FOCUS

The process is calling LOUD out that I FOCUS on what I will do. This obviously has to do with healing my addiction to confusion as an excellent separation-gig.

So today I chose to look into the mail for a message I was waiting for – and it was not there – so I automatically and thoughtlessly logged into an author forum –  and soon felt very stressed. STILL, I stayed there and played for a while.

Then I logged off -and after some minutes I noticed that the radio automatic had changed from Swedish Classical Music to Norway p 1.(Main channel.)

My energy had switched from the higher frequency of classical music to the”main channel” which I from now on see as the ego-channel 😊

Another beautiful teaching yesterday: lately, ZOOM has steadfastly alleged that I my identity is not VALID. After having struggled with that for 2 days, I went to the Zoom on my desktop and opened it as “administrator.” I stated out loud: I know my identify as the Holy Child of God – and still I have to use the ID numbers you (Zoom) has given me.

Then it accepted the numbers and let me in.

And because I did NOT focus when I pasted this post from Word – the whole doc came out with a line all through all lines. – I saw that I had NOT focused when I logged on – and instead of focusing, I just nodded OK ( but did not TAKE TIME) and the line-through went right through Holy Child of God.

Oh hilarious! And the most beautiful is that I do not feel any guilt for it – just giggles

***************

And now to something really important ( if you are still here?)

I invite you to take a peek into When Fear Comes Home to Love – look into the reviews and you will see what it is about. If you have been attracted to this blog, it will be for you.

And so will the two other books of course.

 

Coming for to carry me Home

I have very rarely had the connection to needs and feelings I have after I started to use the “Core Transformation” method. I don’t have to search mentally for answers any longer – they come directly FROM the inner parts of Self. And of course earlier methods and trainings and practices have built up and prepared my mind and soul for this too!

I love to share the last unbelievably sign or synchronicity, mirroring my inner journey.This morning i worked with a part that had a lot of defense -structures around it.* All* the defense – parts listened to my request for them to pull back and watch. So I was brought back to the innermost wish this part had – to be home with God, to truly feel the embodiment of this. I saw myself walking over a bridge from illusion to Truth – and in the same moment, a HUGE racket started outside my window. It was a helicopter – and the sound and vibrations were so overwhelming that it seemed to have landed right outside my window. My immediate association was “It’s come to carry me HOME “

LIFE – here – and here- and here

The synchronicities are overwhelmingly loudtalking the last month:

First the movie BIRDMAN with Micheal Keaton – which is about actors  who mesh with the narrative/manuscript they are playing, and you end up not knowing what is script and what is “real” – and in the end, Keaton becomes his fantasyfigure and transcends physical laws.

Then , a play, 2+1,  where 2 terminal old patients take a trip into their common dreamworld/past, and somewhere there a woman says, comfortingly when the one oldie hesitates, “It’s only theater you know -”

Then I am reading the marvelous book “Turtle Diary” by Russel Hoban. It is about an odd couple who steals the big turtles from London Zoo and drives them to the sea and launches them into freedom.There is this fantastic description:

“When a  a photograph in a newspaper is looked at closely one can see the single half-tone dots it’s made of. There one sees the incidence of a single dot,there another and another.Every picture is a pattern of coincidence unrecognizable in the single dot. Each incidence of anything in life is just a single dot and my face is so close to that so that I can’t see what it’s part of. ( My italics.) I shall never be able to stand back far enough to see the whole picture. I shall die in blind ignorance and rage.”

Then she describes how she recognizes the perfection of all the dots, and how they fit – and how every move she does, and everything/person she meets, are parts of this perfect pattern.

And at that sentence, i felt it too – and everything and everybody around me, a busy bus terminal fell into perfect choreographed movements of such beauty that I started to cry.

I was  on my way to a Electronic shop to repair my cellphone. On the way there I sensed that I would later experience  yet another wonderful synchronicity.

And when i stood at the desk with the repairman and waited, I lookd through the long room onto TV- screens at it very far off end:

There were film clips of big turtles there, diving with humans

Then I go to a movie: Sils  Maria – where yet again the actor who plays an actor in a new version of herself 20 years older than the first-play-version – that was simple to understand, right? and she and her assistant mesh with the script of the new film…and if this isn’t enough, there is a line that the actor says, that is almost identical with what I just read in the Turtle Diary book: “I shall never be able to stand back far enough to get the whole picture”

Ah

And then I turned on a taped movie for late dinner:

“Family Man” … where the couple go through 3 possible lives /constellations together –

Nothing is cut in stone, people

Tine and Space are constructs

And I did not need to be far away from the  bigdot-picture – I just had to recognize the beautiful choreography of absolute everything my eyes fell on – inclusive myself – and marvel marvel marvel at the perfection of it all

Lost and found: enough

Alright, this last video in this post is a gift of synchronicity to me. I have to tell you that today I felt a big ENOUGH. The night was nightmarish again. When it started I started my prayers too – and I felt such joy and connection. Then huge pains started in the chest area – and this mechanism is old: when I seem to be connected to Truth, ego flares up in defense. Heart pains are its favorite: very scary.

Something inside just gave up. I felt a huge anger at God, and expressed it. Felt instantly better. That made me wonder what was going on. Where do these pains come from? ego thought system. Whenever I connect to truth, they seem to attack me.

In the morning, I felt like jumping out of the window. I can’t stand this any longer. I logged on my email, and found the father and daughter-video in the last mail – which I titled lost/found. Then there was another video in my YouTube-digest which also was titled Enough: from the author of “Lost and found”…it felt like a sweet smile from God. So I will post it below.

I see how the inner attack is kept alive by an eternal unconscious root-belief that I am not worthy, and so must “deserve” these attacks from darkness when I connect with Truth. ENOUGH says the Voice now ( which is MY voice: I am the author of “Lost/found”:-)) What uses to happen when I experience help like this, is that the next time the attacks come and I remember the ENOUGH, there is no change at all – AND the helplessness instantly arrives and reminds me that the Course is an all wrong path for me.

STILL I will say enough, and allow H.S to heal this for me.

There really is nothing else to do, is there?

OHMYGODTHISISHILAROUS – look at that video – Blue is having a ball with me – oh how i needed to see that one! But it was NOT the one I wanted to post here 🙂 – let me see if I succeed this time:

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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