Transformation in a special area

E.g illness, patterns

She points out how important it is to be crystal clear about our intention. Mine was to heal my throat chakra, allowing myself to speak my truth and feel safe.

Going through the exercise felt wonderful, and I could sense that something important happened. Same night – the last one – I had this wonderful dream:

I was in a big classroom with 15-17 year old kids. I was a teacher. Somebody mentioned the word suitcase-water, and I asked what it meant. Instantly all of them laughed at me: she does not know what suitcase-water is!

“Not yet” I smiled ( and meaning it – there was not an inch in me that took their scorn seriously. They all turned into friends, and explained the expression ( which I do not remember!)

The feeling – to be able to feel completely safe and loving while talking – was now fully anchored. I have no words how good it felt to be me in that room.

Awake, I pondered that in addition to feeling happy and safe while speaking, there is also times when you are radiant and bright and truly excel – and that TOO may me met with scorn.

In Scandinavia, we have a famous writer, Aksel Sandemose. He composed a law called the Jante Law – after a small danish island named Jante. Ex:

You must not believe you ARE something.

You shall not believe you can teach US something.

You shall not believe you are better than US.

And so on

When I lived in L.A for a year, I noticed that this law does not exist there.

It still exist here – so that’s why it felt so amazingly wonderful to be outside of it – and at the same time, NOT be someone who pretends to be higher and wiser and better than. In my dream, I had their deep appreciation that I did not react negatively to their scorn.

I’d love to hear comments from you about this – being either “stupid” OR a”stuck-up” – and BOTH are reproachable.

I am going to do the video exercize this night too 🙂

The Central Lie – and the Troll Chair

The Central lie in the thought system of separation is that we are victims of fate – and that God wants to punish us for our sins.

The shining Truth in all Mystery teachings is that what you are looking for, is What is looking – the Kingdom is within. What I believe in becomes true for me – and I, as most humans,have chosen to believe in fear and limitation – and that I am powerless and need to behave and be good, or else.

I have realized that what I believe in, becomes true for me – and my personal litany has been ” nothing helps, there must be something wrong with me.” So when I have started to feel good and worthy and loved by God, this unexamined belief has catapulted me back into agony. For 40 years. Until I discovered this night that it only has the power I – and most of humanity – have given it.

My Buddhist therapist once said that lies need us to believe in them – that is the only thing that keeps them alive.

And when it is a collective lie, they become invisible.

And what becomes invisible, controls me. And what I cannot accept and forgive within myself, comes to me from the Universe as attack and illness and trouble – because I believe I am a victim of it. And I have learned that when I change my beliefs, my universe changes too.

I felt this night the power of the belief “nothing helps. It will never change.” And I saw that I had given it all the power it has over me. I was trying to remember a declaration I made a week ago – I declare my trust and faith in the infinite power of divine light and love – and my mind and brain just froze up. I heard the sentence ” This is MUCH more powerful than me “- and realized that it was my BELIEF in this thought that made it powerful. When I declared that I choose LOVE instead of this belief, I immediately remembered my declaration.

I am acutely aware that this is a collective belief – that it may take some time to exchange it for Love – but love I will.

***

Now – today I am showing you my Troll chair. It does indeed come from that common belief that denies Love. And that’s why it felt so freeing to make it visible.

Trolls are beings without heart – and they are not the smartest, even if though they may have two heads. When I got the idea to explore darkness as a chair, there were certain images that came – ice, sharp glass, thorns, black asphalt, splintered mirrors.

Back of chair

At first, it was naked, no green nature veils.Twice I somehow got too close to the mirror chards and my skull was cut badly. Lots of blood -“respect your work!”

Then some day I started to SEE green leaves sprouting from the legs

some of the thorns and leaves

Now the trust came – my job is to make visible the process of “darkness waking up and casting away its slough.

A huge release happened, and my heart opened wide for that dark part in us all that has lost all hope for light. My chair, though, has dared to allow Nature to melt into it – and the biggest change energetically came when I found the raw wool,stretched it thin and  adorned the chair with it.

I was doing this outside, on my terrace, and I still remember the hush in the air when The Holy entered the Chair.

The New Green

This was when I knew that some of the Queen bees had work to do on this chair. And that FUR had to be added

and OH the pleasure of adding the PEARL

There are now four Queens working and playing with it – three in the chair top and one crawling up one leg.

*****

INVITATION:
I would love to  hear from my dear readers: what beliefs have been most instrumental in keeping you small and limited? I know that for each of these beliefs that are let out in the free – openly showed here,  the Universe will join us in allowing them to be released

Bewitched Princess

I live from the old adage – As within, so without. I have chosen to believe that whatever I react to from outside, mirrors something inside I still have not forgiven and released.

I am currently given to explore the archetype of the Bewitched Princess – within myself. She is the one who is lured into mountains by Trolls – and ends up believing in her bewitched role: guilty, sinful, slutty… and wanting more of that kind, “cause that is who she IS.” She is an inner “gestalt”, and she is available for light. My job as an awakening human is to learn to relate to the archetypes inside my mind with compassion, Light, love. As I use the methods I find most effective ( which are constantly developing) the influence from the darker archetypes lightens -I can more easily recognize “ah, there she is -” – no more identification, just a recognition of something that needs my attention and Love.

This is a fairytale that we find in most cultures – Beauty and Beast is one variation – and in 1974 I had stage design and puppet design in a production in Oslo New Theater, The Companion – with my brilliant husband Karel Hlavaty as wizard of the technical stuff. He was a master of illusions, professor in Puppetry and technology, and was one of the small group in Praha who developed the method of Black Theater and brought it to Europe – via Laterna Magica, the famous Czech theater in Prague.

Karel flied from the old Czechoslovakia in 1968 when it was invaded by the Soviets, came to Norway and we met at the Arts and Craft College where I took my Bachelor. He got a teaching job – and he wanted me as his assistant. To be honest, he wanted me in other ways too. I was 24. He was 49… and dark, gloomy looking and with a tremendous charisma. We ended up working together in Norwegian Theaters for 20 years until he died in |1988.

He introduced Norway to Black Theater and other experimental forms. The rod puppets below are made by me, and belong to a Norwegian Fairytale called ” The Companion”

Here the princess is with the troll, as depicted by Carl Larsson, Swedish artist

And here the Bewitched One hangs by my bedroom window. As I woke this morning, the sun shone right through her costume – which is what transformation is all about. We need the Light of Divinity – or Holiness – to help us see through the dark form to the eternal innocence inside. And more and more these days I discover the truth in this – that LOVE is eternally present as the essence of all – from Troll to Princess.

And when I turned my head on the pillow this morning and was met with the sight above, it felt like The Holy Rays of Light shone right through the old costume of bewitchment. And deep inside, a blessed warmth grew through an ice cold part of me.

In the story, the main character – Johannes – gets a mysterious Companion who knows well all the levels of magic and transformation, and assists Johannes in getting the princess he wants so much. But since she now is bewitched, she won’t have him. The Companion assists him on his way into the mountain to lure and listen to the conversations between the Troll and The Princess – to find out how to purify her and change her back into her free self and to cut the head of the Troll/ The Bewitcher, whom we all have inside.

So there were two puppets starring as princesses – here she is in her True Self. My poster to the left shows The Companion and Johannes, and the magical holy Sword of Truth behind them.

In my book “ When Fear Comes Home to Love” I describe my own and patients’ path from being “swallowed” by archetypes and  back into the Light that is our true Nature. By working with these themes for 25 years I detected ten archetypes – all of them well described in Myths and Fairytales. And now, with Karel through 20 years, I got to explore them even more in costumes and characters in our productions.

SAKINA

After sitting with the inner attacker and embracing him, my body went crazy: so much old repressed energy cascaded out, the body swells and is intensely itchy.  What at last alleviated it was my steadfast decision to remember Who I am and to acknowledge it – the more i did it, the more I knew it was TRUTH.

Clear inner message: Energy medicine with balancing the meridian system is OK – AND you need to find your connection with Me.

In the morning saw that a person – a sufi teacher♥ – had “liked” a post – and I knew that this hardship is part of the path I am called to walk THROUGH – and its tenacity has its root in identifying with the resistance to Love, like the Attacker:

I need to stop seeing these patterns as ME or MINE – since then I am identified with it and illness may happen. In the huge physical manifestations last night I notice that what was healing was my insistent and repeated practice of “AM ONE SELF – joined with my Creator, unlimited in power and in peace.” Suddenly the itching was there, but the identity with it had gone – now I could just BE there and breathe through it – it was not ME any longer, not “my” body.

Here is the text God via the blog writer “Inner Peace” wanted me to read again:

This is borrowed from the beautiful blog:  http://beautywelove.blogspot.com/
Imagine you are walking alone at night on a country road.  No people or cars or houses around, just enough starlight to see your way, the only sound the sound of your shoes on the road and the swish of your clothes as you walk.  You feel the stillness inside of things come close. You stop. Now there are no sounds, except the almost-never-heard hush of things being.
You sense the stillness on all sides and an identical stillness within you. It makes you uneasy, as if you are about to be extinguished.  You try to think, to establish yourself against the stillness, but the voice of your thoughts sounds thin, metallic.  You feel an irrepressible need to be distracted, to change the stillness and its overwhelming of you. You walk home thinking about plans for tomorrow.
But in the quiet of your room you realize what happened: you got scared.  You got scared of opening into the stillness, of allowing it to be.  It was a close call.  You see how throughout your life you have invited one distraction after another to prevent just this from happening.  Now you feel disappointed in yourself. So instead of turning on your computer or reading a book or getting something to eat, you sit down and invite the stillness back.
A phrase you once heard comes to you, from Psalm 46: “Be still, and know.” Be still. Be still.
You arrange your body as you have learned to do.  You sit in a comfortable, alert position, with your back vertical so you don’t slump or drift off.  You let your body be motionless, quiet.  The motionlessness of your body is a helpful friend; you know it is temporary, and in fact it is not really motionless – little shifts and sensations keep happening – but the relative stillness of your body reduces your identification with it, with the sense you are your body’s ambitions and memories and likes and dislikes.
Learning to sit still, to settle like this, is called by Tibetan lamas “the first motionlessness.” A quiet body at ease relaxes the persistence of thoughts.  Once the first motionlessness has been learned, they say, then it doesn’t matter if the body is motionless or moving, for the the ground of stillness is always available.  But for now you need this helpful friend, and you sit still.
Now you invite what the lamas call “the second motionlessness.” This is the still, empty openness “behind” each of your senses, the openness in which your senses arise.  You relax into that openness. To say it is not moving points to its nature, but that’s not entirely accurate.  It is not the opposite of motion, or of the visible, or of sound.  This motionlessness is not definable – it is not a sensation. Nevertheless it has an almost kinesthetic effect on you, as if it is vanishing you, as if the existing one you thought you were, the receiver, the photographic plate that records your experience, this”one,” becomes transparent. You begin to feel the same threat of vanishing you felt on the road, but now you relax and let it be.
  “The third motionlessness” comes now, unbidden.  It is the stillness of presence itself – the stillness of a clearness that is always here, behind and within everything. It is what allows everything to show up.  It is empty too not made out of anything, yet it is awesome and radiant in its presence.  It is without being an it.
You remember now how the phrase from Psalm 46 continues: “Be still, and know I am God.”
“God”  – this old, strange word that sounds like a judge and yet still resonates beyond that – could it mean – could it have first meant – this empty Presence without form, appearing as all form?  You realize you are trying to figure it out and you stop. Be still, and know I am God.  The knowing is not thinking. It is presence being present to presence.
You find yourself wavering here – one moment at ease in the clarity, and in the next thinking about it.  You hear the words again: Be still. Do nothing. Let be. Don’t fill anything in.  No need to figure anything out. Relax.
 
A sense of peacefulness opens in you, vast and without dimension.  This what Sufis call sakina – vast, peaceful tranquility without dimension – and suddenly you are smiling, your eyes are filling with tears – a joy – could it be called that? – a joyousness like praise and thankfulness together, love pouring forth from nowhere, the whole show showing up – mountain, sky, stars, bodies – from nothing, from stillness.
In remembering the Real, all hearts find joyous peace.

Qur’an 13:28

~ Pir Elias Amidon
from Free Medicine

 

Disentanglement

I was this evening helped to see through that old role and identity of taking on others’ energy to “help” them – truly realizing that as long as I help from pity, we’re both screwed.

When I first truly honor my Self – my power, my God-given connection and identity, I can choose and intend to honor  the same intrinsic light in them, and honor their journey.

From here, I may or may not choose to send them love where they believe themselves to be – the victim of physical suffering/disease.

I found myself in such an entanglement with neighbors some days ago, and my energy system was filled with their identity with sickness and old age and victimhood. After Mary A Hall helped me see this, all their energy disappeared from me, I feel cleansed and healed and blessed. And the crazy energy of the false sufferer is GONE and PEACE is here

Oh the wonder of honoring the Truth

 

Hobby Horse ( Stick Horse)

Mine fell to the floor in the night!

Literally!

I made this stick horse to my daughter 35 years ago. In Norway , we have the expression “to ride a stick horse” when you english-spoken people say “have a bee in the bonnet.” Once, when a dear friend rode her stick horse for the umptieth time, I found the actual stick horse and showed her and said please demount from that horse you are riding. Very rude I was, but it worked.

Afterwards, Blue told me I’d be needing this horse again to point to it next time Betty rode it – but she never did.

I needed it for me LOL

This night I did another LONG Core transformation process with a part in me that has been 1000% CERTAIN that the way she sees things IS THE TRUTH.

It was extremely unpleasant for a long time – she felt like admitting that if she “could” be wrong, it would mean all things of horrible things about her. One thing was that she would be insane – since she would swear on her life that she was right.

With lots of patience and will to proceed forward, something shifted and she ended up in God’s arms, smiling and happy, seeing that all that mattered in life was to remember that perception rests on beliefs that we have told about ourselves and the world – and that other people has other perceptions.

Entering the living room, I saw that the stick horse  – that I had jammed between a shelf and the wall –  had fallen down, now leaning toward a recliner 🙂

For new readers: this symbolic happening belongs to a long series of synchronicities in my life, that Blue  – my inner Guide – employs to demonstrate the truth in humorous  ways. I have posted many of them in earlier posts – if you want to read more, search  “Blue is playing.”

My book, ( see right menu) When Fear Comes Home to Love” is full of them

 

 

 

 

Coming for to carry me Home

I have very rarely had the connection to needs and feelings I have after I started to use the “Core Transformation” method. I don’t have to search mentally for answers any longer – they come directly FROM the inner parts of Self. And of course earlier methods and trainings and practices have built up and prepared my mind and soul for this too!

I love to share the last unbelievably sign or synchronicity, mirroring my inner journey.This morning i worked with a part that had a lot of defense -structures around it.* All* the defense – parts listened to my request for them to pull back and watch. So I was brought back to the innermost wish this part had – to be home with God, to truly feel the embodiment of this. I saw myself walking over a bridge from illusion to Truth – and in the same moment, a HUGE racket started outside my window. It was a helicopter – and the sound and vibrations were so overwhelming that it seemed to have landed right outside my window. My immediate association was “It’s come to carry me HOME “

Extern – or intern server?

This is precious – typical “Blue is Playing”***- fun.

New readers: “Blue” is a name for Spirit for me. Blue gives me the most outrageous synchronicities and signs to point me in the direction of Love and Truth.

Just now i got this message: We could not deliver you mail to ….xxx@xxx.com., because the extern server is false configured.

So I called them by phone – and they told me that all is perfect – they receive lots of mail 🙂

AHA – it for me! What may extern server be a metaphor of: EGO of course – and so Blue is telling me to listen to the internal Server – Holy Spirit, Jeshua, God – in other words, the Right Mind

***Blue is playing are little stories about strange synchronicities that Spirit (“Blue” uses in my life to lovingly push me back in alignment with Love/Truth, You can read then in my book in the right menu – “When Fear Comes Home to Love”

 

Goodbye to efforting ( I intend :))

Crystal clear signs the last week – stop searching for enlightenment – it is HERE.

Recent wise words from Jeshua– about allowing it all – I seem to get it at a deeper level. No efforting, no searching, just Truth being Truth always – and the outside life mirrors the inside one  instantly.

Last night I was searching in my bed for my sleeping mask – lights on, truly searching. No sleeping mask. Letting the thought of needing it go – instantly left hand finding it in the darkness.

Later yesterday, I dropped something on my left foot and it hurt, and I started to cry loudly, allowing myself the release of making noise. “ I need help” I knew, and I gave myself a hug.

Instantly my doorbell rang. I peeked out the window, it is my daughter – what? here? And how worried she looks-

Then I wiped my eyes and it is my neighbor, who these days is moving to another place. She and I felt an instant bond, like mother and daughter. Now she is visiting her old house to pack the last stuff. She says “ Do you need help? I heard you crying when I went by.”

And so I told her I needed a hug, and I got one

It just wasn’t there anymore

For the very first time – when the usual morning-agony came – ( I am talking more than 30 years here – deep depression and suicidal thoughts) – there was no resistance and no judgment. Just quiet. Guess what happened to the agony

God happened

Self happened

No control happened

Now the ego is very quiet, it stands to my left and looks up and wonders “how did i manage that? I must remember it so I can replicate it.”

Truth is, it wasn’t THERE. And truth is, I feel soft towards it too – whatever it is

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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