The iceberg

What I share, I own. So I will share the dream that played out this early morning – that my daughter really would prefer me to be dead, except for Christmas…

This is MY perception of my daughter. Thank God it is not a true perception. It is the role I have projected on her – reflecting a false belief I have been clinging to as “me” :” It is dangerous to receive Love, I am not worthy.”

I woke up with this atomic strong urge – “YOU HAVE TO LOVE ME- YOU MUST LOVE ME’ “and it was easy to see that the very center of pain  came from the lungs and  the shield around the heart – with the chronic painful cough and the breath that is so constricted. The pain  felt like a full-blown heart attack  – a mammoth stepped on my chest, and I knew that if  I succumbed to that feeling, believing I was this body, I would be dead within 10 seconds.

But all parts of me did not accept that this was true: I am not a body, there is no death in Christ. I recognized the agonized crushed feeling was just a replay of the tremendous fear during the attack in the wood,* where I certainly knew that I was close to death -and I had made it mean that I was guilty and sinful and deserved it, when my mother did not comfort me and  listen to what I had experienced when I returned home from the wood. This is what the Holy Son of God believed at the perceived separation from God: I have sinned! I am guilty beyond any measure – and now He hates me – I am out of His favor and His love – for ever

Now, when the catastrophic feeling at last was allowed in its full measure, Life poured into the iron armor of holdings around the heart –  seeping into those muscle tensions that were created, when I projected my unwillingness to love myself, on my family – and later have projected outside on “enemies” to attack me

And so it is, in this world: attack, or be attacked

I thank Jesus for his Course in Miracles that allowed me to gradually change my mind and perception with its 365 lessons

I believe that the one reason that heart attack did not kill me, is that I recognized it as coming from a false thought: I am not worthy of love. Parts of me believed that strong enough to project a dream where my main mother projection, my daughter, said what I have projected her to say – so I could recognize my error in perception when I woke up and allow the armor around the heart to melt.

There is One Mind, and we are all it

The pains can have no effect on me if I stop believing in the false stories of the ego. Right now, the energies are working through my body as sunrays shining on an iceberg. The frozen structure answers with sensations – and if I believed in the stories about a separated me and guilt, the pain would be atrocious – as the first experience of heart pain when I awoke from my dream. As just witnessing right now in gratitude and wonder, pain is seen as springtime: the buds may be afraid of opening, but they will anyway

Again and again I notice that I stop breathing – and again and again Spirit gently prompts me to breathe into these old holdings in the body mind, allowing Love to penetrate them gently. He reminds me of Shem – the Love within the breath, the Life that breathes everything. I cannot exist without that life force: when I believe it, I am dreaming my dream.

Gentle breath after gentle breath, breathing itself into welcoming body mind.

The ego does its best to convince me to demonstrate complete awakening here and now – oh, hilarious

The ego further wants me to believe that I must be completely pain free to prove that I am  healed – but the ego IS the very thought system that things take time and “pains” should not be there.

Without the judgment, and the resistance it creates, I am just here – being lived with. And the parts of me that have believed in, and identified with those ego thoughts- those are the one coming up to the surface of the iceberg, asking to be gently looked at and released

Allowing healing is a choice – allowing the sun to melt it – is a choice. I choose to share this process because it is true and real, demonstrating what simply exists at the bottom of the iceberg -and allow it to be as it is*

(PS-I had to delete the photo of the Iceberg  for copyright reasons. Here’s a link to its site: notice the proportions –

What is Real was always here and will never change. My body will respond to the in-pouring of Love, and every second of the healing process is precious.

I write this down for ME: I need to remember this place I am right now – when the spell of the ego seems to be stronger than truth, where I still prefer, as the collective unconscious, to dream up impossible dreams of separation.

Blue is playing ( long time ago)

Lesson today in A Course in Miracles: “I am not a body. I am free.”

In the evening, I am looking at “Joan of Arcadia” on TV. Joan’s class is performing a play. Their finale-song goes: “We are not flesh and blood. We are love!”

*This episode has a whole chapter in “When Fear Comes Home to Love – a chapter that also demonstrates that the Divine, in whatever form we can accept, is present always – and can be called upon later – like NOW – to transform the dark energies in the cell memory.

Christ’s vision

“Am I safe?”

This was the first question John Mark Stroud – One who wakes”from “The Way of Mastery” asked me to ask my Heart/Guidance in our Skype-session. I was asked to go into the Heart and allow guidance to answer me – and he would check if the answers I got were the same that he heard inside. They were. “YES” was the smiling answer from the Heart. This was not debatable:) I sat a little while in that feeling of being safe – or rather, as the One who IS safety.

Then the night came – worst than ever. I had breakfast and my morning Yogi Tea. The label told me: “Stay pure in the midst of impurity.”

Then I called out pr mail to John Mark in the morning. He answered:

“So when you touched and truly felt that I AM SAFE feeling it caused all that within your being that says NO I AM NOT to come flying up into your awareness. If you will allow it the fear will pass out of your being and the I AM SAFE (continue to focus on this) settle in as your truth. The transition can be uncomfortable.

 To Love and embrace is to allow ALL things in peace, coming to see the neutrality of ALL energies. What we abandon is the ego’s judgments of those energies…as you said “really nasty “fear-imprints/thoughtforms/energies” ” It is not the energies that are the issue it is our relationship/resistance to them and the resistance arises only from ego. Of course you know what we resist persists. That is what we abandon the resistance and the egos interpretations and judgments of all things. The “I Am Safe”  or Christ part of you is always present and always at peace no matter what’s going on inside or outside. That is what all are invited to awaken to but we must first dis-identify or abandon our identification with the ego in order to truly awaken to and embody Christ and live and experience creation thru Christ’s vision.”

As my long-time readers will have noticed, this is what I have believed meaning that I do something wrong in my practice and process.

No – it has meant that after having great mind/heart-openings, this have caused “all that within your being that says NO I AM NOT to come flying up into your awareness.

So last night, I knew I wanted to welcome it.I choose to do it, choose to BE the One who receives. There were no difficulties at all. There were a deep tenderness toward all of fear,confusion and pain, and great great gratitude.

Later in the night I woke up, feeling a peculiar inner itching all over – and some relatives’ relationship came into view. After a couple of seconds of hesitation I knew that allowing this to be there – without having any idea about what to do about it  – was all that was requested.

What happened was a clearing of “my” perception to Christ’s Vision.

A cosmic experience started. I saw, in a timeless now, all and everything in my family that were my projections. All of my relatives had played roles I had starred them in, to be showed what was in MY mind. I HAD CREATED THIS, with the Power God has given His Son.

The process was seen as flawless in its perfection: I saw that all the darkness was included, that had to be there for this one – “me”  – to find What was more powerful than that darkness, and identify with That instead. Faces and details of memories/stories were presented, I could smile to everything, laugh at the utter perfection of all the “insane” happenings that made out this magnificent tapestry of imagery and symbols.

“Forgiveness IS the way from the mind to the Heart” said John Mark yesterday.

In my Heart – the One Heart we all share –  is a multitude of Light-beings who just want to share Love for me. They tell me the more I accept and allow, the more Love there is to share.

I now understand why it was just possible to receive just a little the first time I did this – the subconscious knew about the darkness it would bring up. Not  from “my” mind – from the vast collection store-house of insanity in the split mind of the human.

The Miracle came the moment I choose – truly choose to BE THERE as Love for all this denial of Love.

There is so much Joy available in me now



In today’s Skype-sharing with Kit, we explored the place in the mind where the little child for the first time discovers that mom/dad is ” another.” Suddenly they are different: the all encompassing Love we felt has been withdrawn, and here is somebody else who uses a new and scary angry voice – they look quite different – their energy is different.

We felt the shock in the system – the shock that our parent could be “somebody alien”, and the terror of that – and we made a decision: “I will lock it off.”

We massacred our brain: neurons, do NOT go the usual direction. We are in great danger: reroute,reroute! Lock that shock into the system for good.

And next time our parent is “different”, we are trained to circumvent the old shock-reaction: we are trained to deal with it with anger, force and control. We overpower the other.

And what we have locked into our systems, we now subconsciously project into our children – as Kit described today had happened when her little son refused to dress and go to Kindergarten.

Our headaches disappear as we allow the old locks to be unlocked. The grief flows out,then the peace – and the clear insight that the “changed” parent did not came from evil or hatred – they came from their own indoctrination – just ignorance, just an error.

Stop – breathe when you feel these patterns. Stop the automatic repetition: sense what goes on in the body, be willing to open what you closed of, be willing to forgive it, to have your beliefs about what this all meant, to be corrected.

Seen down to the core -there are no guilty ones

All that ever happened is that (very few) people have been raised – and trained – to deal with anger in a child in a healthy way: “I see that you are angry now. I will sit here with you, and I’d love to hear what is going on.”


Being with

Woke up from a recurrent dream of having to control my daughter, or else – catastrophe. I explored it with Kit in our Skype session today – and very fast we recognized – again – that all that is required for healing – and peace – is just sitting with the sensations in the body. The ego goes frantic, tells me I have to figure out and understand –  but the impulse from inside is. just be with it.

As I share the dream with Kit, i sense the familiar sense of urge,frenzy, “don’t interrupt me i have to speak now or else” – and suddenly I am not willing to have it drive me any longer. I stop and breathe and allow myself to receive Kit’s loving small remarks – and it feels as if I have broken an ago-old pattern of trusting the collective demand: only if you understand something can healing happen. Only by “figuring out”  – that is, using the intellect …

Now i just rest in the awareness of what goes on in the body while this pressure-slavedriver is running the body mind: calmly observing pains and aches all over. Anti-achievment.  Most humans I know think we have to “dull” reality, or we get lost in chaos and pain

It is so very clear that “having to understand” really means “control.”And of course we can’t control life – but this impossible demand that we should be able to, creates nightmares like i have, where i project what I think needs to be controlled on my daughter.

There is this collective delusion: I have to do something – add something to a conversation, a relationship – there is a deadly fear beneath it: a fear of life as it is – a dulling of it – to put something on top of reality is to dull it, cover it up, making it manageable in our mind

The ego wants to achieve something – add something to what is

What happens now – in the body? is what I want to be with. And as my 20 minutes goes to an end, I know that an old pattern of control has been seen through and found useless.

“And you had that insight just by sitting with it” said Kit.

Trust – to life – without adding any thing. Projections gone – at least for now:)


Later in the session, a pattern of searching out guilt becomes evident. And the old judgment of doing that – such an un-spiritual thing to do, Leelah! – melts when it becomes evident that children are taught to do that to feel safe with angry parents/others: an “I am sorry, my fault” defuses the anger from the possible attacker.

Getting stuck in the pattern comes with a huge cost, though – and we do get stuck if we haven’t felt and allowed the huge fear beneath it: to be annihilated.


As always: nice synchronicity and timing: I got this from Gangaji right now:

In recognizing yourself as life itself, you are put rightside up. You freshly live your life, rather than thinking it and then trying to live according to those thoughts. You directly experience your life, and insights naturally follow that experience. The thinking mind becomes the servant—rather than the master—to the direct experience of life.

A fulfilled life is a life of discovery and exploration. It may be touched with excitement or fear or desire, but at the core it is filled with peace, and delight.

We meet in wonder of this mystery that we have named “Life.”

It’s a free life… it’s your life.


Entrance light

In the night, clear thoughts: “Pain is just a projection from a painful mind. But it cannot be true: God did not create it. Its just a signal of what is in my mind -still judged, still unforgiven.

Late afternoon same day:

The automatic entrance light did not turn itself on today, even though it was dark 2 hours ago. I looked at it and heard a thought: “I don’t need to believe in these projections any longer.”

Same second,  peace washed over me and the light went on

Outside time and space

It is so clear this morning: everything that goes on in my mind, I am dreaming up. I am projecting all of it from the mind into this so called separated dream-figure Leelah. And I don’t want to do it any more. And I can’t believe I haven’t seen it before! It is SO clear. I am so happy to see how clear it is.

All this chaos – all this confusion and foreseeing disasters – I don’t want to do it anymore.

This is the part of the forgiveness-process where choosing Love comes in. Just seeing that I am wrong that these thoughts and projections come from fear and unreality and have no value for me. What DO I want? I want to be steeped in the peace of God. In the joy of God.He has given these gifts to me and everyone, He does not take gifts back. I want them. I allow them.

Right now – and I know that the state of being that I am in now probably won’t be lasting -I know that “attackers” is an impossible idea in the mind that I have believed, choosing ego as my teacher.

The knowing right now – that Leelah is a figure in a dreamt-up reality,  is crystal clear.

Somehow I know that this is not a permanent state of mind for me yet – that’s why I have this blog: to write it down – it has really happened.

“I choose the joy of God instead of pain”

My daughter just phoned and announced that she and her beau was coming later than  agreed to help me put up a fence.

My first reaction was so ugly and gave me such a head-ache that I immediately decided to forgive this reaction and look to love instead. I opened the Course randomly and here is what I found:


I choose the joy of God instead of pain.

W-pI.190.1. Pain is a wrong perspective. 2 When it is experienced in any form, it is a proof of self-deception. 3 It is not a fact at all. 4 There is no form it takes that will not disappear if seen aright. 5 For pain proclaims God cruel. 6 How could it be real in any form? 7 It witnesses to God the Father’s hatred of His Son, the sinfulness He sees in him, and His insane desire for revenge and death.

W-pI.190.2. Can such projections be attested to? Can they be anything but wholly false? 3 Pain is but witness to the Son’s mistakes in what he thinks he is. 4 It is a dream of fierce retaliation for a crime that could not be committed; for attack on what is wholly unassailable. 5 It is a nightmare of abandonment by an Eternal Love, which could not leave the Son whom It created out of love.

W-pI.190.3. Pain is a sign illusions reign in place of truth. 2 It demonstrates God is denied, confused with fear, perceived as mad, and seen as traitor to Himself. 3 If God is real, there is no pain. 4 If pain is real, there is no God. 5 For vengeance is not part of love. 6 And fear, denying love and using pain to prove that God is dead, has shown that death is victor over life. 7 The body is the Son of God, corruptible in death, as mortal as the Father he has slain.

W-pI.190.4. Peace to such foolishness! 2 The time has come to laugh at such insane ideas. 3 There is no need to think of them as savage crimes, or secret sins with weighty consequence. 4 Who but a madman could conceive of them as cause of anything? 5 Their witness, pain, is mad as they, and no more to be feared than the insane illusions which it shields, and tries to demonstrate must still be true.

W-pI.190.5. It is your thoughts alone that cause you pain. 2 Nothing external to your mind can hurt or injure you in anyway. 3 There is no cause beyond yourself that can reach down and bring oppression. 4 No one but yourself affects you. 5 There is nothing in the world that has the power to make you ill or sad, or weak or frail. 6 But it is you who have the power to dominate all things you see by merely recognizing what you are. 7 As you perceive the harmlessness in them, they will accept your holy will as theirs. 8 And what was seen as fearful now becomes a source of innocence and holiness.

W-pI.190.6. My holy brother, think of this awhile: The world you see does nothing. 2 It has no effects at all. 3 It merely represents your thoughts. 4 And it will change entirely as you elect to change your mind, and choose the joy of God as what you really want. 5 Your Self is radiant in this holy joy, unchanged, unchanging and unchangeable, forever and forever. 6 And would you deny a little corner of your mind its own inheritance, and keep it as a hospital for pain; a sickly place where living things must come at last to die?


W-pI.190.9. Lay down your arms, and come without defense into the quiet place where Heaven’s peace holds all things still at last. 2 Lay down all thoughts of danger and of fear. 3 Let no attack enter with you. 4 Lay down the cruel sword of judgment that you hold against your throat, and put aside the withering assaults with which you seek to hide your holiness.

W-pI.190.10. Here will you understand there is no pain. 2 Here does the joy of God belong to you. 3 This is the day when it is given you to realize the lesson that contains all of salvation’s power. 4 It is this: Pain is illusion; joy, reality. 5 Pain is but sleep; joy is awakening. 6 Pain is deception; joy alone is truth.

W-pI.190.11. And so again we make the only choice that ever can be made; we choose between illusions and the truth, or pain and joy, or hell and Heaven. 2 Let our gratitude unto our Teacher fill our hearts, as we are free to choose our joy instead of pain, our holiness in place of sin, the peace of God instead of conflict, and the light of Heaven for the darkness of the world.


This is a big break-through for me. My first reaction was seen as an old revenge-story, being RIGHT and making the others see their guilt of betraying me ( coming too late, in my view.”

Suddenly the choice was crystal clear: 4 It is this: Pain is illusion; joy, reality. 5 Pain is but sleep; joy is awakening. 6 Pain is deception; joy alone is truth.

I just knew that my reaction came from ego, and would NOT bring me peace to hold on to. I chose to see my daughter as radiantly innocent, and just acting out my projection on her. I thanked her in my mind for  helping me find it and forgive it. When she arrived, it was with a radiant smile and the bestest hug. All blame from my side was gone. Miracle, I tell you.

One time she tried to unscrew an old rusty screw from an old rotten fence-post. It did not budge. I blessed it and it came out as easy as butter. – The two of them worked all day with making a firm base for the new fence-post. I love the symbols of this firm base of the fence: no rotten old planks any longer, and truly digging deep for a long time to help the new post find its ground. Lots of old roots removed from the earlier  sick bush that now is removed.Now my fence joins with my neighbor’s -I love that symbol too:)

In short – I am very happy and grateful and tired. And have truly learned this lesson once and for all: whenever I blame somebody, I need to forgive my reaction and remember that pain is illusion, and that the pain is in MY mind where it can be forgiven and replaced with Love.

The tempting turd

I recently had a dear friend visiting for a weekend and we decided to play. We did a structure which goes like this:

A plays music, B walks around. When A abruptly stops the music, B is to look for an inner image or a thought that presents itself. This is repeated 5 times.

The A walks and B does the playing and stopping for about 5 minutes.

Now we have five images each. The structure is to allow a story to come forth in 15 minutes. First we take turns asking questions to the other’s story – innocent questions, like a child would: ” is x dangerous? what is the favorite food of the monster?”

My story turned out like this – the words in bold are my images:

The tempting turd and the heart of the mountain

The  round turd-ball is located on the mountain plateau in front of her. It wishes to be seen and taken up, but the 8-year-old girl in blue pants with shoulder straps and a willow flute in yellow cord around the neck will not touch it. She looks up at the 3 white pointy mountains in front of her and thinks it’s strange that there is a turd up here in this  snow landscape where all is white and  quiet. There aren’t any tracks around the turd either. And it is too big to have come from a bird.


“Take me up!” she hears a nasty voice offer, but hell she won’t, “No I won’t !”she says out loud and feels brave.

There she sees a skier — a stalwart young fellow he is, with yellow hair and a beard and mustache, hair blowing in the breeze where he stands on his “old-fashioned” wooden skis. She is so happy and relieved, he resembles exactly  the Birkenbeiners from King Sverre ‘s men. HI and HO,  she rushes over to him-he  surely can take away the nasty turd!

But what is this?  The Skier is made  of cardboard! Who put him here? And why?

Then she sees a door in one of the pointed mountains open-and* there is a wise and beautiful woman sitting on a sky chair! She has blue robe and a candle in her hand and a Crown of Light, she smiles and says:

«I am so proud of you that you’re did not pick up that turd. That one we  leave,you know, that one we smile at, that one we pass by. God has not created it, it’s just a contrivance. “

The girl with the overall is so happy, and the blue dressed wise-woman takes her by the hand and they go into the mountain which is illuminated by good lights. They round a turn, and there lies a still lake with a shiny white swan.

The woman says: “This is the heart of the mountain.” The girl squats. The Swan swims over to her. It looks at her. 

She accepts. She is seen.

*(At this point, I got an impulse to tell Rebecca that we should write each other into the story.)

– – –

When we share the stories, we share the places in the stories that touch us emotionally, where we get associations and ideas and impulses. I talked about the turd: it is Mephistofeles’ turd:  Mephistofeles has been here  in the disguise as  a poodle.

Of course he wants the  girl -me to take it up and be interested in it. And the girl refuses, but right afterwards she feels anxious and spots somebody who looks so valiant and brave and can do it FOR her…and discovers that he is made of cardboard.

This male hero is a fake. She has to decide for herself: the power is hers to choose.

As she sees this, the cold and uninviting pointed mountain opens to reveal Mother Mary, who praises her for not picking up the tempting turd: ” THAT one we smile at – God has not created it, it is just a contrivance.”

The girl, having chosen truth is now open to meet the Heart and be recognized.


As I, Leelah, see those eyes, I am showered in Light.

Afterwards, I notice how special that willow flute feels – and Rebecca reminds me of Aslan in the C.S Lewis’ stories about Narnia: “He sung the world into existence….This girl can sing the world into existence playing her magic flute.”


The day after this, I am meeting my daughter in town. It does not take much time before we seem to be caught in a vicious pattern of anger and blame. I am aware of it, trying to hang in there, my daughter’s button are pushed big time. When I come home, part of me realize that she is a messenger, and that the message is this vicious pattern of blame and self righteousness in my mind – the need to be right or implode. A deep depression takes me over, and the rest of the evening and night something in me plays out all the scenarios where I tell my daughter off in righteous wrath.

This continues the rest of the day – I feel like in a spell – until I read this story again  – and realize that all the ways I use my daughter to attack and project guilt into, I am taking up Mephisto’s tempting turd and making it real.

And now what was a horrible temptation to blame and project, turns into a great method for being aware and awake: each time I feel the temptation to take up the turd, I instead breathe and willingly welcome the energy from the emotional imprint from childhood.

“Oh I cant take care of this, you do it for me”

I experienced this morning the clear choice between ego and Self. With ego, it was a conviction that I should stand up to somebody: my Buddhist teacher told me this a LOT. “If somebody bullies you, you need to find your power and answer from that power. That will teach them.”

I have a good friend who visits me now and then.He also does something deeply subconscious and symbolic: he does not flush the  toilet when he has visited it – so I have to do it for him, when he has left. In other words: he symbolically leaves his waste – sh*t if you will – for me to deal with.
This again is deeply symbolical for the very concept of projection “I can’t deal with it, so I give it to you.”

Ego wants me to point this out to him, and to demand that he takes care of his own  waste. Love says to me:” yes, I could do this – BUT IT IS NOT WHAT I WANT.”

Hearing this, great joy welled up in me: what I want, is not to be right – the one who blames and points out faults. I want to remain in truth, and come from Love.

Immediately I sensed what I would do the next time he comes – and luckily, I have an old toilet who will  be on my side here LOL: It simply needs to be treated with care, and the  flusher needs to be lifted up with care and attention- So next time he does his thing, I will notice it ( no flushing sounds) and then I will take him by the hand and show him that the toilet is full ( sorry for the graphics) and tell him that he needs to really check that all has been flushed down.
In that way, he will  not feel blamed and wronged, and he will certainly get the symbolic message that he needs to take care of this operation of getting rid of old waste himself.

Having been shown this, I  fell into a big peace. THIS is what I want – and this I is NOT the ego-I-who wants to do the correct psychological procedures to find her power.

I see that I am addressing an age-old habitual repressing-pattern: I CANT HANDLE THIS;YOU DO IT FOR ME.
And if we DO do that – “help” people who has exactly the same potential as the helper – we will keep each others in the same destructive false patterns of victors and victims.

The ego has told me I have to TELL HIM this so he understands it.
As if understanding has anything to do with realization.
It DOES have to do with control, though 🙂

The wolf and the grandmother

Yesterday I realized that Fred (the stone-thrower) and I have  a soul-agreement this life: that we would end this pattern of projections and roles between us. – He has got “the big bad wolf”-role  and I am the grandmother who is eaten :-). AS I “saw” this, I saw in my inner eye that Fred was taken out of the attack-trance – deep peace enveloped him, he  quite lost his ferociousness.

I told this to Kit today in our sharing-session – and also shared that I will not report him to the police – since that would NOT bring healing to the fear-complex: I would only fear the moment he came out again – just postponing the agony.

Much better to use the situation for healing.

What is important for me is that I am able to see through the fear and find the gift inside this whole process – symbolized by the wonderful glass heart.


We are both part of a healing awakening-process : when he threw that stone, he broke through a story of denial – my denial of my own rage. It felt very liberating to get in touch with that primordial rage, and not take it personal.

I want to write him a handwritten letter…telling about the glass-heart, and how I see that as a sign of Love: we can trust that this relationship between us can be used for Truth and Love for both.

Now it is seen so clearly that we have just played out roles in a  classic  story – but the roles say nothing about who we ARE in reality.

And I see that what I really want – and what makes me feel so peaceful when thinking about it – is suggesting that we might have a phone or Skype-conversation where we both speak and listen to each other in segments of 5 minutes each: when A speaks, B listens and reflects back what s/he hears.

To report him to the police now would cheat me of that gift – and it may also tip him over into deep thoughts of revenge.

Truth is not helped by it.

I remember a wonderful session we had. One of many where the Divine Feminine became present. He was painting a picture of a vortex of dark feelings, and inside was an empty space. When I asked what wanted to be painted there, he quickly painted a yin/yang sign. And outside this a blue slender and tender figure appeared: Mother Mary. She told him that whenever he is plagued by dark moods, he needs to recognize that she is there at the same time – and that he can choose to put his focus on her and not the chaos.

It IS the only sane choice there is – but in order to take it, we need to realize that the chaos/terror/pain-stuff – however strongly it manifests – is not real, and the thoughts about it do not tell the truth.


Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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