Healing the ancestral line

Long times ago, my daughter, then ten, was about to have surgery. I decided to tape the most beautiful music I knew onto a tape she could listen to when under anesthesia. I found that tape today, and I started to text M how filled that tape was with my love for her. I wrote from my heart, and when I read it through, I thought it sounded pompous and bombastic. I got a really strong impulse to delete it – but chose to wait a bit. Next time I looked at the phone, M had sent me 38 hearts.

As I sat and allowed those hearts to be received and embraced, it dawned on me that this fear of being “pompous” comes from my father – and his father before him – far away back. Behind is was a fear of being ridiculed while being innocent and straight ( and presumably not “masculine”.) I set an intention to return it to the original sender and all the related ancestors with my blessings and forgiveness.

This has been a deep healing process for me – and when I “sense into” the energy of returning it with love and no judgment, I can see and sense how that frequency lightens up and is healed far far back into my ancestral line.

So something to ponder about – ask yourself ” who does this belong to?” and if you “hear” a name or “see” a face, let it all be returned, with all the love you can muster for the agony of so much self hatred and guilt.

And may I invite you to have look at my three books in the right menu. “Hilaryon Stories” is the last one – a novel about healing deep old hatred with playfulness and music.

 

PLAY

These are extreme times. Everything humanity pushed down is coming up to be faced. As long as we face it with fear and judgments, it will stay. Facing it we must, if we choose to wake up to what does NOT work – outmoded thought systems of greed and fear, of them and us. And to start to bring Love into that, we need to look at our outmoded belief systems: where we have allowed fear to hold the reigns. Which is pretty much everywhere, I notice in myself – the judgments are queuing  up to be heard as true.

I notice the queue of judgments and I turn towards it, breathing the sweet Loves Breath that Jeshua teaches us in Way of Mastery. I allow this breath to infuse the judgemental queuing up to be heard as valuable advise: you should DO more. Learn more.READ more.

I sit with this part of me that has learned that intellectual knowledge is paramount in this world, and highly valued – and that Nature is something that we can take and grab and use for our own bodily needs, with no concern for ecology.

The judger within says to me:” I am so deadly tired. I can never relax. ALL the time I must get you to work even harder to understand, to make you fit in, to save you.” I breathe the Loves Breath into all of that, and the cramps slowly relax enough to let the Christ-suffused breath to seep in and do its wonder. And Blue, my inner guide, tells me to pick up my own book at the night table: When Fear Comes Home to Love -the healing gifts of art, play and forgiveness.  I open it randomly on page 238:

4 Sacred Play / 1994

I am never as happy as when I play. And as you will have noticed, so is Blue – our Divinity!

Play is about trusting – and enjoying! – the process from second to second. It is precisely this trust or faith we need to heal our relationship to The Myth, and start to transform the old patriarchal patterns.

In this chapter I am going to share examples, and some methods to deal with “stuff” in a playful way.

4.1 I am Leelah: teasing Mudmonster with rhythm / autobiography / 1998

I was attending a Psycho-synthesis-group, and the leader was giving us principles from the “Conversations With God”- books by Neale Donald Walsch as assignment: “Being The Highest That we are, we encounter that which we are not.” We were to contemplate the forces that we encounter, that we are not – an assign those to the other group-members, so that they could play them back to us.

I picked the forces “death-wishes,” “cold,” “dissociation,” “loss,” “darkness,” “apathy” and “fear” – and I gave each of the seven group-members one of the forces, and asked them to personify them and challenge me.

They withdrew in the corridor outside the room and mumbled together, agreeing on a strategy.

Then they entered. Massive attack was circling me: I was cornered.

I felt numb and paralyzed. Then angry. I started to fight with words: I argumented with them! VERY BAD CHOICE. They pinned me to the floor. I asked for another try.

This time, I was just present: listening to their threats and demeaning ways.

Suddenly I started to play: I span their sentences into a rhythm, and sang them back to them. Whatever they told me, I created a verse from it: they fed me with material for creation. I used their hate-talk as ingredients for a rap. In two minutes the atmosphere was transformed! They were completely bowled over – and they were laughing! It was impossible for them to stay in the roles of negativity when these word-rhythms came along.

The secret? NO RESISTANCE. Using whatever energy coming at me as food for play.

Later during the same group we are given questions, and answer them:

What is your greatest vision?

To draw forth the creative power in people and teach people to honor it and USE IT. To help people discover – find – God in PLAY and creativity.

What gives you passion?

To improvise and play and lead groups!

Who are you when you do this?

I AM DIVINE PLAY! I AM LEELAH!

I am sitting with my journal, answering the questions in writing. I am burning inside. The name Leelah reverberates inside in a strong rhythm. I ask silently: “Am I really Leelah? Give me a sign!”

As I say these words, I am looking at a building outside the windows. It has lots and lots of windows. Only one is lighted. In the same second I ask for the sign, the light goes out of the window.

Now, Mudmonster*** would have me believe that this sign shoved me that I was NOT Leelah – but the strong rush of energy through my body, and the tears streaming down my cheeks told me otherwise.

*** Mudmonster is one of the archetypes I describe in the book – the part of us that paints the devil on the wall to warn us of what MIGHT happen.

***

Lately I have heard from some of you that when you try to buy one of my books, you get  a sign that says ” this book is not for sale in your country.”

Which is bullshit 🙂 Try again, friend – try again – and let me know so I can bring it on to Amazon 🙂

Jubilation Springer

This is a Jubilation springer – in case you wondered

it is about 10 cm tall.

I found this sprig in the wood lately – and thought “how marvelous Nature is, to do this peculiar almost circle-bough.” So I brought it home, hoping that it would be made into something creative and playful.

And it did! yesterday!

You see, I am an artist – and I wither if I can’t express myself with art and playfulness. For some reason I have not been able to express myself in  visual arts for almost 2 years –  but yesterday night, I heard  the bough call me from downstairs when i was going to bed and I followed the impulse.

I took 2 grams of clay and made his snout, open – and glued on two black pearls as eyes. A red fringe for some reason lay of my desk, so I glued it to his head – and a bit to his tail. Gave it some color, and there he was.

And here he is ♥

 

Changing how we perceive the Coruna virus

For those who do not know me so well – I am an artist, writer and Expressive Arts Therapist, and I teach A Course In Miracles, give Past life-regressions and more.

Lately I started a group – CorUno – meaning the One Heart we all share – where the purpose of the group was to  re-imagine the components of the virus in a purely loving and friendly way. My intention with this was:

Since we are all parts of ONE mind, we all have the power to interpret the component in the Coruna Virus any way we like. AND when we make a new interpretation, something happens within our self – and within our nervous system, where our fear may create havoc these days.

Here is the image of the virus – and below are the offerings so far:

OFFERING –

As you listed those colours in the virus I immediately thought of the colours ascribed to the alchemical process – usually black, red, white (or gold – which I prefer to white) – I guess the gray is a light black (?) – it sure feels like it could be an alchemical process! 🖤❤️🧡

OFFERING

I’m having quite a journey with the visualisations. I gave up looking at the virus from a distance and instead allowed it to approach me. This morning it felt like I was sitting inside it, like inside a chrysalis (puppe). Once I surrendered to it, it felt, and still feels, very calm, peaceful, slow, and the only and perfect place to be right now ❤️🙏

OFFERING

The image that came up for me was a sunflower. So I looked up the meaning of sunflower: “The sunflower puts itself in position to directly receive the sun’s gaze. It symbolizes faith and adoration for ALL that is, because of this the sunflower is often regarded as a very spiritual flower. They are therefore a symbol of true faith and loyalty to something that is much bigger and brighter than themselves. “. Now isn’t that a good reminder 🌼

OFFERING

Hello There – when Leelah asked for visualisations my mind emptied but nothing came, except to imagine the virus smiling at me – it felt quite ‘innocent’ and peaceful – still does 🥰

OFFERING

I see all the dots as different musical notes of harmony. Some are flute notes, others are harp and violin. All represent universal love and healing. Listen. Listen. We are loved.

OFFERING
This morning I saw – without even intending to – the red dots as small children holding sacred fires in their hands, the fires were in bowls of gold. The babies were then sitting in a circle that surrounded the image. I heard the babies’ happy voices, and I still get shivers when i describe the holiness of it all. The yellow dots were all fuzzy baby birds – chicken, ducks, I don’t know – the gray was silk, and it emanated tenderness and protection. The white was snow lanterns – very soon we will see them as light filled.

I invite you to LISTEN to the sounds emanating from this image – they feels like blessings

OFFERING

I feel calm and relaxed, more than I have felt in a long time. It is as though the virus has released the heavy tension I have had in my body for many years. In spite of the serious situation, I can see the future «as bright that I have to wear shades»!

OFFERING

A luminous colored sphere glows and moves above my head. The red lights move in space and I dance below and feel joyful and free 🌺

OFFERING

I saw a beautiful rose unfolding, transforming into paper fireworks in many colours, and abundance gently raining down on the whole world. I felt oneness and connection. And I saw white figures all connected to both the earth and the sky, all being lifted up, some just a bit above the ground, and a few all the way up to heaven. I felt deep peace and grounding.

OFFERING

This is what came through me as my visualization-experience:

I am looking at a circular pond in the center of a young birch wood. There are red lotuses in the pond, and the flowers are open so I can see that there are happy newborn babies lying in the flowers – softly undulating in the blue water.

A circle of mothers are sitting around the pond, looking at the babies with radiant expectation. The babies are now floating toward their mothers and being received with intense happiness.

OFFERING

Last night the Coruna image came to me without calling for it. It felt like The Divine Mother opening her arms, inviting me to see that One Heart we all share that beats in all things – and then of course in the Covid-19 too. I relaxed, and seemed to be in a vast and friendly wood, and these trees were all standing  around me waiting to love me – as soon as I was willing to see the virus with love and not believe all the fear propaganda.

***************************************

Many years ago I wrote a little book: Healing Crisis – 108 ways to change crises into possibilities. You see it in the right menu – click on image for more information and several reviews from people it has helped. In case you would like to have 108 creative and simple exercises to heal your mind of the viral fear going on right now – and step into a playful loving way of relating to your mind, I invite you to take a peak.

And here is  a short taste from the book:

14) THE SAFE PLACE

Sit comfortably, or lay down. You might want a blanket. Close your eyes – and start creating your safe place. It can be outside or inside – it might exist already – in your dreams, in a film, in a memory, in a painting. Perhaps you already have invented this place when you were a child? Now you can CHOOSE among the ingredients you loved the most from various sources, or create it totally new. Maybe it comes to you if you invite it into your mind? What would you need and want to be there? What smells and sounds would you like to be there? What animals or birds? Colors? Landscape? Angel maybe?

Take the time to really experience your safe place. Experience your body and your breath. Stay there as long as you want. You can return anytime you want – and no-one is allowed to enter unless you invite them.

A  5-star review by Jed Oliver

Reviewed in the United States on July 3, 2013

 

 

 

 

Stitching is divine

It is proved!

Yesterday I was doing a stitching exercise in an online course I am following. For the first time i enjoyed playing with the technique, not having to “produce” something to be judged and compared.

I thought. When I went to bed, a thought came: ” It really is – meaningless.”

Really? Playing and exploring isn’t OK then?

” Put your hand in the ” Word- bag” said Blue.

In my word bag I have collected hundreds of words that I offer to clients who want to learn to write without fear. I always teach them that PLAY is one of God’s attributes

Here is what I drew:

Gud is the Scandinavian name for God

A way to Healing chronic illness/disorders

More on Dragons and Princesses – the 7 week online play-shop I will lead, starting January 1st.

“Dragons” relate to illnesses and “chronic problems” we seem to have – and how we will deal with them instead of “trying to heal” them.

When we change our relations to our wounds – our illness, our pain – we give it the space it needs where it can open up – be seen playfully and with wonder – and therefore be transformed. As long as we hate it and want to fix it, we prevent it from moving and changing – because we have judged it as bad and “shouldn’t be here.”
The more we try to “heal it”, the more we cramp around it, the more resistance is created around it. And then we judge and resist the resistance…no wonder the dragons hold on tight to their treasures.

Just being with it – playfully – creates an extension of the soul you wouldn’t have found if the “illness” had not come to you. This is grace and this is strength: no more victimhood, but an opportunity to open up to look at it differently – with playfulness and “not knowing.”

Only then will the dragon tiptoe out of the darkness – no longer attacking us with flames and horrible sounds – and the princesses will become visible.

Please notice: no expectations for “artistic results.” You need not have any former experience – I assure you, when we just meet up with our willingness and trust in Spirit, magic happens – and also wonderful synchronicities.

Wanna play?
Registration for Dragons and Princesses started 15th of November – just pay a deposit on 500 NOK (= ca 50 GBP) to PayPal – leelah11@gmail.com. The rest – 1250 NOK – is paid 20th of January 2018 – or the date that most of you get paid from your job 🙂

Any questions: please ask in the comments here.

WELCOME

 

Big Surprise

Today, more on play and creativity –
(preparing the scared and reluctant ones for the “Dragon and Princesses”-online course that starts January 1 2018 on Facebook)

here is a short demonstration of play that transforms:

Think of a word. I’ll demonstrate. * Devil.” ( Fear: oh noo!) Oh yes: it comes for reason, Leelah – and that’s what you can lead this course: you trust the process, and demonstrate what will happen when the course participants receive words they immediately will want to reject.

Okey then, lets play and see what comes:
Once upon a time there was a little devil who lived on a mountaintop all by himself. It was dreary and dull, nobody to bug and scare, just wonderful views wherever he saw.

So he uttered a minuscule HELP ME, and there, he sank right down into the top and down-down down, and around him were nothing but angels and laughter and whatever he did and yelled and cursed, there was nothing but giggles, they simply did not take him seriously.

So he started to swear a lot, and the angels immediately played with that,”fuck fluck fickety suck cluck cluckcluck” and there was hens all around him! ” Satan!” he yelled, and the angels went ” satan platan tomaten weights-a-ton – haten daten peyton Place!!!”
“screw you!” he yelled, and the angels came quite near and tickled him and sang “screw you, lulu, honeyhonylulu toodle toodle doo!”

So he started to giggle too, and the cutest little angel wings sprouted from his former black and nubby body

and frankly, that was end of him.

(And right now – believe it or not – my new and expensive security program declared ” End of the program.”

Comments received with joy

Colorgobbling

How powerful words are – and images!

Kit talked today about two ways looking at things/situations:

  1. The judging look –  aka the character ” The Colorgobbler” by Tor Åge Bringsværd,  in the drama ” The Country Where Everything was Different.” I have never heard a better way to describe what judgment really does – with people and their souls. I designed costumes to that play 35 years ago – and only today was I, with Kit’s playful help, able to expand my vision and see the color-gobbling/sucking aspect of judgment. And what a help that is, to stop this automatic inner judge most of us have.

2)The playful look: the clown, the poet, the fool.

If you want to play with sitting with both alternatives, you will sense the energetic effect I am sure

*******

This silly playful poem came through me yesterday:

On the beach

Would you be willing to be
a beach to me he said…
strewn with striped parasols and little huts
with yellow mats
and  azure blue water

I might, she said,if you are willing to
be the fresh towel and the lavender soap
in the hut
and the shower with freshwater
outside it

we looked at each other
we liked the answers
the sun shone in perfect strength
our bathing suits were new
the wind was perfectly gentle

and since we were in the tropics
the night just exploded on us

there were fireflies
but we were nowhere to be found

 

Namasté

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This video and practice is a life-changer for me – provided I “remember” to practice it. I have practiced a lot today, and like a miracle, the “thing” I “greeted” became sacred. I  did both the inner practice and the actual practice a LOT.

What it did – was helping me see everything that happened as a vital, integral ingredient for a good result.

I was stitching a work with intricate details – and while doing this, a lot went “wrong.” But as soon as I started to see the perfection and sacredness of absolutely all – included knots on the thread – I saw that each seeming fault was in fact a mirror of what needed my heart-felt acceptance of “faults.” I ended up resisting nothing – with no agendas, no firm expectations – and after a while of this, the whole work flowed with an ease and joy that was remarkable. There was a lot of laughing in that process. Irritation was absent.

Just by doing this “silly” exercise ( as spiritual ego would call it)  I experienced so clearly how there CAN BE no true artistic expression when there is control and expectations of a certain outcome – and  without this control, the needle just did its thing, playfully.

 

Holy Spirit at the doorstep

Yesterday, looking out of the window, I saw something light brownish and white lying in the grass. A dead animal, I thought – maybe a bird.

Later, downstairs in the healing-room where I work out in the morning, I saw a light brown and white pigeon sitting on my garden fence, looking at me. I realized it was the same bird that I thought first was dead – well, he had at least managed to fly up on the fence. I looked at him and wished him well with all my heart. One minute – and then he took flight, soaring.

How strange. I could have sworn he was dead when I first saw him.

This morning, I opened the main door to get the paper, and he flew up right behind my door – the door actually hit him.

I looked at him in wonder as the familiar signal inside went off: pay attention.

I watched him as he humped along across the little lawn – and then he humped up some stairs to a neighbor across the road.

I prayed for help to realize what this was reflecting. Birds points to Spirit –

I look into my little dream-book:

“Dove or pigeon: Interchangeably with the pigeon, the dove is a symbol of peace and reconciliation ( as the bird that brought the olive branch back to Noah’s Ark) and of love ( the emblem of the Holy Spirit.)

But – it was sick! Almost dead! And then resurrected and flew – as if nothing had happened to it – and today it was sickly again –

I put the thoughts away

And later, I was standing in the kitchen and felt the usual stress pattern coming up – old PTSD – and heard myself saying out loud:

But I am not sick – meaning: my identity is not sickness

Thank you Sacred Self – you are showing me, via this pigeon, that what I have tried so valiantly to heal and interpret and understand, is not “MINE” – it belongs to the dream, the illusion of separation.

My true identity is SELF – oneness with my Creator, created in His Image – and surely that can not be sick

But the bird taught me that I think sickness belongs to my identity:

it played out dead – sickly – fabulous flyer – and then “waiting for you at your doorstep, being smashed a bit around”

I love the humor  and playfulness of the divine

“What suffers is not part of me” stresses the Course – which is a good thing: now I can embrace it instead of identifying with its suffering

For the first time, I truly SEE the choice where to put my belief: sickness or Spirit

Which means that the next time symptoms flare up, I will remind myself “appearances only” and  rest in God

The ego is trying to convince me that if  I don’t make the appearances instantly disappear, Spirit is not to be trusted.

Not so – silly thought – the discomfort can be there now, it is not a sign that I am wrong and a failure(which spiritual ego claims) just that the story the pain is telling comes from a belief in separation and shall not be taken seriously

I am not a traumatized “somebody “- I am Spirit – healed, whole and innocent – all is forgiven and released

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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