Liberation of the Root-chakra

For old readers, who has followed this blog for some years – you will remember the “morning-gloom-and-doom” that has stayed in place, whatever else I have done healingwise.

These glorious days I see it as my greatest liberator.

Let me repeat that with an exclamation mark!

These glorious days I see it as my greatest liberator!

The last two days it has come with a ferociousness that is remarkable – and luckily I remembered this advice I had received recently:

“Scary difficult memories/energies/sights: Now you have the choice NOT to launch into your habitual patterns of resistance, but to stay with the rawness and discomfort of the situation – and let it transform you. ALLOW IT to set you free!”

And as soon as i dropped the identification with the feelings – I am NOT this, I am the awareness of it – it dropped, and it was tolerable. I talked lovingly to the part that had held on to the pattern of resistance as a surviving/coping mechanism, and honored for her choice to do that – she kept us alive and reasonable sane – well, sane enough to go through educations, get a job, get married etc etc – all the stuff we call life.

As soon as I saw this as a gift, the energies started to move. The part of me went through several layers –  intense terror, then dense fields of confusion and thought-spin – then huge rage and anger, then deep grief, then loneliness –  then I allowed it to wash through me, but knew all of this belonged to her – that little one that had gone through all of that. I was in the observer-position – and the part was not fused with me any longer, and could feel it all. I felt it with her, but did not identify with the “me” in it -it was just energy, it had come for a reason – to be seen and acknowledged and held and honored, so “she” and I could finally experience the LOVE that surrounded all of that.

The little one asked the Light “why wasn’t you there when the awful thing happened!” and the Light gently and lovingly told her :

“We were there when it happened. You dissociated from the trauma, and your fear and horror prevented you from seeing our presence. Now you know that we were there – and in that way, you will feel safe being in touch with the repressed feelings later. We have witnessed it, and our love and space for you will melt the negative energy-fields still clinging to your aura – as you yourself find forgiveness within.”

The last paragraph is part of the book ” When Fear Come Home to Love” which I present in the right menu. I have “known” this for 30 years – but these days, it feels like a much more comprehensive healing – like i visit it through many layers. It feels blissful each and every time i get to this place – it is only the resistance, and my identification of this victim, that keeps the pain and energies going. WITNESSING the pain FROM the Self – the loving Observer – transforms and transmutes it.

And now to the fun stuff – the synchronicities after such a lovely process. I get out of bed, and are nudged to open one of the many creative journals I have in front of me in the bookshelf. I open it randomly, and find this image:

The freed Root wicenter

After taking a photo of this to share, I found my had going into another cupboard and taking out a miniature book. I opened it on this page:

 

 

Drama

This is the 40th day of  The 40 day in the desert-process with Lisa Natoli.

I woke up at 5am with the usual poisonous pains in the body, asked for help and remembered Lisa’s theory that when we do not extend the Love that we are – because we forget Who we are – then that energy is turned inward and turns poisonous. It is just energy that is not used the way it is supposed to.

Love wants to be shared – and right now, I was subconsciously  blocking it. I instantly offer to share this love – with whom?

I instantly see images from Congo. Joshua French, the Norwegian man who at first was accused of murdering a Congolese driver together with his friend Tjostolf Moland. Recently Moland died in prison, and French was accused of having murdered him too.

I extend Love to the whole situation and everyone involved, It feels indescribably good, and all poison is gone. While I am extending the Love, there are no thought of judgments, no wondering what this is for, no trying to fix – just allowing unconditional Love into the whole situation.

Then the ego sneaks in an claims the forgiveness as its own: a “me” being the good and saintly one and the Congolese authorities as the baddies – and I asked for help to see this differently. I was shown that what was needed was just a change of my perception of the whole situation – orchestrated as the good and innocent ones and the bad overpowering ones .I remembered Ken Wapnick’s incessant  reminders to his students: The Course is not about changing the world – there is no world – it is about healing the thoughts in the mind that are projected into this world and seemingly creating wars, disasters and evil – and also so-called “good.”

How sobering! All I need to forgive is my perception of the situation – which included distributing character traits, guilt, and blame, as the ego loves it.  The world is a play, as Shakespeare realized. What I see with my physical eyes are only projections of thoughts in the mind – seeming so very real and alive – but still only a projection we humans get caught in.

A beautiful peace ascends on me as I am taken back to Truth – and I pray for help to see the Congo-play differently, and to have my vision of it corrected. As I do this, it feels like looking at figures in an old black-and-white movie, they are flickering shadows. I ask to see clearly, and the figures turn out to be actors distributing roles between them. This scene plays out on the plane before incarnation: “Oh what a great play! So much to learn! You will play the poor Joshua French, and I will play the mean and ugly prosecutor – and then you get to be the innocent one and I will seem to be the villain –  yes, and the Congolese will have bald shiny heads and black suits and they will scream as they prosecute…” and I see them laughing and shaking hands as they distribute the roles in the drama –

– and then I see the “actors” DE-ROLING – now all the “actors” are standing there before me – everybody has “donned” their roles and have acquired important experiences and life-lessons that their souls have wanted. They all have got what they wanted, as the Course teaches – not on the level of the human, but on the level of soul. Now I see only light-beings – and after a little while, I see only One. And It is looking back at me, and saying:

This is all a dream – and you are dreaming it. Forgive yourself: you are the Holy Son of God* who fell asleep and dreamed up a world where there seemed to exist something else than God’s Love and God’s Will. Come Home to your Sacred Self

 

*

To any new reader of this blog and unfamiliar with A Course in Miracles:

The “Son of God” referred to is NOT the character Leelah – the human personality – but God’s Holy Son, created in His image – and that creation is Spirit – our true Identity. It is only from Spirit I could see that play unraveling

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Blue is playing

Blue – my name for Holy Spirit – is enjoying Itself,playing with Nichola now.

This morning I got this mail from her:(everything printed here from Nic is with her permission)

The first person I saw at the beach today was a woman with long dreadlocks(snakes?) standing in the water. A swimmer was telling her that the water
was full of jellyfish – and it was, for the first time this summer – small ones almostcompletely transparent…

My answer:

oh that is precious, Nic!  How absolutely adorable funny hilarious. We really  need it spelled it out to us –

ah –

just like when you get the 13 empty mails –

hm

I have already forgotten what that was about – do you remember?

Nic:

It was nine empty emails after the empty tomb – also I thought later that there
are 9 children in my family – so one empty tomb for each hehe

*

I had a very stressful dream about a young boy demon who harassed me and my friends in obnoxious way. At the end of the dream I decided not to pay attention any longer, and he started to splash huge amounts of  pinkish water on me. I iggnooorrred him

At last he stopped,looking sad. I went over to him and explained that we all hated what he did, and that we would not play with him unless he behaved. Then he surprised me he said “Do you forgive me?”

And automatically I said yes, and he was gone

*

Now this is a very unusual behavior from the dubies – my nickname of them.Don’t want to strengthen that label anymore! I sat with that for a while after waking up, and suddenly remembered that I once made a drawing of a dubie who had a little girl inside – somebody who believed she was a dubie. I talked a lot with that little girl, and learned that she of course was a projection of everything this little Leelah had to repress and deny when she was small, to stay sane and survive. I truly learned how the dubies were made – and explored it for years in my therapy/healing practice. You will find these investigations and healings in my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love”

Now – at this age, and 22 years after I learned about how the dubies are made – it is truly clear that this “dubie” was a part of “me.” I used the sacred will God shared with me to create him  – and so he was experienced as real.

I want to remember this when/if they return – truly remember – I can welcome them Home through the “window” in the Heart, into the formlessness they came from, and allow a wave of blessings to pour forth from that formless Presence into the world of form and thoughts.

And there is nothing to forgive – nothing serious and bad happened in reality – only in the dream that seems so real

if “he” returns, I will remember that he is a child of mine that I have judged so deeply as to dubying it, and take him back into the Heart.

And tell him that all that happened, happened in a dream and we are OK now:)

*

I am including a favorite Flashmob: Carmina Burana. I marvel at how wonderful refreshing   it is to see a woman in straw hat play the violin, and cleaners doing ballet – they are all taken out of their roles, costumed in very unconventional ways – how liberating: usual labels of singers and orchestra are screwed up, and I listen as the first time

accepting Love at last

In a Sedona-session today, I felt one more aspect of the victim-identity: how safe she feels in giving control away – and in being  a “sufferer”. A tremendous fear arose when I realized that “I can choose” – it was tremendous. Sinking into that, another part came forth, saying: “I have been giving myself over to light before, and was tricked.”

I remembered a moment between my father and I – so wonderfully symbolic of the moment of believing in the TMI – when we shared a moment of blissful light and one-ness – and wham, his dark side took over and in  a split-second he “switched” and became unrecognizable scary and alien.

The shock was instantaneous and make a deep imprint: never trust the Light again: it is completely unpredictable.”

In the shocked state I was, I dissociated – as the Son of God also did – and was overtaken.

The memory this split-off Ninotchka carries was that being a terrorized victim was preferable to allowing Love in  – the remembered shock and guilt that came when the Light seemed to change into darkness was not to be tolerated.

The change in the session came when Claire asked me if I possibly could let go of the determination to say no to Love – and the answer burst forth like new birth – of course I let go of that! And that happened at the level of mind.

I saw that it never happened in reality – and that my spirit was safe in Love’s embrace. At that moment, truly letting go of resistance to Love, warmth trickled into my stiff and cold body.

So grateful now – and even more so, since I was stiff with intense fear before this session with Claire – I was stuck in a vortex of expecting to be controlled, and wanting to control back – expecting the worst nightmare scenario. I forgave the fear and the thoughts and asked to see Claire as God sees her, and I meant it – and even though I did not believe at all that this intention had made any difference at all, since it surely did not feel like that, I managed to state clearly what I wanted from Clare with respect to agreeing on a clear structure in the session. Somehow, a little slice of trust must have been there – and H.S used it to the full.

Now I feel I have a WILL again – sharing It with my own Love.

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

%d bloggers like this: