KEY

Losing keys is a common dream for most of us. And the symbol means different things to different people.

This summer, I lost two keys hiking in the woods – to my entrance door and my bike. I returned several times, walking the same trail, searching.-

Then, later,I mislaid my keys repeatedly,but found them after a lot of stress.

The latest: I wanted to copy my main key and give it to a neighbor, in case I needed them to get in in case I needed help – I live alone and am 76 years, so good for me to know I can call somebody and they will be here pretty soon.

The key-man tried to copy it three times during three weeks. The copied key did not open the door for me. When I returned, he insisted it was because my original key was WRONG. He called out each time, when I left: THIS TIME IT WILL WORK PERFECTLY! But it really didn’t.

So I at last got that this was a “lesson” as A Course in Miracles calls it – something we have called to ourselves to heal and resolve with love.

I recognized an intense urge to smash the keys in the counter in front of him to prove that I was right and he was wrong. And remembered what Jesus says in the Course: Beware of perceiving yourself as unjustly treated. – He tells us that whatever we experience, after having decided that what we want most of all, is to fully wake up to our true identity – we experience it because we have called it to us in order to find a solution that is based on a loving response rather than the ego-solution of being right.

I stated my intention to SEE the key-man with loving perception – and I saw his terror of something going on that he could not control. Hm, where have I had those thoughts – and what do I want to control? Well, VERY MUCH still. My body and pain and aging for once …

So after the third time of wrong keys I went back to him and returned them and got my money back – 200 kroner.- In numerology, 2 is the number of separation. He called after me that it is because my original key is FALSE – needing the last word, and my heart opened wide.

Then the dreams started – the last one this morning – I had a new large house, but I could not lock the main door from inside, so everybody was free to just walk in and invade the space. Then I had a new dream, where I lost BOTH my glasses and my key and the bus stop to get home.

So this is the question, dear friends and readers – if these were your dreams, what would the key symbolize?

I can’t wait to read your suggestions in the commentary field 🙂

***

Immediately after this, when I was looking for an image with keys, this opened on my desktop:

Thank you for purchasing Richard Miller’s webinar, Deepening your Inner Resource:
Your Unbreakable Wholeness of Being
. Kindly follow the instructions below to access
the webinar.

Will share later ! 🙂

Catastrophe Child

 These days  I am working my way – with great help of the Universe – all the way down/in to the center of disaster.. It is very explosive in there.

As I use what happens around me to discover what inside me needs to be seen and loved, the last thing was that  I needed a new Water Heater. The old one leaked – it urgently needed a new safety valve. The Water Heater inside – mirroring  The Fire- and Water-element in me – needed to be balanced. As my Plummer told me: it was EXPLOSIVE.

I was watching and sensing into this explosiveness inside, telling it that help was  coming.

Then – after having paid  the equivalent of 700 USD for  the new Water Heater, it LEAKED because of inner pressure-! That’s when I aha’ed – it all was helping me to see this inner pressured explosive part.

I told “the inner pressure” I was on to it. But in fact, I did not know HOW to find this part, since it had hidden itself so effectively.

So –  the Plummer fixed the leak – which demanded two  more very expensive parts = 1200 USD

I felt extremely frightened about a knob that regulated the heat – since I thought that I could make the whole big thing explode. My Plummer mailed me and explained, I did not understand a word, but was willing to hang in there and ask until I understood.

I went into my healing room – there was a BIG spider crawling out on the floor from behind the couch, just where my patients in expressive Arts Therapy / healing/ use to sit. The place of the patient – pointing to the “sick and catastrophic” inner part of me.

Spiders are a big symbol for fear –

As soon as it understood that I had discovered it, it ran back under the coach – but I had a glass in  my hand, firmly deciding on catching it under the glass, and then sliding a bit of  cardboard under it.

Unfortunately I happened to break some legs of it before I caught it – meaning to me, that I CAN dissolve the fear inside me – limiting it from running wild

I told the spider I was so sorry for its pain, and ran outside and threw it on the stone slabs, stomping on it.

And feeling very excited about  having found this hidden catastrophe energy inside my body – solar plexus, head and other places too – I now can do my favorite meditation: inviting Love to breathe through me, and surrendering the fear to IT – all I have to do, is breathe and surrender.

But I need to actually DO it 🙂

 

 

Metaphores

As some of my readers will know, I live from the  belief that my outer physical world and body mirror what goes on in my mind. So when I dream of a loose molar, I see it a cornerstone of the belief system ( teeth are symbols of beliefs in my world.) In this case, I had asked my mind to show me what the intense pain and tensions in the neck was about.

I talked to the neck – and it turned into a vile and vicious voice that called me a damned hussy who it would love to see tortured – since I did not follow its advises to live after the old belief system of fear any longer. Since I knew it has only one purpose – to keep me “safe” – I listened deeply and thanked it for its hard work – and I started to bless it. I allowed LOVE into my breathing, and gradually a soft melting happened in the neck. Now that I was focused on the pain as something IN me and nothing that I WAS , I could separate the pain as just energy, and breathe  love into it.This may be a process with many layers – but, miracles happen frequently in my life, so -😊

In my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love” ( see right menu) I have collected lots of  synchronicities that show me when I am aligned to Source. Like this one:

I was on my way to the Hospital for some tests, and told myself, “ I love myself just as I am right now.” The first person who served me had  a white Tee-shirt with this text on: “ I love myself just as I am.”





Photo by Luke Leung on Unsplash

Age-old Urges in Women

Today I was visiting my doc to talk about my “eating disorder.” As usual, it took quite another direction than I expected. My doc interrupted me – in a very kind and gentle way – and talked about urges in women from eons back – how women, when pregnant, got the strangest urges for what they needed – like soot and dirt. As he spoke, I SAW that the urge I had to fill myself up with something was coming from deep inside the feminine mind – and seeing that, the judgments at myself – and at the urge – started to dissipate. A deep compassion took its place – and a patience for everything women have taken on to carry and live through – and that there is a time for everything, and it seems to be an end-time for this pattern.

I got another gift from my beloved doc: I asked if it was OK to shake hands again – and he took my hand in his BIG one and covered it with his other. It felt like he held a little bird baby there – and it was the first contact I have had with another’s hands since the Pandemic started almost 2 years ago. How wonderful it feels to shake hands

Candida as Judge and Jailor

And then it is so – that when we vow to something good, all that is between us and that, will come up to be discovered and forgiven.

Lately, eating and digestion has become almost impossible- instant raging Candida-response. I asked my guides for a dream to clarify, and it came:

I was in a dentist’s office to make an appointment. (Teeth are for me symbols of beliefs.) There was a nurse there, and three other people who wanted appointments too. Gradually the atmosphere changed into viciousness – I got a stern message to wait- and I waited and waited.

The dream then expanded in a Kafkaesque manner – I had acted wrongly and had no idea what I had done – and they all insisted that I knew perfectly well what I had done and continued to shame me. I now was completely at their mercy. I had done something wrong and could not for my bare life see what my sin was.

I woke up and remembered that this has been a pattern for me in many workshops – the first day the leaders were sweet – and the next, their manner changed into a kind of contempt and “you know perfectly well what you do.” It freaked me out and nobody ever told me what I “did.”

When I woke up, I understood that this is a dream which presents an energy I still have not forgiven. A gift indeed! I ask, “where have I subjected myself to this kind of contempt before?” There are strong pains and tensions around my lower abdomen and vagina – and I remember my father and other men’s energy during abuse – their contempt oozing at the women they abused.

I asked myself, “where have I abused myself with self-contempt?” oh yes – I have for years and years automatically and unconsciously heaped abuse on my sexual organs – since they obviously deserved punishment like this,frequently, and from many. For of course they had to have a reason for their attacks – and I must be deserving it in some way.

So here the self hatred started – my own attack at my sacred feminine parts.

Now I believe that the Candida came as a stern reminder – you do NOT deserve comfort in the shape of desserts and sweets – since your very identity is something horrible and weird and wrong.

This is the gift of the dream – to truly SEE the impact my own old hatred has had on my organs. And on my very sacred Feminine Divinity. I CHOSE it – and I will forgive the choice and choose again

So – everything I “take in” – digest – is influenced, imprinted with hatred – and the premise that hating is just and GOOD, even – “this is a way this human atones for her sins –”

Sigh

What a blessing to SEE this mechanism – on a yet deeper level than before. I am sweating writing it down.

I will now ask the Divine to enter my breath – and I will sit and HOLD IT ALL while breathing Love into it and through it, and the rest is up to the Holy.

*******

Next day I invited the Divine to eat with me each bite I took. I breathed for each bite, I visualized the organs and the candida-place relaxed and forgiven, I talked to the organs , full package :). The Candida eased down quite a bit. Then I had a fear response that originated in the area around the vagina again – and “saw” a little scared girl who was afraid of a male figure. I had the day before read an exercize that Jeshua suggests in Way of Transformation – a way of visualizing the feared figure and placing Light around them in a certain manner. I found myself adapt the exercize to a little girl’s world, in a cartoon-like manner, and it worked wonderfully – I knew I was working with an archetype ( Child) and not “me.”) The moment I KNEW that, a former clinging to the “me”-identity dropped off, and I understood the vast treasure of working with archetypes the way I have done this life. No more regret and shoulds! 🙂

All you need is Love

This May Be an End to the Rollercoaster

Those who has followed this blog for a while will have noticed a rollercoaster quality – the victories seem to drop into very low valleys and then travel up again.

This night I asked from my heart that my guides gave me a clear dream of some kind of physical acts I could take that would create love, play and vitality for others and myself – a kind of project. And I was given a dream where I taught and lectured at the senior center where I live in the same way I have done with my one to one students since 1988. Something landed in me this time – I woke up and knew I would do it.

I have watched this magic worked with every student – something happens when we come together to play freely and just follow the process. This spirit of playfulness is, I believe, the very essence of Who we are – pure exploration and fun. WE let go of what we think we are supposed to do to heal – and just dive into THIS very moment. What are you thinking about NOW? how would that thought be transformed into e.g a sound? a doodle? words? etc etc. The ego and control is stunned and surrenders – and wonders happened – and people just see that there is Something within them that leads them forward to places of joy and surrender they would not have fathomed.

A former close neighbor of mine is a vital person of that senior-center – I will contact him and ask for the best person to contact – and I will also contact two old theater friends who both have lectured there.

And after this idea, I realized that more stuff would spring from this – in a much more orderly and structured way that before. There is no sensation of overwhelm this time. I am writing lists of what to do and when, and enjoying myself.

And ending with a nice surrealistic image from Unsplash.com – taken by Dominik Vanyi

In the playful process I am describing, everything is possible -and so the very life-force of creativity dips into us – or we into it – with astonishing results and insights

Taking on Others’ Energy

Sounds familiar to you?

I have been a vacuum cleaner for others’ energy. A part of me – the one who thinks her value comes from “helping” others before herself ( described in detail in “When Fear Comes Home to Love“) just identifies with something in the “the other” and the shift takes place. Yesterday I did this shift with the nurse who gave me the second vaccine – I asked her how her experience had been. This nurse had set my first vaccine a month ago, and I did not even feel a prick – so she had to be AWESOME ac. to my small self. Now I was projecting a mother on her, without being aware of it – she “took care of me” last time.

She described it her vaccine-effects in detail: sickness. Fever Pains. the whole list. And without even knowing it, I took it on, as something thar was “important” for me – and the night was pure hell – with the exact symptoms that she so distinctly had described.

I had bonded with her through sharing her symptoms – and what I told my subconsciousness I now experienced, to the minute detail.

Slowly it dawned on me that it was THIS that had happened – through my unconscious wish for a mother. The second I realized it and forgave it, all the hellish sensations seeped out – gone in a minute. Now there is just a faint soreness in left arm.

Then I asked myself, what is the most important decision I need to make – which choice needs to be recognized and corrected?

I was taken back to Ummu’s story in my book “Healing Stories.” *

Ummu was a prince in Dogon, Mali, thousands of years ago, whose land and treasures were stolen by tribal enemies.They also massacred Ummu’s family. I believe that I was Ummu in that incarnation – and that he was so shocked and enraged at God for allowing this to happen that he vowed to spite all that was good.

I have discovered that Ummu’s spirit is still in my mind – he truly CHOSE that time to turn against Love – and this morning I owned that choice of my ancestor, forgave myself and chose again.

My frequency ascended into unspeakable joy as I chose again – I chose to know Who I am and live from That.

The eating problems vanished – the very state of being where they originated – this insatiable hunger- disappeared.

I do not know if it will last – but now I know where that hunger to be comforted comes from, ancestrally.

And I am here to extend Love into it

*still not published

PS Google Dogon Mali to see photos

Blue

Here is BLUE – the sacred animal in the cover of my book When Fear Comes Home to Love.

Just today – more that 30 years since I wrote it – do I realize why the Holy came to me as an animal. I smile and smile as I realize that the animal carries no baggage – while Jesus and God carry more baggage than Chicago Airport.

The image also shows how the Holy is always present in every situation – even the very darkest ones

This is BLUE – the symbol of embodied LOVE

Here is a short snippet

“Allow me to present the Blue to you – The Presence of Love within the Myth. When I started to write this book, my idea was to explore the figures within the Image and the Myth, and find their stories and healing potential. But three years into the manuscript Blue made Her[1]* entrance.

It was during one of my agonized sleepless nights. I started to pray, and found myself talking into my little dream-recorder which stays in bed with me. I decided to pretend that I was God and knew the answers to my agony. I asked, and “God” answered. It comforted me.

This repeated itself for almost a week. Then the ego butted in and persuaded me to stop these conversations. It wanted me to take the credit for the book, not the Divine.

That stopped the process very effectively.

But then I sat down and wrote down the conversations – and saw the wisdom, humor and Light within The Answering Voice. The moment I knew, with a wave of gratefulness, that these dialogues were going to be an important part of the book, I also knew that The Voice belonged to the sacred-looking blue animal in The Image, under the root. In that revelatory moment, the structure and intent changed: before, I was trying to write a book to be accepted by the academic world, to “prove” my worth to them – a futile and impossible scheme of the ego – now it became clear to me that Blue had planned it all! So this book is written to remind us all of that Guiding Principle within, Who faithfully leads us toward our awakening.

Conversations with Blue are meandering throughout this book, and the text is also spiced with short examples of Divine play, through the form of synchronistic events and magic “coincidents.” With deep compassion and humor, She shows us how She leads us and plays with us, and how darkness can be seen as layers in an onion, opening to the radiant Light at the center.

The following dialogue is one of the very first:, from 1997. Blue’s voice is in italics:

Talking with Blue / 1997

I am here to remind you that you are a child of God – and that ALL your journeys, stories, poems and images point toward Me. I am your sunny garden, your golden haven, your sacred heart – your one and only Mother and Father. Come home to Me now – I AM LOVE. I am here to urge you to RECEIVE YOURSELF.

Who are you, Blue?

I am you. There is no separation.

Can I call you God? Can I call you Christ?

You can touch whatever consciousness you want with your heart and intention. If you address Christ, His answer will be filtered through your consciousness and through your mind. And you will give My voice the voice you have been conditioned to use.

If you address Christ, it is from the Christ-source the answer will be given. How you hear it and receive it, is up to you, and will be refined through experience – much like an artist grows into her true form. –When you – and all humans – are communicating like this, you are doing yourself a huge favor: you are taking away control from the ego, and stepping outside its prison doors, into fresh air. I repeat, I AM YOU – there is no separation, except in your mind.

Dearest Blue – why have you taken the form of an animal in my image?

To show you my playfulness… I am Divine playfulness, cohabiting with the demons under the root – so you shall not take it so very seriously, my dear.

BUT IT IS SERIOUS!!!! IT IS HORROR!!! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING!!!!!

What is horrifying is to be trapped in the illusion that this Child is all you are. You need to have tremendous compassion for the Child – and at the same time recognize that you are also one with Me. The role of Child, this unhealed soul-fragment – “the one who suffers in hell” – is meant to be healed through the “Greater You.”

There is a GREATER REALITY (10) where you experience all as One. –You and I planned this drama – don’t get stuck in it! You are not the roles, you are not even the drama – but you are responsible for making the drama conscious, so you can step out of it. Yes – don’t get stuck in it, my love, PLAY WITH IT. As every actor knows, it is necessary to step out of the role. Child and Fuckeat are not YOU – it is something you explore to discover the dark places within you that you still haven’t loved and healed.

You cannot really choose love and light without knowing what darkness, denial and hatred is. When Adam and Eve were in Paradise, they did not know that it was good – before they seemed to fall from Grace.

So when you and your fellow-travelers experience and explore your root-hell, you will then have the necessary experience of torment-awareness to choose the opposite. But this choice becomes available only after having fully experienced and accepted your own tortured feelings.

Realizing the hellish drama as your own creation, [2]* will give you the impetus to choose love.

And please have fun doing it!

The essence in The Lesson of The Root is recognizing your error in identity – and then to choose again!

*

 

[1]*In the text, I may use ‘Her’ for Blue, our sacred Self, or Holy Spirit in Course-language. Blue is of course non-denominational – but in my experience, She has the quality of Divine Mother.

 

[2]* The Leelah-figure, according to the Course, creates absolutely nothing – the part of the mind that creates is outside time and space and has nothing to do with this body/personality we believe ourselves to be.

(10) At the time I was receiving this loving Voice, I was also deeply into Emmanuel’s Books: ‘Greater Reality’ is his term for Heaven.

 

 

I Know Where I Am Going

For me, this is a song about going Home to Who and What I am – Christ consciousness.

Poetically:

Heaven. God All Love.

When I was very young, I realized that the most trustworthy substitute for the real kind of love was chocolate. The dark variety was called LUNCH. My mother and I LOVED LUNCH and we ate quite a lot of it.

Now, mamma knew that she had to not know what went going on with my father and me, since that would not be acceptable and far from bearable. So when my inner agony screamed out to be heard, I quickly and quietly knew that I could choose to believe it was chocolate I needed – not the real thing. And then she joined me in comforting herself, too. So it was a bonding- a bleak substitute, but the stuff in the dark chocolate is very powerful and stimulated the coveted serotonins almost instantly.

But all my yearning – for warm arms and a lap and just being heard and received and loved and comforted – was squelched. And I started to tell myself that I was unworthy to receive the real kind, and that THIS was given me instead.

It was a clear choice from my soul to perceive chocolate as a power stronger than love – and a trustworthy and effective one as that.

This morning I knew with all of me that I am going to abandon that belief. That belief tells me that I prefer chocolate/ sweet desserts etc. to the REAL thing -the Pure Divine Love that I am.

Realizing this deeply this morning – after one my thousand dreams of not finding the way back Home from whatever country I am dreaming myself into – since Home was chosen to be a substitute when I was small. No wonder I could never find HOME in chocolate.

And non duality – and Jesus/Jeshua – tells me that what I choose to believe, God says yes to – since it is my free will.

It is my free will to think and act and see the consequences, forgive myself and my creations and choose again.

This morning I knew the point of no return has come ( I apologized to the bees and the innocent sugar canes)

I have felt so many times that entitities / parts – of me? live through my energy system- and nourishes themselves – each time I indulge in chocolate/ sweet food – instead of sitting with the yearning to be filled up with LOVE. The REAL thing.

It is all about my power to choose what/who I want to be my true comforter.

I realize that all the time I have comforted me with chocolate and yummy desserts, I have chosen NOT to trust that Love is there FOR ME.

There is nothing wrong with yummy desserts and sugar – but my choice for it as a substitute for Love gives it exactly that power.

I am not willing to think like that anymore –

and I am willing for this to be easier that expected – since I do this with the Holy, not alone

The body and brain has 76 years of addiction to deal with –

but I choose to do this WITH love now

with help from my guides and angels

and the recognition of Christ as my true Source

Shaming – and the Healing of it

I am currently reading ” You can’t judge a body by its cover” by David Bedrick. JD. It deals with body shame and the endless way we try to fix our precious body with diets – which do not work in the long run. We know that.

Here is a video that shows a way to deal with our inner critic in a loving way. Very effective and loving.

I’d love to hear your comments how this worked for you.

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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