BELIEFS

I have had my life’s greatest epiphany – the insight of how a belief has created all my lives of torture and abuse and VICTIMHOOD.

In my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love” I describe my work of deciphering the main basis for the ego-thought system of fear. I found 10 archetypes that are present and very active in the mind of the Son of God = us all – they control and permeate our mind. They can do this BECAUSE of what we believe in – the possibility of a god that is fearful and punishing – and the belief that we deserve this.

And that it is mandatory.

30 years ago or more, I met a healer called Amorah Quan Yin , and had a telephone session with her. She showed me an earlier incarnation where I was a young apprentice of shamanism – just like Mickey Mouse in the Apprentice of a Sorcerer. Mickey wants POWER and fools with it – and his error is magnified and turned into thousand of waterbuckets that flood the premises. The errors I made in that incarnation, called on a powerful shaman who controlled me for evil purposes – and the hurt and pain I was forced to subject others to, were of such magnitude that I chose to kill myself.

That old memory in my mind – and in the One mind – has lingered, and because I repressed it and judged it I made it real.I think almost all my incarnations have wallowed in blood – and because of the humongous guilt I have chosen to be the victim again and again –

And it is all so silly!

ACIM states that everything we do, we do to our SELF – ourselves.

I have wanted to be RIGHT that I am a victim – and in this life I have truly done that – the abuse and the split in personalities I lived with – that I have named « The Jekyll and Hyde»- system – have «proven» itself to me to have dire consequences in the mind.

But only as long as I hide the choice: the choice to see myself as evil, needing to be punished ( the main belief in the human mind).

This all became clear to me this morning – the first corona-free National Day in Norway – where children again, after two years of restrictions, will be allowed to do parades and sing and wave flags.

CELEBRATION!

The Truth is that I never really left Heaven and God – but I can make a humongous illusion that I did – and so step into incarnations where I truly seem to be separated – in wars and massacres.

And seen from «this place» – inside a body with other bodies – the beliefs of separation are very convincing – and I have to live after the rules down here.

Putin is an excellent image of this for me: I AM RIGHT and YOU ARE EVIL and I will obliterate you.

So the last 30 years or so I have believed that I would be met with demons when I leave the body/die – and I have tried with all my might to find ways to fix this. It led me to all kind of therapies and thank God, A Course in Miracles – and led me to see that I as Soul has chosen it all – to at last return to the Love that I am.

I just need to allow the Holy Spirit to undo the consequences of my wrong minded decisions

I now enjoy the images of what I DO desire when I leave the body – Jeshua smiling, arms outstretched, Mozart and Bach and Schubert are there for sure -Master Hilaryon –oh, did I manage to forget Beethoven?! and I think also, my «created» characters in my novel Hilaryon Stories.

And this tree – which I have baptized my Tree of Life  – tells me THIS is Who We are.

All of us.

No  exceptions

Presents

When I sat down at the table at my daughters Saturday, there were heaps of presents. They were exquisitely wrapped, and I felt a sinking in the stomach. “This is over the top” an inner voice said. Every detail was prepared to perfection – but there was a sensation of deep desperation about it all.

The effect on me was nauseating.

For me, it is like this: if it feels good for both the giver and the receiver, the gift has true value. If not, there are underlying unconscious expectations:

I give to be seen as “loving” ( which I secretly “know”I am not.)

I give to feel safe ( “now I will not be attacked)

I give something to be loved and to feel valuable and good.

The more gifts, the more I show how much I love

I know my daughter as a radiant teacher of love, so this was gift to me on a higher level – it happened to show me something. And only late 24 hours later in the night today did I discover: – what we were caught in, was the archetype of CHILD, that I describe in When Fear Comes Home to Love.

A Course in Miracles describes it like this:

“T-16.VII.1. It is impossible to let the past go without relinquishing the special relationship. 2 For the special relationship is an attempt to re-enact the past and change it. 3 Imagined slights, remembered pain, past disappointments, perceived injustices and deprivations all enter into the special relationship, which becomes a way in which you seek to restore your wounded self-esteem. 4 What basis would you have for choosing a special partner without the past? 5 Every such choice is made because of something “evil” in the past to which you cling, and for which must someone else atone.”

