SAKINA

After sitting with the inner attacker and embracing him, my body went crazy: so much old repressed energy cascaded out, the body swells and is intensely itchy.  What at last alleviated it was my steadfast decision to remember Who I am and to acknowledge it – the more i did it, the more I knew it was TRUTH.

Clear inner message: Energy medicine with balancing the meridian system is OK – AND you need to find your connection with Me.

In the morning saw that a person – a sufi teacher♥ – had “liked” a post – and I knew that this hardship is part of the path I am called to walk THROUGH – and its tenacity has its root in identifying with the resistance to Love, like the Attacker:

I need to stop seeing these patterns as ME or MINE – since then I am identified with it and illness may happen. In the huge physical manifestations last night I notice that what was healing was my insistent and repeated practice of “AM ONE SELF – joined with my Creator, unlimited in power and in peace.” Suddenly the itching was there, but the identity with it had gone – now I could just BE there and breathe through it – it was not ME any longer, not “my” body.

Here is the text God via the blog writer “Inner Peace” wanted me to read again:

This is borrowed from the beautiful blog:  http://beautywelove.blogspot.com/
Imagine you are walking alone at night on a country road.  No people or cars or houses around, just enough starlight to see your way, the only sound the sound of your shoes on the road and the swish of your clothes as you walk.  You feel the stillness inside of things come close. You stop. Now there are no sounds, except the almost-never-heard hush of things being.
You sense the stillness on all sides and an identical stillness within you. It makes you uneasy, as if you are about to be extinguished.  You try to think, to establish yourself against the stillness, but the voice of your thoughts sounds thin, metallic.  You feel an irrepressible need to be distracted, to change the stillness and its overwhelming of you. You walk home thinking about plans for tomorrow.
But in the quiet of your room you realize what happened: you got scared.  You got scared of opening into the stillness, of allowing it to be.  It was a close call.  You see how throughout your life you have invited one distraction after another to prevent just this from happening.  Now you feel disappointed in yourself. So instead of turning on your computer or reading a book or getting something to eat, you sit down and invite the stillness back.
A phrase you once heard comes to you, from Psalm 46: “Be still, and know.” Be still. Be still.
You arrange your body as you have learned to do.  You sit in a comfortable, alert position, with your back vertical so you don’t slump or drift off.  You let your body be motionless, quiet.  The motionlessness of your body is a helpful friend; you know it is temporary, and in fact it is not really motionless – little shifts and sensations keep happening – but the relative stillness of your body reduces your identification with it, with the sense you are your body’s ambitions and memories and likes and dislikes.
Learning to sit still, to settle like this, is called by Tibetan lamas “the first motionlessness.” A quiet body at ease relaxes the persistence of thoughts.  Once the first motionlessness has been learned, they say, then it doesn’t matter if the body is motionless or moving, for the the ground of stillness is always available.  But for now you need this helpful friend, and you sit still.
Now you invite what the lamas call “the second motionlessness.” This is the still, empty openness “behind” each of your senses, the openness in which your senses arise.  You relax into that openness. To say it is not moving points to its nature, but that’s not entirely accurate.  It is not the opposite of motion, or of the visible, or of sound.  This motionlessness is not definable – it is not a sensation. Nevertheless it has an almost kinesthetic effect on you, as if it is vanishing you, as if the existing one you thought you were, the receiver, the photographic plate that records your experience, this”one,” becomes transparent. You begin to feel the same threat of vanishing you felt on the road, but now you relax and let it be.
  “The third motionlessness” comes now, unbidden.  It is the stillness of presence itself – the stillness of a clearness that is always here, behind and within everything. It is what allows everything to show up.  It is empty too not made out of anything, yet it is awesome and radiant in its presence.  It is without being an it.
You remember now how the phrase from Psalm 46 continues: “Be still, and know I am God.”
“God”  – this old, strange word that sounds like a judge and yet still resonates beyond that – could it mean – could it have first meant – this empty Presence without form, appearing as all form?  You realize you are trying to figure it out and you stop. Be still, and know I am God.  The knowing is not thinking. It is presence being present to presence.
You find yourself wavering here – one moment at ease in the clarity, and in the next thinking about it.  You hear the words again: Be still. Do nothing. Let be. Don’t fill anything in.  No need to figure anything out. Relax.
 
A sense of peacefulness opens in you, vast and without dimension.  This what Sufis call sakina – vast, peaceful tranquility without dimension – and suddenly you are smiling, your eyes are filling with tears – a joy – could it be called that? – a joyousness like praise and thankfulness together, love pouring forth from nowhere, the whole show showing up – mountain, sky, stars, bodies – from nothing, from stillness.
In remembering the Real, all hearts find joyous peace.

Qur’an 13:28

~ Pir Elias Amidon
from Free Medicine

 

Disentanglement

I was this evening helped to see through that old role and identity of taking on others’ energy to “help” them – truly realizing that as long as I help from pity, we’re both screwed.

When I first truly honor my Self – my power, my God-given connection and identity, I can choose and intend to honor  the same intrinsic light in them, and honor their journey.

From here, I may or may not choose to send them love where they believe themselves to be – the victim of physical suffering/disease.

I found myself in such an entanglement with neighbors some days ago, and my energy system was filled with their identity with sickness and old age and victimhood. After Mary A Hall helped me see this, all their energy disappeared from me, I feel cleansed and healed and blessed. And the crazy energy of the false sufferer is GONE and PEACE is here

Oh the wonder of honoring the Truth

 

Hobby Horse ( Stick Horse)

Mine fell to the floor in the night!

Literally!

I made this stick horse to my daughter 35 years ago. In Norway , we have the expression “to ride a stick horse” when you english-spoken people say “have a bee in the bonnet.” Once, when a dear friend rode her stick horse for the umptieth time, I found the actual stick horse and showed her and said please demount from that horse you are riding. Very rude I was, but it worked.

Afterwards, Blue told me I’d be needing this horse again to point to it next time Betty rode it – but she never did.

I needed it for me LOL

This night I did another LONG Core transformation process with a part in me that has been 1000% CERTAIN that the way she sees things IS THE TRUTH.

It was extremely unpleasant for a long time – she felt like admitting that if she “could” be wrong, it would mean all things of horrible things about her. One thing was that she would be insane – since she would swear on her life that she was right.

With lots of patience and will to proceed forward, something shifted and she ended up in God’s arms, smiling and happy, seeing that all that mattered in life was to remember that perception rests on beliefs that we have told about ourselves and the world – and that other people has other perceptions.

Entering the living room, I saw that the stick horse  – that I had jammed between a shelf and the wall –  had fallen down, now leaning toward a recliner 🙂

For new readers: this symbolic happening belongs to a long series of synchronicities in my life, that Blue  – my inner Guide – employs to demonstrate the truth in humorous  ways. I have posted many of them in earlier posts – if you want to read more, search  “Blue is playing.”

My book, ( see right menu) When Fear Comes Home to Love” is full of them

 

 

 

 

Coming for to carry me Home

I have very rarely had the connection to needs and feelings I have after I started to use the “Core Transformation” method. I don’t have to search mentally for answers any longer – they come directly FROM the inner parts of Self. And of course earlier methods and trainings and practices have built up and prepared my mind and soul for this too!

I love to share the last unbelievably sign or synchronicity, mirroring my inner journey.This morning i worked with a part that had a lot of defense -structures around it.* All* the defense – parts listened to my request for them to pull back and watch. So I was brought back to the innermost wish this part had – to be home with God, to truly feel the embodiment of this. I saw myself walking over a bridge from illusion to Truth – and in the same moment, a HUGE racket started outside my window. It was a helicopter – and the sound and vibrations were so overwhelming that it seemed to have landed right outside my window. My immediate association was “It’s come to carry me HOME “

Extern – or intern server?

This is precious – typical “Blue is Playing”***- fun.

New readers: “Blue” is a name for Spirit for me. Blue gives me the most outrageous synchronicities and signs to point me in the direction of Love and Truth.

Just now i got this message: We could not deliver you mail to ….xxx@xxx.com., because the extern server is false configured.

So I called them by phone – and they told me that all is perfect – they receive lots of mail 🙂

AHA – it for me! What may extern server be a metaphor of: EGO of course – and so Blue is telling me to listen to the internal Server – Holy Spirit, Jeshua, God – in other words, the Right Mind

***Blue is playing are little stories about strange synchronicities that Spirit (“Blue” uses in my life to lovingly push me back in alignment with Love/Truth, You can read then in my book in the right menu – “When Fear Comes Home to Love”

 

Goodbye to efforting ( I intend :))

Crystal clear signs the last week – stop searching for enlightenment – it is HERE.

Recent wise words from Jeshua– about allowing it all – I seem to get it at a deeper level. No efforting, no searching, just Truth being Truth always – and the outside life mirrors the inside one  instantly.

Last night I was searching in my bed for my sleeping mask – lights on, truly searching. No sleeping mask. Letting the thought of needing it go – instantly left hand finding it in the darkness.

Later yesterday, I dropped something on my left foot and it hurt, and I started to cry loudly, allowing myself the release of making noise. “ I need help” I knew, and I gave myself a hug.

Instantly my doorbell rang. I peeked out the window, it is my daughter – what? here? And how worried she looks-

Then I wiped my eyes and it is my neighbor, who these days is moving to another place. She and I felt an instant bond, like mother and daughter. Now she is visiting her old house to pack the last stuff. She says “ Do you need help? I heard you crying when I went by.”

And so I told her I needed a hug, and I got one

It just wasn’t there anymore

For the very first time – when the usual morning-agony came – ( I am talking more than 30 years here – deep depression and suicidal thoughts) – there was no resistance and no judgment. Just quiet. Guess what happened to the agony

God happened

Self happened

No control happened

Now the ego is very quiet, it stands to my left and looks up and wonders “how did i manage that? I must remember it so I can replicate it.”

Truth is, it wasn’t THERE. And truth is, I feel soft towards it too – whatever it is

Presence – or Heaven

When you have a family with a big split – there’s a lot to clean up afterwards. Afterwards meaning when you grow up and realize all you have buried – all the conclusions you made as a wee child when shock happened, what all that meant about YOU – and the great coping mechanisms you made to surf it and survive it all.

So comes the time when you look at yourself with great compassion and decide to receive all those old feelings, give them an expression – not to get back, not to win, just for yourself: this is how it felt in the body. I have a right to feel it – it is healthy and it is healing me.

So I have been gradually working myself closer and closer to that man in my life who planted the shock in my body when I was a baby, and who planted the shock waves in the family in a way that allowed us all to live in ignorance of what was going on – himself included. I deeply believe that I am born to explore and bring consciousness to this tremendous split – and what happened this glorious morning was an instrumental piece of atonement of what I have named “The Jekyll and Hyde”-syndrome – where the loving father/mother in one second switches into his demonic twin.

This morning, there was a great opening to ” it is OK and welcomed to truly feel that fear. To completely allow those energies of insanity back into the body and consciousness – because you are not alone NOW: I am with you, and I am willing to feel this with you.”

The voice speaking this is what I call the witness/observer:

This is THAT in us that was never harmed or hurt, that cannot die, was never born – that embraces and love you completely each and every moment – your Self. And since most of us have succeeded in putting this Self in the backseat, so we can truly explore separation fully, we now want to gently allow it back in.To not set the bar sky-high, we may go for an angel instead of the Self:  a witness who is completely accepting and loving of all that we are. Deeply nourishing energy, kind, gentle wise and strong. Just like the parent we all wished we had   –  here it is now. Just pretend! that’s what imagination is for.

As the Observer sat with the aspect of my Self who still carried this insanity-energy locked up somewhere outside/inside the body, and suggested that  I was willing to feel everything WITH the aspect, something relaxed in her. It is vital for me that I remind myself again and again to keep a space between the Observer and the aspect – in that way, I will not merge and fuse with the insane energy, and it will – for the first time – notice that LOVE is present.

Guess what happens when insanity meets LOVE?

Exactly.

And so I was willing to take the chance, the small self/aspect trusted the presence of the Observer.

The first seconds, there was a gradual building up of sensations in the body. There was fear, and the Observer suggests, ” I encourage you to feel that fear. Good for you, you know! At last you dare to feel this fear.Go for it!”

And you might take a big breath when you read the following: the energy I write it with, is pure bliss and Presence.

Suddenly I and my father are together in a winter landscape. It is dead calm, except that this is all about life. We stand still on our skies, there is no sound, no others. Just a Presence of Being that embraces us with indescribable love – allows us to know who we are in this world, one with all. And this feeling I feel WITH this man – it is what is available for us all. Seen from this loving level, we as souls chose all that dark energy to come into play to be explored.To come to this sacred moment where we both see the truth of who we are.From this point, in the bed in the morning, I forgive myself for setting myself up for this and for asking him to play this role. I forgive myself for being involved with these energies for so many lives – and it simply does not make even a nudge in the Self that we are.

Next memory: my father and I sit in a wooden rowboat on an ocean with out a single ruffle disturbing the endless mirror like surface. It is sunny and warm, we are fishing. It feels like we are sitting on the very edge between heaven and earth – and what is above is what is below, there is only here and THIS.

Third memory:

He walks ahead of me into a wood. He knows exactly where to walk. He is a pathfinder, and now he leads us to a paradise of shining yellow chanterelles.  I am in ecstasy! He had led me to a treasure, and he allows me to pick them all, smiling tenderly at my joy.

At the path back to our car and civilization, we talk about the bushmen of Kalahari – how we both adore them and their way of living.

Fourth memory:

My mother has recently died. My father and I sit in the living room – he in his big self-made  green armchair, me in front of the fireplace. We listen to Mozart, and all pain is transformed in the radiance of our union.

*

In bed, I feel the energy of the beauty and presence we shared, and recognize it as the absolute truth of who we are. I recognize that I can choose to allow the dark energy now to come into those heavenly spheres of Self and Truth – so I do that.

Writing this down – and sharing it with you all – is my way of grounding it. Growing up with this split and deep denial – as so many of us are – creates HUGE fields of distraction/dissociation-energy as a necessary smoke shield of protection. This pattern we have named “US” – so now it takes vigilance and steady practice to notice “oh there i go again, distracting and confusing myself. I really want peace instead.”

And then I choose to remember these places where we are one: skiing deep in the wood, out on the sea,  finding the golden treasure together – and being lifted into the bliss of Mozart.

*

Thank you for reading this through. I love you, whoever you are who chose to do that. If you enjoyed it, you may also enjoy my two books here on this blog. Or not 🙂

BLESSINGS

Yesterday I prayed to find the blocks between me and finding my desires.  They were many and mean and I asked for help, and was lead to this note in my latest wise-quotes-book

“I cannot heal what I first haven’t embraced and forgiven. This is not the same as condoning it – it is saying YES to being with the energy of it. I have to KNOW it as such – as energy –without judging it as energy – in order to be able to bless it and embrace it and THEN let it go.”

With help of Jesus, through the deep guilt that permeated me, I was led to see – I was shown –that everything I did in the past, I had been doing it to mySelf. Now this was known and not only accepted as an axiom.

In  the night, after praying intensely for help to see a horrible memory differently, I was shown that  the kittens, trees, children and scary adults of my scary memory were made of the exact same substance – LOVE.

This time I witnessed it, clear as LIGHT.

And for the first time I could truly get what Jesus says in the Course and Way of Mastery: ” You are doing it to your Self.”

I looked around and found LOVE appearing as table, PC, hands, person in red morning coat, body, red lamp, water bottle, window, blue sky, clouds.

Magnificent illusion.

Now Jesus is nudging me to mention Pierre Pradervand’s book “The Gentle Art of Blessing.” In it, he mentions a story a friend of him told him from the civil war in Rwanda. Pierre has allowed me to share this wherever I want. You are free to do so too, as long as you give full credits to Pradervand and his book.

His friend was an African spiritual healer. “One night, around two in the morning,…an armed band entered my home.—They were armed with guns and bayonets, I was armed with Truth And Love. As they pointed their weapons to menace me, a thought came to me in a flash, immediately dispelling the fear, which was attempting to invade my thought. Love and Life are indestructible and permanent. I am the idea of Life, God, indestructible in Life, permanent in my being! There is only Life, God, which remains undivided, not two or more lives, This infinite Life is the life of these so-called killers, my life and that of my family.

–.”When at one moment one of his daughters started crying, the head of the band gave the order to kill her. Without even pronouncing a word out loud, the healer immediately affirmed that the man who had received the order to kill was the perfect child of divine Love. “The Law of Love is present here, controls the situation and governs each and everyone.” Immediately, the man who had already raised his bayonet to pierce the girl interrupted his gesture.”

I leave out bits of the story here – this book is a HUGE gift and you might just want to read it.

–“After working spiritually for about thirty minutes, these men became very calm, as is feeling the love we reflected. The chief called them and they left the room. This gave me time to affirm still more forcefully absolute truths about the perfect man of God’s creation.

Once back in the room, these men were transformed. They had become new persons. Even their language had completely changed. They were disarmed and friendly, and started to confess the crimes they had committed. They stayed at our home for two hours. No one was hurt, everybody was safe and sound.”

*

“The Law of Love is present here, controls the situation and governs each and everyone.”

*

 

 

Transformation

There was a nasty energy pattern coming up this night, and half-asleep, each time it came I found myself stating “ Only Truth can be true.” Each time a lovely healing energy mixed into the underlying angry-hateful one. It repeated and repeated at least 10 times, until I woke up and sat down to be with that relentless dark one.

And suddenly it dawned on me that it came to be loved – not judged. And that that affirmation had been a procedure to get rid of it – not loving it. In other words – manipulation

So I sat there and allowed it to be loved.

Later during the day, each time a dark one came, each time I felt nothing but gratitude: there were no more judgment at them, only deep gratitude each time – eat another piece of denial coming up to be MET and allowed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Previous Older Entries

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

%d bloggers like this: