Tangled timber and emotions

Yesterday I described how I made a new choice  – to let go of the belief that I can be harmed by electronic energies. I allowed the installation of a new smart-card-reader–el.power meter, which has been believed to be  harmful.

Before the new meter came, I had a shield taped to the old one – the kind that is imbued with energy to deflect harmful radiation of any kind – PCs, cell phones etc.

After the installation guy had left, that shield lay on the floor.

It was NOT attached to the box he worked on, but the door to the cupboard where it was placed.

The old identity felt fear, and I wondered, hm, is this really necessary – when there are no harmful rays here – hm am i just trying to maintain the old pattern?

So I decided to try it out: i removed the old tape ( that had held it glued to the door for 20 years) and glued on a fresh one.)

Today it lay on the floor.

I felt such a sweet laughing inside

And I decided that its time to CLAIM my freedom and awakening: I AM awake -and to lose the connection can only happen when I give something inside priority instead.

Yesterday I had a wonderful time in town with my daughter – finding a new food shop with fresh ecological food and a great movie.

The second I sat down,  strong cramps in the solar plexus started and I heard: “Pay attention to the imagery and symbols in the movie.” I remember last time i had these cramps – they lasted three days, and what healed them was an old shaman friend who removed a psychic “sword” in that section.

This time I knew this happened  for me, not against me, so i breathed through the pain while watching the movie.

In the movie, there was log driving / timber floating – and there were images where huge timber tangles has to be worked loose.

I saw the symbol of this huge timber tangle as an image of how our false beliefs are held in the water/our hara-center and affects the free flow of emotions/water.

Then the main person – a young boy – leaps in the water and swims under it and somehow finds the way to untangle it. The moment when it fell apart and harmoniously flowed down the river was felt throughout my whole being and body.

I saw how one false belief – “I am not worthy enough” created hundreds of others that clings to it as a cluster:

“There is something wrong with me” – I am alone – I must be valued by others etc.”

Now I am even more determined to undo the tangle I have called me and mine

 

Dark Night of the Soul

With permission from Pamela Kribbe, this is an excerpt from her book “Dark Night of the Soul.” I love to quote this here – I found my personality-type perfectly described in the beginning of her book, and it has been a huge help for me, since the description so clear.

And so it might be helpful for some of my readers too.

These words come from  Pamela’s Mary Magdalene – channeling:

Those patterns that repeat themselves – now look at them as boulders in a stream. They are still worn down and pushed by the water that moves past them. Remember that you ARE the living water! The more you remind yourself of this, the more you can reclaim the energy from the boulders and stones in the stream.

There is pain from the past that continues to be there, you don’t have to downplay it, but neither do you have to hug those boulders from the river. You only have to remind yourself that YOU are the water!

I am this huge waterway – an actual life-force. The flow has no judgments about the boulders that it encounters – it engulfs them.  You do have a choice!

The more you withdraw your identity from these blockages, the rocks that lie there, the more easily the current can dislodge them and carry them down with the flow. They are dislodged and liberated because your release your identity with them and instead identify with the dynamic moving water. The water is your Soul and it cannot be restrained.

Our soul is not at all troubled by the boulders and their size, because It knows they are an integral part of the landscape of life. Try to, when you feel you are imprisoned within one such boulder, to HEAR the water rushing by.

About darkness:

Do not be afraid of darkness  –  welcome it! When you say yes, it begins to release and flow, and that is the art of living this life. And when you can’t really say yes to this, remember that there is something in you that still says yes. That is what will save you and bring you further along – trust in life!

 

Water Station


Dream: it is night. The sky is enormous. There are new star constellations:  they are now red – like a miniature milky way. I point them out to a fellow traveler: Look! LOOK! She has nothing to say, and I instantly give her power to take my excitement away.

Instead of the myriad of train tracks, there is now water. Crowds of people stand on the platforms, the water is dark.

I have a boat! An old plastic boat, like the ones in the sixties. I maneuver it clumsily, since there seems to be no oars-still, the stream in the water takes me in the direction I want to go.

There is a strong energy of insanity in the air

*

Awake, I go into the Rose garden where I meet my inner children. I find an 11-year-old and also a 14-year-old and a 15-year-old. I tell them I am there for them, to listen and love and support them. They are terrified of dying and being caught in this field of insanity, where there seems to be demons everywhere. And it so happens that I, as Christ Self, hold them and witness them and they feel safe feeling all of that agony – that is possible as soon as they are being loved. Now they are not alone.

It takes some time, but we have it.

They realize that they see everybody around them through filters of terror and confusion. Gradually they realize that it is safe to look WITHOUT these filters.

The children think THEY have to change the insanity-energy – I tell them, NO – the only thing they have to do, is to ALLOW the Light to do it FOR them and THROUGH them. Willingness to surrender the “doing” is all it takes.

They recognize that their hands are bone dry, there is no moist inside.Their terror has chased all feelings and water away in their bodies. I call forth the Angel of Water, and gently she arrives and takes her place inside us, watering our bone dry places, our deserts of postulating that we are without Love. We are willing to be wrong 🙂 and how lovely it is to be wrong about the belief that we are stuck in agony-land

I see how many of the babies here are frozen within this fear too.  And smiling I witness my healing children running to them and picking them up, singing to them, humming, stroking, embracing, rocking them, singing

 

ARIEL

I dreamt that I was in the city and met a neighbor to my child house home -he was now my age, and with him I was in my SELF -*** It was indescribably beautiful – this is how it feels to live in JOY, I know it now – unlimited all peaceful and joyful – all accepting – overflowing love – BEAUTY! -grace – smiling with all the cells in my body – and he gave me a ring – it was placed on my left middle finger – where now is the ANCH-cross since 30 years ago – OH! – it was like a 2 inch high cylindrical  container of glass/crystal  -with something alive  and sacred inside –

Breathing deeply writing this

Then after a long while, the energy changed and my ring mirrored it – the content inside got muddled

I woke up, felt cold and stiff and horrible, and completely dried out. . I asked for help from the angel of Water, and It did not answer – so I knew there was something more for me to look at.I recognized this frequency as ***something that I do not want any longer,*** that it is a CHOICE I must take. I took it 🙂 Then the water flowed back into my cells.

Then, the test: as soon as I logged on my PC, there was a request from SKYPE – which deals with connections and relations 🙂 would I get the newest version from Microsoft? i clicked yes, and at the same time there was a big reaction of NO! from the nervous system.

All my contacts had disappeared.
At first I clicked around frantically and them i remembered to connect to Source. Then a chat-opportunity showed up. The helper was named ARIEL :

This is from internet:

Ariel is a Celestial Angelic Being within the Angelic Order known as the Archangels. Archangels are responsible for ministering to humans, considered somewhat like “manager angels”, Archangels oversee the responsibilities of Guardian Angels and the other Celestial Light Beings that act as our guardians and guides.
The patron saint of animals and the environment, Archangel Ariel’s name means ‘lion or lioness of God’. Her role is to protect the earth, its natural resources, ecosystems and all wild life and is always available with support and guidance for any activities that involve environmentalism and protecting, healing, rejuvenating, …

“Ministering angel” LOL – of Blue has so much fun me with me! ( Digression: In “When Fear Comes Hone to Love” I have collected a multitude of these sweet synchronicities from Spirit that i experienced, going through the explorations of the dark archetypes those 25 years.(still doing 🙂)

One more pointer to me: When i went through Primal Therapy in the 80-ies, I had ONE antagonist: his name was ARIEL. Now is that name redeemed to me, through THIS Skype-Ariel – who told me: my game is to help you:)

I shared my terror with him, to HAVE TO click on the correct places NOW and he told me again and again that he was there, take your time.

And so comes the beauty and wonder symbolism – he asked if i was willing to give him control of my computer so he could install the new program –

Of course I gave him that, and he thanked me for my trust 🙂

And voila, all my contacts are back
and i have the link to the contact/chat/page of Skype

I have that link! ( And i wrote “I have that THINK:))

Thank you beloved SELF for hammering it in with so much joy

*** This symbolizes to me that only in connection to “my neighbor” ( anyone) am I in my SELF – we cannot reach Heaven on our “own.”

Connection

First, to Misha: you replied to a post recently and told me “maybe e it’s time to start again” on your own blog and process.

Your comment is the ONLY ONE where I haven’t been able to delete the red sign, meaning it has been read and accepted.

By you:)

*

This day we start on week 21 in the 6 months certification program as Teachers of  God. Recently I have had my printer participating as a teacher – i get messages that the connection between PC and Printer has been broken. Recently I used one hour with a PS-specialist to find the error, nothing worked. Then alone, I found a power in me not being willing to be subjected to this nonsense from the ego: I see the connection PC and Printer  symbolizing  mind and manifestation.

This night was horrible -I am going to a 50-year party this evening and am not so happy with many people. I was starting to feel very sick, and caught myself serving excuses to the hosts – and told myself NO, I have made a commitment  to be there as a lightbringer – a Teacher of God. I do not have to preach, just being willing to see everyone as my Holy Brother, maybe caught up in the individual stories – but I am called to BE there as Truth – WITH Christ.

So now I am going on a little holiday – and wanted to print out this week’s class from Lisa. The PC told me the connection was broken again. There was about 2 seconds “Oh nooo not again” and then, no more of that nonsense. I want this connection to be working, I want these class-notes with me on the train to read and savor, no doubt about it.

And the printer delivered at once.

He walks with me. I have taken his hand. I take the steps in trust and faith.I declare my willingness and hold my center: everyone I meet is a Holy Encounter and i will remember it.

And I found this picture on facebook – and here am I, under water in lots of whirls  and above me, over water, is Christ, reaching out his hand

It has been taken 🙂

Take My hand

Take My hand

Blue is playing

Blue – my name for Holy Spirit – is enjoying Itself,playing with Nichola now.

This morning I got this mail from her:(everything printed here from Nic is with her permission)

The first person I saw at the beach today was a woman with long dreadlocks(snakes?) standing in the water. A swimmer was telling her that the water
was full of jellyfish – and it was, for the first time this summer – small ones almostcompletely transparent…

My answer:

oh that is precious, Nic!  How absolutely adorable funny hilarious. We really  need it spelled it out to us –

ah –

just like when you get the 13 empty mails –

hm

I have already forgotten what that was about – do you remember?

Nic:

It was nine empty emails after the empty tomb – also I thought later that there
are 9 children in my family – so one empty tomb for each hehe

*

I had a very stressful dream about a young boy demon who harassed me and my friends in obnoxious way. At the end of the dream I decided not to pay attention any longer, and he started to splash huge amounts of  pinkish water on me. I iggnooorrred him

At last he stopped,looking sad. I went over to him and explained that we all hated what he did, and that we would not play with him unless he behaved. Then he surprised me he said “Do you forgive me?”

And automatically I said yes, and he was gone

*

Now this is a very unusual behavior from the dubies – my nickname of them.Don’t want to strengthen that label anymore! I sat with that for a while after waking up, and suddenly remembered that I once made a drawing of a dubie who had a little girl inside – somebody who believed she was a dubie. I talked a lot with that little girl, and learned that she of course was a projection of everything this little Leelah had to repress and deny when she was small, to stay sane and survive. I truly learned how the dubies were made – and explored it for years in my therapy/healing practice. You will find these investigations and healings in my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love”

Now – at this age, and 22 years after I learned about how the dubies are made – it is truly clear that this “dubie” was a part of “me.” I used the sacred will God shared with me to create him  – and so he was experienced as real.

I want to remember this when/if they return – truly remember – I can welcome them Home through the “window” in the Heart, into the formlessness they came from, and allow a wave of blessings to pour forth from that formless Presence into the world of form and thoughts.

And there is nothing to forgive – nothing serious and bad happened in reality – only in the dream that seems so real

if “he” returns, I will remember that he is a child of mine that I have judged so deeply as to dubying it, and take him back into the Heart.

And tell him that all that happened, happened in a dream and we are OK now:)

*

I am including a favorite Flashmob: Carmina Burana. I marvel at how wonderful refreshing   it is to see a woman in straw hat play the violin, and cleaners doing ballet – they are all taken out of their roles, costumed in very unconventional ways – how liberating: usual labels of singers and orchestra are screwed up, and I listen as the first time

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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