Alarmclock-miracle

I woke with the incessant morning agony – mixture of suicidal thoughts and murderous ones. Quite a soup I tell you! Now,  I am aware that Spirit is trying to tell me something here – I know I am not a victim of this, just something my soul wants to convey. And it did – very sweetly and to the point this morning.

I sat up in bed and aligned with my Source of Light – acknowledging that my Father and I am One. At once, I saw that the repeated energy came from the archetypes Fuckeat and Child, described in “When Fear Comes Home to Love.” I have found these two to be polarities, where the one is dominant, the other is a shadow.

When that realization came, I recognized 1) this is what Jeshua calls ” a creation” – and 2) I want to find what is the neutral part in both of them – what is the first feeling expressed that was judged and repressed/denied.

Big relief just by realizing this.

The innocent first feeling of what later has grown into  the Fuckeat archetype in the human mind ( the fear-archetype which consists of murder-lust,domination,all kind of brutality and human perversions) – the first what came up for me was:

I hurt  – and since nobody is willing to care and comfort me, I need to see this hurt on another face = projection.

The first feeling of Child ( the victim archetype:) I need my caretakers to acknowledge my innocence  and vulnerability as beautiful.

I saw both of the archetypes before they were projected and judged – just natural thoughts and needs in the human mind, believing itself to be outside God’s love, having to prove itself valuable by its deeds – denying the eternal beauty and love that is God’s gift to Its child. I forgave the judgments I have projected on those two early separation thoughts  – I felt an opening,a release – and then I spoke out loud:

” And now I do embrace you.”

The my clockmaker by my bed gave two signals ….OOHH! New funny miracle! I meant to write  my alarm clock gave two signals and then stopped – but the word-correcting program wrote Clockmaker instead – which means my mind 🙂

Of course – the little machine did not do it, the smiling Self that I call BLUE did it through the electronic device. And the word-correcting program…is such a great symbol for Holy Spirit, who is the Loving Spirit who corrects my perceptions.

The sweet thing is – I thought I had turned that clock off – and when I looked at it, I had. Just two sweet pling-plings.

I guess that is what Child and Fuckeat are seen as from above – as figures in a movie, an illusion.

And please read me right: In no way do I mean to minimize the atrocities that the human is perpetrating to him/herself and each other –

but from above, Love looks down on us and see that the soul wants experiences – and in my case, I am now willing to see that the Soul wanted to be both victim and aggressor throughout its incarnations – because, how else can my mind learn that only what I embrace, I can heal?

What I embrace is in essence just energies – and when they are judged as not worthy to exist, they go underground and grow in darkness and bestiality.

I can see now the huge power in choosing Love – and inside, extending Love to anybody who acts out of confusion and fear and old patterns – and recognizing myself as one of us who deeply and truly wants to wake up, and therefore on a higher level  has chosen to be one of the creators  of these fear-archetypes – now I can fully dis-identify from both Fuckeat and Child –

I am the Loving Space and embrace of it

just like you

 

Door-bell signals – from the wilderness

I have decided for decades  that I want the Universe to mirror to me where I go unconscious and where I need to heal and forgive. The Universe has been very very cooperative – including mirroring me via PC(freezing up,) cellphone : NO energy at aaaalllll – and can’t get charged! and also via my outdoor lamp that lightens up when it is dark outside – or, in my case, light goes out when it shouldn’t, and comes on again when I have found the places where I hold on to darkness( read:false beliefs of limitation  – and fear.) It comes on again by me just realizing where I have been in error, and being happy about being shown.

Lately, the door-bell has sounded several times when nobody has been there.

The first times I freaked out, there was a ghostly energy about it. So I sat down and asked for help, and was told that this was a part of me that I had violently dismissed and judged and feared and hated –  old incarnation. The energy imprint of it is still there in my soul – could I just sit with the part of me who I had judged so intensely, and just listen to it, and find out why it had behaved in this way?

It showed me the acts were done from  intense fear, and needing to protecting itself, out of the beliefs it had at that time – which were that it was guilty and sinful and completely separated from God’s Love. Or so it believed, at that time – that separation IS possible.

I know better now – and I chose to be with that part. When it noticed that it was not alone, and not judged, things happened very fast – in just five minutes or so, warm clouds of love arose to embrace us.

I thought that was it – but since then, it has happened again. The spooky feeling has abated a little – and I have sat with that new aspect too.

Today it happened again – This time, there were no spooky energies –  and I sat down and was guided to pick up a new book I have bought: Circle of Grace by Jan Richardson. Wanton Gospeller Press.

I opened it on this verse:

Blessing that meets you in the Wilderness.

Last verse, that my first finger pointed at:

“Let this blessing be

the road that

returns you.

let it be

the strength to carry

the wilderness

home.”

©Jan Richardson. janrichardson.com

This happened the first time in 2014.

It’s moves me to read now the insight I got at that time:

All the ways I have tricked myself  into accepting the blame for others’ wrongdoings.

This was a thought I got – and the door-bell signal came the second i had thought it: PAY ATTENTION!
That’s how strong that energy was, in that sentence – in that truth:

All the ways I have tricked myself  into accepting the blame for others’ wrongdoings

*

So now I am the place where I truly let that belief go – that I need to accept blame for others’ wrongdoings. And instead be returned to my Self, and carry my (be)wilderness Home.

getting out of the way

When the cramps and pains started again in the night, I went up at once and sat down with the Course, chapter 14.

T-14.XI.6. Do not be concerned about how you can learn a lesson so completely different from everything that you have taught yourself. 2 How would you know? 3 Your part is very simple. 4 You need only recognize that everything you learned you do not want. 5 Ask to be taught, and do not use your experiences to confirm what you have learned. 6 When your peace is threatened or disturbed in any way, say to yourself:

7 I do not know what anything, including this, means. 8 And so I do not know how to respond to it. 9 And I will not use my own past learning as the light to guide me now.

10 By this refusal to attempt to teach yourself what you do not know, the Guide Whom God has given you will speak to you. 11 He will take His rightful place in your awareness the instant you abandon it, and offer it to Him.

Went to bed again. Cramps came, and  I stated the truth that I did NOT want to look at the cramps with a perception from my past. 5 seconds – and the pain left.

Later, cramps came back. I repeated the procedure, more and more trusting that it was safe to step out of the old mode of seeing and fixing things myself.

Cramps went away.

In the morning, the alarm clock came on. Instead of the usual 30 signals, it just went on and on. I  sensed a smile coming inside and stated that I was willing to NOT use past seeing as the light which guided me now.

The same second that thought came, the alarm ended. At 56 signals. And something inside giggled.

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

%d bloggers like this: