Quan Yin – the Goddess of compassion

Borrowing this from Matt Licata:

Some will tell you that fear is the opposite of love. And in this teaching the war begins. But love has no opposite. It is whole and without division. It is the field in which all form comes and goes, including the temporary, wavelike appearance of fear. It is the vast, creative space in which all experience arises, plays for a short while, and then dissolves. Just like passing clouds could never taint the purity of the sky, the temporary dance of fear could never stain the majesty of what you are.While it may appear otherwise, love has no bias for the appearance of courage over fear, multiplicity over oneness, or clarity over confusion. Each is an expression of love, an emanation of the body of the beloved as it makes its way into the world of time and space through the vessel that is our consciousness. Everything is path, including the raw, immediate, somatic experience of fear, if it is not abandoned, rejected, and made into an enemy via spiritual theory. It is by way of relationship, turning toward the visitor that the images hidden within it can be liberated. Not a drowning in the energy, nor a fusing with it, but surrounding it with curiosity, warmth, and care. Fear is a temporary visitor in the nervous system, longing to be known, integrated, and metabolized in the spacious wholeness that you are. It is not an enemy to enter into imaginary spiritual battles with. Call off the war and set aside the pain of a spirituality of aggression. By pathologizing fear—concluding that its mere presence is evidence that something has gone wrong and that you have failed—you attack your vulnerability and keep alive the pathways of self-abandonment. Love is not opposed to fear, but wishes to embrace it, hold it near, and provide sanctuary for its essence to unfold. Love would never turn from any of its children, including the temporary, wavelike child of fear. When fully met and safe passage is provided, fear is able to reveal itself, like all other form, as none other than love in disguise. Fear is not the opposite of love, for love has no opposite.


I have recently had some “visitations” fro, spirits/entities – and thank God Carrie Triffet taught me how to deal with them with Love. In fact, the whole ordeal has taught me how to speak my VOICE again, and declare my faith and trust in the Infinite Power of Divine Light and love

About cancer and other terminal diseases – and healing

In  some of spirituality’s many labyrinths,  we find the these teachings:” If you practice correctly, you will not be sick/ ill – and you will  heal the illness.”

I just wrote this to a friend and teacher – who recently wrote this in her blog:

“If to love oneself is to heal oneself, those who are sick do not love themselves.” – A Course in Miracles.”

First – I think this may be a quote that misses important clarification after the point.

With respect, there are many loving teachers and masters who had cancer and died from it – and I believe they loved themselves – don’t you?
I think I remember that you wrote earlier about exactly this –that reading this for anyone who has cancer or any chronic disease, will feel like a judgment: “you are not practicing the Course “correctly.” Or “enough.” Which are not loving thoughts – are they? There is a harshness in that.

I see friends with cancer – like f.ex. Diederik Wolsak, Ondrea Levin and Pema Deane who share how living with terminal disease has demonstrated for the world a love that is encompassing the illness – and that this illness has truly softened them and melted away any old resistance to Love in their soul. I see how a well known and beloved artist in Norway now uses the cancer to allow every severe treatment the doctors give her, to share openly in our main paper each week the love and wisdom that IS her, while going through this ordeal. Thousands on Facebook – users praise her for showing them the Love that can live through this ordeal.

She had before the illness the cutest face. Now it is transformed by Cortisone. She posts the new face in the paper and on Facebook. Now that is courage and love!

I cruelly judged myself when I got cancer, just because of isolated quotes like  this. What I did was the following two things: 1) I found the little tortured child within the space in the breast that had the cancer cells and listened to her fully, giving her all my love. 2) I asked Archangel Michael’s power to go through the radiation machine, and from that moment the skin and breast were not damaged from the rays.

What I did was seeing the illness not as something I had done/practiced “wrong,” but something that gave me a possibility to see differently – as something that brought MORE Love forth in me.

It truly stripped away so much of what I had thought was essential, and identified as “me.”
Without it I would not believe FULLY that I am supported and served by Jeshua, angels and masters.

I know that if I had judged myself for the cancer I would have died there and then.

With so much love

Depth of Hell

All yesterday was filled with an abyss of meaningless, chaos, depression – feeling like dying each second, and being stuck in this. I decided to go to bed at 9pm in the hope that something would change while I slept.

In the morning I dreamt that I was going to town with my new neighbors – they were driving the car / this trauma-energy is driving me. They come from Kosovo – with all the traumas of war and loss that implies. I asked them to drop me at the main station /SELF –and there full chaos reigned, in my dream. I first lost my cell phone /my mind– and then I bought fast food ( sausage with lots of mustard and ketchup)/ thoughts that are not nourishing – and it glued itself to my fingers and then to my cell phone and all was a terrible gluey mess.

I spoke to St.Germain when I woke up. There was a lot of laughing! I saw that I have the last 30 years perfected a descent in to hell. It became clear that I don’t have to go deeper – and I realized that it is the ego which wants to go deeper. All exploration of darkness proves that darkness exists and is real – and here and now I see that darkness IS the very thought system of ego itself.

The hell establishes its domain – and strengthens the belief that I NEED to find its deepest ground to bring love into that.

The thing is – there is no deepest! I am the One who chooses how deep hell is – and I am the One who chooses: enough.

When I saw that, clarity dawned, and a saw a host of little angels giggling and cheering at me.

My ego has made exploration into a chore – something to do to make “me” worthy, and even MORE worthy that you – whomever you are. It took the meaning of depth to a whole new depth.

Oh the absolute futility and silliness in choosing to make more darkness in order to give love into it.

There is a deep momentum in this habit for me. Holy Spirit help me to see this each time it comes again.

Open Letter to a Friend with OCD

dear Victoria

this is about the place where you seem to be, where you think you are. I am working with the same issue – the willingness to realize fully that I am as God created me – that I am not my chronic lung problems, I am not a victim of it, i am not a victim of a past that my soul/Self chose from a high level to have me live through. I know i chose it to truly KNOW that I am not my experiences – I am the eternal witness/awareness of it.

This morning it became crystal clear that as long as I insist of BEING the person who has gone through all those horrors, I am denying the power God has given me. The person-me is constructed from a zillion of beliefs based on what others has told me – what media tells me – and my own conclusions of the traumatic situations I went through.. I judged them and myself and made  fear-based conclusions about what they meant about “me:” I was stupid, wrong etc.  So I  put pressure on myself to deny and repress that “stupid me” and adapt to the demands from “the others” to be accepted – and this persona, a bunch of beliefs and habits and fear based patterns, we believe to be Who we are.

I know better, and I know you do to.

Still, we hang on to them, precisely because we think we ARE that.

I have held on to the abused- tortured-traumatized-me to avoid stepping truly into my power, which is my true connection  to God acting through me. I have noticed that when I decide to do something challenging to the old pattern, fear/ lung problems act up like crazy, to “protect” me from leaving that old pattern  since this self is terrified of dying.


sometimes I have insisted of doing these things that has horrified me.The defenses – that I HAVE PROGRAMMED FROM FEAR AND IMMATURITY  – have painted all kind of catastrophes on the wall. When I have believed in those images and threats, believed them to be REAL, I have felt very bad, and then I have taken that as a sign from God that I should NOT do this.

Still, there has been this kind still Voice that has said ” You know sweetie, what if you take a chance and go there all the same. If you hurt when you get there, just return.”

So – when I have done this, the result has been fantastic: I have been with others in a new and empowered way.  have found myself speaking from my Power/my connection to Source. I have felt strong! Joyful!

The last this  I did was this:

This is one of doctor Carsten Höller’s creations at the Henie Onstad Museum.“The Slide produces a sense of loss of control and an opportunity”, as he says himself, “to experience an emotional state that is a unique condition somewhere between delight and madness.”

It took some time before I picked up my courage, as I was terribly afraid – but I did it!  and he is quite right – “state between pleasure and madness” is right. When I reached the other end, my brain convinced me that I had twisted around at least three – four times – but it was just one long turn.

And I had lost about 40 pounds, it felt like – and when I walked to the bus over a big green field with slopes, there were swallows around me. They flew 30 cm about the ground and circled me and figure-8’ed me, and I shivered and cried because they played with me – and I have not seen swallows the last 10 years and have missed them like crazy.

I knew this happened because I had left the old “safe” and anxious persona, trusting God would let me fall through it and receive me safely down at the end of it.

He did – through  a very smiling loving guide who received me.

Beloved sister: I know that my most painful experiences actually have created the greater gifts that I could not have offered now to the world. The maneuvering through all of it has made me who I am today, being able to predominantly have a loving connection to the energies in those moments of trauma. But that is only true when I am willing to have that old fear-persona-identity dissolved. Again and again recognizing that fear is not what I want, being willing to be wrong about who I am as a persona.

My The cancer and the horrible radiation-experience was turned around the moment I decided to give it all over to the Divine: “Archangel Michael, I call you forth! I want your energy to flow through this radiation-machine. I want my cells only to receive what is healing and loving.”

There was a clear light and an instant knowing that I had been heard.
And  contrary to medical science, the pain and symptoms after the radiation ended, did NOT continue the expected 14 days after the end. Meaning: so-called grave illnesses may disappear if we truly are willing to let go of your limited view of ourself.

What if God does not create illnesses – what if we do, as a way to control ourselves – and also to explore what beliefs create  pain  and illness and what dissolves them.

What if you are not under the shadow of the OCD, unless you choose to be. And I am speaking about the parts of you that still want to hang only the old identity. What if it is possible to say, “I will act as if there is no OCD that can control me, since I choose God to control me.”

That is a good question since  it makes us reflect on what we truly believe about God.

(And S/He certainly does not push us to understand NOW :))

I clearly see how I have identified with being powerless and under “others” shadow, and being safe only if I use control and my horrible traumas to stay “safe.” These were formed when I WAS under others’ shadow – no wonder I bought into that belief system. It has only taken me 72 years to get here – that is not much, considering the zillion of life-experiences we all have. Please do not read any judgment about that: we do what we do until we feel safe enough to do better.

What if you and I were willing to drop these beliefs and habits as our “protectors” and allow Holy Spirit to take over. What if it were perfectly OK to drop into old patterns again – and what if it was OK to not do it too

I know from long experience that I do not need to know with my brain what to “do” – all I need, is to let go of the belief that I am doing my life on my own.My little willingness to be wrong is all that is needed.

What if we are truly here to share our gifts – and what if our gifts are easy to find, since we LOVE them and love playing with them – in my case, images, storytelling, drama and poems.

So right now I invite you – and myself – to sink into this: what is the deepest feeling underlying my  the lung-condition ( your the OCD?) …is there any movement in energy around it? Is it available for unconditional LOVE? Do I ALLOW LOVE to come into this, once and for all? Am I willing to not know what it is about?

– – –

For me, it was a field of utter loneliness, like “outcast.” Staying with that pure feeling as energy was pure bliss, as long as the judgments about it fall.

Then I heard the question- “And is this the Truth about who you are?”

And then Love poured in “ I AM BIGGER THAN THAT FEAR, THOSE SENSATIONS.” I am that eternal awareness that surrounds it all – loves it and transforms it – and you and I need do NOTHING for it to happen – except state that little willingness to admit that our way has not brought peace and happiness.

Your gift is very clear, my friend: you are called to put the sacred into images as photos, so that we can recognize it and feel the hope in that. Your love for horses is just as strong as the horses’ love for you. It takes an exquisite sensitivity to be in that state of communication with Nature. All of this will create a beautiful momentum when you  decide you are ready to be willing to disrespect the OCD as TRUTH, and instead just sit with the energy of it. The stories and inner screams will be loud and insistent, but now you know they come from the OCD itself – they do not come from YOU and can simply be ignored.

What if only our belief in these limitations upholds all these old patterns

What if pampering them makes them stick

What if freedom quietly surrounds all of it and just waits on our welcome – just as Love.

And here is a caveat: Not pampering them comes NOT from pushing the symptoms down, judging them, repressing them -: it comes from freely saying yes to BE with them.

And that is a choice.

Blessing them and embracing them is a choice too

And what if doing a bit of slacking with chocolate/whatever now and then is better than beating ourselves up for not “doing spirituality right.”

I thank you for your post on Facebook, for bringing your situation up to the surface for us all, acknowledging our deep need for transformation…

Much love!






Going Home/being HERE

Todays post is answers to lesson 6 in “The Jewel of the Christ Mind Course”   a one year online Course. The bold blue quotes are from Jesus/Jeshua

The essence of coming to Presence as I see it:
1) STOP and come back to NOW
2)Breathe, and remember Who is breathing
3) Notice without judging, with interested curiosity – embracing it

3 questions for the Christ Child:

Precious child I love, how can I support you?

Allow warmth to come into this cold. Breathe LovesBreath into it

What do you most need from me?

To BE WITH ME and embrace me – and not only to sit with and breathe: To play, to experiment with art – poetry,stories,dance,textiles,music,movement -to experience being one with creation instead of being the part you project all your horrors on to

Is there any change I could make that would allow you to flower even more?

Take a session with Zach Rehder for help with really being with these energies- and learn to accept gifts.

( An editor just offered me his service for free – and I notice that I think that IF I accept it, he will secretly be displeased, and the grievance will turn to hatred, and then he will come and attack me.)

I notice the strong link I have built in my mind between men’s ill-will with me ( which means I must conform 100% to their expectations) and then a sudden brutal and vicious attack. I have worked with this complex consciously since I was 23 in all kind of therapies and trainings and being initiated into many traditions – and 25 years as therapist with my patients and myself. My book When Fear Comes Home to Love is the result of that – and still this strong energetic link is felt in my nervous system between the thought of being FREE and visible to violent attack and there is always insanity connected to this attack.
This must be the experience I most need to be having right now, as more of Christ Mind is birthing into, and through me.

Something in me truly knows this to be true. Which means that all those insane and violent attacks I was forced to participate in as a small child and, and also to be forced into the role of perpetrator to make me guilty and one of “them” – this is where the Christ Mind NOW can be birthed into, and explore the healing that is available HERE TOO. Writing this, a wave of gratitude comes – how glad I am that this HAS happened and that I HAVE these experiences now – so I can allow the Light that I am as Christ to embrace all those energies, suffuse them, transform them.

Here are three images I painted years ago of exactly this: I knew it then too, but have worked to integrate it all the years since then.

bare kom du 11) Red attacks the Blue/Christ –

absorpsjon 22) The Blue embraces it, it starts to dissolve –

stadier i omfavnelse 3 og 43 and 4) The dissolutions continues, and in the fourth stage, the attack-energy has become a Menorah –

I have needed a lot of time to birth this – smiling

“There have been no wrong turns on your journey. You have never failed, and you have never sinned.”

Icecold. Spacing out. Breathing. Strong wishes of retaliating, making the others suffer as they make me. Deep and venomous hatred.

“There have been no wrong turns on your journey. You have never failed, and you have never sinned.”

Deep yawning, the sickness abates. I bless the energy within the sickening forms, invite it Home in my Blue Christness – chest warm, whole lower body ice cold – breathing into it – surrendering to it now –
“I” am not doing this, Christ is doing it through Leelah – I hear screams from massacres and battlegrounds, from concentration camps and machete slaughterings – from everybody that perceives themselves to be righteously mistreated and wants to stop it with any means at all —-

Deep doubts: I have done this for 27 years, and still I feel the fear of being visible –

And the answer:: “and for each time you have been willing, one more piece of it has been integrated”

WOW! what a gift: when I copied this over from a word-doc, that one sentence was left out – so i had to return to the original and really take this in: “and for each time you have been willing, one more piece of it has been integrated”

A tremendous hateful part hisses to me, DO NOT HOPE!!!

There is Love all around that, (just as the pictures show,) and now my belly is warm. – That’s where the “haterer” is – yawning – “I WILL not hope and be shocked again – and again – when I have opened up – it is torture”

Sweetie, I am right here, take all the time you want to get use to this space

“There have been no wrong turns on your journey. You have never failed, and you have never sinned.”

WOW! Looking at the doc I am writing now, I discover that I have repeated that quote from Jeshua three times – and each time I have believed, “that is a great quote, I want that here – – -and not discovered I have already written it down twice before

There has been no separation at all … our resistances, judgments, and especially our guilt, occurred because we thought what was going on was different than what was and eternally is, going on. (Jeshua,Jewel Course.)

Sitting with that, allowing it take root

“You have heard it said this world is a world of shadows. It is not just a metaphor.
It happens to be true. While shadows are illusory, it does not follow that they be left untransformed.
For what you leave untransformed retains the power to bind you in its spell. It will continue to do so, until YOU decide to learn who you are by being the power of Love‟s Presence that heals all things.” . (Jeshua,Jewel Course.)

Wonder Questions:

1. What are three significant experiences you have believed you should not have had?
(Be vigilant against assuming these are just ‘negative’ experiences. When faced with overwhelming joy, “luck”, others’ gratitude, or miracles, don’t we often shake our heads, hold our breath, and try to deflect or minimize it????)

I have sat this the whole week. Many has presented itself, but the answer is always: None. Without everything, I would not have had the experiences and the learnings I have

2. What is it that you have found most difficult to trust?

That even when the experiences feels excruciating, they are NOT “wrong” – I am not wrong – they are pathways into human darkness and ignorance as soon as I don’t judge my small self for having them – for not being “worthy.” – Oh there’s a lot of that going on –

3. Do you trust, really trust , your Creator?

My ca 2o A4 journals filled with my images and processes show me that God is always available in every situation. I DO really trust my Creator –
It is ME I don’t trust – God’s One Son, choosing to judge myself for what happens to me – seeing it as character-faults that takes away my God-given worth, making me wrong,making others wrong – not recognizing they are me in disguise, mirroring back to me what I need to see and lift in to forgiveness and innocence

And right now, after writing this down in one go, seeing that I am trusted to do the best I can to wake up –

I bless myself in my ability to choose love
I bless myself in my true nature
I bless myself in my willingness to hang in here



Finding the fear-belief under the irritation

I recently wrote on an ACIM-web-group:

...when I meet the cry for love in another (or myself) as “something” or “somebody” that has not yet opened his/her heart to love, then what is not-love = the ego – melts. I am only meeting whatever is not love, but  is crying out for love – with love.
Does that make sense?

And predictably, Willy answers:

Yes, Leelah, that makes sense. But remember that the Son of God is one. When you perceive a cry for love in another, that is YOUR cry for love. When you respond with love, you are giving love to the Son. Giving love brings to your awareness that you ARE Love. Ultimately you realize that there is nothing but Love.

My stomach goes into churning and burning. Luckily I see this as an opportunity to find a long time-preserved false belief to forgive. I also enjoy my righteous irritation – now that I know I will soon drop it.

I answer his post:

Willy, you and me have this little dance going on: I post something – and more often than not, you answer with a mail that tells me what I seemingly need to remember and understand, what I seem to have missed. Each time, I feel, “What? wasn’t that clear and included in my post?” I also feel pissed.

So today I went through this short procedure to help myself find the fear underlying my irritation at being reminded  by Willy what the Course says.Maybe it can be helpful to others too. I got this from Ido lanuel, who has a wonderful online workshop on self-awareness

1) What event or thought set off the anger?
2) What is the fear underlying your perception?
3) What reaction arises? (The reaction might not be expressed externally – “I think about it for days” is also a reaction you could list here)
4) What are the problems in your perception that enable the anger to exist?

Answer:1) Willy’s pointing out that I need to know what I though was self-evident, so I didn’t point it out

2) The fear of not being heard and understood – the fear that there is something inherently WRONG with me that Willy sees and is trying to save

3)Reaction: Irritation, sensed in the stomach/midsection as a burning squirming -and that I think about it a lot and blame Willy for his “preaching”

4)Problems in my perception: I perceive Willy as something separate from me. I am aware of how much I judge preaching  – the tendency to point out peoples “errors in thinking”  – and this has to do with a need to be RIGHT.

Oh I own this one. Something inside is terrified of being called “wrong” – because that is how she truly perceives herself ( and is terrified of being found out:-))

What is the fear underlying this perception?

I am not expressing myself so that I am understood correctly. That must mean that I am wrong = guilty – – which means that God has really dropped me (or I Him)

Yes, there it is.The irritation eases off, peace comes. Looking at it with Jesus, smiling as the irritation and fear lets go and is replaced with peace –

Thanks Ido! and thanks Willy for the possibility to feel this out.

Old movie

Following the process – still the old theme of “darkness.” Yet another tough experience in the night and morning, with overwhelming depression and gloom. Yet – Blue is very available when I ask for help.

Blue:The attacks and darkness you are having are memories from the past – and thus the effect of the belief in Time – being projected into the Present. You cannot fix them – but you can receive them with Love.

Me: Many many times I have met them with the willingness to Be with them and bless them, to extend all my Love into  “this” – and to see it as scared children dressing up as demons, crying out for love and forgiveness – which I have offered, as the gifts I can give as the Holy Son of God, created in His image.

Seeing “darkness” is seeing through a dark filter of judgment –  and with  judgment I see myself as unworthy and ugly and afraid. I see myself as a terrified child/victim – and it seems SO alive in me, I feel all its feelings of overwhelm. Because of  the sensations/pains in my nervous system, I identify with it subconsciously.

Blue: If this pain and darkness and horror is real, God is not real. If you believe God is real – and you do  – then this pain and horror is just ego’s creations, which you, as the Holy Son of God use your tremendous power to animate – or make real. Do not deny your immense God-given power  that you share with Him: the world around you, just an imagination, seems so very real – because as humans, you believe that what you can touch has reality – and the mind is just “thoughts”. Since you, as Mind, made all of this up – = the Universe – saying it is real –you can choose again.Just acknowledge this: “It is impossible for me, who am created in God’s image, to discreate what He has created. If that was possible, it would also mean that it is possible to discreate my Self.”

Me: So I am acknowledging that what seems to be visiting me, telling me that it is more powerful that Love, are just projections/manifestations of guilt, fear and sin – it comes in many packages and variations, to divert my mind and make it interested in my creations.

Blue: Fear loves to dress itself up – and fragment itself into a multitude of costumes and “spirits” that now must be placated by you. Lots of efforts now – to take your mind off the Truth. There is nothing wrong in noticing these occurrences – but you are the awareness noticing it, and not a victim of it. When you stop giving your God-given power to the belief that the show is real, you might just tire of the show and leave the showroom. It is like an old film you have seen in all possible variations – why are you still buying tickets?

Me: so what do I do then, the next time I wake up and feel the old horror in my veins and muscles, and hear the threats that I belong to it? And feel a HUGE identification with the victim-child-part?

Blue: realize that you have used your vast power to imagine something that is impossible, and by that trick you have proved that God is wrong and you are right: separation really happened. The one in you that does this, CAN NOT be the real Self – right? YOU are aware of it – and YOU can choose again. Forgive yourself for dreaming this dream, and for repeating it until you are tired of it. Choose to believe that the power you use to recreate the dream of darkness, you can use to co-create with God: extending the Love That you are.

Me: On behalf  of the Son of God, I choose to release the part of my mind that joins with the ego in this. I know that you will be released, unless I want to use you to imprison myself. Holy Spirit, please let me know when I enter this self-imprisonment-game, so I can choose to smile instead. In the name of my freedom, I release you – because I realize we will be released together.

Advise from Holy Spirit/ Barbara

Below is part of what I recently mailed my friend Barbara:

“…I think I need to get in touch with the part that has made this decision to split to “protect” me – and I have given this intention to H.S. again and again.
Still I sense this old “me” seems to control most of my reactions – like when seeing a doctor and going into panic.”

Here is the answer – the bold part is what stands out for me:

Why?  What purpose does it serve to “get in touch” with that which is not real?  Who is telling you to do this?


The Holy Spirit begins our healing on the level that we understand.  H.S. knows that we think we are a body so the H.S. patiently works with us to undo all that is associated with the body.  However, the ego will take this healing process and turn it into the never ending process.  We can continue to find every aspect of us that needs healing and painstakingly one by one deal with each issue.  Or we can simply see they are all the same.  When we have looked at one we have looked at them all.  They are all the same.  They are simply thoughts of separation. 


How long do we want this process to last?  This is our choice.  The ego will tell us that we have to continue as long as there is any “evidence” that we are not healed: panic attacks, growling dogs, children turning white when they see us, bodily injuries, and pain. But, again, all of this “evidence” is not real.  It is simply manifestation of thoughts in our head.  So why pay it any heed?  Why not instead acknowledge that we are wrong and the Holy Spirit is right when we say we are not healed and the Holy Spirit answers with I AM healed.


Holy Spirit, we come with open hearts and open minds to receive all that Spirit has for us. We immerse ourselves in Love. We drown in Love.  Our clouds of thoughts are turned to a purifying rain that washes away all doubts, fear, and confusion till only the Son remains. Our sole purpose is to remind all of who they are. There is no hesitation in our steps.  We have made Heaven our decision.  Holy Spirit, we run to You.


Barbara Griffin


I have heard this so many times. This time I believed it. Blue/H.S. was gently leading me through the night  each time a thought of fear/separation came, Blue said: False Evidence Appearing Real = FEAR. I was shown that I was wrong in all cases, and that none of it mattered. It was all coming from my dreaming mind outside time and space. I spent timeless periods in an understanding from a very high place  – things were utterly simple, seen with true perception. How could I ever have failed to see this simplicity? was the feeling.

When I woke up, I had seemingly left that level of no-me – but the world seems a little more transparent today, a little easier to look through.

And another cycle ended: I was attending an old wonderful actor’s last solo-performance: “What is an actor?” For Course students, that is a prudent question, since we believe that the world is a stage:-) And this actor is very dear to me: he was the Theater Director the last 10 years when Kip and I had our productions there for a period of 20 years.

Today he recited among other things the monologue of Hamlet. A silent sacred space opened, the audience was woven into this NOW, and my tears were falling the whole time he spoke: it was the first time I really heard it and heard that it was written for me – the me that is all of us. The gratitude of receiving it was without end.

He did more wonders: this 85-year old played a monologue in his own dialect of a young hot-headed angry girl who wanted new shoes, and her father who questioned the necessity of it – it was done with such tenderness for both of them that tears come just by writing this.





A good conclusion

I get the realization that the mind/body is experiencing some of the pain I have repressed, connected to the traumas. I feel weak like a half dead kitten, and when I do not identify with it, I can just allow it to be there and give it over, being willing to change my mind about it – and remember that I am dreaming it.

Today too I got these so very nice signs/reflections of guilt in my mind: again on the bus. An inspector/policeman enters the bus to inspect if people have paid their fare. A large man, not from my country, and an inspector, comes from the back and start to argue right beside my seat. The customer becomes more and more loud-voiced, explaining his innocence, and the inspector does not give in.

AH! this is a reflection of something in my mind – a foreign part ( = unconscious – is protecting his innocence. AH! I AM innocent. I forgive this reflection – and the same moment, the two start to laugh and pat each others shoulders and the inspector says ” NOW I understand you” and the man calls him friend.

Something else seemed to have come to a conclusion today too. Two times  this spring I have tried to get a ticket for a great one-man-play at the theater, where  an excellent actor and dramatist  has made, and plays alone, a story called “Abraham’s children” , weaving a wonderful tapestry of the three big religions: Christianity, Judaism and Islam.

First time I tried to get a ticket, the last one was sold out to the person before me.

Next time I came to town, they had forgot to mail me that the actor was sick.

Today, they simply could not find my ticket. I felt very calm and a bit amused. Then the woman told me “well, I can just print it out” which she did.

I enjoyed the play tremendously – and loved hearing the different stories about Mary and the birth of Jesus that the Quran had. I also enjoyed the actor playing elephant and camel, and Jonah in the whale, in a fisherman-dialect from up north.

When I came home, The carpenter had repaired what was needed on the job. He got a bad back in front of me, and I introduced him to 2 minutes of EFT –  whereas his back felt good again.

Nice work – and as said before, it feels like  a cycle has come to conclusion.


I noticed this morning that the color of the roof-plates that I made a major fuss about, was exactly the same color as my neighbors’ plates. It is completely incomprehensible to me that I earlier could see my neighbors’ roofs as yellow, when they are clearly clear blue. It shows me how much I am still addicted to drama and problems.

But not really. I am very correctable, thank God. I found this note in one of my Acim-notebooks this morning. The word “dismissing” gives me such a help to understand a vital ingredient of the forgiveness-process: dismissing is just whiffing it away as not serious at all. It is making attack-thoughts not real: I am reminded I am not asked to do anything about them just dismiss them as not serious.

It works so well!

This is what Ken said – from question 590:

As for what else you want to do, your part is simply to continue to be aware of whenever your ego tries to step back in again and take control — for its voice can seem to drown out the Voice for peace. This means recognizing all the feelings of anxiety, apprehension, anger, and alarm, which may seem to be coming from failure to find a job, but are coming from failing to carry out the only job assignment we have in this world — forgiveness. And that means that we are taking ourselves and our attack thoughts seriously, whatever form they may take, whomever they may be directed against, including ourselves. And that’s the real cause of our fear, for unconsciously we anticipate retaliation, from God, for those attack thoughts. So bringing them into conscious awareness allows us to look at them and their source — the ego — and, with the Holy Spirit’s help, dismiss them back into the nothingness that is their source.

And that is the miracle. 

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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