For years I have had a chronic difficulty breathing. There have been strong constrictions around the heart and lungs. I have knows it has to do with earlier defense in traumatic situations, and have unraveled many layers. Two days ago I found a new one – what in shamanism we call “lost soul-part.”

In my spiritual practice, my body, house and surroundings mirrors back to me what goes on in my mind. Two days ago, my stove-fan broke down.

For me, it mirrors my lungs, and my ability to breathe and filter out the stronger smells from cooking. I knew it was a signal to yet another layer with the lungs/heart.

The same late evening, I sat down in my Healing Room to do a daily Chi Gong Kidney – exercise which has shown to be very efficient. Video below. When it came to, where we softly circle our hands around our  breast, I heard distinct tapping sounds behind me, as if somebody tapped the door/window: “let me in!” Then my body shivered and shuddered and was filled with an energy that did not feel “mine.”

I completed the exercise and prayed for insight – got that it was a “visitation:” some part of me that I had exiled wanted to reconnect. That made it easier for me: I truly want the LOVE that I am to transform all those memories and energies and “soul-parts.”

She was easy to connect to now, and I opened myself to fully be with her and acknowledge everything that she had felt – and her interpretations and conclusions about what this meant about her:

deeply unworthy of love from parents AND God. I let her know I saw and acknowledged all her hatred at self and others – “of course you felt this, it is a perfectly normal response to your situation. You have a right to feel all this now, WITH me, not alone.”

The constriction was at first so strong that I thought I may die – and then I realized that it was her constrictions that I felt, so I could be there as her  neutral loving witness. There was a big shift, the constrictions abated the more I realized that this happened for me and not to me: this was part of loving myself free from the old pattern I had seen as my safety, and that now almost choked me to death.

On x-ray one can see a mass around the heart/lungs – and doctors let me know it is not cancer or any sickness. I know the part of me had to create a lot of pain and goo and coughing there – it was like a bomb inside that said “don’t go here! Go away! We will NOT remember this terror!” So the constriction has been a life-saver, allowing me to heal memory after memory all the way up to this NOW. The exiled part is back, and presenting me with the agony, as much as she is able and willing to.

I bless the part in its true being. I forgive myself for all the judgments I placed upon this, and I embrace it. I allow it to be transmuted in Divine Light.

So…the stove-fan?

I have decided to let God take care of that. No worries: I am taken care of each step of the way

I invite you to click the two book-covers in the right menu, and check out if my two books may be for you.

Here is the video:











Black Panther and old patterns

Last night and today was intensely filled with strong identification with suffering. As soon as I denied that identity and reclaimed my identity as Spirit, all tiredness and confusion fell away – for about 40 seconds. I was starting to go down the habitual mental spiral of “oh there is something that is stronger than Spirit in me that drags me down” when a clear impulse made me open wise -words notebook nr 13 ( I have filled 15:))  and realized, oh I am doing it again.

The fact that I was led to this exact quote was the sign that I needed to see that I was not straying from the path at all – I just needed a gentle reminder from my Self

The bus driver was the Nigerian man who never smiled, and who spoke in a very non-understandable way. I started sending Love, and gradually he thawed a little. The break -through came a little later when some passengers did not understand him and were stressed, and he rose from his seat at the next station and went down the aisle to them and I heard them laughing together. Miracle.

By John, the healing was just HEAVEN. There were no symbols, just a feeling of being in Heaven. At some time, unexpectedly Shiloh the panther started a ferocious fight: I looked down to her in the Lower World, and boy did she fight darkness and eat it.  Then all was Heaven again.

At the bus home, the same driver was there. Same angry energy –  not one smile. I set a strong intention of seeing him differently – and wanting him to speak to me in a friendly way. I did not have to wait long: he held the bus for a man who took the swat next to me, we started to talk about the book I was reading about autism. We both enjoyed our talk a lot. Then he left, a distracted snow truck almost collided with our bus and the bus driver SMILED at it and turned to me and we talked together.

The energy felt like a shower of spring rain.

At home I logged on this blog, and wanted to find the first blog post about Shiloh. I searched “Black panther” – you might do it too:) and found another post about this panther that I had completely forgotten.

All of a sudden she got a lot more real to me!



Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

%d bloggers like this: