Forgiveness-exercise

This is from chapter “Snake” in When fear Comes Home to Love.”

Forgiveness – exercise

1) Visualize yourself as a child, and ask your inner Guide to lead you to a situation where you sensed your parents’ fear and chaos in the air, and your body instantly reacted to that and identified with it. Try to find the moment where you internalized the craziness, and made it your fault that your parents behaved crazy and scary.

Now JUST LET IT BE THERE IN THE BODY. Breathe kindly around the sensations, if there are voices just let go of them, you are resting in God this very moment when you say yes to what is there in your mind and nervous system. There is nothing more to do – just rest with whatever presents itself.

Another variation: If you are one of many who need a bit of help to release stuck energies from hidden pockets in the energy-system, I suggest you go to an EFT-site and download a free manual of the method. When you tap with your fingers on certain points in the meridian-system, while at the same time as you hold the pain or memory in your awareness, the most surprising releases may happen. It is very easy to learn the method – but may take time to truly master it. The Course reminds us that forgiveness is just looking, without judgment -and this is what you do: the tapping just removes the unnecessary charge of pain from the nervous system, while you look at the content with the Holy Spirit.”

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To all those with extreme traumas

I got trapped in an old energy pattern just now, and was led to open my book at random – and to share it with readers who somehow are being led to this blog, this post right now:

Deep pain in the chest.

It yells:

“I don’t want to be seen! I hate you! Go away! I will kill you!”

I am sitting with lesson 125 in the Course“In quiet I receive God’s Word today” – and I hear: “ These are the voices of the guardians you created around the little Leelah-identity. In her worst moments, out of deep guilt and shame that she told herself that she WAS, she cried out inside her self: “Hide me! I MUST NOT BE FOUND!” Guilt was speaking – and she was fusing with the guilt, identifying with it – and when she cried out from this fear-identity, fear-creatures/entities came and told her “we will protect you – if you will allow us to use you.”

Of course she took that offer of protection – and the entities used her as their source of food or energy.”

I know this is true with all of me. I speak:  “I am the source of this. I judge you not. I extend forgiveness to myself for what I have made.” I ask Michael and his army for help to guide these entities back to where they came from, and as I say this, I am shown that I have attracted these false protectors into all the body’s openings.By calling for them, they have come. Fear called for fear and darkness, and called from darkness – identifying with darkness/guilt/shame.

In this NOW, I am listening to God: “Now breathe into that heart-space. It is open now.” And then it happens: I see a black silky Tarantula leg hesitantly moving out – I feel terror – and realize in the same second that this has been the very symbol for fear for me – as for so many. “Beloved Leelah, you are not a spider,” I tell her – and gradually the heart space warms up, and I see her: scared and confused – but freed from the spell and fusing.

“Be patient” says Blue. “There are many layers here. The nervous system will need some time to adjust, the old habits and beliefs will try to re-attach themselves – you have believed this to be YOU for almost 70 years. From now on, we ask you to intend to recognize the old patterns when they come – and for you to realize it is only an echo, and that you can let go of it.”

When I was 11 years old, I was taking ballet-classes – and I still remember some of the steps in an Italian Tarantula I danced – with a Tambourine, and a light blue short dress

Going out in the sun now

Going Home/being HERE

Todays post is answers to lesson 6 in “The Jewel of the Christ Mind Course”   a one year online Course. The bold blue quotes are from Jesus/Jeshua

The essence of coming to Presence as I see it:
1) STOP and come back to NOW
2)Breathe, and remember Who is breathing
3) Notice without judging, with interested curiosity – embracing it

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3 questions for the Christ Child:

Precious child I love, how can I support you?

Allow warmth to come into this cold. Breathe LovesBreath into it

What do you most need from me?

To BE WITH ME and embrace me – and not only to sit with and breathe: To play, to experiment with art – poetry,stories,dance,textiles,music,movement -to experience being one with creation instead of being the part you project all your horrors on to

Is there any change I could make that would allow you to flower even more?

Take a session with Zach Rehder for help with really being with these energies- and learn to accept gifts.

( An editor just offered me his service for free – and I notice that I think that IF I accept it, he will secretly be displeased, and the grievance will turn to hatred, and then he will come and attack me.)

I notice the strong link I have built in my mind between men’s ill-will with me ( which means I must conform 100% to their expectations) and then a sudden brutal and vicious attack. I have worked with this complex consciously since I was 23 in all kind of therapies and trainings and being initiated into many traditions – and 25 years as therapist with my patients and myself. My book When Fear Comes Home to Love is the result of that – and still this strong energetic link is felt in my nervous system between the thought of being FREE and visible to violent attack and there is always insanity connected to this attack.
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This must be the experience I most need to be having right now, as more of Christ Mind is birthing into, and through me.

