Healing with Horses – and Access Bars

Saturday I was the lucky receiver of Access Bars – healing – and this was a special variety: The leader had two black Icelandic horses, and as soon as we had placed our massage benches outside the stable, they came to us, attracted by the healing energy of the Bars-process.

The photo at the top shows  Vilja ( Will) yawning and releasing energy – just as healers do 🙂

The horses truly knew where to put the muzzles. Sometime they just stood close by our heads and bodies, quite still, and with a tremendous Presence – other times they were pushing hard with their muzzles, almost bumping them rhythmically into our body. I felt blessing streaming from them, it was magical.

Solitaire or Self

Everything is coming to me to gift me

I’ve got an urinary infection – I bleed. I feel quite calm – this is not cancer – this is the past coming up to be given full awareness and compassion. I start sitting with it, breathing with it, blessing it, and it starts to talk like living thing – even a person. We become intimate, and I am a mother to it now, cradling in my arms, as strange as that sounds. I remember the way my body showed what could not be mentioned – the pain and agony in my lower body: not only abused by others, but abused and rejected by me – this is what we do when we are mishandled in any way –  blaming ourselves – the wrong person is feeling the shame.

Now, sitting with it tenderly – I breathe all the shame back to the ones who placed it on me – knowing that they too received this great inner pain from someone else – and that in the beginning, there is just confusion and ignorance, and we put a “me” on that – like it belongs to a somebody. It belongs to the thought system of fear – called ego – and now we can sort it out.

 

Another break with the past:

I want to feel the freedom and release I feel when I win a game of Patience ( that happens many times in a row these days ) WITHOUT depending on an electronic game – I want to find it while linking up with my Self.

With great resistance I decided to NOT play again, and intended to find the same peace without the Patience.

The energy is still reverberating through me as I write this – big waves, tensions slipping out, tears running.

The Virgin Mountain

After I found out what I truly wanted to experience, it happened this morning. I had wanted to experience being fully anchored in my body, present, healthy, ALIVE and happy – no longer being a vacuum cleaner for others’ negative energies.

In this life I have explored all kind of energies, and it has been adamant for me to learn fully  to be able to be WITH them and not “become” them.

I had a dream this morning, about living temporarily in a house with many people – and in one room there were drug addicts, heavy smokers, it smelt of booze and old sweat and  darkness.  I did not look forward to spend the night in this house – and i woke up.

Feeling this energy when i woke up, I realized I had identified with it – “this has something to do with “me.” No, I corrected myself, this has to do with old memories of being subjected to these energies, having felt them fully as a small child and then told myself that feeling like this, meant  that I must be horrible!

Doing as all empaths do – and must learn to undo: identified with the energies, thinking it is ME, and then making up stories about what kind of person “I” must be.

Now, awake, it gradually happened that I lost that false identity and KNEW who I was – as God created me, eternal Self, invulnerable, wise,all-loving.

And so I could envision myself standing there WITH these people with these energies – fully anchored in the original Self – and just radiating this. No talking necessary

The images of those persons dissolved completely. I saw that I had had this dream to discover that there still was an energetic connection between these kind of people  and energies – and the true ME.

It was beyond description beautiful to feel the real true Me as Presence – and from that True Identity, just allowing the others to live according to their beliefs and likes – knowing they have the same essence and free will to be and become whatever they choose

Then I fell asleep again and had a numinous dream:

I stand in front of a huge mountain, pyramidal in shape, but the sides are longer than the base. It is called the Virgin ( I once visited the Mountain Die Jungfrau in Switzerland, and found some relics on the top that I later attached to a power tool.)

The Virgin had something falling down like  a waterfall from the apex – it looked like pure white light wool. I saw that another woman – a well known energy medicine woman who cured herself of ME and all kind of allergies when she was young had once hanged onto that wool while it swayed and danced in the wind and had been truly hurt by it, almost crushed. I found one tiny edge of it and held on – knowing I would not do as Donna had done and be hurt.

Then I saw that it was pure gold that waterfalled down the mountain. It was glorious and numinous and I shivered and cried.

I want to BE at a place of Being where I CAN dance with that gold and be strengthened by it.

I  will and can do that when I fully have anchored my true Self in THIS body.

 

While I am practicing Way of Transformation lesson 7, forgiving the judgments and projections I have placed on people and situations so I can see them clearly ( with Christ’s Vision,) I have the strangest clearest dreams.

Earlier this weeks, I have had nightmares of being followed and attacked by 1) soldiers 2) maniacs and now – this night – they were monster machines, powered with an intense will to kill and destroy. Since they were inhuman, they had no soft points. I remember one of them – the boss: big, square, white and shiny glossy. And with flashing eyes.

We were in a big school, all students. There were nowhere to hide. At one point I lost the clothes I wore, and simply found others – miraculously they fit perfectly. White long woolen trousers and a white woolen poncho too.

When I woke up, I recognized that these inhuman killer machines truly are creations in the One Mind. I truly own those feelings, those energies – I have justified them and felt empowered by feeling them as a child, since the power in them gave me that strength I needed then not to dissolve completely. Now I forgave and blessed the creation and felt a big relief in the body.

I noticed thoughts of catastrophizing coming up, – as if some parts are afraid of being healed and happy. I opened a notebook to this note: Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and think of what could go right.
I have heard that a zillion times. This time it was realized as shining true. The energy was – and is – AMAZING

And my body today feels like I have been pummeled and hit and working out for days – how my beautiful muscles have struggled to keep all that hate-energy inside, judging them strongly.

 

Everything Falls

Everything falls

Stones fall

Rumbling

Trees fall, slowly, creaking, crashing, moaning

Temperature sinks

Snow crystals sink and descend

Moods sink

Birds fall, but only if they are shot

Or attacked in air

Otherwise birds never fall

I never ascend in this body

Unless someone lifts me

Or I am in a metal machine that looks like a bird

I can’t even fly in dreams

Though it so happens that

Sometimes I just bend my knees

And lift my feet up

I fly forty centimeters above

The ground

And wave my hands rapidly

Just to tell you, you don’t

Need to fly to the moon and

Sing about it –

It is OK to fly low

With knees bent

Forgiveness-exercise

This is from chapter “Snake” in When fear Comes Home to Love.”

Forgiveness – exercise

1) Visualize yourself as a child, and ask your inner Guide to lead you to a situation where you sensed your parents’ fear and chaos in the air, and your body instantly reacted to that and identified with it. Try to find the moment where you internalized the craziness, and made it your fault that your parents behaved crazy and scary.

Now JUST LET IT BE THERE IN THE BODY. Breathe kindly around the sensations, if there are voices just let go of them, you are resting in God this very moment when you say yes to what is there in your mind and nervous system. There is nothing more to do – just rest with whatever presents itself.

Another variation: If you are one of many who need a bit of help to release stuck energies from hidden pockets in the energy-system, I suggest you go to an EFT-site and download a free manual of the method. When you tap with your fingers on certain points in the meridian-system, while at the same time as you hold the pain or memory in your awareness, the most surprising releases may happen. It is very easy to learn the method – but may take time to truly master it. The Course reminds us that forgiveness is just looking, without judgment -and this is what you do: the tapping just removes the unnecessary charge of pain from the nervous system, while you look at the content with the Holy Spirit.”

*

 

Rearranging the furniture – or moving out

from Chapter 2,Child,”Greater reality:.”

Night. Excruciating pain in my mind and body. I am surely dying! I pray and pray:

“Help me! Give me a miracle! I can’t take it any longer!”

No answer. Years after this, I see that Love is there, available as always – but my struggle and resistance prevented me from being aware of It.

I try several different approaches to the crazy energy – but it is plainly too much for me to integrate. Then – it is almost morning – I at last hear Blue’s voice:

THERE IS A GREATER POWER THAN THIS. THERE IS A GREATER REALITY.

In a flash, I believe the words. I recognize that the tensions came from identifying with a lesser reality.

All the tensions and pains are immediately released, and The Voice says, tenderly and with humor:

-And there you are – HOME – shot-free.

OH! Let me hold on to this understanding now!

Same morning, at the breakfast-table, I am reading my favorite cartoon, “The Lagoon.” [1] The crab Hawthorne is inviting Sherman the Shark to peek into his cave. “I want your honest opinion about what you see around here. I want you to take into consideration the fact that I spend almost my entire life in this dark cave. Think about that while you peep around. – Well now! Do you think that that stone would look nicer over there, in the corner?”

And old Sherman throws a glance at the stone and says:

“I don’t know…I think you are really challenging fate here, Hawthorne.”

This is a shark’s view, and probably speaks for a lot of humans, too. Better to let things stay as they are, change may be unsettling to us.

But OH! How I recognize the futility of moving the furniture around, in a meaningless effort of changing and fixing things – trying to feel more at ease with this old stuff of mine.

Therapy might often end up in moving stones: there is this really yucky smelling slimy stone in the corner there, and now we clean them up – and the other stuff in the cave, we dust, paint rosy or give a new cover … or we might, if we are courageous, smash them to dust and bury them.

What we very seldom do, is leave the cave and swim out into the waters of Greater Reality.

Yes, there is a worry in me when I think of leaving my old cave, where things are painful and overstuffed but familiar – and swim out in the clear water of freedom – I / my ego fears that I will be so happy and content that I will forget to identify with Child…ego tells me that I will be fat and self-content and lazy, and will not bother to feel responsible for the other cave-dwellers’ pain any longer. And there is this other fact: there is a benefit by living in fear all the time: you are very close to death, and death is, when all is said, very dependable and safe.

And perhaps that is all I deserve?

The Voice says:

In GREATER REALITY, you will radiate your essence, your compassion, your depth, your love – and that will help others to find Greater Reality. When they feel safe and loved, they will no longer alienate themselves from their truth. This is the only way you can contain pain that is split off: by living from your Greater Reality – by being and radiating your essence.

Your Child is not lost in the cave – she will be saved and safe only when you can contain her.

Stop moving stones and come out into the Light! This is the choice you all will have to make, again and again. And the choice will be easy and clear, my friend, when you realize that within the cave there is nothing else to do but to move the furniture around. – COME OUT! and help the cave-dwellers see that they have a choice: they can come out – and they can go back again. And in the end it will not matter where you are – inside or outside – because you now know Who you are. The choice and responsibility are yours.

The reality now is that when you stay within the cave, you are not aware that you have a choice, and the power, to leave it. Then the cave becomes a prison. This is the whole difference: it doesn’t matter where you are, as long as you know you have the freedom to move out of it and into your true identity.

You don’t have to rush – “I MUST do this NOW!” Your essence is waiting, safe and unharmed, to be acknowledged and recognized. It is your true Home. It is impossible NOT to find it.

I will do it now. In the name of all that is holy, help me to recognize the cave, so I can move out of it.

Oh! There I go again. The thoughts run away with me. I worry so much!

My dearest. Don’t blame yourself. Learn: this is exactly the way the ego moves stones in the cave. This is one of fear’s most cherished procedures: grabbing thoughts and make you worry over them. It makes you feel that you are in control as long as you do this and that and make plans for how to avoid that and worry worry worry. You see- the issue here is f e a r . Use it constructively now: as soon as you recognize fear and worry occupying your mind, recognize their sneaky ways in trapping you in the furniture-moving-business. Then you will remember:

1) I am in the cave

2) I have a choice

3) I choose freedom, light, truth – I don’t want the moving stone-business any longer. I have grown past it.

And by seeing the illusion as empty lies, dressing up as reality within the cave, you transcend it – and you are contributing to the lightening of the collective darkness.

All is well.

Let me give you some pointers about realities.

In the cave, you try to meditate. You exercise to make yourself “a better person.” All you do comes from a space in you who believes yourselves not good enough, need improvement to earn acceptance and feel safe. In Greater Reality, you allow meditation to just happen. You exercise yourself because it is a way to love yourself and respect the body – it is a way to care for the vehicle of the soul.

In the cave, all your efforts are geared toward making you safe. Fear is saying: “If you do this and act like this, I will make you safe.” Outside the cave, Love is saying: “you are safe. This is the true reality – nothing can harm the Real You.”

In the cave, you try to be loving. Outside of it, you recognize that Love is not what you perform, it is what you are.

[1]This dialog is presented by Jim Toomey, in one of his Sherman’s Lagoon comic strips.

 

To all those with extreme traumas

I got trapped in an old energy pattern just now, and was led to open my book at random – and to share it with readers who somehow are being led to this blog, this post right now:

Deep pain in the chest.

It yells:

“I don’t want to be seen! I hate you! Go away! I will kill you!”

I am sitting with lesson 125 in the Course“In quiet I receive God’s Word today” – and I hear: “ These are the voices of the guardians you created around the little Leelah-identity. In her worst moments, out of deep guilt and shame that she told herself that she WAS, she cried out inside her self: “Hide me! I MUST NOT BE FOUND!” Guilt was speaking – and she was fusing with the guilt, identifying with it – and when she cried out from this fear-identity, fear-creatures/entities came and told her “we will protect you – if you will allow us to use you.”

Of course she took that offer of protection – and the entities used her as their source of food or energy.”

I know this is true with all of me. I speak:  “I am the source of this. I judge you not. I extend forgiveness to myself for what I have made.” I ask Michael and his army for help to guide these entities back to where they came from, and as I say this, I am shown that I have attracted these false protectors into all the body’s openings.By calling for them, they have come. Fear called for fear and darkness, and called from darkness – identifying with darkness/guilt/shame.

In this NOW, I am listening to God: “Now breathe into that heart-space. It is open now.” And then it happens: I see a black silky Tarantula leg hesitantly moving out – I feel terror – and realize in the same second that this has been the very symbol for fear for me – as for so many. “Beloved Leelah, you are not a spider,” I tell her – and gradually the heart space warms up, and I see her: scared and confused – but freed from the spell and fusing.

“Be patient” says Blue. “There are many layers here. The nervous system will need some time to adjust, the old habits and beliefs will try to re-attach themselves – you have believed this to be YOU for almost 70 years. From now on, we ask you to intend to recognize the old patterns when they come – and for you to realize it is only an echo, and that you can let go of it.”

When I was 11 years old, I was taking ballet-classes – and I still remember some of the steps in an Italian Tarantula I danced – with a Tambourine, and a light blue short dress

Going out in the sun now

Trusting the Process

 

Out-of-body

This is a first for me. It may have been the case all my life – but only now did it become clear. Well worth sharing for people interested in healing, energy, and the soul.

This morning I got this mail from Tapas Fleming*

It is about helping parts of the soul to reintegrate in the body. In psychology , dissociation is part of this – in shamanism, soul-loss is wider explained. For anyone interested in symptoms of soul-loss, just google it

I bought the video and listened to it. At one place, we are asked to have a conversation with those parts/one part- I heard a distinct voice saying “I don’t want to to come back to you.” Strong heart palpitations accompanied it. So I told it that i loved it and that I never would try to force it.

After seeing the video I was guided to use the Emotion Code -chart – and by dowsing I found the part – stuck in a feeling of helplessness. It seemed to be much older than THIS life – but also influenced by the sheer helplessness in this life. I asked it if it would feel safe and OK to receive a healing with Holy Spirit and a special magnet that I have, that I would move over the Governing Meridian which fuels the nervous system. It said yes.

After only moving the magnet the third time, the release of energy started – like standing in a shower of light. I sense it now too, writing this. It was followed by deep gratitude and peacefulness. Relaxation.

And my heart is at peace for now 🙂

*

Here is Tapas’ mail with links, for those who want to buy that  – as I see it  – very helpful video.

*

*Dear TAT Friend,

It’s been a total surprise to find out what a huge percentage of people are not fully in their body! How can you tell if you are not fully “in” your body? For some people, when they try a technique for personal transformation that seems to work for everyone else but doesn’t work for them, it’s a red flag that this could be the issue. Especially if pretty much every technique that works for others doesn’t work for them. It’s likely that person isn’t in their body fully.  

Here are some of the circumstances that foster this condition: car accidents, surgery, physical traumas, emotional traumas, sexual or physical abuse, being born into families where you are unwanted, being raised in families with alcohol, drug or other active addictions are happening, emotionally toxic work environments, and even prolonged periods of intense stress. A lot of times when situations like this occur, people actually energetically retreat from their bodies in self-defense. They just don’t come all the way back sometimes and may not be fully aware of it. They feel like, “Heck, no!  It’s not safe to be there!”

Things just don’t work right if a person’s not fully present in their body. It’s like trying to drive a car from sitting on top of the roof: no go. Physical illnesses can be much more persistent and it can be harder for you to shift from illness into healing. You can even feel mentally overwhelmed when you’re not fully in your body.

So I made a video for you that walks you through the process of fully settling into your body with the help of TAT. It’s super easy and I think you’ll like it!

If you’re partly in your body, it would be like being able to reach the steering wheel of the car by laying down on the roof of the car, but not being able to reach the gas pedal or the brakes. If you’re fully present in your body, you have full power to function much better and create the kind of life that makes you happy.

I think you’ll like this video because I’m talking into the camera, directly to you. My boyfriend said it’s like sitting down with me in a cafe and having a personal conversation.

Lots of love,

Tapas

 

 

 

Previous Older Entries

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

%d bloggers like this: