Weak Signals

Last teaching from the Universe 🙂

Signal on my TV – “weak signal – or none.”

As my readers will know, I live from the  Course in Miracles – saying that the Universe mirrors what is inside me. So weak signal refers to me  that I am not getting the full signal from Source. And that I believe: almost 3 weeks with really painful coughing and weak lungs i fell pretty rotten and weak and not ALIGNED 🙂

So at last I got a repairman from the Telephone/ Internet- provider. He gave me one look, and then grabbed the TV remote control – and clicked open “Source.”

And I had under Source ticked off TV instead of main source…

He clicked on Main Source and all was crystal clear

Most of the time in the biggest agony, there has NOT been an awareness that it is possible to CHOOSE Main Source / God. There has been much bickering and complaints of “dear  Jesus please help me, help me breathe” etc – I have been sucked up and identified with the illness

and I am NOT the illness,

it is there FOR me – now to choose to rest in God WITH it and allow God to do that through me. Finding old old childparts that simply chose to breathe only shallowly to prevent feelings and awareness.

Now I could just BE with her and her feelings -and the lungs opened,

So now the TV AND I am put on Source again.

There is a big tiredness after this ordeal – but it is held now by Love

May you all have a beautiful Christmas!

Holding Others’ Energy

Here is a chapter fro my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love” – see the right menu. When I still had patients, this theme repeated itself for some weeks, so I could find it and name it. And this night I used what I learned at that time to release to my deceased mother’s soul a big bunch of trauma/accumulated repressed stuff.

I have for a week or so had a lung-illness that I thought were going to take my life. Coughing felt dangerous and raw. I asked many times “who does this belong to?” and my mother came up – and today I at last took it serious and called her soul forth, and returned the energy to her with my blessings.

Afterwards, the lungs feel very different. I still cough, but there is nothing threatening about it.

I thought I would post here one of the chapters from WFCHtL – since I experience that many of us do this as a loyalty to our  family  and loved ones – and for me, it has meant that I never really knew what was ME and what was her.

Here is the chapter:

4.1 The gout that was fear /1992

Eric is on the phone:

“I have got this terrible pain in my foot… it has swollen, it takes all of my attention. I can’t come to session today.”

“Do you want to take the session on phone?”

“I think it hurts too much, I can’t concentrate on anything but the foot.”

“What if that foot carried a painful memory. Could we use the opportunity and see what the pain is a metaphor of?”

“OK. I’ll call at 3pm.”

“Fine. Till then.”

*

“How did the pain come into being?”

“It started yesterday… it swelled, it is kind of an inflammation…. I have had this once before, and the doctor said it was gout… it is a bit embarrassing, gout is what older men may get In this moment I recognize and connect the energy to Eric’s grandfather. He died thirty years ago, but in Eric’s’ mind and soul his memory has still a strong effect, and carries with it a sense of horror that makes Eric split off a part of himself.

“Eric – when you speak about the pain in the foot, I get in touch with the energy from your grandfather. Could this pain have something to do with him?”

“I feel cold shivers down my spine!”

“Shall we look closer into this?”

“Yes. I want that.”

“Close your eyes. Allow your consciousness to sink down into your heart…your hands…let it  pass from one hand to the other…note that you choose where to put your attention, you decide, you are the authority…now shift focus – let the awareness go to a place in your body which feels good.”

“…That is my belly. It is absolutely delicious there.”

“Good – let the consciousness go there, rest there a while… let it expand. If you want, allow this delicious energy to follow your consciousness down into the pain in the foot, so the deliciousness can wrap itself safely about the pain… surrounding the pain with love, warmth, support.”

“I am doing it now.”

“And now be aware of everything you are experiencing while focusing on the painful foot: inner images, memories, colors, forms, sounds – all is relevant as long as you focus on the foot, and your intention is clear. – Oops- we forgot that one. What is your intention with this?”

“My intention is to come closer to the pain and fear within the foot to release it! – I see a bonfire… I see the yard by my mother’s childhood- home … my grandpa is lying at the one big window, he is dying… I and my cousin are peeping through the window and see him lying there, and I sense a strong and ominous fear.”

In this moment I see “something” release itself from Grandpa’s psyche; float out through the window and into Eric.

“Eric – it looks to me as something from Grandpa’s fear came into you, and that the ominous fear you are feeling is coming from him. Could this be the right time to let it go?”

Eric is crying.

“I see it! And I see that what I feared most, I took into myself and made mine – because I could more easily control it when it was inside me!”

“What kind of pay-off have you had from this?”

“It has been a way for me to protect myself.”

This I recognize from my own life: by taking over mother’s and father’s split off soul-fragments and take them into myself, I got a sense of control that seemed life-important for me at that time.

“Now I see what is behind his fear: I see a little boy, it is Grandpa as child – he is scared to death of going insane, he is franticly scared of not getting out of what feels like a prison. It looks like he is sitting inside a box. It is very narrow.”

“Do you want to go on carrying him inside any longer?”

“No – Grandpa shall have him back.”

“Anything you want to tell the boy, before you part?”

“We thank each other. I have needed him, he thanks me for letting him stay with me since Grandpa died, so he wasn’t homeless.”

Eric breathes deeply when he is being thanked by the little boy.

“Is he ready to go home to Grandpa, Eric?”

“There must come somebody to follow him, he says – there comes Grandpa! A big and loving angel is following him. I open the door to the box where he is sitting, and he runs straight to Grandpa who receives him… they go into the light now – they are melting into one…!”

Pause

“Now I am completely present. Right here. Now I am only Eric.”

Three days later he calls: the gout has almost disappeared.

What do you Want?

I took a course in Yoga for Lungs today! What do my lungs need to tell me? A partner danced it for me – I need to actually consciously, with will and choice, receive the Light from Above. Shivers when I write this.

Going home by bus afterwards was really complicated – the first snow had arrived, and there were mile long ques. I actually knocked on a car windows to ask if the person was driving in my direction. A woman said yes, and then drove in a different direction, which chocked me a bit – now I was even longer from home. I stood at a bus stop there to return to where I had come from – aaargggh – and a car stopped right at my bus stop. The woman inside did not see me, she was talking in her cellphone. I walked to the car and knocked at the window. She put the phone down and took me in. I said inside; “I am ready for a miracle now. Give me joy!”

The woman was gorgeous with many long rastabraids, and not from my country. After some minutes she told me she was going in another direction than me, and I said OK , I can walk from here – when she said, how many minutes to drive from here? “Five” I said, and she said “ I will drive you home.”

Shivers up my back. She told me how she had needed 5 minutes help from someone today, and nobody would help her – so she chose to help me instead.

My heart opened wide, I was touched that she reacted to others unhelpfulness with helpfulness and told her. We found out that we were both textile artists  – how about that! We shared or names –she was BEA –  and a huge light and warmth opened up between us.  I shared the joy I FELT and she nodded, YES I feel it too! When she stopped to drop me off, I said “ I will never forget you, Bea – and she said “ Leelah, I will never forget you!”

And I won’t. Never.

 

 

 

 

 

GLORIA

3 miracles!

Yesterday morning: working the usual way with dark energies – suddenly seeing the little girl surrounded by Lightbeings, and  feeling / seeing the light and energy all through her and me. This is being healed now– there is nothing I need to do.

This night: the same deep agony as always – and the deep insight, not to be doubted at all: YOU don’t need to go through this any longer.

It is the I / ME who is removed now. No ME healing stuff – just healing happening through me, me letting it happen. The dark went right through without any trace left.

Third time: even clearer now: I, Leelah, don’t need to do this any longer. Complete relaxation, just allowing it to go through, not being affected at all

 

Tree of Life

In the night, the same usual intense wrong-minded thought patterns engulfed me- and then, a radiant shift: full allowance of it – there it is and I can just embrace it. I am blessing it, walking around with it.

And now JOY IS HERE as a constant

In the nineties I started to study Kabbalah with two phenomenal teachers, Andreas  and Peter. In 2000 they started The Rite – a 3 year school in Kabbala, walking all the paths between the Sefirot up the trunk of Tree of  Life . I believe we had 32 initiations

For some reason I pick up my Initiation Journal from the three year Rite from the bookshelf. It opened on the next to last Rite: Beth –  and  the path between Binah and Kether.

Beth may stand for House – House of God – The Universal Home  – The Infinite Womb of Fertility.

The Rite showed to two polarities where  the relentless and merciless melts into Unio Mystica – Kether.

Just as it happened some time ago this morning

Now I wonder if I may have walked the path up the Tree through  my nine years of blogging too

I will enjoy looking through the journal again

I entered into the living room.The doorbell clang again: this time, to my ears, much softer. Slower. Like the most motherly embrace: welcome Home

 

Breaking the tooth/pattern

About a week ago I felt bad and wanted to give myself a treat – my own recipe of nut/seed/dates/cocoa-mix. They need to be frozen to keep, so I bit into one and broke my front teeth with a loud crack.

I found out that that tooth is connected to the stomach – and the stomach reacted with huge pains and fever. Something inside insisted that I had an opportunity to relate to this with something more energy medicine – like surrendering, like accepting that this was a gift. One whole night I communed with Holy Spirit, Who came through as never before: crystal clear channeling. I asked for help from the Comforter – His/her other name 🙂 very specifically: come into my lungs and the wound, fill it with Light. I felt it as a physically hot wave of light and healing, it lasted for hours.

I got an appointment with my dentist since 50 years – I love that guy! and he told me we need to get the tooth out and create a bridge. I was there this morning, and all went well  – except a tiny thread of root not coming out.

Asking the Holy Spirit about this – and hearing that what I need to focus on, is JOY. When fear of pain or anxieties of what could happen, appears – choose in that very moment to feel joy instead. And that little root remnant is there for you to occupy you mind to choose JOY EACH TIME you think about that root.

This was clearly not a mental exercize – I was meant to SIT there and do nothing else.

After the operation I went to the Mall nearby. Right outside of Finn’s office, a big car had parked: x cleaning. PURE JOY.

In the mall, a poster of a small boy , smiling to me: he had lost the same tooth in the upper mouth 🙂

A third poster in the Mall praised the JOY of Autumn.

I called my daughter and shared, a little later this joy of autumn flowers arrived.

I felt warm joy – and very fast I thought about doing my favorite  Friday crossword puzzle. One minute – and my doorbell sounded  – no one physical was there. Aha – could I maybe use  some time on joy?

Well, at least a minute…hm, more crosswording – and the doorbell rang for the second time.

No more dawdling

Sitting down, resting in Peace, resting in JOY

Holt Spirit, THANK YOU

 

 

Implants

For info on what ” psychic implants” may be, please google it and choose the explanation that resonates with you.

I have been through a tough process since I and  my friend Ellen shared Access Bars with each other last Thursday. In that process, implants were removed – some of them from my late father, having to do with giving up my own will and adjusting to his – resulting in not having a voice for my self.

The whole Friday was packed with old patterns and false identification with them – old judgments and condemnations about myself – it felt like the whole “ego-world” had filled me up to the brim. I used the Clearing Statement a lot, but did not sense release – except for the moments when I managed to say yes to  the overwhelm as it was.

But last night – Friday to Saturday – was very different. I felt so very much better, and realized that that whole field/gestalt of energy overwhelm yesterday was just THAT which I needed to realize had come to be blessed, embraced and forgiven. It HAS to come up and be seen – so I can choose again: this time I chose NOT to judge it, just to let it go, “uncreate” it as Jeshua says in Way of Mastery.

I had a lot of paranoid thoughts yesterday – and lots of hateful self-thoughts. Today I can only smile at them and shake my head – “Is it possible that I can have believed that!”

Fun little detail: yesterday my right big toe leaned hard into its neighbor. Today, there is 6 mm free space between them 🙂

And an important reminder in a dream:

A lively and very inquisitive little dog jumped down on the rails on a Train station, found a tube there and immediately tried to force his body into the whole. I jumped down together with a man and we got his tail and dragged him out before the train came.

Leelah – remember this: when an impulse comes to investigate and explore something, ask yourself first: Is this REALLY what you want? Is it safe? will it lead to joy? and I know that I will feel a “go ahead” or a “no”.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Access Consciousness

This guy speaks for a class i took last Saturday – called Access Bars – a method of touching certain points on the head of a partner, that stimulated certain energies/memories- and then letting them go. He had both ADD and autism  – look what happened to him 🙂

 

 

Healing with Horses – and Access Bars

Saturday I was the lucky receiver of Access Bars – healing – and this was a special variety: The leader had two black Icelandic horses, and as soon as we had placed our massage benches outside the stable, they came to us, attracted by the healing energy of the Bars-process.

The photo at the top shows  Vilja ( Will) yawning and releasing energy – just as healers do 🙂

The horses truly knew where to put the muzzles. Sometime they just stood close by our heads and bodies, quite still, and with a tremendous Presence – other times they were pushing hard with their muzzles, almost bumping them rhythmically into our body. I felt blessing streaming from them, it was magical.

The Slide

I am taking a step in a direction that brings up tremendous fear

Getting used to choosing to not get identified with it, asking for support by Legions of Light and Christ Council.

This night I had a dream that showed me I am supported deeply:

There was this HOLE – from the high level /floor in a building I was standing on, all the way down to the ground – and the hole was edged with humans standing around it, all the way from top to bottom – lined with warm bodies all around the channel from top to bottom.

So I stepped inside it, and there was an ecstasy of feeling HELD, sliding and spiraling softly slowly downwards to the bottom, like being born into the earth-plane and being supported by all humanity

I remembered something Jeshua said in WOM somewhere – that we would be able to “slide down mountains” – the feeling was,”now I know how the sliding feels – and I am sliding and also holding the sliders

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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