, cannot be grasped by those not yet prepared to leave the world and go beyond its tiny reach. 4 What, then, is the function of the teacher of God in this concluding lesson? 5 He need merely learn how to approach it; to be willing to go in its direction. 6 He need merely trust that, if God’s Voice tells him it is a lesson he can learn, he can learn it. 7 He does not judge it either as hard or easy. 8 His
Teacher points to it, and he trusts that He will show him how to learn it.
M-14.5. The world will end in joy, because it is a place of sorrow. 2 When joy has come, the purpose of the world has gone. 3 The world will end in peace, because it is a place of war. 4 When peace has come, what is the purpose of the world? 5 The world will end in laughter, because it is a place of tears. 6 Where there is laughter, who can longer weep? 7 And only complete forgiveness brings all this to bless the world. 8 In blessing it departs, for it will not end as it began. 9 To turn hell into Heaven is the function of God’s teachers, for what they teach are lessons in which Heaven is reflected. 10 And now sit down in true humility, and realize that all God would have you do you can do. 11 Do not be arrogant and say you cannot learn His Own curriculum. 12 His Word says otherwise. 13 His Will be done. 14 It cannot be otherwise. 15 And be you thankful it is so.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

HUNGER

This post has been edited, due to a missing link – the iceberg, see below.

The human baby/child must be mirrored back from its caretakers in order for it to grow into a separated being with a “me” identity separated from others. This idea – that humanity has unconsciously and collectively agreed upon, and therefore has anchored in our soul, is one of separation’s cornerstones: I am alone. I MUST be loved. Lets’ call it The Deal.

Some example of world-laws/separation laws:

Time exists and makes us grow old and die. Sickness is a nature law. Fear helps us be safe.

In non-duality and A Course in Miracles, we are trained to realize the truth that is eternal and non-changing – and therefore becoming able to see the two thought systems “love/fear, and choose which one we want to listen to.

It has been my strange and wonderful experience many times to change a fear thought underlying a sickness-symptom, and as a result, having that illness and symptoms disappear in a moment.

(My cancer disappeared in one such moment: see “When I am healed I am not healed alone.” Link below. *

https://ninotchka44.wordpress.com/2011/05/17/lesson-137-when-i-am-healed-i-am-not-healed-alone/)

Born into a body and separation, we are dependent on other bodies: – again unconsciously collectively agreed on by humanity * We need our caretakers to mirror us ,to see us, to give us names for all we see: tree. Hand. Milk. And later: now you are angry. You are afraid. Healthy upbringing: and it’s all OK that you feel what you feel: I am here for you. Destructive upbringing: You shouldn’t feel like that, it’s something wrong with you.1.example: LOVE. 2. example: FEAR

I know beyond all doubt that I have chosen my lives down to the most minute detail – and that without them, I could never be where I am now – seeing through my creations, being willing to be willing to drop my interest in their drama (  still a working project ;)) and allow myself to rest in my true identity as Christ/The Son of God – which I share with everybody.

Right now, the healing has focused on a corner-stone of the collective delusion of humanity: I am ALONE and I MUST have love from OTHERS. As I see it, it truly upholds the separation. Nothing wrong with others’ love  – but that my sacred Self needs love from “others is false. Due to the Course and non-duality:” there are no “others” , only Love  – disguised as many and separate, mirroring back to us what we need to see, accept and forgive.

I am not trying to convince you or save you – I am sharing a way of thinking that is healing my mind and bringing me more and more frequently into the Peace of God, and the Joy that is eternally available there.

So this is a place where I  just share my wobblings 🙂

The latest theme is the underlying enormous urge to eat- to fill the perceived emptiness that we may have experienced when we first perceived ourselves as separate from Source. We sense the sucking void of the thought I have left Source, I am dependent on something other than meand this thought  we held to be an unavoidable sign of healthy upbringing: to be an autonomous ego/personality.

In this world that applies -and when this upbringing equals losing our faith in our spiritual being, we start taking fear’s hand and believe that it is safety.

So when I had the experience described in The Iceberg, I believed I was very close to death. I truly believe that if I had believed the thought “Now I will die” I would have allowed the heart attack in – but instead, my training into curiosity and wonder allowed me to choose to embrace the feeling experienced as dying: I MUST be held and seen and LOVED if I shall survive. It shook me to the core,and all through it the fear of death was there – but the longer i stayed with it, the less i believed the fear.

We cannot let go of what we first haven’t accepted and allowed = forgiveness. Choosing to allow the feeling, I did not accept the threat of dying – I did not believe in the thought, giving my power to it. And I truly believe that it saved my body from dying.

What has been demonstrated lately, today in a Skype session with Kit, is the inner hunger that arises when the small child is born into a family whose parents have not themselves had parents who felt safe and loved : I AM A VOID THAT MUST BE FILLED.

