The Victim Story that Crumbled

I have been through a very taxing period, old toxic energies coming up to be released.

I started with me needing information from the chairman of the board in our housing community: expenses for each house in  cable and web  – I can deduct this from taxes.

1) Chairman takes 8 days to answer. Then she answers with a text, telling me that I am the only one who has asked for this- hinting that I am silly.

2)In those 8 days I bring up a zillion stories about being overpowered, disrespected, not worthy etc. I send texts, she tells me she will answer me, and doesn’t.

3)I send her a mail where I am very straight and adult and state that we have a right to  know these expenses. No answer.

4)After one more week I meet her outside my house, and she is running by, telling me that she is on her way to work out and will send me a text when she returns.

5) 4 hours later I have worked myself into  a state of rage and confusion and powerlessness, telling myself that I have to be firm and tell her to get the finger out – but telling myself that if I do so, we will have a terrible relationship for as long as we live here. I text her and ask for the text she promises – she answers, “I have just returned from my work-out…”

I am now convinced that she is having a power struggle with me – the energy of my creation is toxic and explosive.

6)I KNOW this is FOR me and not against me, and I pray and pray to be shown the beliefs that are driving of all this. I get lots of answers, forgets most of them, since the energy is  tremendously convincing: she is playing with me, as the cat with the mouse, just before she kills me.

What turned me around and allowed me a new perception was something David Youngblood told me in a session last year:

“Leelah’s physical body is safe to experiencing feeling anything she has been afraid of looking at in her mind. We could re-experiencing it – and believe we were being punished – OR, we could experience it as we knew it was going out the door and this was the way it would leave.  – The last moves through you and is complete – the other way punishes you because you think you have to continue living with it. —The whole point of allowing for the energies to enter back into the body is so you will know – once and for all –  that you can experience them and that you will be Okay – you are safe to experience them. Because the resistance to experience them is the only thing that makes them continue to come back.”

Ahhh! Great release – I was just giving power to this old victim-story, and fueling it with energy, and guess if I fueled the dark energies in it too – the ones  that attach to “ you are not worthy of respect.”

I asked myself, what is the root of this for me – what is she mirroring back to me that I haven’t forgiven?

I found it pretty soon – when my daughter acted out when she was small, in a way that I never could in my childhood, there was a moment where I knew that If I allow her to play this out, I will disintegrate, fall apart, looneybin next. I SAW how fragile my borders were here, and I chose to scare her, really frowning and calling out loud –

And she responded immediately, turning herself off. Switch! Obedient crying child.

So I went through a forgiveness-process from “Way of the Heart” – finding the” me” that had to split off/dissociate/ in order to feel a vital sense of “self.”

I saw that both my parents had the same pattern – and most probably, our ancestors

I forgave us all, me included, for the choice of exploring/playing out these identities as soul, experiencing fully the consequence of believing we could be separated from our Source/LOVE.

As I sensed the alignment to my Self, I felt an urge to bless my neighbor for playing out this  pattern with me, and I asked to seen her innocence – which shone brightly at me.

This morning, I found an answer to my first mail, with full information of what I needed for my tax report. Her energy and wording were quite different from her earlier mail and texts – and the energy was quite clean and straight.

A beautiful example of what Jeshua teaches us – how we project our stories on our “enemies” or “relatives/others” – and  as I reclaimed my energy and forgave myself , she was released from my projection.

Gifts

Lately,  what is so effective for me to turn me away from depression is the plain sentence ” I choose to accept myself in this moment – including my thoughts and feelings.” There is a softness and allowing around it that makes the next step in the forgiveness-process so much easier.
I am reading Nouk Sanchez’ last book “The end of death.” There is some extra material for those who buy the book: three meditations/practices to download as mp3 or listen to streaming.

I know that practicing these is all I need.
ALL I  NEED

All are gifts
A great neighbor  allows her dogs to run free and now they recently shit in my garden. Immediately the old story insisted to be believed in: you are just something that is just worth to be shit upon. And then the whole story rose with a vengeance – and I did the Nouk-meditation for invoking the miracle.

I projected this symbol of my story to teach myself that God only gives miracles, and my miracle is that I see that I on some level still wanted “my” story of the shit

Short interlude: a woman just now came to pay me money for renting my garage. She brought a dog with her – in a leash – the dog ate half of the shit before she saw it and stopped him 🙂  Do I still want a bit of my story?

Maybe I am just so used to simply identify with the archetypal victim story in the one mind – but the thing is, that if I feel these old feelings again I’ll go straight to Nouk’s meditation.
She also has one called “Willing with God” ( as opposed to “Wishing with ego.” Fantastic effective method for joining with God – for recognizing that anything we have asked for, we already have received. All Love is ours, all Peace.
To be received on our invitation 🙂

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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