Last review for When Fear Comes Home to Love

…for which I am truly grateful 🙂 *

 

January 10, 2015
This review is from: When Fear Comes Home to Love: The healing gifts of art, play and forgiveness (Paperback)
This beautiful book came to me (as it does) via the Holy Spirit, in answer to some questions I had. Every page is rich in inspiration, a road map to healing, through play, art, and the investigation of archetypes. The dialogues with the Holy Spirit are simply ‘wow” and Leelah’s story of moving from the pain and burden of abuse, from profound fear to love, healing and freedom is a reminder of what is possible for us all. I am only a third of the way through the book, and wish to highly recommend it to A Course in Miracles students, as well as to anyone else who is engaged in the courageous journey of self discovery and healing.

The power to (mis)create

There was a clear shift in my sleeping-pattern for some days – and then I took a glass of red wine for dinner, and bam I was back in doom and gloom. Much of that doom came from my own judgment of taking that glass – oh I shouldn’t have – yes I should, since I have had a great opportunity to watch my mind going into paroxysms of guilt and selfblame, and have truly experienced how scared the me-mind is  to lose its identity. I saw clearly the split parts: the nice and clever girl practicing the Course, and the hating suffering part still feeling exiled. After this I had a dream about having received 2 pretty Salmons for dinner – and they were not still dead, so I had to cut the their throat. I did, reluctantly – hating the killing part – and woke up, feeling that it was my throat that was cut. What a huge shock that was, and the pain – indescribable.

Was it the suffering-me-identity that was killed?

When the doomandgloom woke me up this morning, I called for help as always, and as the alignment with Truth gradually happened, I was shown that I have used the unlimited power to create, given me by God, to seemingly create the seemingly opposite of God – to truly explore it in all its variety, and also deeply experience the consequences of it. What is clear to me right now is that there CAN*T BE ANY OPPOSITE TO GOD . Is there truly WAS a REAL opposite, LOVE could be disputed- God would’nt be God.

I have truly experienced the effect of that belief in countless incarnations, and the Universe – the screen for my projections – has faithfully played it out to me, so very convincingly. But it is seen clearly that an opposite to God is impossible –  it is only a ridiculous idea, that I offer up for correction.

When I have dressed for the day, I get an impulse to call my doctor for a check on my thyroxine-level – and I hear: when you call the doctors office and are answered at the first signal, you can be certain that you do this WITH Me.”

Ha. I have been a patient there for 15 years, and use to sit and wait to be connected to the nurse for about 1/2 hour each time. They have an endless answering-message in the start too.

I call.There is one short beep and the nurse answers me.

I am flabbergasted.I order an appointment, and she tells me the waiting list is long. I don’t accept that at all, tell her that I need to check my thyroxine, and get an appointment in 3 days

*

Here is some lines from the introduction to the Course:

Nothing real can be threatened.
Nothing unreal exists.
Herein lies the peace of God.

This is how A Course in Miracles begins. It makes a fundamental distinction between the real and the unreal; between knowledge and perception. Knowledge is truth, under one law, the law of love or God. Truth is unalterable, eternal and unambiguous. It can be unrecognized, but it cannot be changed. It applies to everything that God created, and only what He created is real. It is beyond learning because it is beyond time and process. It has no opposite; no beginning and no end. It merely is.

The world of perception, on the other hand, is the world of time, of change, of beginnings and endings. It is based on interpretation, not on facts. It is the world of birth and death, founded on the belief in scarcity, loss, separation and death. It is learned rather than given, selective in its perceptual emphasis, unstable in its functioning, and inaccurate in its interpretations.

From knowledge and perception respectively, two distinct thought systems arise which are opposite in every respect. In the realm of knowledge no thoughts exist apart from God, because God and His Creation share one Will. The world of perception, however, is made by the belief in opposites and separate wills, in perpetual conflict with each other and with God. What perception sees and hears appears to be real because it permits into awareness only what conforms to the wishes of the perceiver. This leads to a world of illusions, a world which needs constant defence precisely because it is not real.

When you have been caught in the world of perception you are caught in a dream. You cannot escape without help, because everything your senses show merely witnesses to the reality of the dream. God has provided the Answer, the only Way out, the true Helper. It is the function of His Voice, His Holy Spirit, to mediate between the two worlds. He can do this because, while on the one hand He knows the truth, on the other He also recognizes our illusions, but without believing in them. It is the Holy Spirit’s goal to help us escape from the dream world by teaching us how to reverse our thinking and unlearn our mistakes. Forgiveness is the Holy Spirit’s great learning aid in bringing this thought reversal about. However, the Course has its own definition of what forgiveness really is just as it defines the world in its own way.

 

 

PLEASING

I recently talked about this with a friend on Facebook, who noticed herself being pleasing and decided to stop it. I want to add that there is certainly no reason to judge being pleasing – being pleasing saved my life when i grew up, without any doubt. And that makes it a pattern which is connected to survival – no wonder we hold onto it.

Because the energy-pattern is so embedded in me, I notice it instantly in others. It is such an unpleasant energy – as long as we have not forgiven ourselves completely for having chosen being pleasing as a defense-system when we were small- now there is judgment against it, because it is not considered straight and mature to be pleasing. Especially when we are on a spiritual path, pleasing is a nono.

But pleasing masks the intense fear of not being loved – of having “sinned” – in fact of being cast out of Heaven. WE truly believe that the only chance we have to loved is to have it from our family – we have forgotten and repressed that that Love is Who we are.

So if I now judge myself for being pleasing when I notice this in myself, I am holding ego’s hand – it is trying to be spiritual. 🙂

When we were small and filled with joy, we may have heard “Oh you are so full of yourself” – “tone it down, will you” – “you are simply too much for me” – I notice how that lovely life-energy  and Self-expression is squashed and judged – and there is no-one to blame: this is the dance of ego

So how can we relate to this old habit when we spot it?
As soon as we move into more freedom, the old stuff come up to be released – it is a sign of progress. And the thing is that we create judges outside of us to forewarn us of the “real” judgment waiting at home -and in our mind.

Judging ourselves is abusive – and the energetic “reason ” that we re-create” the old story about us as an” abuse-victim” – everything is better, we /ego tell ourself, that attracting God’s wraaathhh.

It is skillful to see this pattern so that next time I catch myself erasing myself in order to be allowed to live, I can choose again
Stop
Breathe
Realize you have made this pattern – or rather, identified with ego’s pattern
Expand – connect with Creator and your Heart – sense this struggling part of you and choose to LOVE it instead of judging it.

One of my sturdiest patterns of behavior is struggling very hard to “get it right” – and describing to others how to heal this pattern LOL – and tell it:

I LOVE YOU. YOU ARE SAFE. I AM HERE FOR YOU.

Now the Holy Spirit can take over: I am not longer trying to fix the “pleaser” – and I am demonstrating that it is not dangerous to receive LOVE – which is the trap we fell into when we believed in the Tiny Mad Idea of Separation.

Apperances- phantom pains

“The Atonement does not make holy. You were created holy. It merely brings unholiness to holiness; or what you made to what you are. Bringing illusion to truth, or the ego to God, is the Holy Spirit’s only function.” T-14.IX.1:1-4 “The Atonement is so gentle you need but whisper to it, and all its power will rush to your assistance and support.” T-14.IX.3:2

I quote from Nouk Sanchez’ Forgiveness process on her website:

1.      I acknowledge that I am not at peace, so I must be wrong-minded. And I want to be at peace so I ask Spirit to help me look at my mind.

 

2.      I remember that any sign of threat, pain, sickness, conflict, or scarcity is not God’s Will. I acknowledge this is the ego in my mind. I remember that I must deny the ego’s appearances and focus on the Love that is Truth, beyond all appearances.

 

3.      I invite You (Spirit) to look at these fears and judgments with me. I will not judge myself or another while we do this. I will leave a space of total non-judgment, so you can fill it with Love and healing.

 

4.      As we look together, I say to myself with sincerity, “Even while this appears as a problem, and despite feeling fear, pain, anxiety, unworthiness, anger, guilt, or doubt – I open myself to receive healing through the miracle, in this instant.”

 

5.      Trust only in God’s Love. God is in everything I see, because God is in my mind. Together, we look past ego appearances as they represent our unconscious wishes with the ego. In looking past appearances we join with God (light) in asking to perceive only what is true, beyond ego appearances (darkness). God is in everything I see, because God is in my mind; and what God sees through my mind is therefore healed! Do not doubt this. This is forgiveness. Trust and doubt cannot co-exist and Love without trust is impossible.

*

Lately, two angry quarrelsome guys have disturbed a group I Love. One of these guys gave me such an offensive question that I feel nausea when i think about it. AND this is a great forgiveness opportunity, isn’t it!

I prayed for help to see him with the eyes of Love. It felt like veils were being drawn apart, and I saw the figure of “The Spirit of Christmas”in the old version of  Scrooge-films.The appearance of a guy filled with intense contempt crumbled – and I denied the ego’s appearances.

A little later, the thoughts went back to the guy, and the appearances were there again. And  thought came from Blue: “Appearances can be felt in the nervous system, just as a phantom pain after an amputated gangrened limb.”

That is so very helpful for me. The appearance is here – AND so is Love, right behind it. AND I truly want to wake up MORE than I want to be justly pissed, more than i want to make somebody else “guilty.”

Unicorn

I recently had a Skype session with Stacy Sully. Here is what Nouk Sanchez says about her:

For anyone with any kind of challenge whether it is physical or emotional, Stacy helps access the core. Her ability to heal is a direct result of her total trust in and certainty of God – being all Love with no opposite.

She acts as a conduit and heals by going beyond (looking past appearances) polarities, i.e. sick or healthy. She helps us access our Center, the Holy Place within…where all is perfection. This Center knows no fear, no pain, no loss, no sickness and no deprivation. In this Center all is one and all is perfect. It is here in our Holy Self where only God’s Law (Love) is present. And as we learn to access this sacred state, the blocks to the awareness of Love’s presence must fall away.
Her work reminded me of my shamanistic past – she healed blocks to Love’s presence by joining with them and letting them go. I did not feel any different in a big way – but an etheric disturbance on the right side of the head was healed, and suddenly my hearing is better! And this night I discovered that when the usual disaster-thoughts come, I could just notice them and not attach to them at all – just allowing them to float by. There was no judgment.

I was also invited to be with the inner 2-year old more often, and invited to remind her of a unicorn we once saw at an exhibition: it was an installation – the artist Børre Sæthre  had placed a white (stuffed) horse in a blue and white chamber and made a unicorn out of him.

This is unfortunately the only image that exists – it can’t be enlarged – but you’ll get an impression.

Entering that chamber I was luckily alone, and I could freely feel the enormous longing that came up. Tears and tears and tears – I sensed a longing “back to” this world where such creatures exist and can be communicated to. It felt like a true homecoming, and in this space my inner child – enchanted –  felt safe.

I believe she felt safe because she sensed that this dimension was separate from the horror-dimension she usually lived in.

So this night I dreamed that my child in real life, now 33 years younger as a toddler – symbolizing my inner child – phoned me and told me she could not enter our home. When I woke up I realized that my inner child still thinks our former apartment is where she lives – she still have not “moved in with me” in our condo. Still dissociated – displaced – but she is not any longer “taking over” my identity and nervous system. When I notice her inside, I just have to take the time to be with her, allow safety and Love to be with us, and point to the Unicorn – grotto.To her, the Holy Spirit is a Unicorn.

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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