Michael Brown describes in his book The Presence Process how every person and situation that we react to, carries in their essence that scary/annoying/irritating/threatening person’s emotional “signature” or charge, imprinted in their childhood. Today came yet another messenger. He came at my door – he was selling withered roses to help starving children or something like that, as the little card he brought with him said. I said no, and he physically shoved 3 roses in my face. Now the fear became overwhelming inside me, and I mimicked that I had no money, only a card. He left.

I then remembered that another man had come just some days ago, for money to poor starving children.

I have just ended the bi-weekly Skype session with Kit where we just explore what comes up with no agenda. As I sat with the energy in the body, I saw the great gift the seller -they both. -have given me: by having such a threatening vibration, they provided a possibility for me to be with my response to that threat in my body. And this body truly has experienced life-threatening threats through many years this life, so it has all the markers, all the imprints. And I can sit now, with my best friend, and calmly welcome the charge and allow Presence – or Blue:) – to transform it.

The wonder of our process is that we both pick up on what our partner needs to see or know. At one point I breathed out in release, talking about the threatening man, and Kit told me that it sounded like a shot! And I became aware of yet another vital detail:  my intense wish to kill that man (and other threatening men) to feel safe and fell free. Acknowledging that impulse sent waves of release through my body.

The initial sensations of threat felt like etching acid inside the body. As I talked about a field of energy like an iron-belt around my eye-area, Kit saw in the same moment a big bird whose eyes were watering. Birds are symbols for messengers – maybe it pointed to the fact that those men’s view or their hard life was polluted- as long as they identify with their predicament.

By doing Michael’s exercises it is easy to discover that we are not victims of our predicaments at all -and as we integrate the emotional charge from childhood – or from just picking it up from the mind – the outer experiences will mirror that.

When it was Kit’s turn to explore, she chose “time.” Within her 20 minute-period, she mentioned an episode from The Lord of the Rings: A huge black spider/woman living in a mountain with the one evil eye on its wall – if I understood it correctly. She explored the metaphor with the spider: how we get stuck in her web ( of thoughts) – how she spins her cocoon around us so we are paralyzed  –  and then sucks our life-force so only the empty shell is left.

Yes – these are the very emotional end energetic imprints in my childhood – and they are also valid for any experience of being invaded, overpowered and raped. These are ego-creations that we believe in – until we learn to see through their illusionary veil, and start the practice to just BE WITH whatever comes up in the body mind with no agenda – and “our” world accordingly reflects that choice.

Kit told me that the evil dangerous Spider from the Fortress with the evil eye /I – impaled herself on Frodo’ sword, and died. That sword was given him by Love – Fairies.

“He” did not kill this force of evil: the presence of the sword of truth did it.

Fear has to go when Love and truth is present.

It was a great session for us both. Kit ended with acknowledging that she did not want to go into thinkythoughts any longer: we agreed that we want our explorations to be simple, organic, and fueled by loving curiosity.








Lamp teaching 14

Light goes out.

Watching it and observing feelings and thoughts: yes – I still feel guilty. And – there is something more to notice here…ahh! it feels SAFE to feel this way.

It is always astonishing to notice that guilt and fear feels safe – but that is how the separated “me” has identified myself. Realizing this with a smile – and that it is not truth – and the Light comes on.

I “comes on” inside too – or rather, the blocks between me and truth/light was just removed.

What a delicious process this is


Lamp-teaching 15, day after:

Strong feeling of sadness. Lamp goes off. ” I am sad…I am sad because…I am sad because I believe in the thought “I am sad” – giggles and lamp comes on simultaneously

Old movie

Following the process – still the old theme of “darkness.” Yet another tough experience in the night and morning, with overwhelming depression and gloom. Yet – Blue is very available when I ask for help.

Blue:The attacks and darkness you are having are memories from the past – and thus the effect of the belief in Time – being projected into the Present. You cannot fix them – but you can receive them with Love.

Me: Many many times I have met them with the willingness to Be with them and bless them, to extend all my Love into  “this” – and to see it as scared children dressing up as demons, crying out for love and forgiveness – which I have offered, as the gifts I can give as the Holy Son of God, created in His image.

Seeing “darkness” is seeing through a dark filter of judgment –  and with  judgment I see myself as unworthy and ugly and afraid. I see myself as a terrified child/victim – and it seems SO alive in me, I feel all its feelings of overwhelm. Because of  the sensations/pains in my nervous system, I identify with it subconsciously.

Blue: If this pain and darkness and horror is real, God is not real. If you believe God is real – and you do  – then this pain and horror is just ego’s creations, which you, as the Holy Son of God use your tremendous power to animate – or make real. Do not deny your immense God-given power  that you share with Him: the world around you, just an imagination, seems so very real – because as humans, you believe that what you can touch has reality – and the mind is just “thoughts”. Since you, as Mind, made all of this up – = the Universe – saying it is real –you can choose again.Just acknowledge this: “It is impossible for me, who am created in God’s image, to discreate what He has created. If that was possible, it would also mean that it is possible to discreate my Self.”

Me: So I am acknowledging that what seems to be visiting me, telling me that it is more powerful that Love, are just projections/manifestations of guilt, fear and sin – it comes in many packages and variations, to divert my mind and make it interested in my creations.

Blue: Fear loves to dress itself up – and fragment itself into a multitude of costumes and “spirits” that now must be placated by you. Lots of efforts now – to take your mind off the Truth. There is nothing wrong in noticing these occurrences – but you are the awareness noticing it, and not a victim of it. When you stop giving your God-given power to the belief that the show is real, you might just tire of the show and leave the showroom. It is like an old film you have seen in all possible variations – why are you still buying tickets?

Me: so what do I do then, the next time I wake up and feel the old horror in my veins and muscles, and hear the threats that I belong to it? And feel a HUGE identification with the victim-child-part?

Blue: realize that you have used your vast power to imagine something that is impossible, and by that trick you have proved that God is wrong and you are right: separation really happened. The one in you that does this, CAN NOT be the real Self – right? YOU are aware of it – and YOU can choose again. Forgive yourself for dreaming this dream, and for repeating it until you are tired of it. Choose to believe that the power you use to recreate the dream of darkness, you can use to co-create with God: extending the Love That you are.

Me: On behalf  of the Son of God, I choose to release the part of my mind that joins with the ego in this. I know that you will be released, unless I want to use you to imprison myself. Holy Spirit, please let me know when I enter this self-imprisonment-game, so I can choose to smile instead. In the name of my freedom, I release you – because I realize we will be released together.

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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