Pink Spider

 

The last week, I have noticed how much I have judged myself – “the creation of Leelah as a seemingly separated being” as the Course in Miracles would call it – and the love of God streaming through Leelah. It has been liberating to truly know that only I can choose to release these judgments .

This morning I woke from a dream where I had visitors – one of them  a wonderful guy who has trouble with the God-concept.

In my dream I went into a “back room” and noticed a huge deep pink spider, its body the size of my fist. It was perfectly sleek and hairless. I screamed and ran to George so he could kill it for me and woke up.

The energy of this spider/fear was enormous. I knew it was a gift for me. Pink is a symbol of the heart and love – so I saw that LOVE was dressed up as fear – and that I have dressed up God’s LOVE as fear.

I opened a wise-word-notebook beside my bed randomly. It read “All you need to do is accept the Divine Love energy that flows through you.”

Both my ears popped. Later when I put my hearing aids in, there were no need to push.

I told Leelah: “I forgive the judgement I have placed upon you, I forgive you for identifying with them and acting them out and blaming God and others for them. Of course you did!”

Then I sat with that humongous strong energy and blessed it and allowed Love to do the healing and releasing.

When I got up, there was a phone call from the Hospital about how I was experiencing a pill for Osteoporosis. I told the nurse that I had chosen not to take it, and was doing Chi Gong and energy medicine instead – and that my knowing had told me I should not take it. I had dreaded this conversation, expecting ridicule and admonishing. But the nurse listened and said my name in a loving way several times – it felt like a huge blessing

 

To all those with extreme traumas

I got trapped in an old energy pattern just now, and was led to open my book at random – and to share it with readers who somehow are being led to this blog, this post right now:

Deep pain in the chest.

It yells:

“I don’t want to be seen! I hate you! Go away! I will kill you!”

I am sitting with lesson 125 in the Course“In quiet I receive God’s Word today” – and I hear: “ These are the voices of the guardians you created around the little Leelah-identity. In her worst moments, out of deep guilt and shame that she told herself that she WAS, she cried out inside her self: “Hide me! I MUST NOT BE FOUND!” Guilt was speaking – and she was fusing with the guilt, identifying with it – and when she cried out from this fear-identity, fear-creatures/entities came and told her “we will protect you – if you will allow us to use you.”

Of course she took that offer of protection – and the entities used her as their source of food or energy.”

I know this is true with all of me. I speak:  “I am the source of this. I judge you not. I extend forgiveness to myself for what I have made.” I ask Michael and his army for help to guide these entities back to where they came from, and as I say this, I am shown that I have attracted these false protectors into all the body’s openings.By calling for them, they have come. Fear called for fear and darkness, and called from darkness – identifying with darkness/guilt/shame.

In this NOW, I am listening to God: “Now breathe into that heart-space. It is open now.” And then it happens: I see a black silky Tarantula leg hesitantly moving out – I feel terror – and realize in the same second that this has been the very symbol for fear for me – as for so many. “Beloved Leelah, you are not a spider,” I tell her – and gradually the heart space warms up, and I see her: scared and confused – but freed from the spell and fusing.

“Be patient” says Blue. “There are many layers here. The nervous system will need some time to adjust, the old habits and beliefs will try to re-attach themselves – you have believed this to be YOU for almost 70 years. From now on, we ask you to intend to recognize the old patterns when they come – and for you to realize it is only an echo, and that you can let go of it.”

When I was 11 years old, I was taking ballet-classes – and I still remember some of the steps in an Italian Tarantula I danced – with a Tambourine, and a light blue short dress

Going out in the sun now

False Evidence Appearing Real

Today I asked Holy Spirit to show me that I live in a dream.

I saw a play:

It was and indescribable experience. We shouted bravos for 5 minutes. The link takes you to the page of the director and his ensemble, who has traveled the world with this. It truly allows us to see the dreamlike quality of our existence.

Here’s a short video from the play:

The 2.example came just now – a few moments ago – my heart is still racing.While I was looking at the video below – “False Evidence Appearing Real = FEAR” – a spider the size about 2×2 inches crept over my wall from under the PC, which I see as a symbol of my mind. It appeared very very very real and I snatched the nearest little book and smashed it. The book was one I note wise-word-quotes from the Course in.

I flushed it down the toilet

Heres the video:

 

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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