The Elevation of the Divine Feminine

These days it is the male teachings that has moved me forward.) Two times lately when being in hell I have opened one of my wise-quotes-notebooks and always my finger has pointed at Israels long and intense teaching. NOW they are meeting me in this perfect place where I am fully ready 🙂
What a timing!
My inner male is receiving so much healing and rehabilitation these last weeks! My dream-men treat me with gentleness and affection, and a healthy sexuality is starting to replace the old kind, filled with guilt and shame
Last night (dream) I sat in the bus with a man who I like a lot, and just him spiderweb-soft touching my hand sent me into heaven – the atmosphere between us was playful and tender.
This night dream I was together with a big group, training in shamanism – and there was a grand big ritual in a circle where the male leader lifted me up so I sat on his shoulders ( this was heavy 🙂 and was done in two stages) and he carried me around the whole circle while I felt the love from him and FOR him and inside me – an acknowledgment of the Soul/Self’s mastery.
The collective male is lifting and supporting and carrying the collective feminine AT LAST
That makes me unspeakable happy

A New World

Christmas eve

I am receiving an Amygdala healing, listening to an audio and allowing whatever happens to happen. At first there is a time period to allow  the ultimate vicious, deepest depraved, violent destructive hateful darkness in the mind to arise and be released. All is allowed. Then there is a ray of light that hits the Amygdala, and gradually my body and brain is filled with the calmest light

I wake up in the night and notice a remarkable shift in thinking: there is no more identification with negative fearful thoughts. I can “hear” them, but they carry no life.

I have a dream where I rescue and take care of a much tormented cat. It has eaten – digested – something – I care deeply for it, and suddenly its body convulses and it poops out the inside of a ballpoint pen.

That must have hurt! And affected free movement – and, well, everything about its catty life: wild free sexuality, the excitement of hunting, deep rest and its joy of being caressed…the cat symbolizes something deeply instinctive and alive in me. And “my” cat has digested something completely indigestible for it: that which is the essence of a pen: mental activity being expressed.

Or better said: the “supremacy” of the intellectual mind.

I love these clear dreams. And the cat is OK now 🙂

Christmas Morning, 25th: I am bundling up to go to the mountaintop close to my house to do a ritual that Jesus describes in “The Way of the Heart.” It is  dark and cold: minus 15 degrees Celsius / 5 Fahrenheit, snow, very steep climb up the trail to a point I have chosen to meet the rising sun and a new world seen with the eyes of Christ. The Ritual is about leaving the past behind and looking with Christ’s eyes at the New World.

The climbing is easy, I am enjoying each step. And there is my favorite place to look out over my village and home – and wait, there is a new signpost: “Peekout” – and it point to a new small trail further up. “I want to go there!” says my heart, and fear answers: “ No – I may miss the sunrise and the whole ritual.” The heart calmly lets me know that I know where that trail leads – up to a place where before stood a little cabin.

Still – I allow the fear voice to “win.”

I start the meditation, facing the place where the sun is rising – and receive its energy into the body, allowing it to fill the spinal column and the whole body. It feels good – but something is “off.” Still, I follow the instructions that Jesus tells us he followed in his way to mastery.

After I while, I open the eyes. The red rising sun is right in my face. I immediately decide to follow the new trail. In 3 minutes I am up there – and somebody has built this wondrous little free cabin for anybody to sit and watch the view –

Now the ego is having a field day: “You screwed up this holyholyholy initiation. You should have gone up here  at once- it was made for you  – to meet the rising sun and the new life! Now you have screwed up ultimately moron moron moron”

Oh the shoulding 🙂

The gift is: I have been reminded to follow the heart. “Follow the nudge of JOY you feel. Trust that it will take care of everything – including the time-aspect.”

I trusted instead the voice that told me I MIGHT be too late for the sunrise, following the new and unexpected trail.

I recognize how I – and most of humanity? – have allowed that warning voice, painting out disasters and failure in order to “make us safe” – to be valued.

Jesus is giggling at me, tenderly tickling my ribs. “All I want is that you are happy and extend your treasure to the world. There are no “too late’s – there is only NOW”

I go back down to my house.Time for celebration! I eat my newly smoked and roasted ham, two soft boiled eggs, bread, fresh raspberry jam and Yogi tea. Today’s tea label: “Time to leave the past behind”

Time to leave the past behindgiggle giggle giggle

Then I go out in the sunny shiny new day, up to the Peekout Shelter once again and decorate it with a little troll I have made, with the word “Now” on it.

I meet a zillion people when I go back down. I say Merry Christmas to everyone, they all smile and greet me back. What a feeling of unity it brings – this greeting each other.

It can be easy -guest post from Nichola

Last session the message was “it can be easy to let go – it does not have to be a long uphill struggle.”

I like struggles – I am good at them especially when I am losing them because that allows me to be a victim as well as a brave knight at the same time. Actually that last bit didn’t occur to me until today.

When we started last night’s session I was feeling ashamed of myself because I had done my enneagram and discovered that I was a 4 – which meant that I have a deep sense of being defective as well as being prone to self-pity and isolation. Of course I immediately felt extra defective and was also feeling quite sorry for myself about that – crying telling Leelah about it – although there was also a strong feeling of light running across my back that told me everything was OK.  The feeling of defectiveness was painful like I was just so worthless – not even ugly or bad just woefully worthless and maybe dirty.

The shame was in my chest and belly and when I looked into it I saw a dungeon with a small window at the top. My father had placed me in the dungeon. I had a feeling he was punishing me for his own sexual feelings towards me or simply for his own sexuality which he repressed and projected onto me. It wasn’t too hard to just let go of that one – give it back to spirit. That’s when we laughed about the idea of a long uphill struggle. I could see that it is possible to let letting go just be easy.

We talked about the victim story being the story of choice because it is better than being the aggressor – in a way the victim is “good” and the aggressor is “bad’. Also, we both have fathers who played that role for us. There are some similarities that allow us to play with it – Leelah described it as something like tossing it to and fro like a ball.

After Leelah’s turn I told her about a synergistic moment I had watching The Simpsons. If you have read the other posts from the last month or so you will appreciate this one. First of all the Simpson family were at the beach at a jelly fish festival. Immediately after that scene, as I was thinking “again with the jellyfish” was a scene where Ned Flanders said “I am as lonely as the empty tomb.”

Last week I posted that I felt that spirit was tapping me on the shoulder. When this happened it felt less like a tap and more like spirit is HITTING ME OVER THE HEAD WITH A SHOVEL!

The undressing room

(For those who haven't seen these stories before: 
First, I paint a painting of max 1 minute. Just allowing the brush to go, no forms. 
Then I look for "characters" and outline them - and give them a name. 
Then I allow a short story to take form, involving the characters in ways that
just comes to me.


The Shame Box

 “Whoo! And out of the box I came. I am the bearded Greygreen Shame Googlemonster…I had to get out, she found me at last, in the recesses of her vast storehouse of mind…I am the shame of being woman, and object of sexuality and nothing more -oh the shame of being such a lowlife thing! Yes,lady, you are hiding your eyes from me, but I am out of the box now, and I can’t get back in again.” –

The lady wails, “Why the heck did I open that hell hole, it was much better closed!”

“Oh no no no no no” says Blue Mary at the lady’s head, “We are going to use this for good. You bearded thing looks so monstrous only because you believe in this shame-identity. Now enough already. Just drop into the stream going from the box into the head of the woman – You are in for a big surprise…“

He drops. How sweet to fall and just float – his mossy old slimy hide is softening, and the journey through the circle of incarnations, fluid and shameless, feels wonderful. At last he is at the top – and Mary’s back is opening softly to him, he melts into her  -o h h h h  o o hhh   h   h  – this is not shame, this is golden peace, yellow laughter, juicy play – fullness – forgiveness is what it is –

“Forgiveness is like an “undressing”-room where I hang all my old false identities” thinks the lady –

And then there is only radiant Space

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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