Crossing the bridge

Two dreams:

1) I am inside a BIG room in the University, where I have been attracting a lot of people lately – in harmony.

In the other end of the room are two entrances. An immense man stands there with a gun: “I will shoot you all!” My thoughts are not so much that I may be shot, as how will I get past him and out? I DO get out, and from the second I am safe, I start yelling HELP with a strong and clear voice.

As soon as I wake up I start noticing that Jesus is WITH me. I look calmly at the image of the raging man and forgive him as my own creation, now choosing Love.


I am now living in a huge complex with countless others – room 12.


Charismatic, self-reliant, fun-lover, good singer.

The number 12 is related to Pisces. The Tarot card is The Hanged Man.  It represents the completed cycle of experience and when an individual reincarnates as the number 12 they have completed a full cycle of experience and learned of the possibility of regeneration toward a higher consciousness.  They belong to a group of developed souls who have accumulated an unusual inner strength through many and varied lifetimes.  They may still, however, be hindered by old habits that need to be changed.  The soul then attracts what it needs as a learning experience.  A reversal of negative thoughts can bring about very favourable and positive

effects, and can aid in achieving their goals and aspirations.

Number 12 warns of the necessity to be alert to every situation, to be suspicious of those who offer a high position and carefully analyse it, and to be aware of false flattery and those who use it to gain their own ends.  Number 12 represents the educational process on all levels, the submission of the will required and the sacrifice necessary to achieve knowledge and wisdom on both Spiritual and Intellectual levels.  When the intellect is sacrificed to the feelings, the mind will be illuminated with the answers it seeks.  Attention paid to requirements of education will end suffering and bring success.


Important information for me!

I notice entering a Doctor’s office, bringing my duvet with me – I am let in in front of many people in the waiting room. I am teaching a little boy in the room, 9 years or so, how to transform his past with storytelling, inviting the story fairies to help him. I tell this to the two nurses in the room too, they all listen eagerly and respectfully. Then I leave the 3 persons to do as they have been instructed, and I return to my room via a long bridge. To the left is a high fence, to the right a precipice. It takes a second or too to recognize that where I walk may take me to safety or right into the abyss.

On the left side I am walking with Jesus. On the right I walk “all by myself.”

When I have crossed the long bridge from the Doctor’s office – the healing place – to the complex /the collective ego-pattern/ the room 12 is right there, door open – but it belongs to another girl. I ask her permission to cross it to get to the corridor where my room 12 is, and get it. I find my room.

After a little pause I am back at the Doctor’s Office. I am leaving the complex now. The little boy that before was dumb and very very angry, now looks at me, transformed, and smiles. My suggestion helped.

This little boy is connected to that angry man in the first dream.

For the first time in my practice with the Course, the last days it has been easy to surrender the old habits described in the numerology-piece. I just notice them, recognize they are my creation in “separation-mode,” I forgive them and me, take a step back and leave it to Holy Spirit.





Skype-session with Kit
I am sharing the cramps leading to the vision of the massacre and agony. When I do, it feels like the memory comes alive in my mind – I can’t count all the times stories I have written have been about massacres – and the strong feeling of being the one who carries this collective memory.
So there are different ways to interpret this: a cell-memory – a reincarnation memory – or the mind’s fabrication of a story that encompasses the collective guilt at the separation. I am familiar with the different takes on the story – but what needs healing for me is the belief that I am responsible for all that human agony, and I need to be punished for it.
This belief is operative behind many incarnations where I have lived out stories where this seem to have been true. The belief runs them all.
I share with Kit a dark off-spring-pattern that comes from believing in the original fear-story: a tremendous need to be “right”, to punish the others who are “bad”, and that I am the only one who is innocent. The energy around this story/these beliefs/ is heavy, murky and mean. This second bunch of patterns are clearly a response to the first belief of being guilty – now the guilt is “safely” projected on the baddies outside “me.”
Sharing this brings great release and clarity. The disidentification that happens is immediate: this is just egos stories. Nothing at all – until I believe in them.
Now I decide to just sit with the feeling of agony and believing “I am guilty”.  After one minute I hear a paramedic siren at Kit’s side. It stops right outside her building. A big smile come on my face: “She has sent for help and they have come to get her and take care of her.” ”She” being the part that has identified most intimate with the original guilt, and who has created all these lives as helper and /or victim. I see the paramedics coming and putting her on a stretcher, bending over her lovingly. She is safe.
As I share this with Kit, we both feel shivers up our backs. Something inside lets go and receive love and care, and the terrible responsibility of fixing everybody’s agony slides right off her. Now is time for rehabilitation – for receiving the love and care she always denied herself.
It feels like new oxygen pours into my cells. Sharp pains that were numbed and frozen are thawing and welcomed.
I feel immensely relieved. And calm. C A L M

attaching to stories

How strange to be in  this body. Intense tensions and pains last night, not possible to sleep before 7am. In between, big releases – suddenly “dark energy” just oozed out, accompanied by suggestion from a gentle inner voice. There was a switch between “I cannot stand this, I go mad” and next moment, “thank you for this” when I understood that what I felt was not personal.

At one time, just lying there and discovering how much I was attached to my stories – especially many reincarnations in the past as priestess and seer and such – it all came out to one question: If all these stories go, and the “me”-too – would you still exist?

I would – and I would not be able to feel calm about this, had I not read Jan Fraziers book “When fear falls away.” I am so certain now that losing the belief in ego is loosing nothing, and getting everything that is beautiful and loving.

The tons of snow around here is slowly melting today, and the sun is shining. I am going out into it

blessing to you all

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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