Halloween:ghost and small devil visiting…

The night was filled with scared expectations of how to respond to children/youth wanting treats. The mind went bananas and made the scary thoughts real – what should I do to protect myself from these expected fears and attacks?

Then I had a session with Kit. Oh beauty,oh truth, oh smiles. Without me having shared anything about my fear, she started sharing how she loved the Halloween – death as a costume for play, playing with the thought of death as threatening, while all it is is a difference in perception, a falling away of one form of life into another “invisible one”.  She helped me see that I can see the scary costumes as the ego’s fear of dying.She talked about the warmth of the pumpkin color – the mother-like quality of its belly being lit from inside by a candle – the quality of autumn, the dead crackling leaves, a putting behind, a resting -an opportunity for the slow pleasures: reading. Drinking tea.

I recognized that she was showing me the healthy part of my mind – it was available for my choosing it. And I did.

So – for the first time I went and bought “treats” – jellybeans, mandarins, apples. I made 3 little bags.

Then I heard shrill shrieks and my heart leaped. I opened the window and leaned out to show them they were welcome – it was  young mother with a little girl and a boy. The girl had a plain white sheet as ghost-costume. They laughed and enjoyed themselves. The mother pointed to me and the little girl ghost came running up to me  – and the entrance light* went out.  I heard myself saying ” Oh! You killed the light!” and knew in that moment that no,  a fear in my mind had turned the light off. The little girl danced and laughed from joy and thanked me a thousand times, her mother thanked me too.

Then the little boy devil came all the way to me window. The light went on.:) He was all dressed in shiny black lacquer, with horns – very elaborate costume. Something inside of me relaxed – it had believed in the reality of ghosts for a moment, but this little devil – no.

He just stood there and stared at me for a long time, without saying anything.

“What about me?” he said – thinking I had no treats for him – but I did, and gave it to him.Again the mother and girl ghost called their loud “thank you so very very much!”

I think I thanked myself for giving up the old pattern of expecting attack  – and also truly seeing the innocence and gratefulness behind the ghostly appearance.

the entrance light*

Some of this blog’s readers may remember several posts where the entrance light played an important role in allowing me to find the light inside when fear was present – and the lamp always mirrored that decision. For those who might want to check out these teachings, just write “Entrance light” in the search field.

 

Addicted to guilt

A friend has recently started to attack me: “You have not the faintest idea of how to forgive. You have never forgiven.” My first automatic response is always to think “Oh she must be right.” And then look for “hidden” reasons for her being right.

Today it is recognized deeply that what is going on here is her mirroring to me my belief that I am guilty- and that “I” am buying it, seeing it as an opportunity to feel bad and punish myself.

But there is no separate self – no I.

What is going on is only this projection of deep unconscious guilt, and the field of murky-heavy energy between us – as soon as one of us falls into the old pattern of believing ego’s belief in guilt and taking it personally – attaching the me-label to it. And this is a dance that cannot be danced alone.

As this is recognized, deep peace comes, and the cords binding us to each other, while we play out this old guilt-projection-game, loosen. It is felt very clearly.

Now my intense negative resistance to these accusations melt – here are only 2 people caught in roles and forgetting that they have made the drama themselves.

 

 

 

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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