Heart Open

I like to play with writing upside-down – poems

Heart open
At last
Finding my home
Watching myself drift off,
I turn myself upside down
Tiny questions sprout from my toes
I tumble in waters of pink wonders,
sniffing curious creatures
making wondrous cake-smiles

Blissful beings

Making wondrous cake -smiles
sniffing curious creatures
I tumble in waters of pink wonders
Tiny questions sprout from my toes
I turn myself upside down
Watching myself drifting off,
Finding my home
At last
Heart Open

True Autonomy and Intimacy

Hi everyone – this is Sandy Wilder, whom I call a friend. Just look at his face,people:)

I subscribe to his daily posts at Educare Unlearning Institute.

This day’s text goes:

When you find
your authentic heart and voice
and devote to not repressing it,
you start to create the life you want.

My experience is that
we are invited to do this
over and over again,
in all our arenas
throughout life.
It is not one and done.

Sometimes we may take detours
and do what others think
is best for us.
Some of us have lived this way for so long
we have forgotten who we are.
We think we are here to not displease others.

This eventually leads to suffering
because it is not our honest path.
It is their path.
You can’t stay there
because your soul can’t breathe.
Your heart and body
will contract and suffocate.

Your relationships,
your career,
your purpose,
your priorities,
your self-awareness,
your clarity,
your languaging,
your use of time,
your hobbies,
your service,
your listening,
your play,
your rest,
keeps deepening and deepening
as you feel, integrate, and embody
fresh insights.

Through honest devotion,
humble opening,
and naked vulnerability,
you keep finding more
repressed emotions
from when you ignorantly lived
to stay safe and get love.
It was all you knew
in your parade of yesterdays.

But now,
you are learning to feel and release
your deficiency stories,
from the foundation
of your present, tangible,
ever-broadening Being,
that is calling you home
to true Autonomy and Intimacy.

Taking Flight

I wrote this almost one year ago, and want to place it here as a reminder to myself and anyone who might have lost the connection with our sacred Heart

The body is a strange machine
that acts from age old patterns in a mind
that are not necessarily my own, but borrowed
and manipulated by its own incessant need
to keep itself alive and working in the
same old ways that lulls it in into
patterns of a false security
that I and me are actually
separated from the you and yours
in much important ways – now breathe

And still I tend to think my mind is
very special and uniquely my own
while some of it may actually come from
the woman on the bus just recently
who in a very angry voice condemned
the human race of being selfish while she
herself were always tending to her nearests’ needs

and there I lost it, yes I did
and cannot find myself cause all ideas

are simply caught in fogs of helplessness

and fear of rest and presence, yes –
since most what happens here, that makes me
into someone who knows MORE than you
and boast about it, getting bits of almost peace
but not enough to breathe with lungs that
want to sing or scream or make of me

a spectacle of giggly joy

and maybe too, some kind of a butterfly that lands on someone’s nose and makes them
sneeze and smile and lift from earth
on wings they never knew they had
but now they yawn and smile and greet
each other as the old and sweetest siblings.

that they never knew they had

and here you are and there you are
and yes you smile
’cause there is simply nothing that is
more essential to the heart
than this

Credit: Samuel Austin on Unsplash

Heart Talk

Gallery Yopriceville

My newest poem – “Acrostic form” – meaning the beginning letters form a sentence.

I attend a wonderful poesy- group where we receive a theme and write a poem from scratch. I have participated since we started it almost 15 years ago – and this week I happened to win! The leader posted this heart to me 🙂

On Your Toes “Always allow the heart to speak first” he said. “Never believe your smartreason, else you will crumble into grief with a twinge of wisecracks and wordiness, You are here now. I hear your Earth voice tiptoeing into my heart. A new start. Right here. There is nowhere to go”

Lucid Dreaming

It was LONG dream and I enjoyed every moment of it – since I knew nothing was real and could harm me. It felt exactly as i feel now -writing on the PC. So this might be a dream too of course – AND A Course in Miracles tells us it is.

The fun thing is, that I worked as a stage and costume designer in Norwegian Theatre for 20 years – som I know all about creating trustworthy illusions:)

At one point in the dream I attended  a big meeting with a very known guru. I sat down with him. Two men behind me told me I should ask his credentials, and i told them i am not interested in that, i want someone with Heart.

It turned out that he did not have that, so I simply left

It was a LONG dream, I don’t remember any of it now – but the feeling of not taking the dream seriously sticks to me even now. Which reminds me that I teach A Course in Miracles- which teaches that this world is a dream, and only LOVE is real. It says that we can be harmed by nothing but our own thoughts of fear, hatred and attack – and if we haven’t forgiven these places/thoughts/energies inside, we will have them meet us from the outside. When we react to something on the outside, it is because it/ they are pointing to something inside us that still haven’t been seen and forgiven.

We do not forgive or condone acts – we find where we have thought or acted in the same thoughtless way, and forgive ourselves for our lack of presence – and we forgive the other for the same lack.

Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash

I used the Course as a big help when I wrote When Fear Comes Home to Love– since I wanted a trusted Source to  point to, when it came to sharing what I and my patients in expressive Arts Therapy experienced. I also soon experienced in my practice as therapist that there was Something Big and Beautiful and Humorous present when we worked – It was completely trustable. The patients noticed it to, when I pointed it out – and this knowing, that their life was not something random planned by craziness, was hugely important for their trust in the process.

The book is guided by a Loving Inner Master I named BLUE – and it also has a plethora of synchronicities that both myself and my patients experienced – which was a big help in trusting the process when it seemed random and dangerous.

I have noticed that many readers have told me that they do the same with success – they ask a question – “please clarify *this to me” and then they flip the book open and put their pinky some place on the page.   The answer is always there.

 

Everything is Possible

A miracle is happening for me.I have for months had a dispute with our largest Phone-communication company – ( which for me is a symbol for the highest LOVE.) They have sent me a new adapter and it just would not bring the connection. Something in me knew that this was going to be a great lesson – the sysmbols are about communication – and that it was helpful to know that the connection I deepest wanted, was the connection with LOVE/GOD/Source/whatever we call it.This morning, after AGAIN feeling unjustly treated by customer service – and being certain I was RIGHT about it – I watched the first video with Autumn and Prune Harris. – This is a series about how to align with the energy of Nature – now Autumn – and I was for the first time willing to ask inside what the theme was that held me back. I was immediately brought back to my very early decision to perceive myself as hated by God – because of the horrors happening to me. I was shown the choice of my soul before this incarnation – to experience a life in a body which would be the opposite of being protected – and then – in spite of it all – finding LOVE. The REAL thing.

In one huge crying fit I saw all the persons participating in the various abuse-versions as roles in the drama that I had written and produced and play the leading role in – decided on that level before physical incarnation. I had wanted to have such a life be lived through fully – explored fully – and then coming to the realization that my soul has written the script – because it wanted most of all to prove to itself that LOVE can heal it all – and most important, heal my own perceptions.

I have been working deeply with this theme the last 50 years – and today was a deep breakthrough in simplicity – it has all to do with MY CHOICE to believe that I am a victim as my identity.

I can see my parents and brother clearer now – the correction has been put in motion – I can feel it. I believe I will experience to be close to LOVE and God again – and be sure to forgive any signs from the outside to mirror unforgiven stuff from inside.I am in awe of the perfect orchestration and TIMING of it all – including Prune’s bout with Covid 19 and her request for us all to send love and light and balance to EVERYBODY who needed it – and her rapid recovery. Everything is possible.

In When Fear Comes Home to Love I wrote 49 examples of how God ( naming It BLUE in my book) intervened playfully when I needed it most.

Here is one such story:

A clairvoyant woman tells me that I have a wonderful big heart with potential for great transformation. “I doubt that” says my ego. I feel a strong impulse to visit a special book-store nearby, they have religious books and images, and I want paintings of Jesus and Mary, and hope to find some that are not sugary.

I don’t find any images that my heart loves. I find a small bowl of metal pins, and put my hand into the bowl and pick one. It says Leelah in red writing – and it shows an image of a little amorine who is shooting an arrow of love into Leelah’s heart.

Turn Your Longing around

40 years ago I found this quote by St.Francis of Assisi: What you are looking for, is what is looking.

 

I knew – by the reaction in my body – a kind of a shock of remembering – that it was true. I have known it fully many times – and somehow dropped out of it again.

Here it is now for anyone who may need to hear the truth again from Rupert Spira – myself included – giving ourselves tons of compassion for the parts that still try to find it anywhere else than this HERE and NOW:  this Heart that we all share

Belonging

Yesterday a deep ache started in the right side of the ribcage. I listened to it; it gradually grew to very painful. I told it I was here, listening, and was grateful that it communicated with me. It abated a little. I asked if it would give me an image. It was ugly and dark – and in my training I experience that darkness comes from judgment. When I sensed into it, it felt age-old, a beast with scales and warts – homeless, cast out, not belonging to a tribe.

I started to bless it in its opposite qualities: – I bless you in your feeling of safety, being a part of a tribe, being respected.

it abated enough for me to realize it has let down its guard – and that it may take a while.

But in bed it came to me – “Do the Core Transformation-process with it.”

The CTP goes like this:

1. We know the hurting part has a positive outcome for us – we ask what the Part /P wants to accomplish with this pain. Answer: To be noticed and accepted fully.
2. Q; Thank you! Please step into that feeling ( giving time) If you had that, fully and completely – through having that, what is it that you want more, that is even more important?
3. A: to be part of a big group – and feeling safe there

For each round, the hurting part got closer to its innermost need – to be part of a group/ tribe and BELONG to it – seen, loved,respected.

The last 2 years, this has been denied us

The part at last stepped into the feeling of being an intimate member of a group – indispensable, trustworthy, loved, respected – and when I asked what may be even deeper and more important than that, a huge Light field came moving in from the left and the part just melted into it.

Long pause. The Divine Light felt indescribable. And it let me understand that being, existing in this Light gave it all it wanted – since everybody already existed within that Light.

It took a deep breath and dissolved.

No more pain.

As therapist and healer, I love this method – you don’t have to “go back to the trauma and feel it fully” anymore – therapy and healing today is much more about energy than a “me” that is traumatized.

This method is super simple, and the victim aspect has simply vanished. I can never really know of something belongs to “me” or if a chunk of the collective mind is coming through me to be seen ,accepted, loved and released – anyway, I feel relieved and grounded. I am here to meet it with love and not judgment. For sure not condoning the acts – but realizing that cruelty is a twisted way of asking for help. And there are thousand ways to be there with HEART and asking for help to see the act and person with eyes of love.

Turnaround

The more symptoms I have got the last weeks – and the more I have focused on the symptoms and worried and moaned and tried to think what to  DO – the more frequent the symptoms have become, the more vicious and serious-looking. Law of energy:whatever I give my focus to, grows.

Last day I was in town. When I left the bus,  a feeling of being in mortal danger was thrown on me – my whole lung area ached in a way that made me believe I was having an heart attack. I was passing through a crowd of people, when a young and beautiful man looked at me and smiled: ” I am a monk and a yoga teacher. ” I did not hear the rest, since I had left my hearing aids at home – I just smiled behind the darn mask ( he wore none) and continued to walk – suddenly noticing that the chest was perfectly OK.

His Presence and radiance had reminded me Who I am am / Who we are

This night when new symptoms were coming up I went to the Course who told me not to focus on symptoms on illness – and instead rest in my Self -remembering my true identity. So I did – and in 20 minutes or so deep pains, itchings and symptoms melted away. I could clearly feel the shift in thinking and frequency, and knew: “I will let let God / Self/ take care of this.”

From this level of consciousness I started to bless and honor all beauty in my life, and a supreme peace of mind spread. I found it did not mattered if I lived or died, as long as I embraced this Self – since here was Peace.

And it had taken all these illnesses lately to bring me here.

lonely girl in the Heart

30 years ago, when writing “When Fear Comes Home to Love”, I painted this image as an expression of a state of mind of the inner child, lost in confusion and states of deep loneliness and isolation ( ICEolation) and wrote this text to it:

In the middle of the Heart

there is a fog of woe and wonder –

so little known to itself,

so dreamingly absorbed in the

layers of illusion.

But look:

it’s floating in the Sun of the heart!

I am so lonely so lonely

and I do not know of my fears –

I sense them only when I am held

but very carefully, or I’ll burst into a million little pieces

someone has stolen my words

and my hopes

but my story is still here

under the layers of centuries.

I have a right to tell the story,

but who are the listeners?

A great light and soft love surrounds me when I finished writing the above, and a Voice speaks:

Child, listen – I am your mother, Aurora – Queen of the Heart

And I know that She has listened to it all

*

I doubted that Aurora was real, and prayed: Blue, please, give me a sign – let me see this name within three days.

Next day I read in the column for TV/radio: “Arcadian radio and The Arcadian Explorer’s editorial Staff continue their trip down Mississippi on the riverboat Queen Aurora.”

Free Communication

When WordPress  introduced its new block system, and I lost all the old signposts of this well-known virtual landscape, my nervous system went into panic. It told me that I would now lose my ability to express myself fully and share from my heart and creativity. My work consists of finding outer and inner symbols and finding their correspondence inside my physical body and relating lovingly to them there – please see below for further explanation.*

Two days ago  I already had a video session with a great guy. When I asked WP for assistance in a mail, I let all of my desperation hang out, and they were moved by it and gave me a video session for free.But  this great guy immediately  started taking me into the new stuff, and instead of interrupting him and telling him EXACTLY what I needed, I tried to follow and uunnnderstannnd 🙂 -and there I was, prisoning myself in the old patterns and habits of a girl who could not find her voice and share her needs. Now I noticed myself just zonking out, but that WordPress Angel told me he would  see to it that I got yet another session free, with another helper some days later.

I processed the desperate feelings in my body , it took some days actually, I am  thorough  stubborn person –  so one whole day I just wallowed in self pity and ate caramel candies. But today I told Kyle, my newest WordPress angel, what I needed: I needed to be shown precisely what to click to have a visual image on the screen where I could orientate myself  – like in the old WP-modality.

Not only did he give me precisely what I asked for – allowing me to stop him and interrupt him when I needed it – he told me he would send me a video recording with our session ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

So now, the inner body tensions literally slid off – I knew I did not HAVE TO UNDERSTAND RIGHT AWAY what I was told.

The memory of  my father screaming “ are you stupid or what! has pushed my mental capacities to try to understand – frantically – instead of trusting God/ the Heart /Universe /  my Self/ All That Is – feel free to call it what is Highest for you. That old horrible imprinted memory is in its healing phase now –  and I can see clearly that he just reacted like HIS father had reacted to him – trying to make me understand, since the mental capacity has been WAY overvalued in our ancestral line. An still is in the patriarchal way of thinking. Look to mr. Trump if you don’t know what patriarchal thinking is.( I have read that he had a similar way of upbringing, bless him!)

And dear readers, I went directly from my Kyle-session to write this post – and remembered enough to find the right blocks to click to make the new vaster WordPress landscape look more familiar. Talking metaphorically, I have cleansed the soil of toxic waste, chopped down dead bushes and trees, helped an old brook to find a new direction and more space, I have invited in the ants and the birds and the necessary insects. I have dedicated the landscape to my Holy Self, my divine creativity and playfulness , and now bunnies and does and birds of all kinds ar moving in – and also foxes and wolves, since they are all needed in the vast cycle of Life.

*Symbols – or As Without, so Within

My PC may scramble and do strange things. Internett is a symbol for our mind – right? That’s where we all hang out. In A Course in Miracles – that I actually teach and am ordained in – there is ONE mind, and we are all parts of it – and we all explore in our seemingly separate lives bits and peaces of it that we still haven’t loved and blessed and forgiven.  I notice these unloved parts in others “without” and find them inside the body – e.g I hate it when people are angry at me – hm, where have a judged ands repressed my own anger?  ” ah, it’s there, in the lungs” and give these bodyparts my love.I use  a simple efficient structure I have learned from Carrie Triffet – it melts, and often I don’t need to repeat and repeat the pattern. I give sessions in this – look under Services. Which is where I will put it after having a late breakfast 🙂