Something in me truly knows this to be true. Which means that all those insane and violent attacks I was forced to participate in as a small child and, and also to be forced into the role of perpetrator to make me guilty and one of “them” – this is where the Christ Mind NOW can be birthed into, and explore the healing that is available HERE TOO. Writing this, a wave of gratitude comes – how glad I am that this HAS happened and that I HAVE these experiences now – so I can allow the Light that I am as Christ to embrace all those energies, suffuse them, transform them.

Here are three images I painted years ago of exactly this: I knew it then too, but have worked to integrate it all the years since then.

bare kom du 11) Red attacks the Blue/Christ –

absorpsjon 22) The Blue embraces it, it starts to dissolve –

stadier i omfavnelse 3 og 43 and 4) The dissolutions continues, and in the fourth stage, the attack-energy has become a Menorah –

I have needed a lot of time to birth this – smiling

“There have been no wrong turns on your journey. You have never failed, and you have never sinned.”

Icecold. Spacing out. Breathing. Strong wishes of retaliating, making the others suffer as they make me. Deep and venomous hatred.

“There have been no wrong turns on your journey. You have never failed, and you have never sinned.”

Deep yawning, the sickness abates. I bless the energy within the sickening forms, invite it Home in my Blue Christness – chest warm, whole lower body ice cold – breathing into it – surrendering to it now –
“I” am not doing this, Christ is doing it through Leelah – I hear screams from massacres and battlegrounds, from concentration camps and machete slaughterings – from everybody that perceives themselves to be righteously mistreated and wants to stop it with any means at all —-

Deep doubts: I have done this for 27 years, and still I feel the fear of being visible –

And the answer:: “and for each time you have been willing, one more piece of it has been integrated”

WOW! what a gift: when I copied this over from a word-doc, that one sentence was left out – so i had to return to the original and really take this in: “and for each time you have been willing, one more piece of it has been integrated”

A tremendous hateful part hisses to me, DO NOT HOPE!!!

There is Love all around that, (just as the pictures show,) and now my belly is warm. – That’s where the “haterer” is – yawning – “I WILL not hope and be shocked again – and again – when I have opened up – it is torture”

Sweetie, I am right here, take all the time you want to get use to this space

“There have been no wrong turns on your journey. You have never failed, and you have never sinned.”

WOW! Looking at the doc I am writing now, I discover that I have repeated that quote from Jeshua three times – and each time I have believed, “that is a great quote, I want that here – – -and not discovered I have already written it down twice before

There has been no separation at all … our resistances, judgments, and especially our guilt, occurred because we thought what was going on was different than what was and eternally is, going on. (Jeshua,Jewel Course.)

Sitting with that, allowing it take root

“You have heard it said this world is a world of shadows. It is not just a metaphor.
It happens to be true. While shadows are illusory, it does not follow that they be left untransformed.
For what you leave untransformed retains the power to bind you in its spell. It will continue to do so, until YOU decide to learn who you are by being the power of Love‟s Presence that heals all things.” . (Jeshua,Jewel Course.)

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Wonder Questions:

1. What are three significant experiences you have believed you should not have had?
(Be vigilant against assuming these are just ‘negative’ experiences. When faced with overwhelming joy, “luck”, others’ gratitude, or miracles, don’t we often shake our heads, hold our breath, and try to deflect or minimize it????)

I have sat this the whole week. Many has presented itself, but the answer is always: None. Without everything, I would not have had the experiences and the learnings I have

2. What is it that you have found most difficult to trust?

That even when the experiences feels excruciating, they are NOT “wrong” – I am not wrong – they are pathways into human darkness and ignorance as soon as I don’t judge my small self for having them – for not being “worthy.” – Oh there’s a lot of that going on –

3. Do you trust, really trust , your Creator?

My ca 2o A4 journals filled with my images and processes show me that God is always available in every situation. I DO really trust my Creator –
It is ME I don’t trust – God’s One Son, choosing to judge myself for what happens to me – seeing it as character-faults that takes away my God-given worth, making me wrong,making others wrong – not recognizing they are me in disguise, mirroring back to me what I need to see and lift in to forgiveness and innocence

And right now, after writing this down in one go, seeing that I am trusted to do the best I can to wake up –

I bless myself in my ability to choose love
I bless myself in my true nature
I bless myself in my willingness to hang in here

AMEN

 

Off the Cliff

This moment in time -17th of August =3:28am -I realize that I do not any longer need to  – and want to – find the specific reasons for my sleeplessness,aches and pains. The ego has had a ball with this idea: the challenge of finding the specific thoughts that create the specific pain or fear in the nervous system it so intellectually satisfying – when I have found the cause, the symptoms most often disappear – which gives the ego a great boost.

