Tappings on the shoulder – post fromNichola

This morning I remembered weeks ago when Leelah had a dream about two women – one was ridiculing her –the other was skeptical – the skeptical one was me. She reached out to ask to do some skype sessions –  I had also recently told her that I had been diagnosed with a serious illness.

I am not a Course in Miracles student but because of last week’s encounter with David Hoffmeister appearing on my jellyfish page I watched some YouTubes of his over the weekend. I particularly noticed the one where he said that Holy Spirit would tap us on the shoulder again and again until we pay attention.

Then this Friday evening comes, and as well as the illness I am worried about many things, money, where I am living. I feel like my life is completely falling apart and I’m not going to make it.

One simple question from Leelah and it is like a key has turned in a lock.

It is real or is it a thought?

It is a thought. Wow – relief about that. Then something more – it is not just a thought, it is a thought  system – there are many thoughts attached to this one mega-thought that ‘I might not make it” including – not good enough, too ugly, not worthy , made too many mistakes – the list could fill up a whole room.

Are you willing to be wrong about it?

Yes I am willing to be wrong about that thought, but it is really amazing because I realise that thought has been one of the bedrocks of my life, and it isn’t true.

Leelah talks about perception – in this case perception is the way that we see the world provide us with proof that we are right. If you are reading this, it might sound elementary, but to me it is like the rock cracking in the tomb. And the light shining in. I am stunned with what I have just understood.

The perception then creates the feelings which then lead us back nicely to the thought.

I start to think about the idea that our thoughts create our reality but then I think that is not correct – that perceived reality is only part of the loop.

I guess it could be called a major thought system—a fully self-contained self-perpetuating loop of non-reality. I can hardly believe it.

We do an exercise that Leelah has learned from a tape with Regina Dawn Akers : Draw a circle and put the thought at 12 o’clock, the perception it leads to at four o’clock ,the feelings the perception creates at eight o’clock. To demonstrate the loop.

Leelah suggests something to replace this “I’m not going to make it”  with something else: “I wonder how this is going to turn out/”  I try it out. I feels good.

This morning I remember the YouYube by David Hoffmeister about the Holy Spirit tapping me on the shoulder. And I think about how I am really stopped in my tracks at the moment – by physical mobility, finances, other things and about what happened last night. I am that skeptic that Leelah dreamed about, yet I am sure now that all this apparent chaos and loss of power is not what it seems. It is the tapping – tapping waking me up to true self and I am blessed.

 

 

 

The Medusa

Today we have our 4th sharing on Skype, with the intention of lifting in to the light our common false perceptions of God as an angry punishing father.

This is Nichola’s rapport:

The day started with a swim in the ocean and so maybe it’s no surprise that I was feeling light and happy when Leelah and I had the Skype session. When I looked further the feeling was like a golden light a couple of centimeters from my face – shining gold with rays going out like hair or like the rays of the sun. A big deep feeling of joy came up from my belly and the golden light became a mask, ancient made of some kind of metal. The energy traveled down my arms and my fingers were alive with energy so that I saw that they were made of small wriggling snakes.

I had a feeling of rising from the sea – standing on a rock and the image of the Medusa with her hair made of snakes standing  the rock in the middle of the ocean.

 Leelah suggested we look at Medusa –  the myth of the Greek goddess who turns people into stone and she asked me if I had been (or if I had turned myself?) into stone. I said yes. In fact the stone cold boy in a story that I wrote is me, I recognised that when I was writing it, and today I remember that when my father was speaking in his familiar humiliating way I would purposefully harden my body and mind so that the hate from my father couldn’t get in.  

I remember giving my bother a painting of the Medusa when he was about fifteen. Leelah asks if he was also turned to stone and I remember that yes he was, more than me I think.

After that we looked at the Medusa jelly fish on You Tube. Leelah asks me why I think it is called Medusa and I think it is because of its sting, and also maybe because of its tentacle that look like hair. The fish is transparent, very primitive and beautiful.

As we watch it gives birth to several tiny jellyfish. Beautiful. Around this time I am struck with how much the tentacles of the fish remind me of synapses, the nerve endings that are sometimes damaged in MS and which I have been trying to visualise growing back in my own body.

I am also struck with the seemingly rambling way that we have meandered through this session, guided by Leelah’s instincts and I am very much surprised and almost enchanted.

 Leelah suggest that the way the medusas are born from the jellyfish – just “plop” out very easily, is something that I can use to think of the way my own synapses can easily be regenerated.

 Then I look to the side of the screen and see that there are a number of YouTube videos in a column going down the page and oddly, amongst them there is a five or so minute lecture by David Hoffmeister called the death of the Ego –  there amongst all these jellyfish. I can’t believe it. I tell Leelah but it does not appear on her page, just mine. As it turns out we are using different browsers  but strangely I have returned to that page this morning and David Hoffmeister has disappeared and there are only jelly fish there.  (Right now I am wondering about that – it feels like a notice to pay attention to things when they appear.)

We watch the video together and Leelah asks me at the end if there was anything there for me, as it had only appeared on my browser . I say, yes – the very last sentence. Which is stop looking for fulfillment outside yourself. That seems a very strong thing for me to look at, as I feel I have identified as a searcher or hunter who does not find. Like I am constantly trying to get something from the world that I can’t.  So this is a big thing for me to explore – that I am just looking outside for what I think I want, instead of inside.

*

I mention for Nic how the very essence of the ego thought system is “look, and do not find.”

I find this image very symbolic for deep transformation – from snakes to rays of light:

shining gold with rays going out like hair or like the rays of the sun.

 

I too have  stone – symbols:

Petrified

My mother has become stone

I am pummeling her chest with my fists

Come out! Come out!

My fists are made of ice,

My tears are burning

Come out!

And

Whack

My father hits my bottom hard and unexpected

Warm pee flows down my legs

“Go to your room!”

But my mother

Where is my mother?

 

 

 

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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