Short and sweet overview of A Course in Miracles

I have received questions about what the Course is about – and wanted to do it in as short and sweet matter as possible. Nothing could be  better and simpler than my friend Alan Dolit’s simple overview – and his blue little gem here:
Seriousness causes  reincarnation; guilt is an acronym for Godless Useless Insane Loveless Thought; sin is an acronym for Self Inflicted Neurosis; ego is an acronym for Exponential Guilt Orchestrator. Ego is also the master Travel agent for guilt trips.
OVERVIEW OF A COURSE IN MIRACLES
The Course introduction starts out with the statement :
                                                Nothing real can be threatened.
                                                Nothing unreal exists.
                                                Herein lies the peace of God.
If we could really get this statement, how much easier our lives would be. When the Course refers to reality it is talking about the level of God. In truth God is the only reality. I won’t try to define God except to say that God is Spirit and beyond “belief”; beyond form, time and space which are perceptual ego terms. The nature of God is LOVE. The concept of this LOVE is beyond anything we can experience at the perceptual level. It is important to accept that God is not/has not a body and therefore is not male or female. I will use terms like Father and He only because of our language structure and because they are used in the Course. God is complete and whole and does not change or evolve. God exists only in the present. Even though God doesn’t change, it is God’s nature to extend. The extensions of God are still God and are created of the same Spirit.
The Course refers to the extensions as Creations or Sonship or Son or Christ.  These terms are used interchangeably. The Son is co-creator with God the Father. The only difference is that The Father creates the Son and the Son in turn has His creations which are still part of the Sonship.  An image I
have is that God the Source extends light rays. The light rays are caused by the Source and could not exist without the Source. It is the nature of God to continually extend. The Son will always be an effect of God, And God will always be Cause.
In truth, the Son cannot leave the Father any more than the rays can leave its source. However a “Thought” of separation enters the mind of God’s Son. A tiny mad idea that the Son could have more
than everything or basically usurp God’s power, and the Son forgets to  laugh at this impossible situation. This “Thought”, preposterous as  it is, and which is over in an instant, is so overwhelmingly frightening to  the Son that he is terrified and goes out of his mind with fright.
The Son has no one to turn to for help, so he makes up an imaginary “advisor” called ego. The ego first tells him to deny that he had the thought. As this doesn’t work, the ego then says “hide from God so He can’t find you and punish you.” So the Son makes up an entire physical universe in his mind. This is the only place the physical world exists, in our mind. We have a horrible dream that seems to be going on for billions of years, but in truth it is really over in a flash. However we still choose to experience the effects of the dream.
During the sleeping phase of the dream, God knows that His Son is asleep and places in our mind, the Holy Spirit, God’s Voice. The Holy Spirit does understand what is in our mind and at the same
time knows none of it is real.
Eventually we all wake up and the dream of separation ends.
14. HOW WILL THE WORLD END?
M-14.1. Can what has no beginning really end? 2 The world will end in an illusion, as it began. 3 Yet will its ending be an illusion of mercy. 4 The illusion of forgiveness, complete, excluding no one, limitless in gentleness, will cover it, hiding all evil, concealing all sin and ending guilt forever. 5 So ends the world that guilt had made, for now it has no purpose and is gone. 6 The father of illusions is the belief that they have a purpose; that they serve a need or gratify a want. 7 Perceived as purposeless, they are no longer seen. 8 Their uselessness is recognized, and they are gone. 9 How but in this way are all illusions ended? 10 They have been brought to truth, and truth saw them not. 11 It merely overlooked the meaningless.
M-14.2. Until forgiveness is complete, the world does have a purpose. 2 It becomes the home in which forgiveness is born, and where it grows and becomes stronger and more all-embracing. 3 Here is it nourished, for here it is needed. 4 A gentle Savior, born where sin was made and guilt seemed real. 5 Here is His home, for here there is need of Him indeed. 6 He brings the ending of the world with Him. 7 It is His Call God’s teachers answer, turning to Him in silence to receive His Word. 8 The world will end when all things in it have been rightly judged by His judgment. 9 The world will end with the benediction of holiness upon it. 10 When not one thought of sin remains, the world is over. 11 It will not be destroyed nor attacked nor even touched. 12 It will merely cease to seem to be.
M-14.3. Certainly this seems to be a long, long while away. 2 “When not one thought of sin remains” appears to be a long-range goal indeed. 3 But time stands still, and waits on the goal of God’s teachers. 4 Not one thought of sin will remain the instant any one of them accepts Atonement for himself. 5 It is not easier to forgive one sin than to forgive all of them. 6 The illusion of orders of difficulty is an obstacle the teacher of God must learn to pass by and leave behind. 7 One sin perfectly forgiven by one teacher of God can make salvation complete. 8 Can you understand this? 9 No; it is meaningless to anyone here. 10 Yet it is the final lesson in which unity is restored. 11 It goes against all the thinking of the world, but so does Heaven.
M-14.4. The world will end when its thought system has been completely reversed. 2 Until then, bits and pieces of its thinking will still seem sensible. 3 The final lesson, which brings the ending of the world, cannot be grasped by those not yet prepared to leave the world and go beyond its tiny reach. 4 What, then, is the function of the teacher of God in this concluding lesson? 5 He need merely learn how to approach it; to be willing to go in its direction. 6 He need merely trust that, if God’s Voice tells him it is a lesson he can learn, he can learn it. 7 He does not judge it either as hard or easy. 8 His
Teacher points to it, and he trusts that He will show him how to learn it.
M-14.5. The world will end in joy, because it is a place of sorrow. 2 When joy has come, the purpose of the world has gone. 3 The world will end in peace, because it is a place of war. 4 When peace has come, what is the purpose of the world? 5 The world will end in laughter, because it is a place of tears. 6 Where there is laughter, who can longer weep? 7 And only complete forgiveness brings all this to bless the world. 8 In blessing it departs, for it will not end as it began. 9 To turn hell into Heaven is the function of God’s teachers, for what they teach are lessons in which Heaven is reflected. 10 And now sit down in true humility, and realize that all God would have you do you can do. 11 Do not be arrogant and say you cannot learn His Own curriculum. 12 His Word says otherwise. 13 His Will be done. 14 It cannot be otherwise. 15 And be you thankful it is so.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

No resistance

This morning I was shown the root of some old energy patterns I always have believed is “mine.” And therefore have attached a lot of guilt and resistance to. This energy has come up for weeks now, and I have always resisted it and felt anger towards it. This blessed morning, I heard Blue’s kind voice suggesting “-And what if this is not what you believe it to be?”

So I pondered that for just a second, and then relaxed completely into it.

Almost instantly, I was shown a winter village in Afghanistan. The energy there was crazy with grief and a desire for revenge.

Thank you Blue. I still need to be reminded that energy that we pick up certainly don’t need to be “ours” – coming from our personal story in this life.

I was guided to use John Newton’s forgiveness prayer – or a little of it:

Infinite  Creator,  All  That  You  Are:    For  me,  all  my  family  members,  all  our  relationships,  

all  our  ancestors  and  all  their  relationships  through  all  time,  through  all  our  lives, in all dimensions

For  all  hurts  and  wrongs:

Physical,  mental,  emotional,  spiritual,  sexual  and  financial  

through  thought,  word  or  deed:    Please  help  us  all  forgive  each  other,  forgive  ourselves,  

forgive  all  people  and  all  people  forgive  us,  completely  and  totally.    Please  and  thank  you

 

Please  Infinite Creator,  for  the  highest  good:    Lift  out  all  weight,  pain,  burden,  sin,  death,  

debt,  negativity  and  limitation  of  all  kind;  transform  it  into  your  love,  and  let  your  love  

flow  back  into  us,  filling  and  giving  us  all  complete  peace,  now  and  forever.

 

Please  and  thank  you.

Please  and  thank  you.

Please  and  thank  you.

 

Please  help  us  love  and  bless  each  other;  love  and  bless  ourselves.    Be  at  peace  with  each  

other  and  at  peace  with  ourselves,  now  and  forever.    Please  and  thank  you.

 

I did some rounds with this, and saw the energy in the village soften and become calmer, more peaceful – now the vengeance thoughts were gone, there were just deep grief left.

No resistance.

 

 

 

 

Tapping for senseless tragedy – EFT

These are Dawson Church’s words:

Tapping for Senseless TragedyEFT Tapping statements for Senseless Tragedies

Dear EFT Community, friends, and family,

We live in a world in which the news is full of senseless tragedies. From terrorist attacks, to school shootings, to random acts of violence.

These tragedies can disturb and upset us. Often, we feel helpless, because there seems to be nothing we can do to prevent them, or to help the people affected by them.

However, there is always one thing that we can do, and that is to remain calm, loving, peaceful and compassionate within ourselves.

When we get upset, worried, angry, guilty or sad, we are not in a position to offer anything helpful to those around us. But when we cultivate inner peace regardless of the senseless tragedies in the world, we become a beacon of love and compassion to everyone around us.

From this empowered inner state, we are much better equipped to respond effectively and appropriately to the suffering in the world around us.

I wrote this tapping script to use when we feel emotionally overwhelmed by senseless tragedy.

Tap through the points in any order that feels good to you. In the script, I suggest specific points to tap, but these are guidelines only, and you can pair tapping on any point with any of the affirmations. A tapping diagram appears below the tapping script.

When you’ve used the script, please share your experiences with others. Use this link to Facebook to encourage and support other people who are struggling with these same issues.

You are even more powerful when you share your strength!

Thank you,

Dawson Church 

*

Tapping Script for Seemingly Senseless Tragedies

/Leelah’s remark: you find an illustration of the location of the points under the article. I now tap each time I see horrible images, which makes it so much easier not to be overwhelmed and terrified by them./

KC (Karate Chop Point): Even though I don’t understand this senseless tragedy.

KC (Karate Chop Point): Even though I can’t believe people would do such a thing.

KC (Karate Chop Point): Even though I can’t believe this is happening.

KC (Karate Chop Point): I deeply and completely accept myself.

EB (Eyebrow): I can’t imagine the things that happen in the world.

SE (Side-of-eye): I can’t believe we live in a world in which such things are a possible.

UE (Under-eye): Why would anyone do such a thing?

UN (Under-nose): It doesn’t make any sense.

CH (Chin): It doesn’t make sense to hurt other people.

CB (Collarbone): It doesn’t make sense to cause such suffering.

UA (Under-arm): It doesn’t make sense to cause such violence.

KC (Karate Chop Point): And even though all this violence and suffering makes no sense.

KC (Karate Chop Point): I deeply and completely accept myself.

[Repeat while taking three deep breaths and tapping the KC point]

EB: It could have been me.

SE: It could have been my family.

UE: It could have been my loved ones.

UN: It could have been my friends.

CH: It could have been anybody.

CB: All those poor people.

UA: All that suffering.

KC: All that violence.

EB: I can’t help them.

SE: I can’t help myself.

UE: I can’t help the ones I love.

UN: I can’t protect anyone.

CH: All my regrets.

CB: Can’t help any of them.

UA: Can’t help me.

KC: Can’t help the people I love.

KC: And even though there’s nothing I can do.

EB: Nothing I can do.

SE: Nothing I can do.

UE: Nothing I can do.

UN: Nothing I can do.

CH: Nothing I can do.

CB: Nothing I can do.

UA: Nothing I can do.

KC: Nothing I can do to help those who are suffering.

KC: I deeply and completely accept myself.

[Repeat while taking three deep breaths and tapping the KC point]

EB: I now send love from my heart.

SE: To all those who are suffering.

UE: As a result of this senseless tragedy.

UN: I now send love from my heart.

CH: To all the people in the whole world who are suffering.

CB: I now send love from my heart.

UA: To all the people I know.

EB: All my friends and all my family.

KC: I now send love from my heart.

EB: To myself.

SE: To the parts of myself that are suffering.

UE: To the parts of myself that are violent.

UN: To the parts of myself that are senseless.

CH: To the parts of myself that cause harm.

CB: That cause harm to myself and others.

UA: That cause harm.

KC: And even though I’m not perfect, I deeply and completely accept myself.

[Repeat while taking three deep breaths and tapping the KC point]

EB: I don’t know why this tragedy happened.

SE: I’m powerless to do anything about it.

UE: I can’t even understand it.

UN: And even though I am unable to understand it.

CH: And even though I am unable to help.

CB: And even though I can’t do anything.

UA: And even though I’m helpless.

KC: I deeply and completely accept myself.

EB: I can’t help them.

SE: I can’t help myself.

UE: I can’t help anybody.

KC: And even though I’m helpless, I deeply and completely accept myself.

[Repeat while taking three deep breaths and tapping the KC point]

KC: My being upset.

KC: Is not going to help anybody.

EB: My being angry.

SE: Is not going to help anybody.

UE: By being angry and upset.

UN: I’m adding to the anger and upset in the world.

CH: I choose now to release it.

CB: I choose now to release my own suffering.

UA: I choose to be at peace.

KC: Despite this terrible tragedy.

KC: I send peace and love from my heart.

KC: To everybody suffering now.

KC: I send peace and love from my heart.

KC: To my own suffering mind.

KC: I send peace and love from my heart.

KC: To the whole world.

KC: Despite this terrible tragedy.

KC: I choose to be at peace.

EB: I use this terrible tragedy.

SE: As a reminder of how important it is for me to be at peace.

UE: As a reminder to be a person of peace in the world.

UN: No matter how violent that world is.

CH: I choose to be a person of peace.

UA: I choose to be a person of love.

KC: I choose to be a person of kindness.

KC: I choose to be a person of peace, love, and kindness.

[Repeat while taking three deep breaths and tapping the KC point]

EB: I resolve that every thought I think.

SE: Will be nothing but peace and kindness.

UE: I resolve that every feeling in my heart.

UN: Will be nothing but compassion and love.

CH: Filling myself now with compassion, love, peace and kindness.

CB: I send that energy out into the world.

UA: To touch and heal everyone.

KC: I am a powerful creator.

KC: I have powerful energy.

KC: And I now send that powerful energy out into the world.

KC: To touch everyone else with peace compassion and kindness.

EB: That is what I can do.

SE: This is in my power.

UE: I may feel powerless.

UN: In the face of this senseless tragedy.

CH: I have power.

CB: To send the energy of love out into the world.

KC: I have the power.

KC: To create peace and love in my own heart.

KC: In my own body.

KC: In my own energy field.

EB: I now claim my power.

SE: To create peace and love in myself.

UE: And send those intentions out into the world.

UN: I am a powerful creator.

CH: And I choose to use my creativity.

CB: To create peace and love all around me.

UA: No matter what else is happening in the world.

KC: And no matter what choices other people make.

KC: My choice is clear.

KC: I have made my choice.

KC: And my choice is to be a person of peace and love.

KC: In my own mind, my own body, and my own energy field.

EB: I radiate peace and love all around me.

SE: Despite this senseless tragedy.

UE: Despite all the tragedies in the world.

UN: I choose to be a person.

CH: Of peace and love.

CB: I choose to be a beacon.

UA: Of peace and love.

KC: I choose to be a person.

KC: Of compassion and kindness.

[Repeat while taking three deep breaths and tapping the KC point]

EB: No matter what choices everybody else’s making.

SE: Only I choose how I feel.

UE: Only I choose the kind of person I am.

UN: And I choose to be a person of love.

CH: I choose to be a beacon of kindness.

CB: I choose to be a person of compassion.

UA: I fill my own heart with compassion.

KC: I fill my own body with compassion.

KC: And I fill my own mind with compassion.

KC: I walk into this day as a beacon of love and compassion.

EB: Kindness is not weak.

SE: Compassion is not weak.

UE: Peace is not weak.

UN: Compassion is stronger than fear.

CH: Kindness is stronger than violence.

CB: Peace is stronger than any tragedy.

UA: Love is stronger than fear.

KC: And as a person of love, peace and kindness.

KC: I walk now into this day.

EB: My heart is at peace.

SE: My mind is at rest.

UE: And I am strong.

UN: I am love.

CH: I am peace.

CB: I am kindness.

UA: I am compassion.

KC: I am.

[Repeat while taking three deep breaths and tapping the KC point]

 

———-

 

Other Resources:

• Overcoming Adversity: How Energy Tapping Transforms Your Life’s Worst Experiences: A Primer for Post-Traumatic Growth by Caroline Sakai, PhD

• EFT for PTSD by Dawson Church, PhD

• The EFT Manual by Dawson Church, PhD (see the chapter on The Gentle Techniques for tapping for trauma)

• Psychological Trauma: Healing Its Roots in Body, Mind and Memory by Dawson Church, PhD

 

EFT Tapping Sequence

 

Sharing:

Please share your experience on Facebook here 

Email a link to this page to any of your friends affected by tragedy

 

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Holy Spirit at the doorstep

Yesterday, looking out of the window, I saw something light brownish and white lying in the grass. A dead animal, I thought – maybe a bird.

Later, downstairs in the healing-room where I work out in the morning, I saw a light brown and white pigeon sitting on my garden fence, looking at me. I realized it was the same bird that I thought first was dead – well, he had at least managed to fly up on the fence. I looked at him and wished him well with all my heart. One minute – and then he took flight, soaring.

How strange. I could have sworn he was dead when I first saw him.

This morning, I opened the main door to get the paper, and he flew up right behind my door – the door actually hit him.

I looked at him in wonder as the familiar signal inside went off: pay attention.

I watched him as he humped along across the little lawn – and then he humped up some stairs to a neighbor across the road.

I prayed for help to realize what this was reflecting. Birds points to Spirit –

I look into my little dream-book:

“Dove or pigeon: Interchangeably with the pigeon, the dove is a symbol of peace and reconciliation ( as the bird that brought the olive branch back to Noah’s Ark) and of love ( the emblem of the Holy Spirit.)

But – it was sick! Almost dead! And then resurrected and flew – as if nothing had happened to it – and today it was sickly again –

I put the thoughts away

And later, I was standing in the kitchen and felt the usual stress pattern coming up – old PTSD – and heard myself saying out loud:

But I am not sick – meaning: my identity is not sickness

Thank you Sacred Self – you are showing me, via this pigeon, that what I have tried so valiantly to heal and interpret and understand, is not “MINE” – it belongs to the dream, the illusion of separation.

My true identity is SELF – oneness with my Creator, created in His Image – and surely that can not be sick

But the bird taught me that I think sickness belongs to my identity:

it played out dead – sickly – fabulous flyer – and then “waiting for you at your doorstep, being smashed a bit around”

I love the humor  and playfulness of the divine

“What suffers is not part of me” stresses the Course – which is a good thing: now I can embrace it instead of identifying with its suffering

For the first time, I truly SEE the choice where to put my belief: sickness or Spirit

Which means that the next time symptoms flare up, I will remind myself “appearances only” and  rest in God

The ego is trying to convince me that if  I don’t make the appearances instantly disappear, Spirit is not to be trusted.

Not so – silly thought – the discomfort can be there now, it is not a sign that I am wrong and a failure(which spiritual ego claims) just that the story the pain is telling comes from a belief in separation and shall not be taken seriously

I am not a traumatized “somebody “- I am Spirit – healed, whole and innocent – all is forgiven and released

The False Helper

Sharing with Kit

She shares a story about how her 5 year old son went ballistic this morning because Kit “helped him” putting his trousers on – without asking if he wanted help. We shared how this unhealthy kind of helping is nothing more than a distrust of the child’s ability to stand on her/his own legs, a deep distrust of the power within – our own included – therefore mistakenly needing to “help”. And also the unspoken judgment of clumsiness, taking one’s time, making errors. Kit saw a parallel to Aikido: we are served by working WITH the power, not resisting it or manipulating it at all – like “helping out.”

Leelah’s turn:

I did the same thing with my daughter. She raged at me too – and I instantly understood how destructive it was to “help” when unasked. And that has not stopped me from “helping” her a thousand times later – that habit is so strong ( described in the BIRD-chapter in “When fear comes home to Love”) and so much part of Leelah-identification -) BUT: I UNDERSTOOD how wrong it was – now the practice is just to become aware when I repeat the pattern.

WE need to ask: “Do you want help?”

I become aware of a part who is convinced “it is my duty to save them.” Oh this gives me a fat headache. This part wants to murder them because they simply do not know their own best – but I do! If I don’t help or intervene and stop them from doing dangerous or foolish thing, it is MY FAULT when horrible disasters happen…like I need to tell them that the ice is too thin, and they won’t listen and go skating anyway and of course they drown and it is my fault…

This is when Kit points out, “This is part of the Mother Archetype. It is not personal.”

Zing! The arrow hits the target. I recognize how  parents express this in media when a close loved one dies a death in violence: “I should have…”

Now that the Archetype has been allowed to become visible, it opens to violence: “It is in my RIGHT to make them do as I tell them – to hit them, to put them in a cold cupboard and lock the door and not let them out until they beg on their knees. Until they have learned. CONTROL is needed, force is needed. If they happen to die from starvation, it is their own fault.

How great it feels to let this control -and- violence-pattern out in the light – and in a wave of compassion and tenderness which includes us all, the pattern is free to move in new paths in our mind and bodies.

Oh -there is only One of us here – I/ego have told myself I need to be controlled and forced and punished – for my own good.

Yes, there it is. That’s what we do when we are on automatic and have not found and forgiven these patterns.

I recognize that I am in the familiar disaster-thinking pattern. And somehow it perversely feels safe to be within it: I am safe when I feel unsafe. Insane, but there it is.

But of course the ego – which IS fear – feels safe when it is unsafe: this is ego and I don’t need to grab it for myself and call it “mine.”

I share with Kit how I did not feel safe serving at The Prayer Team – but I refused to let the fear stop me. It did not remove the fear, but I DID IT ANYWAY.

Ahhh – now it becomes clear: There is Something in me that Knows that I CAN handle “the worst scenario” if it happens.

I trust that that is true.

On some level, I must have allowed the possibility that the worst may happen – and then, when the possibility for the worst is not resisted any longer, there is a better chance that it will NOT happen, as Zach says. It is safe to feel unsafe – because there is a great safety-love-net underneath. It is not dangerous to feel fear – it is safe to feel unsafe – it is OK to make errors – what a golden lettered sentence!

KIT:

“The importance is not to prevent what happens – but to BE with it. That de-powers the dark Mother -archetype.” She shares about a therapist leading a group lately who seemed to make a mistake that others pointed to – and he was just THERE – being OK with “doing errors.” How we humans long to have that demonstrated

I share a past-life memory of me having great power in a society and had the people’s trust, I made a choice and we all died. Kit asks if I can be with what happens in my body when I express this – and the story I make is “I can’t be trusted, disaster is my fault.”

But right now, being with the implosion in my body, allowing it, it becomes clear: that massive destruction was meant to happen – and the consequences of it. I was the one who consented – and wanted to play that role. The ego could see it as a huge mistake and push tons on guilt on me – but Spirit says “way to go, Leelah. Somebody had to step in and make that choice and play the role of the guilty one.”

Ha!  I let it go now: just a piece of the script

“The false helper is so convinced she is guilty,” I say, and a huge alarm goes on in Kit’s neighborhood.

A little later, the entrance light goes out again. It goes on when I know how strongly I have held on to the role of “saving others” and that it is “enough” to be there for myself, fully. ”Smile at yourself for believing your thoughts are serious” says Blue and giggles. Instantly the iron band around the ribs tightens – it wants me to hang on to guilt, to make the separation going.

I can be with that too – seeing where it goes

ALWAYS this accept leads to peace

 

 

My innocence

Dear Holy Spirit

Reveal my innocence to me

As long as I don’t acknowledge it, I believe I am guilty

And so I project my unconscious guilt on others – good strategy as ego, but impossible to wake up

When others projects their guilt on me and I fell MEAN and BAD: it is the greatest gifts I could receive. Now ( no, I still cannot do is AS it happens, but when I am alone, I can) – now I can allow that feeling to come to the surface. Sit with it in great patience, letting it unfold, letting it melt: In this allowing, I am sitting in God’s arms.

Which is really my own Self’s embrace.

With a full heart I now thank those who played the roles of betrayers: you know, the ones you share complete and utter love and Unity with. The one moment they talk to you and tell you that there are no words for this Love, and that it will never change. They might be on the other end of the world in a phone, you still feel the connection, and you are not mistaken: this is the real thing – this is God’s impersonal Love where all is included –  you two too:)

The other person then makes a spontaneous promise to do something for you, to send you something as a symbol for this love.

It never comes

You start to make stories about it – guilt is distributed.

You send him a “reminder”… it comes from fear and distrust, but you do your best to pretend you don’t mind – you are really spiritually above this –

He makes promises – it still does not come

Then:you  suddenly truly KNOW inside that this – his “betrayal” – IS the gift – but the ego is clever in its insisting that nonono, he has betrayed the Love and betrayed his promise.

But what if his REAL promise was to play this disgusting role of the betrayer?

Now you know he is NOT -so AT LAST you can allow the very feeling you always avoided like the plague – (and which therefore was repeated in countless incarnations . . . ) to fully be allowed and felt

Are you starting to giggle now?

Good:)

Welcoming Home the feeling of being betrayed:

Here it is.

Body starting to itch – your eyes feel like exploding – your bone-structure is creaking – something unfathomable old and tired and angry is moving behind your heart – your head, lead heavy – tears are coming – images of tired multitudes  of refugees in the desert – have faith, you are soon coming to the Red Sea, big surprise is waiting

The insight that you have carried this false belief as a body-mind: I am limited to what the ego tells me through its play of illusion, its razzle dazzle convincing appearances. But I have chosen this: to experience the consequences of this belief that it is possible to exist outside of God’s eternal Love.

To be one who is betrayed.

Nay – 🙂 it is not so ( I think Moses is speaking inside) – They are only ever reflecting back to me what I think is real. Now I can discover it, FEEL it fully as it leaves.

Thank you, Beloved, for playing this yucky role.

I am the Source of my experiences

I extend forgiveness to my self for creating this

I bless it –  and all the “betrayers” – “myself” included – with the Blessing of Christ.

I release you to be your Self

And I let it go in Peace

AMEN

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sitting with God this morning –

The first thing that presents itself if “How can I ever trust God completely – remembering all the times in beautiful surrendering, Love flowing in – and then  suddenly Heaven turns itself into hell, where that one who was recently my dear companion turns  into a demon that devours me?”

How?

After this question, there comes awareness of how defense-patterns have taught me to constant be on the lookout for signs that this “switching” in the other person is about to happen: I sense it energetically and via changes in their facial expression and voice. I trained myself to instantly split my consciousness and dissociate.

And the body still carry this habit: being close to God/bliss means that hell is about to happen.

What a conditioning!

The thorough training in not being present during abusive attacks – and the premise that the attacks are real, and not a projection from my mind – and therefore the healing must happen in the mind FIRST – the ROOT must be uprooted

What a tremendous control I have established as my “protector” – expecting the worst, looking out for it, always.

Control = con troll 🙂 – meaning colluding with ego, or what a friend called “Taz” ( for “Tasmanian devil)

I see it now, with a giggle

You are showing me  the basis of all these dreams of being attacked:

A thought that God  – our true Essence of Love and eternal Peace – CAN turn into a Devil who will devour you and crush me – again and again.

While I speak this into my little recorder, the dark clouds outside my window become transparent and the sun flows in

“And this is the thought you have repeated in a majority of your incarnations” says the Voice  – “and thereby fortifying the identification with Taz, in its victim-part. You have also learned *that all these attackers  also have had  outstanding beautiful qualities: extreme sensitivity, almost all of them, and a majority are great artists or  pioneering persons in different fields of society – and they all have this ability to split off their Mr.Hyde-part from their kind Dr.Jekyll.

You made the assumption that to have the ecstasy of creating freely, following the blissful process of creativity, you had to accept the dark side and become a victim of it.

At the base of all of this is the thought that God can change into your worst enemy and stalk you and destroy you – which is exactly what the Son of God thought happened at the  seeming moment of separation, believing the impossible Tiny Mad Idea.”

Feelings of guilt and sin comes in waves –  it feels wonderful to know that these are just bodily memories based on false thoughts: just errors. I see how completely natural for the Taz-mindset it was – and IS – to believe in and identify with sin, guilt and fear –  the mind’s  unholy trinity. I see how intrinsically those dark qualities are assimilated in the mind of the dreamer and its dreamed-up 3 dimensional figures.

God turns into the devil – because by believing in the TMI, YOU think you have turned into the devil – and you now project it  into your image of God. This is the god many Christians believe in – he wants to be feared, and he burns down villages and turns people into salt if they don’t follow his rules. By believing in this God-image, this story, this is the god many humans have experienced for millions of years.

I have faithfully played out my story for innumerable incarnations. I have hung on to the Silly Mad Idea for eons and I surrender it  and allow You to correct it. All that is here are appearances. They are not real.

I look at this me/Taz that is hypnotized by its story and want to keep it. Strange. But there it is. Luckily I have learned that not judging this means that I have forgiven it.

*( through my investigation  in my therapy/healing-practice  with my book – “When fear comes home to Love” – see right menu

Dismantling the costume

Dream:

Sitting with a (theater)costume. It has elaborate seams: hundreds of them, vertical – like an old fashioned corset. I sit with a Stanley surgical knife and cut stitch for stitch, opening all the seams, and in his way dismantling the costume completely.

I used to work in professional theater with my husband. We had both a lot of paranoid traits.

I am dismantling the seams of my paranoid persona – stitch for stitch. It is very pleasurable.

These “seams”…what a sweet metaphor: the seams are “seems” = appearances.

I am seeing that I am cutting them, and that the cutting process is SO pleasurable

Sleeping and  then waking up…

There is a sudden radiant clear insight that what I have all my life- and lives – considered as threats from the outside -or from inside the mind, but not “mine” – in Truth IS me threatening me, attacking me – there is nothing outside the mind -it is confused mind, choosing the ego

choosing to attack myself – punishing myself for imagined sins against an imagined wrathful god…this comes from a perceived need to keep the Leelah-identity as my safety. Here is the very root of my fear:  the perceived need to keep the “me” identity in order to be safe

My only safety lies in resting in my true identity – the Christ Self.

Right now, there is laughter and release in seeing that I have wanted this dance of being attacked and  feeling righteous about it. It seems wonderful silly and hilarious.

The small identity has been terrified of its own choice to be punished

But that choice in MINE, and mine to choose against

I am unhurriedly on the path toward removing this self abuse pattern in the mind –

…( I am speaking the experience into my recorder in bed. Here is a long pause)

I am bathing in a divine Space of Peace and safety. I have demonized my own Self and  perceived it as “other” and then experienced the attacks from “the outside”  –  how impossible it is to be safe as this limited role we have made of our Self –

– the separated me does not exist: there is only a thought about a “me”, believed in – and because this belief is fully empowered and not doubted, the world of separation seems to come into existence

I am willing to see it differently now

I am all smiles

 

Being with

Woke up from a recurrent dream of having to control my daughter, or else – catastrophe. I explored it with Kit in our Skype session today – and very fast we recognized – again – that all that is required for healing – and peace – is just sitting with the sensations in the body. The ego goes frantic, tells me I have to figure out and understand –  but the impulse from inside is. just be with it.

As I share the dream with Kit, i sense the familiar sense of urge,frenzy, “don’t interrupt me i have to speak now or else” – and suddenly I am not willing to have it drive me any longer. I stop and breathe and allow myself to receive Kit’s loving small remarks – and it feels as if I have broken an ago-old pattern of trusting the collective demand: only if you understand something can healing happen. Only by “figuring out”  – that is, using the intellect …

Now i just rest in the awareness of what goes on in the body while this pressure-slavedriver is running the body mind: calmly observing pains and aches all over. Anti-achievment.  Most humans I know think we have to “dull” reality, or we get lost in chaos and pain

It is so very clear that “having to understand” really means “control.”And of course we can’t control life – but this impossible demand that we should be able to, creates nightmares like i have, where i project what I think needs to be controlled on my daughter.

There is this collective delusion: I have to do something – add something to a conversation, a relationship – there is a deadly fear beneath it: a fear of life as it is – a dulling of it – to put something on top of reality is to dull it, cover it up, making it manageable in our mind

The ego wants to achieve something – add something to what is

What happens now – in the body? is what I want to be with. And as my 20 minutes goes to an end, I know that an old pattern of control has been seen through and found useless.

“And you had that insight just by sitting with it” said Kit.

Trust – to life – without adding any thing. Projections gone – at least for now:)

*

Later in the session, a pattern of searching out guilt becomes evident. And the old judgment of doing that – such an un-spiritual thing to do, Leelah! – melts when it becomes evident that children are taught to do that to feel safe with angry parents/others: an “I am sorry, my fault” defuses the anger from the possible attacker.

Getting stuck in the pattern comes with a huge cost, though – and we do get stuck if we haven’t felt and allowed the huge fear beneath it: to be annihilated.

*

As always: nice synchronicity and timing: I got this from Gangaji right now:

In recognizing yourself as life itself, you are put rightside up. You freshly live your life, rather than thinking it and then trying to live according to those thoughts. You directly experience your life, and insights naturally follow that experience. The thinking mind becomes the servant—rather than the master—to the direct experience of life.

A fulfilled life is a life of discovery and exploration. It may be touched with excitement or fear or desire, but at the core it is filled with peace, and delight.

We meet in wonder of this mystery that we have named “Life.”

It’s a free life… it’s your life.

 

Entrance light

In the night, clear thoughts: “Pain is just a projection from a painful mind. But it cannot be true: God did not create it. Its just a signal of what is in my mind -still judged, still unforgiven.

Late afternoon same day:

The automatic entrance light did not turn itself on today, even though it was dark 2 hours ago. I looked at it and heard a thought: “I don’t need to believe in these projections any longer.”

Same second,  peace washed over me and the light went on

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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