I don’t need to  leaf through all these variations of fear any longer – through all incarnations – oh vey is mir – I have dutifully looked for them

I see that it is completely unnecessary

Big fear:” Being a detective gave you control. Now you have no control any longer.”

No: All appearances are the same – they have already been healed eons ago, you are ever only reviewing what has already happened.

An earlier chronic pain in the throat -gone for years – appears.

NO: I don’t allow this pattern any longer. I am not willing to listen to this fear and control voice any longer. I do not value it any longer.

Enough

How sweet: this enough comes from a vastly deeper level that the former ones

I see an inner image: it is a graphic print  I love of a person standing before a mirror – and it is called “the Dreamer”. I have another print by the same artist: an angel stands on the end of a cliff. It looks down, there is a white bird floating there – and the angel just stands there, frozen – in lack of trust of its wings

I just jumped

Who is jumping is who is receiving the jumper – softly gently welcoming her home

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After this, a dream: I have lost the key to my last apartment before this house where I live now. This is where I lived with my husband before we separated – my life as Wife. I still pay rent for that apartment – I must get my belongings –

No – I have left it. There is no rent to pay

Signs from Mystery

Late signs:

1.sign.

In the living room, 2 days ago: I am looking at a painting I made some 10 years ago or so – and i see, in the very center of the Sun/Self a radiant rainbow-spot of brilliant pulsating light. Its source is a prism hanging in my window. The very second I notice the light in the center of the Sun, my cellphone sounds:it is a message from a healer: he is available for sessions this week.

I order a session 🙂

The effect has gone when I take this photo – but I am sure you can imagine the magical effect of that shimmering Light in the center of the Sun:

 

The Sun

I have lately started a new workout-regime called TIMANI. We learn ways to stretch the Fascia- muscles inside the thighs – and boy has that had consequences for my nervous system to flare up in overwhelm.

A friend recently shared this on Facebook:

“… the things that I used to believe. But as they come, I gently take them by the hand and lead them to the Truth, where they gradually fade and disappear, leaving me in the peace that I have always been. I bring them to the Kingdom, where God gently wipes them away, as the dream that they always were and I am blessed beyond measure. Thankyou my Beloved, and the Truth will set us free. “

After digesting the truth in this, after two days in agony, suddenly a great clarity comes through me: This is just the old stories of the inner child, coming up to be released. In that moment, ca 80% of the agony dissipates.

This is from Jeshua from Way of Mastery – Radical Inquiry™:

“We cannot awaken unless we are willing to ‘turn back’ through Radical Inquiry™ and discover what has been rendered unconscious and cut off from awareness; there to greet it as our own creation, to welcome it home, as it were, into the embrace of our present love.”

I practice this diligently

 Dream early yesterday morning:

It is Christmas Eve.There is a very angry and upset man banging on my door in my childhood’s home. He looks crazy and rather volatile. I lean out of the window, and smile with all my heart at him, asking him what he wants. He explains that he has a package to deliver, and I ask him in for a cup of warm cocoa. He comes inside, and I recognize that my smile is genuine: I truly care for him. This changes his demeanor completely.

When I wake up, I am reminded of the story about Milarepa and the demons that came visiting – and him inviting them in for tea. They melted too 🙂

2.Sign:

I enter my Healing room. Close to my seat a wasp has chosen its place to die. I have screens in front of all openings in my house – I am afraid of the effects of wasp-stinging.

Death of a poisenous attacker

The first wasp that I remember stinging me, played an important role in my exploration of an archetype I describe in “When fear comes home to Love:” “Bird.” Here is the start of that chapter:

It is midsummer. I am about five. I sit in the tall grass in front of our house. The air is heavy from sweet flower-fragrances and the dense humming from happy busy insects. A wasp stings my finger. It immediately swells, it hurts terribly, I scream and scream.

Mummy comes. My Mummy. She takes me in her arms and hugs me hard, she cries when she sees the bursting finger: “Pooooooor little Leelah!” … I sit and listen breathlessly to a story about chameleons. You can see it on the illustration in the book: there it sits on a branch, quiet as a mouse – it blends perfectly into the foliage… there comes the fat fly walking, and zing! The long tongue shoots out and glues itself to its victim. Yack! – There the chameleon jumps to another branch, the colors change. Look at his belly changing colors after the branch – and the back takes the pattern after the flowers above! Each millimeter of this animal can adapt to its surroundings.

My Mummy convinces me that this animal is not make-believe: it is for real. I am spellbound by the chameleon.

The figure carrying the chameleonic in the J&H-myth is the Bird:

“I must adapt to the family’s / the surrounding’s expectations and demands. My only reason for existence is making them satisfied and happy. Suffering is safe. I just have to eradicate myself and blend into the surroundings. I leave myself and take the others inside. I digest their pain. I hold on to it. No one must see it .I keep the family-secret. Myself? I need nothing.”

Now this wasp – this archetype of giving poison and pain – has made its way into my Healing room and given up life in front of my Place – no more an instrument of pain, now the sign of a surrender of an old role in my soul’ make-up.

I love that little wasp: I want to honor it and get the idea to draw an angel card: OBEDIENCE is the first. I place the wasp on it:it gave up his life as wasp in fron of this symbolic place of my Self. Oh how I love those surrendered outstretched wings.

I am then asked to draw two more cards – and I draw HUMOUR and BEAUTY.

DSC01242

3.Sign yesterday afternoon:

I am looking through old journals and taking photos. I am looking at a old drawing in my journal:

The kiss

The kiss

 

In the same second I take the photo, an electronic doorbell sounds from upstairs – but this is not the sound I have chosen: it is much harsher.

I run up the stairs, the bell is still chiming in my room and there is nobody outside my door.

My mind had a strong energetic signal connected to that image when I drew it-  this time I was open for it. I do not know where it comes from – thank God I do not have to figure it out – but I can and will do what Jeshua suggests above: greet it as our own creation, to welcome it home, as it were, into the embrace of our present love.”

AMEN

 

 

 

 

 

 

Old movie

Following the process – still the old theme of “darkness.” Yet another tough experience in the night and morning, with overwhelming depression and gloom. Yet – Blue is very available when I ask for help.

Blue:The attacks and darkness you are having are memories from the past – and thus the effect of the belief in Time – being projected into the Present. You cannot fix them – but you can receive them with Love.

Me: Many many times I have met them with the willingness to Be with them and bless them, to extend all my Love into  “this” – and to see it as scared children dressing up as demons, crying out for love and forgiveness – which I have offered, as the gifts I can give as the Holy Son of God, created in His image.

Seeing “darkness” is seeing through a dark filter of judgment –  and with  judgment I see myself as unworthy and ugly and afraid. I see myself as a terrified child/victim – and it seems SO alive in me, I feel all its feelings of overwhelm. Because of  the sensations/pains in my nervous system, I identify with it subconsciously.

Blue: If this pain and darkness and horror is real, God is not real. If you believe God is real – and you do  – then this pain and horror is just ego’s creations, which you, as the Holy Son of God use your tremendous power to animate – or make real. Do not deny your immense God-given power  that you share with Him: the world around you, just an imagination, seems so very real – because as humans, you believe that what you can touch has reality – and the mind is just “thoughts”. Since you, as Mind, made all of this up – = the Universe – saying it is real –you can choose again.Just acknowledge this: “It is impossible for me, who am created in God’s image, to discreate what He has created. If that was possible, it would also mean that it is possible to discreate my Self.”

Me: So I am acknowledging that what seems to be visiting me, telling me that it is more powerful that Love, are just projections/manifestations of guilt, fear and sin – it comes in many packages and variations, to divert my mind and make it interested in my creations.

Blue: Fear loves to dress itself up – and fragment itself into a multitude of costumes and “spirits” that now must be placated by you. Lots of efforts now – to take your mind off the Truth. There is nothing wrong in noticing these occurrences – but you are the awareness noticing it, and not a victim of it. When you stop giving your God-given power to the belief that the show is real, you might just tire of the show and leave the showroom. It is like an old film you have seen in all possible variations – why are you still buying tickets?

Me: so what do I do then, the next time I wake up and feel the old horror in my veins and muscles, and hear the threats that I belong to it? And feel a HUGE identification with the victim-child-part?

Blue: realize that you have used your vast power to imagine something that is impossible, and by that trick you have proved that God is wrong and you are right: separation really happened. The one in you that does this, CAN NOT be the real Self – right? YOU are aware of it – and YOU can choose again. Forgive yourself for dreaming this dream, and for repeating it until you are tired of it. Choose to believe that the power you use to recreate the dream of darkness, you can use to co-create with God: extending the Love That you are.

Me: On behalf  of the Son of God, I choose to release the part of my mind that joins with the ego in this. I know that you will be released, unless I want to use you to imprison myself. Holy Spirit, please let me know when I enter this self-imprisonment-game, so I can choose to smile instead. In the name of my freedom, I release you – because I realize we will be released together.

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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