Immediately after this primal urge comes, THIS MUST BE HIDDEN – the child can not live with that feeling when it is clear that it can NOT be filled – so our own denial, just like our parents’ denial, creates this HUGE urge: I AM HUNGRY.

I remember a time where a boyfriend, my daughter and I visited a Christian retreat center for a weekend. The rooms where we should sleep were clearly belonging to children. So I asked the son in the house if this was his room – he said yes with a blank, far-away -look. I asked, ‘is that really OK with you?’ ‘This is how it is’ he said -‘ we always give away our rooms for the guests.’

We had driven the whole day without eating more than a little snack, I was ravenous – but what I was truly feeling, without being aware of it ( this was about 30 years ago) was that I was really picking up the collective “ I MUST  BE LOVED, I MUST BE NR.1 for my parents.” This belief at that center mirrored exactly mine( -and my boyfriend’s.)

So when the pizza came, I became nuts, and wolfed it in, knowing I must looked VERY ill behaved, but not being able to stop the primal feeling underlying in us all: I MUST FILL THIS VOID.

I was doubling the pizza pieces so I could eat them faster, since the underlying feeling of starvation was tremendous. All the time the thought: “I will die NOW if this need is not met.” I just did not see that this was not true NOW – it was an old feeling from a very early trauma.

The body does not know the difference: if it is triggered, it is triggered NOW

And underlying all my constant need to nibble and eat constantly lately,is that scream, wanting to be heard.

In the Skype sharing today Kit shared about her son behaving the way I did – to the degree of doubling the pizza and gulping it down. How wonderful to share that I had felt the same, and that his urge mirrors my urge and  her urge – and I guess, everybody’s urge, as long as we haven’t fully awakened from the dream

Let me close with this part of Ode 536 by William Wordsworth:

Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:

The Soul that rises with us, our life’s Star,

Hath had elsewhere its setting,

And cometh from afar:

Not in entire forgetfulness,

And not in utter nakedness,

But trailing clouds of glory do we come

From God, who is our home:

Heaven lies about us in our infancy!

*https://ninotchka44.wordpress.com/2011/05/17/lesson-137-when-i-am-healed-i-am-not-healed-alone/,

**You may read more in detail about this in “The Seth-material” by Jane Roberts

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A gentle miracle

This is a miracle. So very subtle -thank God I am good at spotting those subtle changes in the enrgysystem, so I truly can take  them in and digest them.

This is about control – and the relaxing about it -letting it go. With great amused curiosity do I this morning spot the places where the controlpatrtern used to pop up and claim its power over me . today, when it comes , I notice the silence around that old pattern instead: “I simply do not need to think like that anymore.” “It is not true that it is dangerous to let go of those thoughts.” There comes this habitually situation where I could have popped into the usual pattern – we are talking a whole life here, 70 years – but it simply has fallen away.

There still is the energysensations of the pattern – but the stories have fallen away: no beliefs in those And it’s Ok to BE with the energy – breathing into it, allowing the Light of Spirit to heal it, as Jeshua says in “The Jewel of the Christ Mind.”

And even that eternally repeate voice – “yes, but be prepared that it will come back” is met with – “maybe – and that it hads disappeared NOW means that it is possible for it to disappear agin, right? No worries.”

I notice how easy it would be for the old pattern to re-establish itself if I were not aware that this subtle change has happened. I notice that whenever <I write a type and those red squiggly lines appear underneath it, I do not have to immediatley have to correct thm – which was the earlier controlpattern. HAH. I’

(at this moment, the screen went whitish and I could not write a write a word more. I had just decided that I would let those typos stay) – and there must be a big belief in the mind that errors are NOT allowed! Oh thank you for showing me that one – yes, errors are allowed, says Jesus in the Course – we are living in an illusion where errors are projected everywhere, so we can condemn them on the outside and not notice this old program on the inside that is responsible for this old tired world, projecting it out from our mind.)

But we can also go inside and forgive ourselves for giving our belief to the thought that errors are DANGEROUS – and when that thought has been forgiven and released, I will be able to not judge the “errors” I seem to see outside of me, and ahuge amount of judging will have disappeared from this world.

Ah. Tht is nice. Yes. THT is so nice 🙂

Let me continue that sentence: HAH.I’ll let the errors stay, this time 🙂

Yesterday I was guided to a website called “Havening.” I went through the process – VERY simple one, which to me is a sign of autenticity – with an old trauma, and I did not feel any change there and then – a litlle relaxation maybe –

but today – now –

OH 🙂

Very nice simple videos on that site – you can follow them for free, yet another sign of autenticity and love

So I hope you forgive the typos in this post, folks – I have

Seeing through the abuse-archetype

Some days ago I had a strong healing session with Kelle. The same night,Lisa Natoli told me in a group-call that I need to stop telling myself the story that I am sleepless through the last 26 years and that nothing has changed that. She pointed to our Godgiven power that what we say is true becomes true for us. And I DO believe that!

