Christ Consciousness

Last webcast on lesson 11 of Way of Knowing with Sarita Premley. The guided meditation was very helpful  – I always am more present when I listen to them alone in bed afterwards – I get distracted by all the energy info coming in from the images/persons on the screen

So when Sarita asked, “What do you really want to KNOW this life “– there was direct transmission via images and impressions. First there was the idea of being of service – but what truly came up as something I really have WANTED, was this:

I want to KNOW myself as a sovereign soul/Christ/Self, and BE/radiate this state of Presence to others.

In my book When Fear Comes Home to Love where we explore certain fear-archetypes-traps and how to relate to them, there is an archetype I have called Bird – after the big painting I was “given” to “download” as a painter, where all the archetypes are present as figures. The main one that I and all my patients through 30 years have had and been driven by, is what we may call “The helper/therapist-archetype” the one that derives her/his worth by this work – to her/his own detriment.

I have worked diligently with its energy for years – and yesterday, after our webcast, I noticed that my whole house was filled to the brim by my neighbors’ energy ( those from Kosovo that I have talked about earlier.) It even SMELLED from them – a quite different smell than the familiar one.)

So now I was planted in the middle of the old pattern: I am one who always pick up others unconsciousness that they have split off, and hold it for them.

I did that for 30 years as therapist without finding out what to do about it and  almost always felt sick after sessions. “Giving it back” afterwards never really worked. Yesterday I saw the  seed -belief  – I NEED to do this as a survival mode – taking the others crazy-energy inside as a way of control it.– I truly believed it would save me from being attacked again, since I now had it inside already – but as Abraham reminds us, then I just hold a frequency that attracts more of the same.

So I saw the original choice and owned it, no problem – and affirmed that I WANTED this absolute KNOWING that I was this POWERFUL Christ Presence, WANTED to KNOW myself as That, FEEL myself as that.

And I came into this body in quite a new way – very anchored. It has lasted the whole day (included a visit to the Dental Hygienists who does rather painful work.)

I saw at night how the old identity was geared  to “help” only by taking over others garbage – and that it helped me feel very good and helpful and powerful ( but also VERY angry and filled with revenge-thoughts.) I know that believed I had no choice in this – and yesterday I was clear that I had: I could choose instead just KNOWING that my True Presence  is enough – TRULY! And being anchored in it will give me the necessary info about how to intervene or NOT.

I sat with that knowing for a very long time, confirming my choice again and again – THIS is what I desire. And what helped me was the KNOWING and bodily feeling that this IS my true identity.

From intellect into body-awareness – what a journey

It feels so very  good

Thank you Sarita and group – thank you thank you

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rushingrushingrushing

“The ego is your thoughts about yourself” says the Course.

This night I listened to a tape where my friend Anne – a kindred artist spirit and friend – guided me through an inner journey. When I felt stuck in the process I sensed the energy I operated from acutely in my nervous system – and I started to listen for the procedures I used: the old loved ones of interpreting, finding what symbols pointed to – and I sensed Anne’s loving energetic response to it. She allowed it without interfering – but steadfastly repeated “There is no need to rush. Jesus is there. His manner is not changed by whatever you do – he loves you unconditionally.”

What I sensed when listening to “me” on this inner journey was a strong constriction, around the heart and lungs, tensing in muscles, efforting to do it right – the one who efforts is surely not free and resting in this moment. I was graced with the ability to truly see how convulsed and controlled that way of maneuvering through the mind is – it is like that, because I am doing it on my “own” – without Christ.

This has been my survival mode all life.

To recognizing and acutely sensing its energetic imprint – and the unpleasantness of it – is so helpful!

Anne said: “Jesus is holding his hands on your head. You are sitting down with him. He says that you are rushing all the time.”

Just being still with Him now

Handing over this old pattern of being clever and doing in on my “self” – including the doubt that it can be done – asking to notice  “oh there I go again” and smile at it:)

Thy will be done, Beloved

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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