I AM with Mooji

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Beware

Outer reflection of inner healing

These days I see frequent outer reflections of inner healing in thoughts.Today, the narrow lane outside my house had turned into an ice-rink. I wondered which thought could have created that  – and found it: “It is dangerous to go outside my  house – being in the life WITH people – I am safe here alone.

I relaxed as soon as I spotted the separation-thought. I was willing to surrender it, I knew it was not true for me any longer.

10 minutes later I discover my neighbor across the road – we share this ice-rink-road. He was scattering gravel on the ice on my side of the road.

I bless the thought in my mind called Ian 🙂

Messengers

Michael Brown describes in his book The Presence Process how every person and situation that we react to, carries in their essence that scary/annoying/irritating/threatening person’s emotional “signature” or charge, imprinted in their childhood. Today came yet another messenger. He came at my door – he was selling withered roses to help starving children or something like that, as the little card he brought with him said. I said no, and he physically shoved 3 roses in my face. Now the fear became overwhelming inside me, and I mimicked that I had no money, only a card. He left.

I then remembered that another man had come just some days ago, for money to poor starving children.

I have just ended the bi-weekly Skype session with Kit where we just explore what comes up with no agenda. As I sat with the energy in the body, I saw the great gift the seller -they both. -have given me: by having such a threatening vibration, they provided a possibility for me to be with my response to that threat in my body. And this body truly has experienced life-threatening threats through many years this life, so it has all the markers, all the imprints. And I can sit now, with my best friend, and calmly welcome the charge and allow Presence – or Blue:) – to transform it.

The wonder of our process is that we both pick up on what our partner needs to see or know. At one point I breathed out in release, talking about the threatening man, and Kit told me that it sounded like a shot! And I became aware of yet another vital detail:  my intense wish to kill that man (and other threatening men) to feel safe and fell free. Acknowledging that impulse sent waves of release through my body.

The initial sensations of threat felt like etching acid inside the body. As I talked about a field of energy like an iron-belt around my eye-area, Kit saw in the same moment a big bird whose eyes were watering. Birds are symbols for messengers – maybe it pointed to the fact that those men’s view or their hard life was polluted- as long as they identify with their predicament.

By doing Michael’s exercises it is easy to discover that we are not victims of our predicaments at all -and as we integrate the emotional charge from childhood – or from just picking it up from the mind – the outer experiences will mirror that.

When it was Kit’s turn to explore, she chose “time.” Within her 20 minute-period, she mentioned an episode from The Lord of the Rings: A huge black spider/woman living in a mountain with the one evil eye on its wall – if I understood it correctly. She explored the metaphor with the spider: how we get stuck in her web ( of thoughts) – how she spins her cocoon around us so we are paralyzed  –  and then sucks our life-force so only the empty shell is left.

Yes – these are the very emotional end energetic imprints in my childhood – and they are also valid for any experience of being invaded, overpowered and raped. These are ego-creations that we believe in – until we learn to see through their illusionary veil, and start the practice to just BE WITH whatever comes up in the body mind with no agenda – and “our” world accordingly reflects that choice.

Kit told me that the evil dangerous Spider from the Fortress with the evil eye /I – impaled herself on Frodo’ sword, and died. That sword was given him by Love – Fairies.

“He” did not kill this force of evil: the presence of the sword of truth did it.

Fear has to go when Love and truth is present.

It was a great session for us both. Kit ended with acknowledging that she did not want to go into thinkythoughts any longer: we agreed that we want our explorations to be simple, organic, and fueled by loving curiosity.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The emotional charge from childhood

This is a quote from the book “The Presence Process” by Michael Brown.

“Praying for forgiveness”, page 209

At this point in our journey through The Presence Process, it’s beneficial to honestly ask ourselves: “How do we treat those in the world who ask us for unconditional love in the only way they know how?”

Let’s remind ourselves that they use the only means  at their disposal: The drive to recreate the resonance emitted by the emotional charge imprinted in them as children when they thought to be unconditionally loved by their parents.

Does our arrogance lead us to assume they should behave differently – that they should know better, even though we realize the impact on emotional imprinting on behavior? Did we do any better? (- – -) Being forgiving isn’t the same as being nice to everyone. It is simply a perceptual approach in which we don’t identify another by their by their behavior – by their imprinted condition.

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I have studied the Course about 30 years. Using Micheal Browns insight of behavior being caused  by people’s imprinted emotional condition has done wonders – latest today in the bus.

I have encountered this bus driver many times: He may be a refugee from Nigeria or thereabout. He has always been aggressive, and it is hard to understand his language. When I entered the bus today, I felt the same vibration from his as usual, and then I remembered not to take it personal.

Many more persons came on, and he lashed out to everybody. All people answered politely and looked confused, and gave me(who was sitting in my usual seat next to the driver in front) rolling eyes and little smiles.

And then all was calm inside me, and my heart opened wide: this was his imprinted condition. I recognized him as a child who had been terrorized and forced and made guilty, and my heart took him in.

Few seconds after this he started driving out from a bus-stop, and took out a banknote from his purse and showed me: it was full of holes and fringed. He said, and thank God I understood his meaning: ” …he told me this was valid payment and it isn’t!” I smiled and said “you are right. It isn’t.”

He kept driving, looking right ahead – but he wiped his eyes and nose several times. I sensed a softening, a  beautiful release. Remembering the Course – and Michael Brown: “They are only calling for love the only way they know how.”

The next persons coming on were met in such a different way. Gone was the aggression, the fast talking – and the tiniest smile was seen. I saw the reactions from the passengers changed immediately.

When I exited at my destination, I wished him a good day and started to walk backwards to the exit. He stopped me and told me: “You can exit in the front.”

Dare to believe what you know

Morning. Sameol sameol pain.Clear thought:

I know that God has not created pain, discomfort,fear,grief,anger,guilt. I have – or seem to have – to defend the story of a separated special me.

This moment I sense the strong belief that God did NOT create it, so it is just an idea of pain and separation in my mind.

*

Now, dear reader, imagine an instant image of complete blue – you know the image of a sea completely devoid of stirrings of wind, and the skies are without horizon. You are in the middle of this. There are no sounds, but the fullness of Something is immense. Somehow it dawns on you that you are this – you are looking at an outer image of an inward condition.

The pains are gone. The constrictions around the chest are gone.

*

I get up and start my day.  Call the Tax Dep. in order to complain for the 3 time of something  that is my right and have not got.  Give the answering machine a message that they can call me back when one of their consultants is ready.Breathe the Presence Process -way for 5 minutes  – that’s all I can muster before i feel cold and dizzy. Then I start to BE with the discomfort i feel in the body at having to make these calls to the Tax Office – to firmly stand on my rights and claim what belongs to me.

I have a thought: oh maybe i could be disturbed by the phone if I do this presence-being-with-fear now.

Calm on inside: just start.All is well.Trust.

The fear is ice-cold, clutching something hard,hard to breathe. Just being with it without condition starts a melting, like spring melting ice in Spring. Funny sensations/ green new sprouts spring up in many parts of the body, and in ten minutes the Spring is definitely on the way.

I take a deep breath, and the telephone from the Tax Dep. comes, perfectly timed by Presence. The lady finds out what has happened with my case: they have accepted my claim, but forgotten to send me the papers that confirm it.  I ask her to give me her word that she will see to it. She smiles yes.

I hear Blue: “You know, you have a rule that things has to happen three times for them to be valid and real.”

I do. I really have that belief. Those papers had been in order from 6 weeks after i complained the first time – but they could not be sent out, since i had not complained 2 more times.

Once is enough:)

Presence dancing

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Luggage lost and no tears

Dream this morning:

I was traveling with my daughter (in dream she was about 11 I think, the age she had when Kip died) – and all passengers had lost their luggage, due to some error  by the railways. We were let off at the station where we all had booked our holidays, and my  daughter was furious. I felt that I could offer another way to look at it: “Now we have an opportunity to try out what we have learned about reality and Love. We can trust that this happens as a great opportunity to forgive – meaning not take anything serious – and we can expect miracles to happen, things that will happen because of this that has the ability to bring us out of the old patterns of control and excessive baggage. And I KNOW everything will be wonderful – because we come to Spirit with empty hands now, trusting Love.”

We found ourself in  the end of a VERY long line to be booked in – but it dissolved so fast!  And as I stood there, I felt like a child going to a great party with wonderful surprises. I knew beyond the slightest doubt that all was taken care of – luggage lost included.

*

March the 15th I had this experience in the evening:

I had been having a rage going on for hours.  I asked “where have I felt this before?” and let it go – and suddenly I was back in an experience of celebrating Christmas at the Fortress when i was 6-7 – my uncle was  the commander  there. I remembered it as very dark and spooky  ( these days people are shown around in its cellar on ghost-tours) but now I was shown that there was a ghost with a huge anger in one of the walls – ! and I had taken that on. So I guess that this is a variation of integrating childhood emotional charges – it just wasn’t “my” charge or experience, it seemed. I had the feeling that I could help that guy/spirit move on. As I asked him if he would like that, and there was a great sense of liberation, joy and gratefulness.
And the anger inside me was gone – at least for that day

Today, after the dream this morning, I was tuning in on strong pains in my feet, and had the same impression: these were connected to another time. Middle ages it was, and as I was shown bits and pieces of torture in its insane variations, I felt a melting tenderness, a gratitude that I wanted to let go of any remnants of holding on to justified anger and rage as victim of torture in any form: In other lives I have for sure had the role of the torturer.

There really is not time: all that ever happened is present in the Now – and it is only Now that I can forgive

It is a dream, the Course reminds me- a dream in the mind of the Son of God having gone to sleep and forgot who he is.

And as I am massaging the painful feet, my crooked toes relax and look like new

A glimpse of Heaven

Presence is full of humor.

Yesterday I had a Skype-sharing with Cary. The connection to Internet was really bad, and I had  to log out and in 3 times during our hour together. Each time the unease grew -until I knew. THIS was exactly what I wanted to release on: the feeling of disconnection and isolation. It became clear very fast that that feeling was just based on the belief that it was possible to BE separated – and that it existed a “me” who could be separated. As we talked, and sensed the connection and love between us, there was no doubt that when in the present moment, there is no disconnection. No separation ever happened. Just a thought, believed in. Cary expresses how wonderfully open and free it feels to talk right now.

I am resting with the body, the pain, the input from the mental body/ego – it feels allowing.Simple.

In the morning after, the pain in the lower body seems to be more than possible to just be with.There is a deep despair following, believing in the thoughts that it will never change – and then a doubt in the validity of those thoughts.

A window opens: in a nano-second I see Heaven. I see reality: kind. Gentle. Loving. Everpresent. Unchanging. The effect on my state of mind is instantaneous – a deep release, a falling away of trust in the thoughts in the mind.

Rest.

As I lay there and look into the memory of Heaven – the Image gone, but the imprint still stays – I listen to the mental body suggesting what to do and think to bring it back. I remember Michael Brown’s words “the mental body think it is God” and that is so helpful. Somehow it feels more true to say “the mental body” than “ego” – and it is a way to acknowledge that it feels like “mine.”

I am reading “The Presence Process” by Michael Brown currently – and it underlines the beauty and importance of being with pain. He shares my experience that Presence/Spirit places in our “way” what we need to look at, in order for us to be able to reintegrate unconscious matter from our past. When we can’t see it inside, we’ll meet it outside. I have for a couple of weeks worked with a deep fear of a repairman being scheduled to come today: I projected all the terror from childhood on him, because of something in his voice that scared me and which I made hundred scary stories about. This morning, that fear had gone, and the alarm system did not need repair after all, so I called  central and canceled, asking them to call the repairman.  But Spirit – or Presence – had a surprise for me: 15 minutes later, a little guy in uniform showed up with a big smile and told me he had come to work on my alarm – and it was the same little guy that installed it and worked with it a second time.

I heard” surprise!!” inside, and giggles – this was what Love sent me, and no scary big stalker.

What a great reminder this is: I SCARE MYSELF by believing in the old scare-thoughts. What happens in reality mirrors the healing that already has happened in the mind because of my forgiveness work, my willingness to see differently.

I am again reminded to BELIEVE in what I know:)

Lamp teaching 14

Light goes out.

Watching it and observing feelings and thoughts: yes – I still feel guilty. And – there is something more to notice here…ahh! it feels SAFE to feel this way.

It is always astonishing to notice that guilt and fear feels safe – but that is how the separated “me” has identified myself. Realizing this with a smile – and that it is not truth – and the Light comes on.

I “comes on” inside too – or rather, the blocks between me and truth/light was just removed.

What a delicious process this is

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Lamp-teaching 15, day after:

Strong feeling of sadness. Lamp goes off. ” I am sad…I am sad because…I am sad because I believe in the thought “I am sad” – giggles and lamp comes on simultaneously