So I listened to our taped conversation in bed and stated my willingness to tell a new story. I told myself I slept like a baby and awoke fresh and vibrant. That night and next morning felt like before – but I still stated to myself that I slept like a baby, and in the night I got the clear impulse to just disregard all fear-and-gloom-thoughts. When they came, I chose to just resting in what felt GOOD in the body – or an inner beautiful image. This went very well for hours. And the next night – this last one – I was aware that I really was willing to drop the thought that “nothing helps for good.” I looked at it and it had lost its charge.

It all came out of my CHOICE to tell myself another story

And this night I slept better – and I had a dream which turned out to have immense healing properties.

My daughter – in the dream a child about 9-10 – told me that her cousin had a man visiting, and he was scary and disgusting. Dream-Leelah told her with flat denial-voice that she should not occupy herself with such things – “it will be all right” – and my daughter looked at me with utter hopelessness.

Awake, I realized that my reaction was an internalization of how MY mother had reacted when I told her similar stories. I sensed the disgust in my body now– how horrible this man’s energy was – and I sensed my inner child’s belief that this energy was impossible to get rid of. In a lightening I realized, here is the reason for the sleeplessness: I have an experience of this kind of energy in my body – and that I can’t get rid of it. That is too horrible to live with. I can deny and suppress it in the day – but when I sleep and am unconscious, it comes back as something that I identify as MINE.

I was right in my insistence that nothing until now would ever help this: the only thing that will help is my full acknowledge  and forgiveness of this energy. I am the source of it, by choosing the ego-thought system of separation, and I can forgive my choice and choose again: now to just REST with the energy – dropping any labels of me and mine and horrible and disgusting – the whole false identification – habit.

I do a Jungian method of returning to the dream with my daughter in a new and loving version: we look together at the man with the disgusting aura: it is clear to me that this is a person who only feels alive when he can troll little children to him and abuse them and make THEM feel small and guilty and disgusting, so he does not have to – for a little while at least. He is clearly projecting his misery outside of himself – and he is doomed to repeat it forever until somebody sees his true Self and mirrors it back to him.

I remember what happened with the out-stressed bus driver – and the instant peace and joy my seeing his essence created in him.

This creation happened in the mind and there is where the healing exists too: looking beyond the disgusting appearances of his acts and looks, wanting only to see Christ in him.

I KNOW it is there – and it is. His mask of “disgusting child molester” slides off – underneath is a devastated little boy who has been seen in love. My daughter sees this too, and all fear disappears as appearances melt. There is a clear connection between his mind and our mind: TRUTH.

The melting of tensions in this body is indescribably beautiful. This energy is not seen as “mine” anymore – and neither are the tensions “mine.” Just a story believed in – and now released in Love

 

 

 

 

 

Attaining the illumined mind

Connection

First, to Misha: you replied to a post recently and told me “maybe e it’s time to start again” on your own blog and process.

Your comment is the ONLY ONE where I haven’t been able to delete the red sign, meaning it has been read and accepted.

By you:)

*

This day we start on week 21 in the 6 months certification program as Teachers of  God. Recently I have had my printer participating as a teacher – i get messages that the connection between PC and Printer has been broken. Recently I used one hour with a PS-specialist to find the error, nothing worked. Then alone, I found a power in me not being willing to be subjected to this nonsense from the ego: I see the connection PC and Printer  symbolizing  mind and manifestation.

This night was horrible -I am going to a 50-year party this evening and am not so happy with many people. I was starting to feel very sick, and caught myself serving excuses to the hosts – and told myself NO, I have made a commitment  to be there as a lightbringer – a Teacher of God. I do not have to preach, just being willing to see everyone as my Holy Brother, maybe caught up in the individual stories – but I am called to BE there as Truth – WITH Christ.

So now I am going on a little holiday – and wanted to print out this week’s class from Lisa. The PC told me the connection was broken again. There was about 2 seconds “Oh nooo not again” and then, no more of that nonsense. I want this connection to be working, I want these class-notes with me on the train to read and savor, no doubt about it.

And the printer delivered at once.

He walks with me. I have taken his hand. I take the steps in trust and faith.I declare my willingness and hold my center: everyone I meet is a Holy Encounter and i will remember it.

And I found this picture on facebook – and here am I, under water in lots of whirls  and above me, over water, is Christ, reaching out his hand

It has been taken 🙂

Take My hand

Take My hand

Mind

Mind

I took the mind out of the PC and put it on the table. It quickly coiled up like a wreath cake, sensing it was up for scrutiny. I tagged at its bottom coil and said “ I know what you are up to. Twit.”

It threw a mean glance at me: “ I am just here to warn you of errors” it hissed, “I am doing my sour job to make you satisfied. “

“Oh pooh” I said, you are lying all the time,: “This page will not close” – “This document will not save” – how many times have I seen that, and then it unfailingly closes and saves! Truth is, you just love to be a scary-billy.”

The mind grumped and coiled the other way. “There’s no way pleasing you, Master” it sulked. “Isn’t it better though to warn a little overeagerly instead of the other possibility?”

“Don’t sweet-talk me” I said, “I simply cannot trust you and will dismiss you henceforth”

The mind gave off a foul stench, held its breath and pushed – and poof, suddenly there were hundreds of mind worms. Clever idea, but I knew better than to let appearances scare me: quick as lightening I programmed the offspring to sing. It now sang to me in an innocent voice “take a breather from the PC, take a lovely walk instead.” It tried to come up with a rhyme-line but failed.

I scooped the offspring up into a bowl and into the juicer, and juiced the mind thoroughly. I then watered the ugly plant my neighbor enjoyed to pamper in his garden and it just happened to wither and die.

Mind can be really toxic, it can

But there are no more faulty errors reporting. None

I choose to be happy

 

My entrance-light has the last 2 years been operated by Jesus:) It has sensors and turns itself on when daylight vanes. When the light turns off when it is dark outside, I know it signals that something in me has lost the connection to light. Then I stand in front of it and ask, what do I need to see/hear here? Yesterday what came up was “I choose to be happy.” And there was a definitive shift inside: before I have had a belief that my choice for love and happiness has no effect – “I am doomed” was the litany in my mind – but yesterday, the light went on immediately.

It was quite dark outside, and I took a walk in the summer night. I noticed that my energy was vastly different: – everything IS perfect. I am NOT separate. Oh my God – my choice DOES have an effect!

There was Oneness with all. The apple trees were blooming, I went to the flowers and sucked their scent into me – the Deva of the Apple Tree flowed into me and blessed me. I walked a little round around the block. There was a newly planted bed of white daffodils, and I picked one. There was a strange sky; on the one side it was dark and ominous – on the other side it was kind and light and summery. I was being with these two variations of sky and included them, looking at the dark variety with wonder and innocence, as Jeshua is recommending we do in “Way of the Heart.” Then, suddenly there was a strange-looking very short man walking down the path near my house – his energy was erratic. He had a strange helmet on his head and his walk was jarred. He did not see me at all, even though I was standing in the middle of an open field. I felt an inner warning: “He is unpredictable.” And I was so aware: he did not see me. In earlier days, I was a fly-paper to such characters.

I stood in peace and took in the change. “God – I really choose to be happy.”

I went home and to bed, and had this dream:

I am in a tram with a crowd of passengers, and there is an absolutely relentless man blocking me, with a ton of hatred, contempt and disgust of me and of what I believe in. The energy around him carried the same energy as the two attacks on my house this last year – which are veiled attacks on me.I cried out to the other passengers, “Please help me – take this man away from me!” and immediately woke up.

This archetype of violence is thoroughly described in my book in the right menu: “When Fear Comes Home to Love,” with case-stories and autobiography.

I woke up, and hear myself saying: “I am not moving from this place until you show me your innocence.” Ah. He is my creation – created by unconscious guilt and fear. I went back into the dream, and he disappeared as if he was never there.

In the Course’s view, the ego’s view of God – in its upside-down perception of everything – is this monster who is out to hunt us down. And I am one of the billions who recreate this image in the form of crazy fathers and rapists and torturers in the world, so I can justify “being” the innocent victim and place my unconscious guilt outside on crazy men. In the ego’s perception, you are either innocent or guilty.

As said early in this post – now I was invisible to such a man – and I truly believe it was my choice for happiness that raised my vibrations to a such level that I was invisible to him.

I see the tremendous power God has given His Holy Son: whatever we hold as true becomes real for us in the dream we are dreaming and directing from Mind beyond time and space.

Immediately after this realization, the body started acting up with huge cramps. It felt like acidic balls of brownish hatred passing through my lower legs, and although the pain was remarkably strong, I felt gratitude: “This is my creation; it can never harm Who I am. It is leaving now.”

I am not willing to see this creation as valuable one more second. The creation has been fueled by my unwillingness to be happy.

In this moment I see the dream quality of this creation. My Self can not be harmed. The cramps changes and become electric fireworks.

If there had been no physical attacks on this house, I doubt that I would have found this pattern in the mind and been willing to release it.

Dear God, I am willing to let you take care of me now

 

 

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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