Going Home/being HERE

Todays post is answers to lesson 6 in “The Jewel of the Christ Mind Course”   a one year online Course. The bold blue quotes are from Jesus/Jeshua

The essence of coming to Presence as I see it:
1) STOP and come back to NOW
2)Breathe, and remember Who is breathing
3) Notice without judging, with interested curiosity – embracing it

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3 questions for the Christ Child:

Precious child I love, how can I support you?

Allow warmth to come into this cold. Breathe LovesBreath into it

What do you most need from me?

To BE WITH ME and embrace me – and not only to sit with and breathe: To play, to experiment with art – poetry,stories,dance,textiles,music,movement -to experience being one with creation instead of being the part you project all your horrors on to

Is there any change I could make that would allow you to flower even more?

Take a session with Zach Rehder for help with really being with these energies- and learn to accept gifts.

( An editor just offered me his service for free – and I notice that I think that IF I accept it, he will secretly be displeased, and the grievance will turn to hatred, and then he will come and attack me.)

I notice the strong link I have built in my mind between men’s ill-will with me ( which means I must conform 100% to their expectations) and then a sudden brutal and vicious attack. I have worked with this complex consciously since I was 23 in all kind of therapies and trainings and being initiated into many traditions – and 25 years as therapist with my patients and myself. My book When Fear Comes Home to Love is the result of that – and still this strong energetic link is felt in my nervous system between the thought of being FREE and visible to violent attack and there is always insanity connected to this attack.
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This must be the experience I most need to be having right now, as more of Christ Mind is birthing into, and through me.

Something in me truly knows this to be true. Which means that all those insane and violent attacks I was forced to participate in as a small child and, and also to be forced into the role of perpetrator to make me guilty and one of “them” – this is where the Christ Mind NOW can be birthed into, and explore the healing that is available HERE TOO. Writing this, a wave of gratitude comes – how glad I am that this HAS happened and that I HAVE these experiences now – so I can allow the Light that I am as Christ to embrace all those energies, suffuse them, transform them.

Here are three images I painted years ago of exactly this: I knew it then too, but have worked to integrate it all the years since then.

bare kom du 11) Red attacks the Blue/Christ –

absorpsjon 22) The Blue embraces it, it starts to dissolve –

stadier i omfavnelse 3 og 43 and 4) The dissolutions continues, and in the fourth stage, the attack-energy has become a Menorah –

I have needed a lot of time to birth this – smiling

“There have been no wrong turns on your journey. You have never failed, and you have never sinned.”

Icecold. Spacing out. Breathing. Strong wishes of retaliating, making the others suffer as they make me. Deep and venomous hatred.

“There have been no wrong turns on your journey. You have never failed, and you have never sinned.”

Deep yawning, the sickness abates. I bless the energy within the sickening forms, invite it Home in my Blue Christness – chest warm, whole lower body ice cold – breathing into it – surrendering to it now –
“I” am not doing this, Christ is doing it through Leelah – I hear screams from massacres and battlegrounds, from concentration camps and machete slaughterings – from everybody that perceives themselves to be righteously mistreated and wants to stop it with any means at all —-

Deep doubts: I have done this for 27 years, and still I feel the fear of being visible –

And the answer:: “and for each time you have been willing, one more piece of it has been integrated”

WOW! what a gift: when I copied this over from a word-doc, that one sentence was left out – so i had to return to the original and really take this in: “and for each time you have been willing, one more piece of it has been integrated”

A tremendous hateful part hisses to me, DO NOT HOPE!!!

There is Love all around that, (just as the pictures show,) and now my belly is warm. – That’s where the “haterer” is – yawning – “I WILL not hope and be shocked again – and again – when I have opened up – it is torture”

Sweetie, I am right here, take all the time you want to get use to this space

“There have been no wrong turns on your journey. You have never failed, and you have never sinned.”

WOW! Looking at the doc I am writing now, I discover that I have repeated that quote from Jeshua three times – and each time I have believed, “that is a great quote, I want that here – – -and not discovered I have already written it down twice before

There has been no separation at all … our resistances, judgments, and especially our guilt, occurred because we thought what was going on was different than what was and eternally is, going on. (Jeshua,Jewel Course.)

Sitting with that, allowing it take root

“You have heard it said this world is a world of shadows. It is not just a metaphor.
It happens to be true. While shadows are illusory, it does not follow that they be left untransformed.
For what you leave untransformed retains the power to bind you in its spell. It will continue to do so, until YOU decide to learn who you are by being the power of Love‟s Presence that heals all things.” . (Jeshua,Jewel Course.)

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Wonder Questions:

1. What are three significant experiences you have believed you should not have had?
(Be vigilant against assuming these are just ‘negative’ experiences. When faced with overwhelming joy, “luck”, others’ gratitude, or miracles, don’t we often shake our heads, hold our breath, and try to deflect or minimize it????)

I have sat this the whole week. Many has presented itself, but the answer is always: None. Without everything, I would not have had the experiences and the learnings I have

2. What is it that you have found most difficult to trust?

That even when the experiences feels excruciating, they are NOT “wrong” – I am not wrong – they are pathways into human darkness and ignorance as soon as I don’t judge my small self for having them – for not being “worthy.” – Oh there’s a lot of that going on –

3. Do you trust, really trust , your Creator?

My ca 2o A4 journals filled with my images and processes show me that God is always available in every situation. I DO really trust my Creator –
It is ME I don’t trust – God’s One Son, choosing to judge myself for what happens to me – seeing it as character-faults that takes away my God-given worth, making me wrong,making others wrong – not recognizing they are me in disguise, mirroring back to me what I need to see and lift in to forgiveness and innocence

And right now, after writing this down in one go, seeing that I am trusted to do the best I can to wake up –

I bless myself in my ability to choose love
I bless myself in my true nature
I bless myself in my willingness to hang in here

AMEN

 

Finding the fear-belief under the irritation

I recently wrote on an ACIM-web-group:

...when I meet the cry for love in another (or myself) as “something” or “somebody” that has not yet opened his/her heart to love, then what is not-love = the ego – melts. I am only meeting whatever is not love, but  is crying out for love – with love.
Does that make sense?

And predictably, Willy answers:

Yes, Leelah, that makes sense. But remember that the Son of God is one. When you perceive a cry for love in another, that is YOUR cry for love. When you respond with love, you are giving love to the Son. Giving love brings to your awareness that you ARE Love. Ultimately you realize that there is nothing but Love.

My stomach goes into churning and burning. Luckily I see this as an opportunity to find a long time-preserved false belief to forgive. I also enjoy my righteous irritation – now that I know I will soon drop it.

I answer his post:

Willy, you and me have this little dance going on: I post something – and more often than not, you answer with a mail that tells me what I seemingly need to remember and understand, what I seem to have missed. Each time, I feel, “What? wasn’t that clear and included in my post?” I also feel pissed.

So today I went through this short procedure to help myself find the fear underlying my irritation at being reminded  by Willy what the Course says.Maybe it can be helpful to others too. I got this from Ido lanuel, who has a wonderful online workshop on self-awareness


1) What event or thought set off the anger?
2) What is the fear underlying your perception?
3) What reaction arises? (The reaction might not be expressed externally – “I think about it for days” is also a reaction you could list here)
4) What are the problems in your perception that enable the anger to exist?

Answer:1) Willy’s pointing out that I need to know what I though was self-evident, so I didn’t point it out

2) The fear of not being heard and understood – the fear that there is something inherently WRONG with me that Willy sees and is trying to save

3)Reaction: Irritation, sensed in the stomach/midsection as a burning squirming -and that I think about it a lot and blame Willy for his “preaching”

4)Problems in my perception: I perceive Willy as something separate from me. I am aware of how much I judge preaching  – the tendency to point out peoples “errors in thinking”  – and this has to do with a need to be RIGHT.

Oh I own this one. Something inside is terrified of being called “wrong” – because that is how she truly perceives herself ( and is terrified of being found out:-))

What is the fear underlying this perception?

I am not expressing myself so that I am understood correctly. That must mean that I am wrong = guilty – – which means that God has really dropped me (or I Him)

Yes, there it is.The irritation eases off, peace comes. Looking at it with Jesus, smiling as the irritation and fear lets go and is replaced with peace –

Thanks Ido! and thanks Willy for the possibility to feel this out.


Old movie

Following the process – still the old theme of “darkness.” Yet another tough experience in the night and morning, with overwhelming depression and gloom. Yet – Blue is very available when I ask for help.

Blue:The attacks and darkness you are having are memories from the past – and thus the effect of the belief in Time – being projected into the Present. You cannot fix them – but you can receive them with Love.

Me: Many many times I have met them with the willingness to Be with them and bless them, to extend all my Love into  “this” – and to see it as scared children dressing up as demons, crying out for love and forgiveness – which I have offered, as the gifts I can give as the Holy Son of God, created in His image.

Seeing “darkness” is seeing through a dark filter of judgment –  and with  judgment I see myself as unworthy and ugly and afraid. I see myself as a terrified child/victim – and it seems SO alive in me, I feel all its feelings of overwhelm. Because of  the sensations/pains in my nervous system, I identify with it subconsciously.

Blue: If this pain and darkness and horror is real, God is not real. If you believe God is real – and you do  – then this pain and horror is just ego’s creations, which you, as the Holy Son of God use your tremendous power to animate – or make real. Do not deny your immense God-given power  that you share with Him: the world around you, just an imagination, seems so very real – because as humans, you believe that what you can touch has reality – and the mind is just “thoughts”. Since you, as Mind, made all of this up – = the Universe – saying it is real –you can choose again.Just acknowledge this: “It is impossible for me, who am created in God’s image, to discreate what He has created. If that was possible, it would also mean that it is possible to discreate my Self.”

Me: So I am acknowledging that what seems to be visiting me, telling me that it is more powerful that Love, are just projections/manifestations of guilt, fear and sin – it comes in many packages and variations, to divert my mind and make it interested in my creations.

Blue: Fear loves to dress itself up – and fragment itself into a multitude of costumes and “spirits” that now must be placated by you. Lots of efforts now – to take your mind off the Truth. There is nothing wrong in noticing these occurrences – but you are the awareness noticing it, and not a victim of it. When you stop giving your God-given power to the belief that the show is real, you might just tire of the show and leave the showroom. It is like an old film you have seen in all possible variations – why are you still buying tickets?

Me: so what do I do then, the next time I wake up and feel the old horror in my veins and muscles, and hear the threats that I belong to it? And feel a HUGE identification with the victim-child-part?

Blue: realize that you have used your vast power to imagine something that is impossible, and by that trick you have proved that God is wrong and you are right: separation really happened. The one in you that does this, CAN NOT be the real Self – right? YOU are aware of it – and YOU can choose again. Forgive yourself for dreaming this dream, and for repeating it until you are tired of it. Choose to believe that the power you use to recreate the dream of darkness, you can use to co-create with God: extending the Love That you are.

Me: On behalf  of the Son of God, I choose to release the part of my mind that joins with the ego in this. I know that you will be released, unless I want to use you to imprison myself. Holy Spirit, please let me know when I enter this self-imprisonment-game, so I can choose to smile instead. In the name of my freedom, I release you – because I realize we will be released together.

Advise from Holy Spirit/ Barbara

Below is part of what I recently mailed my friend Barbara:

“…I think I need to get in touch with the part that has made this decision to split to “protect” me – and I have given this intention to H.S. again and again.
Still I sense this old “me” seems to control most of my reactions – like when seeing a doctor and going into panic.”

Here is the answer – the bold part is what stands out for me:

Why?  What purpose does it serve to “get in touch” with that which is not real?  Who is telling you to do this?

 

The Holy Spirit begins our healing on the level that we understand.  H.S. knows that we think we are a body so the H.S. patiently works with us to undo all that is associated with the body.  However, the ego will take this healing process and turn it into the never ending process.  We can continue to find every aspect of us that needs healing and painstakingly one by one deal with each issue.  Or we can simply see they are all the same.  When we have looked at one we have looked at them all.  They are all the same.  They are simply thoughts of separation. 

 

How long do we want this process to last?  This is our choice.  The ego will tell us that we have to continue as long as there is any “evidence” that we are not healed: panic attacks, growling dogs, children turning white when they see us, bodily injuries, and pain. But, again, all of this “evidence” is not real.  It is simply manifestation of thoughts in our head.  So why pay it any heed?  Why not instead acknowledge that we are wrong and the Holy Spirit is right when we say we are not healed and the Holy Spirit answers with I AM healed.

 

Holy Spirit, we come with open hearts and open minds to receive all that Spirit has for us. We immerse ourselves in Love. We drown in Love.  Our clouds of thoughts are turned to a purifying rain that washes away all doubts, fear, and confusion till only the Son remains. Our sole purpose is to remind all of who they are. There is no hesitation in our steps.  We have made Heaven our decision.  Holy Spirit, we run to You.
Love,

 

Barbara Griffin

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I have heard this so many times. This time I believed it. Blue/H.S. was gently leading me through the night  each time a thought of fear/separation came, Blue said: False Evidence Appearing Real = FEAR. I was shown that I was wrong in all cases, and that none of it mattered. It was all coming from my dreaming mind outside time and space. I spent timeless periods in an understanding from a very high place  – things were utterly simple, seen with true perception. How could I ever have failed to see this simplicity? was the feeling.

When I woke up, I had seemingly left that level of no-me – but the world seems a little more transparent today, a little easier to look through.

And another cycle ended: I was attending an old wonderful actor’s last solo-performance: “What is an actor?” For Course students, that is a prudent question, since we believe that the world is a stage:-) And this actor is very dear to me: he was the Theater Director the last 10 years when Kip and I had our productions there for a period of 20 years.

Today he recited among other things the monologue of Hamlet. A silent sacred space opened, the audience was woven into this NOW, and my tears were falling the whole time he spoke: it was the first time I really heard it and heard that it was written for me – the me that is all of us. The gratitude of receiving it was without end.

He did more wonders: this 85-year old played a monologue in his own dialect of a young hot-headed angry girl who wanted new shoes, and her father who questioned the necessity of it – it was done with such tenderness for both of them that tears come just by writing this.

 

 

 

 

A good conclusion

I get the realization that the mind/body is experiencing some of the pain I have repressed, connected to the traumas. I feel weak like a half dead kitten, and when I do not identify with it, I can just allow it to be there and give it over, being willing to change my mind about it – and remember that I am dreaming it.

Today too I got these so very nice signs/reflections of guilt in my mind: again on the bus. An inspector/policeman enters the bus to inspect if people have paid their fare. A large man, not from my country, and an inspector, comes from the back and start to argue right beside my seat. The customer becomes more and more loud-voiced, explaining his innocence, and the inspector does not give in.

AH! this is a reflection of something in my mind – a foreign part ( = unconscious – is protecting his innocence. AH! I AM innocent. I forgive this reflection – and the same moment, the two start to laugh and pat each others shoulders and the inspector says ” NOW I understand you” and the man calls him friend.

Something else seemed to have come to a conclusion today too. Two times  this spring I have tried to get a ticket for a great one-man-play at the theater, where  an excellent actor and dramatist  has made, and plays alone, a story called “Abraham’s children” , weaving a wonderful tapestry of the three big religions: Christianity, Judaism and Islam.

First time I tried to get a ticket, the last one was sold out to the person before me.

Next time I came to town, they had forgot to mail me that the actor was sick.

Today, they simply could not find my ticket. I felt very calm and a bit amused. Then the woman told me “well, I can just print it out” which she did.

I enjoyed the play tremendously – and loved hearing the different stories about Mary and the birth of Jesus that the Quran had. I also enjoyed the actor playing elephant and camel, and Jonah in the whale, in a fisherman-dialect from up north.

When I came home, The carpenter had repaired what was needed on the job. He got a bad back in front of me, and I introduced him to 2 minutes of EFT –  whereas his back felt good again.

Nice work – and as said before, it feels like  a cycle has come to conclusion.

Dismissing

I noticed this morning that the color of the roof-plates that I made a major fuss about, was exactly the same color as my neighbors’ plates. It is completely incomprehensible to me that I earlier could see my neighbors’ roofs as yellow, when they are clearly clear blue. It shows me how much I am still addicted to drama and problems.

But not really. I am very correctable, thank God. I found this note in one of my Acim-notebooks this morning. The word “dismissing” gives me such a help to understand a vital ingredient of the forgiveness-process: dismissing is just whiffing it away as not serious at all. It is making attack-thoughts not real: I am reminded I am not asked to do anything about them just dismiss them as not serious.

It works so well!

This is what Ken said – from question 590:

As for what else you want to do, your part is simply to continue to be aware of whenever your ego tries to step back in again and take control — for its voice can seem to drown out the Voice for peace. This means recognizing all the feelings of anxiety, apprehension, anger, and alarm, which may seem to be coming from failure to find a job, but are coming from failing to carry out the only job assignment we have in this world — forgiveness. And that means that we are taking ourselves and our attack thoughts seriously, whatever form they may take, whomever they may be directed against, including ourselves. And that’s the real cause of our fear, for unconsciously we anticipate retaliation, from God, for those attack thoughts. So bringing them into conscious awareness allows us to look at them and their source — the ego — and, with the Holy Spirit’s help, dismiss them back into the nothingness that is their source.

And that is the miracle. 

the real source of guilt

Myron Jones yesterday reminded us in her blog that we don’t feel groggy, depressed and anxious because of what happened to us here in the world. We are feeling what we are feeling because of the unconscious guilt in the mind – which we project into the stories in our life. And then we can blame the stories/the past/ for how we are feeling in the present. In other words: psychology.

The only cause is the guilt. The stories/the past are our projection of the guilt.

There seems to be insanity in the split mind. There was insanity in my childhood. The insanity was acted out by adults in various ways. In my story, I was on the receiving end of that. Psychologically, the insanity is in my mind and needs to be worked with – as long as I believe that the body and personality is my identity.

But I am not a body. I am free. I am just as God created me. Myron’s post was intensely important for me to be able to at last place the cause where it is: in the guilt in the mind, and not in my story about a “me.”

All my explorations of Myths, religions, metaphysics, art, Mystery traditions, archetypes – beneath it all was the ardent wish to heal and be of help to others who also wanted healing. So, as long  as I worked psychologically within the genres that interested me, I was gaining a sense of disidentification with the story/personality – the steps taken were all leading me to this place: to really NOT believe in the stories any longer.

A clear plateau has been reached.

The stories are projections of guilt – and the forms of those projections are insignificant: they are all part of the dream of separation that I have valued as more interesting than being the beloved Son of God.

In the dream this night, I was driving around with an insane guy. I saw through his delusions, and told him I was not willing to drive him around anymore. Then he became nasty and threatening, and I woke up.

Suddenly it all seemed crystal clear: my childhood – and countless incarnations – is my projection of unconscious guilt and ONLY that. I saw my story as a dream, and myself as the dreamer. IT NEVER HAPPENED IN REALITY.There is nothing to fix: projections are projections, the form varies, but they all keep us away from the original guilt in the mind which needs to be forgiven, piece by piece, as it attaches itself to the people in the world I have judgments about.

Right now it is Mary: I mailed her and suggest we come together and communicate what we want and need in our partnership – and she does not answer.

Do I want to communicate with someone who does not want to communicate with me?

Do I just turn up at Skype, not knowing what will happen – and allow the Holy Spirit to speak through me?

This is clearly a classroom – and ego tells me how important it is to do it “the right way.”

And maybe both ways are OK – because I really want to do this with no one of us losing/”winning”.

Ah. In other words: whatever I chose, it is OK.

Joining

Easter morning

-I so love the atmosphere of the resurrection day. So also today: then sun is almost always shining 🙂 – there is such peace in my mind.

I was sitting down to practice joining with Love – looking for memories where I have been enveloped by it – and remembered:

I am 3-4 years old, and am walking outside alone. The temperature is mild, gentle, pleasant. The stillness is permeating me, as if God is all around me. I feel completely safe and protected: there exists nothing to be protected from.

I savor the delicate sense of my shoes on the road. It is a narrow road, a five minutes walk from my house, and it feel like it is leading me on.

And then – there it is, lying in the dust: a red shining miracle: a stone. In my memory, it looks like the Kingsruby in the book from Tove Jansson: Finn Family Moomintroll. It fills my little hand, it is glowing and mysterious and precious beyond everything you can think of.

It belongs to me: it waited for me.

Period. Memory ends. But the finding of the treasure, meant for me – and the deeply spiritual feeling of being with God – are connected in my mind, and an anchor for me to use when I want to remember God.

I used this, this morning, to visualize a person I have difficulties with, and intending to see her essence. When I could find it, I merged my essence with hers. It was beautiful beyond description.

And then I opened the Course text and read:

T-25.II.11. You and your brother are the same as God Himself is One, and not divided in His Will. 2 And you must have one purpose, since He gave the same to both of you. 3 His Will is brought together as you join in will, that you be made complete by offering completion to your brother. 4 See not in him the sinfulness he sees, but give him honor that you may esteem yourself and him. 5 To you and your brother is given the power of salvation, that escape from darkness into light be yours to share; that you may see as one what never has been separate, nor apart from all God’s Love as given equally.

the veil

T-19.IV.D.2. The fourth obstacle to be surmounted hangs like a heavy veil before the face of Christ. 2 as His face rises beyond it, shining with joy because He is in His Father’s Love, peace will lightly brush the veil aside and run to meet Him, and to join with Him at last. 3 For this dark veil, which seems to make the face of Christ Himself like to a leper’s, and the bright Rays of His Father’s Love that light His face with glory appear as streams of blood, fades in the blazing light beyond it when the fear of death is gone.

T-19.IV.D.5. Every obstacle that peace must flow across is surmounted in just the same way; the fear that raised it yields to the love beyond, and so the fear is gone.

Yesterday, I made a decision: I am willing to surrender my belief that the ego has power to block Love. – I was intensely tired of the roller-coaster process of peace and suffering, and was willing to let go of the comfort of the familiar old  sufferer – identity and instead being willing to have a process of ease. This decision was delivered with a lazer-sharp intention.

Dream after this:

I am in a huge empty classroom.All the students have moved on to the next one – and this one is ice cold, deserted. I move into the adjacent room: it is small, and two other male young students are there. The atmosphere is warm and cosy, and one man says, as he is looking out: “Spring is here now.”

A mysterious man comes in his  wooden trustworthy boat. The boat travels by air and water, and we travel with him. We have complete  trust in his ability to take us to our destination – until we come to a precipice. I say, “we are going to die if we go down here with the boat. i will climb down myself, I have more control.” Yes:-) But the man says something that makes me listen to Him, and suddenly we are down, safe.

I see that in this first spring-day all the usual flowers have come up. I name them as we see them around our boat.

He is such a great Master.

Someplace in the dream, there is a really icky dark poisonous energy. I state my willingness to release the belief that ego can block Love – and after some seconds I have the thought that this is the very substance of the veil of illusion, that warps our perception – described above in the Course-quote. Blue  says: “If God is perfect Love, this is a dream.” It’s just stuff. Not a signal of some hidden guilt or dangerous  personal memory. I am starting to be excited to know that Heaven is just beyond this veil.

I am aware that the Master in the boat is right now skillfully maneuvering his boat with me inside it, and that I can trust the journey completely.I relax and allow it to happen. Somehow I am not in the dream any longer – just being with the veil-energy. Knowing that the forms of illusions do not matter at all: I give all my faith to the Master of the boat.

The ego is telling me that I have been so good, I can relax now and go to sleeeep. I don’t want to. I think about Cherubino’s aria in Cosi fan tutte: so terrified to surrender to love, and dedicating it to the Contessa, who looks at him with great love.

Here it is – a little musical interlude:

The ego is threatening me now that he is my big protector. There is an addiction going on – an addiction to listen to him and feeling “safe” in his system. What a lier he is. I choose to put my faith in the Master of this boat.

I am moving through a massive field of fear: “Now you will die.” It is not true – just messages coming from within the veil, and I don’t need to believe these thoughts.

A nasty memory of being controlled and forced by a big male hand on my neck comes, vividly. I see that i somehow told myself that only if i comply, will i not be killed – meaning that I am safe. So I equated being safe with being forced and controlled – and the body stored the cell-memory in the neck.

Now the landscape in the veil looks dismal, obnoxious. I am not the landscape. I choose to trust the Boatsman. – I see myself putting my hand on top of the controller,firmly removing it, calmly saying: “You will never do that again.”

The ego tells me – and this is a strong belief, but all the same, it is a lie: “You need to do this a million more times before it will work.” Again, I willingly release my belief that the ego has power to block Love. And remind myself that the Boatman is the proof that I am heard and answered.

And the ego delivers a fat one: “You are so special going through this, and understanding this, and seeing through the ego.” But it can say absolutely nothing to prevent me from doing what I am doing right now: following the journey through the veil, mapping it.

The wonder of allowing

I have just ended a Sedona releasing -session with Mary. I have noticed how strongly I have believed in the story – and held on to it to stay a “me” -the story of fear and cold having the power to kill me.

It hasn’t.

First I noticed the usual fear/cold in the body. The fear that it would overpower me and kill me. Then I switched from believing the thoughts and noticing the thoughts. Lots of confusion. As I sat with it, much identified with it, hundreds of small birds appeared in the sky in front of my window. They were flying, silently and slowly, in front of my eyes. They were not going anywhere: just allowing themselves to float on wings and the wind. As I watched them, my being relaxed thoroughly. Then they disappeared.

It became so clear how the story is nothing, and how my belief in it gives it all the meaning – and power – it has for me. It became clear how much I held on to it. And what has been the hook is the belief that it can kill me if I let it be there.

Suddenly I felt a giggle – and a willingness to be wrong about that belief. Holy Spirit took it, and now I know:

This cold/hate/anger/fear cannot kill me: it is just a story.

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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