CHILD is the part of the psyche that thinks itself inherently unworthy and loved in her essence: – you only GET love by following others’ expectations – a special relationship is based on the belief in separation. You adapt and perform and adjust – but in your essence, there is something inherently WRONG with you. You exist for others, period.

I started to explore the expectations CHILD may have behind giving gifts: to be loved, to feel safe, to be seen as nice and good and special in many ways. I became acutely aware that the horrible sensations and energies I have felt for two days now came from Child – and I recognized it as a soul gift from my beloved daughter.

For all that I have not accepted and owned as mine, I cannot embrace and forgive. And the gift in this presentation was to present a lot of presents that were over the top – both in wrapping and economy. The agony came from all that this Child in us has repressed: the need to be loved and held, valued just as s/he is – seen in her particular character and treasured just like s/he is.

Our World, as the Course teaches it, is the place where God’s One Child ( us all) play out the belief in separation – we have to DO something to EARN love.We deny the inherent value we all have as God’s child. We eat of the Tree of Good AND evil – and the soul does it to find the way to love ALL OF IT, recognizing that the “evil” springs from confusion, forgive and find the love in our heart that can house it all, and transform the energies. Jesus tells us that when I forgive a confused part of the small/separated mind, I have made it a bit easier to forgive – a bit more available to forgive for everybody – since there is only ONE MIND in reality.

And in reality, this (“my”) mind is one with God’s mind – all filled with Love. And since Love loves all things and allows us to play in all ways to experience the consequences of a separated mind, I can turn to Love now – the essence of what I am in truth – and own my choice for separation and all its consequences. Being there NOW, I can extend forgiveness to myself for the choice I made and choose again:

Love.

As this Love starts to permeate my creation, the agony melts and there is a deep knowing that my true value, given me by Love has never been disturbed.

And I can communicate this to my daughter from my soul to hers – and if necessary, I will find words to share with her eye to eye as well.

Some photos of this True Love that I have saved:

This is Anna – grandmother of Jesus . painted by Leonardo DaVinci.

A crushed bowl – mended with gold and love – helping me to see the value in the wound

This photo has followed me all my life – I sucked the forefinger too, and animals were safe

This is in my mind how Jesus would look if he were a cat

Embracing

So important in this dis-identification process: – separating the observer and witness from the me-of-many-stories. All the voices/parts of Leelah – they are not Who I am I am the awareness of it. I am the One who relates to it all, with judgment and hate or acceptance and love. I cannot forgive what I haven’t first accepted and allowed.

An important step for me has been to be really curious about everything that shows up – and then singling it out, by becoming aware of the size of the field of contraction in the body – noticing the hurts and aches, maybe color-tone, the felt sense of it, maybe voices that come with it. After much practicing, there now is a distinct YES-feeling when I have “got it” – and then I can use the forgiveness process from  the Way of Transformation.

I notice that once – from a place of fear and chock – I chose to repress this – for a good reason! And now I can choose to receive it and love it.

When after much practicing I am able to embrace it, the healing is now in the hands of Holy Spirit – or my Higher Self. My part is just willingness to feel what comes up, to welcome it -to recognize that it is all a consequence of my choice at the moment of trauma-onset: I chose to think things about me and the others that sprang from fear-perceptions. And I chose freely what it meant about me – always that there was something wrong with me, so in some weird way I deserved it.

I have had years of drilling by masters from Mystery traditions. My lieblings would be Emmanuel and  Bartholomew ( they are both funny and tender ( Emmanuel even speak in poems!)

But Jeshua has followed me and helped me the most this life – you may read about that process in When Fear Comes Home to Love.

So back to this night – it was all held in the Solar Plexus for all my life, I believe. Now there was an intense and sudden pain there- and as I embraced it and it unraveled, I saw the impossibility for that pain to make itself truly know before this night -so much had to happen first. It was all about not being able to survive the very living-situation I was in – that family, those beliefs, those secrets, that intense Jekyll and Hyde – creation.

The very essence of the-all-of-it – the impossibility to even KNOW about it was there, in the diamond hard ball.

The release was beautiful beyond description – and I will give it space to happen incrementally.

This is how it feels:

I have borrowed this from Love Is A Place- bloghttp://peacefullpresence.blogspot.com/2021/10/all-my-relations.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+blogspot%2FUeqpM+%28Love+Is+A+Place%29

Sunbeam and Wave

Photo from Shutterstock


 
 
 
 
 
 

Yesterday I asked a question on my Way of Mastery-group. One woman gave an answer with a projection in it- I felt the sting and the instant resentment – and I remembered to ask myself where I had done that? Hm 😊
And what came out of that was life changing for me. I have lately wanted to know more deeply what Jeshua means with “your object of CREATION”*** since the forgiveness-exercise is all about working with that object.
I sensed that the OOC is the story I have made, where I seem to be separate from other beings, seems to be placed in a certain time and in a certain space where memories come from, and movements in my nervous system, all the characters involved in that story-object, my feelings and emotions and sensations in the body, how I breathed in that situation- everything physical and mental and emotional that happened that I called me and MINE – “this is about ME.”
And then, the judgments are the judging way I looked at the neutral acts in the story:  you/they/should/shouldn’t have – you are X ( stupid, wrong, the whole chalabang.)

I sensed the impact of this story of guilt and projection in the body, breathed and cried and released and forgave and embraced and blessed, and fell asleep and had a magnificent dream where I was FREE and related to various people in wheelchairs etc 😊 with lots of humor and freedom, and met wonderful people, and remembered I had a new and supersuper car somewhere – but I had currently forgotten where I have parked it!  LOL

And this insight-angel embraced me:

Truth is – I am the wave in the same big sea we all live, I am the sunbeam from the One same Sun we all share – and as long as I remember my connection with my Source – and recognize where my power and safety come from, acknowledging it – then I know where I belong.

And in the moments where I forget and believe am rootless and miserable and wrong – I need just lovingly correct myself and remind me of my origin. There, I can with clear eyes look past sin and guilt and fear and recognize that that comes from a choice of perception that creates fear. I can start with blessing all I see – including myself and my fearful perception. I can ask to see that the ones who stumble and do evil, have temporarily forgotten the Sun and the Sea. I can remember it for them, blessing them WITH that knowledge. I have noticed that it may be very simple – when I smile to someone who seems to be in a worry-place, they  MAY pick up where that smile comes from, and seemingly in front of my eyes, step out of a dark dream and smile back

Marcos Paolo Prado, from Unsplash

*** from his Way of Mastery-course

 

Lucid Dreaming

I have for a while now intended to have lucid dreams – which means, becoming aware that I am the dreamer of the dream. That has happened some times, and the feeling is pretty  wonderful I think. And this morning I had one too – after having discussed lucid dreaming with my daughter yesterday.

The scene was very non-specular- a bunch of people, most of them with their back to me, waiting for something/someone -? ( Me of course!)

I saw them, and asked myself, “could this be a dream?” I got a YES, and in my hand I had a potato-peeler – like this one.

I pushed it into the back of some of the persons, and it went right through, like air. The person did not react at all – but dream-Leelah did: I sensed an electric unpleasant feeling in my midsection!

Hm.

Carl Gustav Jung ( whom I actually met once in a lucid dream LONG ago) said that all dream-persons are parts of our self.

So If I harm some of them, I also harm myself.

Sorry, dream-Leelah. Good learning.

And so to something quite different – or not-? Since we are all dreaming up this world ( says Jeshua/Jesus in A Course in Miracles and Way of Mastery, and every Non Dualist ( there really is not such a title, but but.) Yesterday I visited with M a wonderful exhibition from 1960-1977 – a bit surrealist it seemed – and we found it by entering some stairs I never had noticed before in this huge museum. There was a ginormous chest of drawers, filling a whole room – and I photoed these two drawers:

 

This is the kind of silliness that is pure healing for me. I hope you have good giggle!

Saying NO – and the Covid 19

My friend Leni Dubel ( you find her at Facebook ) had a near-death experience when she was younger, and in that numinous space she was contacted by guides and helpers who shared methods for dealing with our shadow in any way – including illness/corona

With her permission, I want to share her method here:

I have seen incredible changes in my own life by welcoming and loving each issue that happens. Surrender is also extremely powerful when it comes to being in control of the issues and no longer attracting them. Remember, your soul has its own agenda. Your reaction to these issues fuels your soul’s learning experience. When you are no longer reacting negatively to the issues, the learning stops for your soul and it does not need to continue with that particular issue anymore.

To welcome and love the issue without defending against it you: 1. Pretend that you are holding a sword and shield and then set them down.2. Welcome the issue as if it were a person, into your home or imagined sacred meeting space. 3. Take a second to love and then thank the issue. To surrender the issue you simply pretend that the issue is a present and give it to your Guides, the Universe or whomever you pray to. And then surrender all of the worry to it as well. You are not allowed to think about it after this. You can do this as often as you’d like. It will probably take some practice. And with the thoughts that you have about anything negative you simply want to tell those thoughts “no” each time that they surface. This will help to release them from their catacombs so that they no longer have manifesting power over your life.

***

I (Leelah) have recently been overwhelmed with negative self talk with strong energy. I now started to say NO! when the thoughts popped up, and it was some of the most effective strategy I ever have experienced. It stopped immediately – and then it seeped back. In A Course in Miracles, the main thing Jeshua/Jesus teaches us is that we/ some part of us/ CHOOSE everything that happens to us – and this NO is choosing again! And there is a big difference between saying NO from judgment – and just saying NO as a decision to not accept hateful thoughts into my mind any longer – I will not rent space to them in my mind, as Jeshua says in Way of the Heart.

I used Leni’s method to invite the energy of the Corona in, in the very first beginning of the year 2020. She appeared to me like a queen. I saw that she came to create great and necessary changes in the human collective mind. I started a group at Facebook where I invited people to visualize the virus in its rather beautiful rose-ish image – and allow it to transform into something that would allow us to see its true beauty behind/within the physical form. It is my experience that when we transform an image of something, we also transform the energy of that image.I invited us to see it with Christ’s vision.

I have also had friends who have got the Covid-19 – and who used their spiritual practice to intend to see it WITHOUT fear. The minute they truly SAW that it was the fear about it, that was harmful, they healed within hours.

I’ll repeat that: I have learned to recognize that it is not the virus itself that is hurtful – it is our thoughts and fears about it – our unconscious beliefs that we are being punished for our guilt etc.

Please hear that I am sharing my beliefs about it, and the experiences I have had because of the teachings and what I have experienced with students/clients the last 32 years and myself.

Here are some of the answers I got from the Facebook group – experiment:

The little but then large blue barbed balls of chaos outside of us flying at us attacking us, entering the body spinning like wild then slowing down met by pink golden light balls surrounding the virus calming the virus overtaking the virus calm loving peaceful forgiving. Transforming the blue spiked balls into pink golden light and love. Changing the spirit of mankind into compassion and trust and truth. The virus no longer exists for eternity. 🌻

*

I saw a beautiful rose unfolding, transforming into paper fireworks in many colours, and abundance gently raining down on the whole world. I felt oneness and connection. And I saw white figures all connected to both the earth and the sky, all being lifted up, some just a bit above the ground, and a few all the way up to heaven. I felt deep peace and grounding.

I feel calm and relaxed, more than I have felt in a long time. It is as though the virus has released the heavy tension I have had in my body for many years. In spite of the serious situation, I can see the future «as bright that I have to wear shades»

*

This morning I saw – without even intending to – the red dots on the virus as small children holding sacred fires in their hands, the fires lay in bowls of gold. The babies were then sitting in a circle that surrounded the image. I heard the babies’ happy voices, and I still get shivers when i describe the holiness of it all. The yellow dots were all fuzzy baby birds – chicken, ducks, I don’t know – the gray was silk, and it emanated tenderness and protection. The white was snow lanterns – very soon we will see them as light filled.

I invite you to LISTEN to the sounds emanating from this image – they feel like blessings

*

Please know that I in no way am interested in pushing my beliefs and Faith on my readers. I want to share what is true for me, and what is seen as true in my spiritual teachings.

And feel free to comment, as always 🙂

Vandalized Wood

My hundreds of years old wood

I love the way it felt like going through a tunnel, the light playing on the trunks

Yesterday I went for a hike in my beloved wood, close to my home.

It was not there. It had been cleared – lumbered – and as I walked through the familiar path, the views were now open – and the scars were everywhere.

It was a shock  –  MY wood had been vandalized!

Now you might read the description of the wood like your own inner wood/soul landscape – like C.G Jung would.

I felt like all my safety and support had been shaken up and pulled up – like my entrails  now was hanging out of my mouth – sorry for that graphic image folks –

I was talking to my daughter in my cell phone as I walked, and I noticed how cool I was describing it – hmm I will feel this deeply when I come home, I knew.

I share this, since I have understood that many of my readers have been abused in some way – and some of them are bi-polar – so they will be able to pick up the healing energy as they read the post through, and BE HELPED just by hooking into the energy of forgiveness and healing of abuse of any kind.

I believe I have come into this incarnation to do just that – clear the structure of archetypal pain of “the victim” on as many levels as I can.

As soon as one of us chooses to see our wounds with love and forgiveness, that healing is AVAILABLE for all – and now it is up to everyone to truly accept it for themselves. That has taken 76 years in this life for me

As a therapist since 1988 – and supervisor for 20 years -I have gathered mine and my patients’ healing experiences in my book “ When Fear Comes Home to Love.”

Take a breath here

I felt very bad at home – and was convinced it was COVID-19: I was feverish and it was REALLY hard to breathe. It lasted all day and much of the night, and in the morning, I called out for Anna – Jesus’ grandmother – who always for some wonderful reason has been infinitely close.

I invited her to breathe with my lungs, and in a minute or two all the symptoms were gone.

So I asked: Where have I vandalized a landscape as vast and wonderful like this wood?

Ahh – it was my inner wood I had vandalized.

I immediately recognized it:

This happened when I returned home when I was about 4 years old and hade been brutally abused in a wood close by.

 I got home, I don’t know how, and rang the bell. My mother came out and SAW me – there was a terrified look on her face as she SAW what had happened –

and then she turned it into something I had wrong wrong – ripped  and soiled my clothes.

In that shattering moment when I understood that I would NOT be comforted – I could NOT share what had happened and my experiences of it – the inner vandalizing started. I told myself this must be something fundamentally WRONG with me – and my salvation was of course to start bettering everything about me.

That procedure was in itself a recipe for self hatred.

Here is in short the forgiveness-process that Jeshua gives in the Way of the Heart.

FORGIVENESS Jeshua
1. “Use your ordinary experience in each day to observe what pushes your buttons… As you go through your day, observe when you feel as though you are in contraction. Are the muscles of the body tight? Is the breath very shallow?… That is a sign that you need to do healing within yourself… Therefore, count it a blessing if you feel disturbed.” (page 35)

“Begin to breathe deeply and rhythmically. Let the body softened and relax, and ask: ‘What is it within this person’s energy that is really causing my reaction?’ You will see it right away: “Oh, they are so critical. Criticism pushes my buttons.“ Then ask yourself: ‘When have I done that to another?’
“Watch the image dissolve and disappear from your mind. Bring your awareness back to the present moment and that person that just pushed your button… within yourself, forgive them for allowing the energy of being (e.g.) critical to temporarily make a home in their mind. And merely ask the Holy Spirit to see the innocent light within them.” (page 36)

I made a choice in that moment – to squeeze out any inner signs for needs – like comfort, like “being saved.” Because, said my mind, my mother surely HAD TO BE RIGHT – I had to trust my mother.

And this glorious night, as I used the forgiveness formula with Anna present – breathing through me – I watched the image of the two of us dissolve in light and disappear from my mind. I saw the innocent light around and in  us both – and I recognized our soul contract: – she and my father had soul-signed up to play these roles for me, so I at last in this incarnation could get a good hold of it all, look at it with love, forgive it and let it go. ***

***

I have been working with this theme for over 30 years. It has taken a lot of work and stubbornness to get to this place.And the trees had grown REALLY tall and the Light had trouble getting in to it.

My daughter suggested in the phone that I might return and present the de-lumbered wood with gifts. I see myself walking through it and singing and dancing to it – giving my energy to the place which is now open to new growth.Most important – now LIGHT can reach all the way down to the very ground.

I hope this experience has done this with me: cleared me out for receiving LIGHT all the way down to my very roots

And here are som more photos of the old wood:

 

You can see the light blue spot to the left – that is a broader hiking trail to the top of the mountain. Now all the trees you see here are cut down. There is free access to the main path to the top 🙂

Forgiveness

This blog is the place for me to share openly ( often with embarrassment) – to support myself in giving my self a voice, and share the insights and gift from my spiritual and creative process.

In my Course in Miracles blog, I share the lessons from the universe where I use what I have learned through the Course and the three books by Jayem; The Way of the Heart, the Way of Mastery and the Way of Knowing.

In the Way of the Heart, chapter three instructs us thoroughly through the forgiveness process, as Jeshua/ Jesus explains it and learned it.

FORGIVENESS Jeshua
1. “Use your ordinary experience in each day to observe what pushes your buttons… As you go through your day, observe when you feel as though you are in contraction. Are the muscles of the body tight? Is the breath very shallow?… That is a sign that you need to do healing within yourself… Therefore, count it a blessing if you feel disturbed.” (page 35)
“Begin to breathe deeply and rhythmically. Let the body softened and relax, and ask: ‘What is it within this person’s energy that is really causing my reaction?’ You will see it right away: “Oh, they are so critical. Criticism pushes my buttons.“ Then ask yourself: ‘When have I done that to another?’
“Watch the image dissolve and disappear from your mind. Bring your awareness back to the present moment and that person that just pushed your button… within yourself, forgive them for allowing the energy of being (e.g.) critical to temporarily make a home in their mind. And merely ask the Holy Spirit to… see the innocent light within them.” (page 36)
2. “It is very, very important to let each day to be sufficient unto itself. When you end your day, always truly end it… As you take a deep breath as you rest your head upon the pillow, look upon of the whole day, embrace it with your consciousness, and as you let your breath go out, say silently to yourself: ‘I release and forgive this day. It has been perfect. And it is done.’” (page 38)’

I have studied this for many years – and it is amazing how many layers there has been for me to see the simplicity in it. Example: This night I found issues with betrayal from a brother – and looked for a situation within me where I had done the same. I could see it – and what was more important was, that I could see that at that time I thought I had no choice – I thought I HAD to stay with that man,since inside me was a terrified little girl who was raised to believe that she could NOT take care of herself – so I traded “safety” for “being supported.”

This time I embraced her – and also fully embraced my mother who also had that pattern – and my brother too – and saw how it all was splendidly set up for me for truly experience all flavors of it this life. Now waves of light flowed into me, and I gradually could see the sacred essence of them all – and recognize the “contracts” we set up before this incarnation – to play these roles in our family to make these energies available to be seen, known and transformed. Since it is not possible to forgive anything I haven’t first embraced.

To see Jekyll and Hyde-abuse as a valuable lesson for us who want to wake up is what my books are all about – how can I use it creatively – poetically – how can we create art out of it?

Since art and playfulness is the very essence of our true Self

Maybe that is good question for you too – “what has my experiences led me to believe / do/ think that is truly valuable?

IF not, I would not have been able to write ” When Fear Comes Home to Love” which has helped so many – students /patients/readers .

and the 108 creative exercises in “108 Ways to Transform Crises into Possibilities” –

and Hilaryon Stories – a novel

When you click at the images, you will be led to reviews

Christ coming toward m

What do You Want?

In A Course in Miracles and Way of Mastery, Jeshua / Jesus underlines again and again: we have the power to choose. Through more than 30 years I have discovered how I have to get in touch with the parts of me that are afraid of life with a big L – and stay in their old mode as scatterbrained terrified parts . The more I have explored successfully how to BE with these parts – with breath and Love – the more my possibilities to CHOOSE what I truly want is offered. The last example blew my mind.

On my facebookwall I recently discovered that my cover photo – a big shiny smiling baby face – had been crumpled in a piece of its jaw, and the profile photo was placed smack in the middle of. I tried to fix it by Facebook protocol, muttering angrily, telling myself ” I DON’T WANT THIS!”

Forgetting the law of energy: what I resist, I give power to.

I heard: ” What DO you want?”

Ahh. “I want all of the baby’s face to be visible – and I want my profile photo at the lower end to the left.”

And feel free to not believe this – in that moment I saw the scrambled Facebook wall presentation blurring and then becoming just as you can watch it now.

• 

  Joy

I have deep respect for all the work I have done to love all those dark parts in my ancestral line – and in my own multitude of incarnations playing alternative villain and victim ad nauseatum – and now I am shown that I shall be truly aware of what I want, and be willing to consciously let the rest go.

Yesterday I wanted to look at crazy stressed TV election Biden/Trump – everybody visibly caught by the momentum by it. I ate favorite desserts and green filled peppers with a scrumptious tomato sauce ( the word-correction program suggested COMATOSE ) – and I felt like drugged and speeded up and I noticed that THIS was what a majority of my parts wanted.

When I saw that – and did not judge it, as I have truly learned is SO silly – I suddenly decided to STOP watching the election frenzy and go do the dishes instead.

And the most delicious shover of Light shivered through me – no more “I shouldn’t have’s, or ” when will I learn?”

Now – to truly TRUST that what I want for my highest good – and choose – will happen.

The timing is not up to me, though 🙂

Looking with Love

When you have made a clear intention of waking up, you will be supported by your own Divine “team” that is always with you. In my team is Jesus/Jeshua, St.Germain, Archangel Michael, Avalokiteshvara, the Marys, Quan Yin and quite som others – all have been involved in guiding me in different ways. There are also some guardians who love to play – and there are few things I enjoy more than strange and hilarious synchronicities that show up. They WILL show up for you too, when you make the clear decision to wake up: I am willing to see things differently, as A Course in Miracles hammers in in the first lessons: I am willing to see with the eyes of love – Christ Vision, Jeshua calls it.

Here is a case-story* where Blue** plays with us:

4 Looking with love / 2006

When Maria arrived for session, I sensed a shock in her system. When I directed her attention to that, she immediately became ice-cold. We found out what year the shock had occurred, and she realized that this was a shock she had picked up from her mother. The shock was lodged in her sexual organs. She remembered that her mother had been very anxious in those years, and that her fear had been about having another baby – she already had three. So she aborted the fourth one.

When we removed the emotional shock-charge, she felt warmth and release, and we both felt grounding and safety.

But Mud***did not like this. “What if this does not last? What if tomorrow everything is like before? I will NOT let down my guard. Nope! You can’t make me!”

Now I asked Maria to speak for the skeptic Mud, and inside me I suddenly found much love for this voice: I saw it as the part of us that vigilantly did what we had ordered it to do: look out for anything that could set off the original dreadful life-threatening shock – going into the familiar role of terrorized victim. So we started with thanking Mud for his love and loyalty for us – and suggested that now that we had found a method that could remove the charge from the shock, Mud could go into pension – or at least get some holidays. “He” thought a bit about that, but was afraid to disappear if he didn’t work as much as before. When I asked him what he really would love to do for himself, if he could chose, he told us that he loved beauty. I invited him, via Maria, out into my garden, to pick one living thing of beauty and bring it back with him. From the door to the garden “he” spotted it immediately: a dandelion. It was one of the not- perfect-ones, but beautiful all the same. Maria picked it and brought it back into the room. When she sat down, I “saw” Maria’s deceased mother pointing to Maria’s black purse on the floor, asking her to look inside. I mentioned it to Maria, and she started looking – nothing – and then a big smile: “Here it is. At the bottom.” She managed to list out a bunch of keys. “These are the keys to my childhood-house.”

Beautiful metaphor: “I have the key to my childhood with me / within me.”

Now I asked Maria to write a short text about her experience with the beauty of the dandelion. She wrote:

“When I look at you – the weed – I see beauty. But I also look at all the weed in my own life, stuff in relationships that is really looking like a mess. All this is beautiful when I look at it with love.”

I thought of Victor Frankl, the great writer who survived concentration-camp by realizing that there is one freedom the despots can never take away from us – the freedom of choosing our attitude. Looking with LOVE – or judgment.

Suddenly Maria exclaims “Look – here is a tiny snail, it came with the flower!” We admire the tiniest snail I ever saw – it looks new-born, its little house still transparent. Its tiny antlers are moving, and it is slowly crawling over Maria’s notes from the session. Now it stopped – I wonder what word it has stopped by – it is “beauty.” Good choice for a resting place. There it moves on – away from beauty – but no, it changes its mind and crawls back to beauty. And pulls the antlers in (2mm long) and sleeps.

This is what we call “beauty-sleep.” (Couldn’t resist).

***********

 

*Case story from “When Fear Comes Home to Love”, see right menu

** Blue – my inner guide through out 30 years who guided me in the process of writing “When fear Comes Home to Love.”

***Mud = Mudmonster: a deep and painful defense-mechanism , painting the devil on the wall