Going Deeper into Ego, Finding Love

What I experienced with the Core Transformation method this morning was a demonstration of what the human psyche does ( or at least my version of it) – when we have a spiritual breakthrough, close to Source, then the opposite rears its head too. It came in a dream with drug-addicts, acting-outs, neglected babies, a door that could not keep this out, constant fear of being overwhelmed and taken over by it – a core-issue for me in this life, fully described in my book.

I had yesterday got a strong pain in two toes on the left foot, and understood that these symptoms were linked to the psychic content that had come up to be forgiven.

I did the process with the part that wanted peace from this – and it turned out to be fully identified with ego: I want to be stronger than them!

Then: I just want ***a breathing pause*** from all of this!
THAT immediately sent a wave of freedom and healing through the toes – I saw that what I had wanted, was to just keep this pattern going, maybe to be punished a little bit more, bit maybe also to FIX IT myself. Cause that would mean that I was awesome – right?

THat called for tenderness and giggles too !

I continued going deeper: “I want to scream and yell to them to get the hell out!”

“And then “I want to punish them!”

I saw all kind of scenarios coming up of torture and self-torture . First there came judgments – but then came tenderness: “Of course you want this! No wonder you feel like this!”

And when it truly had been heard and not judged, it said:

“I just want us to be friends!”

From that point, it quietly moved to wanting to have God radiate through me as me, KNOWING that this was my true identity.

Self torturing as a way of living

After the horror-dream yesterday, I had a dream where I shared the awakening with 3 different friends. One ridiculed me, one accepted it completely and one looked skeptic but said nothing.

I contacted the friend in the dream that looked skeptic about the belief that we have a “glorious Self”. Nichola has MS, and has received a harsh Christian upbringing based on concepts of fear and punishment. Blue told me we could work together on weeding out these old concepts of a  god of fear, and we met at Skype today.

I started with the prayer to invite  truth and love into this sharing -process between us, and ask for help to lift into the light any blocks we might have about God as something to fear, and something that punishes. I told Nichola that all that she needed to do, was to be willing to be wrong about her beliefs that God is a God of fear. She said yes – and felt warm glow around the heart.

Nichola shares thoughts that God is punishment,actually

Leelah: So could this MS be punishment?

She says yes – and that it feels like truth,actually. AND she is willing to be wrong about it

Now the glow around the heart moves all through into the limbs

Nichola: “You know, it feels almost like punishment defines who I am.” She starts laughing out loud

Leelah: Laughing – are you punishment, or are you that which is aware of the thought?

Nichola: That which is aware, actually….I had this punishing angry god, and i rejected that god – it’s like I have become that god for myself.Oh my God – I can’t believe it – I have been my own worst torturer –

Leelah: me too. We are not alone in this

And now we just allow the input of loving healing energy to pour through us. It comes as a natural effect from our joint willingness to be wrong about the lies about God – and allowing the shift in energies because of that willingness.

We don’t do the healing – but we have to allow it, choose it.

The rest is up to the Love within.

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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