I have saved all blog posts as a word-doc, wanting to self publish it – as this is what I personally like to read: other peoples’ path to awakening.
Recently I discovered that all posts after March 27 2013 have disappeared. That was quite a shock – until I remembered that all things happens for me and not to me.
So I sat with all that crisis-energy, and no stories about it
The stories came back with a vengeance when I last expected them. I still sat with the energy.
Then, in a sharing with Kit, I realized that this happened because I needed to go to my blog and find a blog post that I needed to read again – an earlier shining insight – and I found it: 27th march 2014
It describes how letting Holy Spirit taking care of “the problem” releases my “need” to “save”others – that my interventions and insights are not what saves, but my surrendering my thoughts about myself as the indispensable savior. The insights and thoughts are not worth anything as long as the ego grabs them and states ” I help you here. I am indispensable for your healing.”
The insights can heal only if they are without ego, personal gain – in other word, without the Bird-archetype I describe in my book When Fear Comes Home to Love.
Then my daughter had a collision with a 4 years old child-knee in her eye ( yoga-play), and I forgot about this blog post – I fell right back into Bird again – no wonder, since this personality/archetype is the one I have grown up with and as – it has allowed me to have value. I “KNEW” what she needed to hear, and she interrupted me lovingly and told me she needed to take care of herself in her own way by saying no to listening to my suggestions.
It felt like dying – and thank God I still allowed her that space (after a short struggle!) and there arose a sacred pause, filled with love.
Then I was nudged to read the shining insight in the blog post again: ” I see that this is something that I shall leave completely in God’s hands – I shall not mention it at all to her.
Trust. Willingness to allow Love to come into it. No resistance at all to the situation. Whatever plays itself out between us IS OK.”
Oh I know so well all the posts I have written here that have been written identified with Bird – “I am here to save you, since you don’t have it in yourself: I am so very special because of it.” I want to thank her for keeping me alive and outside of an asylum – and also expressing the relief it is to truly feel the trust in God who does all things through me.