All is lessons

This moment is such a sweet release from a tough night where I seem to be obsessed  and controlled with “you shall” and “you must” thoughts.

Then I go to beloved Myron’s group – and she reminds us to find the thought that leads to the belief that creates this agony.

Instantly I remember a very very unpleasant forgiveness-lesson this morning.

I had ordered a health-care product from a web-firm – and they had sent the package to a post office 3 hours away, instead of the closest which is 20 minutes away. I pointed  out in  2 mails that that was not reasonable – and this morning I was called up and told to pay 20 pounds in “punishment” for not having picked up the parcel.

I tried the polite way of reasoning for a while – the  heard myself saying “I will never never never never never pay that fee. This error is on your side.”

Immediately – so strange – she shifts and becomes friendly and polite: “Then you shall not have to. We will note that you from now on shall use x postoffice.”

And that was that!

Then – directly after – I open my mail, and the Library tells me that I am overdue with 2 DVDs and HAVE TO deliver them at once. I mail them back and tell me that since our library next to me is under repair, this means that I have to travel 1 hour, and that I will wait one week until I am close to that library – and that I of course will pay the fee.

The willingness to pay is completely different form the first example – the energy is clear. But after reading Myron’s blog I know that I have to find that thought behind this “You MUST” – thoughts going on – and I see it:

“I am guilty and have sinned and I must pay the consequences.”

Finding the thought, seeing that it is an error in perception, makes it easy to give it over to H.S and ask him to correct it for me. The calm and peace is instantaeous.

Again it is seen how every unpleasantness is just a help to see and find these old outdated thoughts.

And I laugh when I realize how, when I very clearly stated that I did not intend to pay – because i did not see myself as guilty, or responsible for the error – she instantly changed her mind.

Letting be is letting go

I was just reading Myron Jones’ blog. As soon as I started to read, hate welled up like a geyser. Sitting in grace, I noticed the hatred, gave it to H.S and let it be as it was – remembering that “doing something with it” is not my business.

A wave of peace moved through me.

Next paragraph: now the hate became more personified: this came from a little girl’s hate of God, who was thought to abandon her. I forgave the attachment to the little girl-story, gave it up, and the same wave of release.

How simple life is when I stop being my own fixer

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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