Liberation of the Root-chakra

For old readers, who has followed this blog for some years – you will remember the “morning-gloom-and-doom” that has stayed in place, whatever else I have done healingwise.

These glorious days I see it as my greatest liberator.

Let me repeat that with an exclamation mark!

These glorious days I see it as my greatest liberator!

The last two days it has come with a ferociousness that is remarkable – and luckily I remembered this advice I had received recently:

“Scary difficult memories/energies/sights: Now you have the choice NOT to launch into your habitual patterns of resistance, but to stay with the rawness and discomfort of the situation – and let it transform you. ALLOW IT to set you free!”

And as soon as i dropped the identification with the feelings – I am NOT this, I am the awareness of it – it dropped, and it was tolerable. I talked lovingly to the part that had held on to the pattern of resistance as a surviving/coping mechanism, and honored for her choice to do that – she kept us alive and reasonable sane – well, sane enough to go through educations, get a job, get married etc etc – all the stuff we call life.

As soon as I saw this as a gift, the energies started to move. The part of me went through several layers –  intense terror, then dense fields of confusion and thought-spin – then huge rage and anger, then deep grief, then loneliness –  then I allowed it to wash through me, but knew all of this belonged to her – that little one that had gone through all of that. I was in the observer-position – and the part was not fused with me any longer, and could feel it all. I felt it with her, but did not identify with the “me” in it -it was just energy, it had come for a reason – to be seen and acknowledged and held and honored, so “she” and I could finally experience the LOVE that surrounded all of that.

The little one asked the Light “why wasn’t you there when the awful thing happened!” and the Light gently and lovingly told her :

“We were there when it happened. You dissociated from the trauma, and your fear and horror prevented you from seeing our presence. Now you know that we were there – and in that way, you will feel safe being in touch with the repressed feelings later. We have witnessed it, and our love and space for you will melt the negative energy-fields still clinging to your aura – as you yourself find forgiveness within.”

The last paragraph is part of the book ” When Fear Come Home to Love” which I present in the right menu. I have “known” this for 30 years – but these days, it feels like a much more comprehensive healing – like i visit it through many layers. It feels blissful each and every time i get to this place – it is only the resistance, and my identification of this victim, that keeps the pain and energies going. WITNESSING the pain FROM the Self – the loving Observer – transforms and transmutes it.

And now to the fun stuff – the synchronicities after such a lovely process. I get out of bed, and are nudged to open one of the many creative journals I have in front of me in the bookshelf. I open it randomly, and find this image:

The freed Root wicenter

After taking a photo of this to share, I found my had going into another cupboard and taking out a miniature book. I opened it on this page:

 

 

Liberation

I am doing a 30-days forgiveness practice from Way of Mastery, and last night I saw a black iron pole through the chest. Just as if I had been inside a Dracula’s body:) The release was s w e e t

Then next level of it came up – and it turned out that I was forgiving stuff in the root chakra. And then Blue reminded me of the image I painted 1998:(see photo of the tree below.)

The Bird in the crown-part is the archetype of the “savior” who needs” to “save” others to achieve value. I have found Bird in all my patients, and much of my forgiveness-work now are finding part of her in my bodymind and forgiving all my judgements of her – oh my! – and instead honoring her for her intense wish to be of service.

This image later became the cover of my book – which is about the exploration of the figures/archetypes in the Tree.

This morning I was nudged to look through the photos of the Image again – and since this healing of the root came up for me now, in our chapter 6-exploration,I want to share the very process of receiving the Image and the energy, that lead up to my work. It feels like this is the time for a new LIGHT into it – and into the root chakra we all share.

Here it is:

“During my education in Expressive Arts Therapy in Switzerland, our class gathered in Gwatt by Thunersee a couple of weeks in May to explore our birth families through painting, sculpting and storytelling, under the magic leadership of Mariagnese Cattaneo. Each of us was to visualize our family as a tree, and then paint the tree (see the Image / the cover). Afterward we made a story from the painting and shared it with a partner. The day after, we expanded the work further – making rapid sculptures of our family members from all kind of materials. I choose clay and painted tissue-paper.

As I closed my eyes during the visualization of my family tree, a tremendous energy soared through me. A door to a blocked and hidden room inside me opened – now the freed energy rushed forth to greet me. “Pay attention! This is important!” was the clear message within the experience. A melting sense of gratitude and release opened my heart and soul – something within whispered “at last” and relaxed deeply.

The image of The Tree presented itself with great force and detail. I painted as if in a trance, with lightning speed, serving the Image as well as I could – not censoring any of the strange mythical figures. The Image commanded faithfulness from me, and my feeling of curiosity and wonder grew as I allowed it to come through me.

After having written down the story coming from The Image, and having shared it with my classmate Aaron, The Image and Story would not let me rest. I decided to create a healing ritual from The Story. I did this with Aaron as co-player and witness. The insights were startling.

I sensed I was being shown something that must not be interfered with intellectually, not analyzed or controlled in any way. Once again, Aaron and I took my sculpted family out into the friendly Swiss wood, just outside our painting studio, to unravel them and explore their mystery and gifts of healing. The ritual exploration was done within a circular sacred space we created, and showed us with uncanny clarity the split within my family’s psyche. One the one side, there was blind need and terror, caused by trance-like sexual abuse. It was accompanied by the denial of the acts and all the pain they caused, which created the adapting, conforming survivors. The family had successfully dissociated from this. And then we all had dissociated from our Self and the light within – our true I Am. This was the beginning of the process that connected me to my forgotten personal story or myth – which later turned out to be a blueprint of the collective Myth, described in “The Jekyll and Hyde-family.”***

***A chapter in the book

The mouse-trap

You may call me a nut – but i believe that all i experience is “sent” to me for me to relate to, to choose to see it as something mirroring something.

Yesterday evening  I heard a crash fro the kitchen – and knew it was the mousetrap, When I opened the door to the garbage -cupboard, i saw the little mousetrap being dragged away from the door. I dragged it back, and the poor mouse was very alive  but had his butt in the trap.

Something about the root-chakra then – and about me believing in being trapped and hurt mortally.

I went out and up the stairs to a neighbor to ask for help for what to do – I thought I had to kill the mouse and did not know how, bur a strong man would certainly help me, right –

except it was late evening …

I went back again and stood under the lamppost with aching heart feeling guilty for inflicting pain on this animal. It turned several time at touched the spot where it was trapped with its paws – like it asked for something. I thought that i could not just let it go – it would be badly hurt for the rest of its life ( mirror). So I heard twice, inside: just lift the iron spring that traps its bottom. I did, and the mouse shot out in the air as catapulted, it landed 15 feet away and ran like a lightening.

It did not look harmed at all

I looked for the trap – and found it about 30 feet from where I stood. How it  landed there is beyond me: but the whole thing spoke to me about the power of letting go of the trap I have held myself in – that what I am, can be mortally harmed.

Demasked

I have had several days with hateful inner voices – whose pattern is completely known and predictable, it’s like a tape going – gone through this uncountable times before, and each time I am aware that this cannot be “me” – and still it sucks me in, and I end up feeling identified with it – which truly hurts.

So this night I felt a decision to truly dive into that which underlies and causes that shitstorm. The focus was in my butt, which felt made of ice – and the deeper I came, the more resistance it seemed to create. I prayed for help.

Then, at one point, there was a shift – the identification went, and suddenly it felt very helpful and effective, healing-wise. Then I saw a group of elephants, and  I knew that I was working within the root chakra, where the earliest imprints are made about survival, feeling safe and nurtured. There were some primal feelings there that I allowed to come through me, they were all about feeling lonely and isolated. I was guided to do a practice that John Mark Stroud has taught us, that Jeshua taught him: to place the awareness at first inside the body – and then become aware of the space that surrounds us, HOLDS us in Love – and rest there, and then shift between this and body-awareness. I did not manage to get into the space outside of me – but suddenly I was certain that that space was infusing me and everything – so I chose to intend going into one of those “gaps” between matter and rest there – and instantly I felt peace and safety.

Now, from here I could turn to the very center of the hatred and anger at me for “doing it wrong” and I found myself blessing it. Or rather – I discovered Blessing and Grace as the very field embracing the core of hatred and anger. And now came the shift: I KNEW, beyond any doubt, that what the voices were hurling at me and threatening me, was not true: It was not true that I was alone and lonely – it was not true that God hated me and was out to get me. Intellectually, I had known this for years – but still, parts of me had felt completely driven and controlled by these false thoughts.

Now, this knowing that God/Love and I was One was felt kinesthetically . I saw blessing being everywhere and with everybody, no exceptions – only our imagination and perception may cloud it, if we choose to hang onto false thoughts.

To stop hating and fearing these hate-and-fear-thoughts – to just look through them with tenderness – can you imagine how wonderful it feels?

I hope you can

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

%d bloggers like this: