I am standing on a high scaffolding – maybe 33 feet / 10 meter – and I am supposed to jump. It is a most auspicious and wonderful chance for me – and I jump with great joy and gratitude, as if this is something most holy to do – it is a ticket to Heaven. It is given me to heal my doubt and fear and trust that Love heals everything – and that miracles abound.
That means to me that it is my perception of a dangerous thing to do, that shall be healed – and so I jump with great abandon, as I know that angels with bring me down unharmed.
I repeat it several times – always jumping with the attitude that this is safe, if will end well, nothing to worry about.
I am just as frightened each new time I jump, and I still jump, and it always ends well.
Trust is the thing – notice that little male human there –
This is (the stitched) cover for my novel Hilaryon Stories. Hilaryon is a maybe made-up planet – or better, state of mind – where you among others will meet Johann Sebastian Bach, and his old friend Imhotep, here in the incarnation of the wise and lovely Croc. (With his wolf feet.:)
This book was “given” to me through 5 years of writing – I did not really know what it was turning out to be – but the most important parts may be hatred, and how we heal it – and the importance of using the arts in all its expressions to heal our wounds.I have never felt as light and happy as when I wrote this book. Lots of sacred silliness :)The characters all feel utterly alive inside me, including Master Hilaryon Himself -you may read about him here:
I am blessed! So very much! That operation of the intestine has turned out to be a cornucopia of wonders delivered at my plate –
Now I have “got” a nurse “delivered” to me – she comes once a week for the time being – and it turns out that she asks questions that set me going in the best possible direction for my psyche, to at last be able to pour out what needs pouring out. The Universe has dished this up for me in the most perfect thinkable way possible. And she is the epitome of sweetness and intelligence, and a super listener and interventionist.
Hi everyone – this is Sandy Wilder, whom I call a friend. Just look at his face,people:)
I subscribe to his daily posts at Educare Unlearning Institute.
This day’s text goes:
True Autonomy and Intimacy
When you find your authentic heart and voice and devote to not repressing it, you start to create the life you want.
My experience is that we are invited to do this over and over again, in all our arenas throughout life. It is not one and done.
Sometimes we may take detours and do what others think is best for us. Some of us have lived this way for so long we have forgotten who we are. We think we are here to not displease others.
This eventually leads to suffering because it is not our honest path. It is their path. You can’t stay there because your soul can’t breathe. Your heart and body will contract and suffocate.
Your relationships, your career, your purpose, your priorities, your self-awareness, your clarity, your languaging, your use of time, your hobbies, your service, your listening, your play, your rest, keeps deepening and deepening as you feel, integrate, and embody fresh insights.
Through honest devotion, humble opening, and naked vulnerability, you keep finding more repressed emotions from when you ignorantly lived to stay safe and get love. It was all you knew in your parade of yesterdays.
But now, you are learning to feel and release your deficiency stories, from the foundation of your present, tangible, ever-broadening Being, that is calling you home to true Autonomy and Intimacy.
I wrote this almost one year ago, and want to place it here as a reminder to myself and anyone who might have lost the connection with our sacred Heart
The body is a strange machine that acts from age old patterns in a mind that are not necessarily my own, but borrowed and manipulated by its own incessant need to keep itself alive and working in the same old ways that lulls it in into patterns of a false security that I and me are actually separated from the you and yours in much important ways – now breathe
And still I tend to think my mind is very special and uniquely my own while some of it may actually come from the woman on the bus just recently who in a very angry voice condemned the human race of being selfish while she herself were always tending to her nearests’ needs
and there I lost it, yes I did and cannot find myself cause all ideas
are simply caught in fogs of helplessness
and fear of rest and presence, yes – since most what happens here, that makes me into someone who knows MORE than you and boast about it, getting bits of almost peace but not enough to breathe with lungs that want to sing or scream or make of me
a spectacle of giggly joy
and maybe too, some kind of a butterfly that lands on someone’s nose and makes them sneeze and smile and lift from earth on wings they never knew they had but now they yawn and smile and greet each other as the old and sweetest siblings.
that they never knew they had
and here you are and there you are and yes you smile ’cause there is simply nothing that is more essential to the heart than this
A Course in Miracles – a Non-Dualistic teaching – tells us that the world is a dream, and we are dreaming in up – and we are playing all the roles too. We do this to have all kind of experience – since our soul loves experience and loves to learn from it.
My work life was in the Theater – I created stage-and costume-design, was assistant director and translated plays for puppetry.
So my dreams are vital pointers for me. This is the latest one – after several months of mental confusion and unpleasantness after an operation in the intestine.
In the dream I was IN my Self all the time – knowing this WAS a dream. I just observed the actions while they happened, intensely moved, and amused by it all.
I was with a WONDERFUL assembly of people – I think they were social workers – and we had together written and staged a play where the mail role was a SCULL.
In the first production my husband and I staged for The Norwegian Theater, a big shining scull played an important part as DESTINY. This was a play where objects floated through air – “Black Theater.” The actors were covered in black velvet from top to toes, and the objects/puppets were placed in a “gate of light” on the stage.
Right now, in the dream, I am sitting in the audience and looking down at an actor with a puppet or prop two rows in front of me – it is a scull. The scull is intensely attractive and beautiful and delicate to me – and funny: right now, the actor makes the Scull bites him in the ear – “Listen, you! Pay attention to me!”
So this is an invitation to laugh – I am asked to see through the illusion of death. And to LISTEN.
Meaning: yes of course horrors happen here in the world – meaning the world of illusion, but in the REAL WORLD they are seen as props, used to give the soul experience. And in each experience, ac. to A Course in Miracles, we have a choice: look with love or fear.
So in the dream I am now paying attention to me dreaming this – I am lucid. And ACIM teaches that in reality, there are only two states of mind: LOVE – and FEAR. Fear is the realm of the egoic mind – the mind that perceives itself a separate from its Loving Source.
My mind is now ordering a translucent scull/ object of death and illusion/ to lovingly nib his maker’s earlobe. Hey you. This is a dream. Pay attention the teaching.
Awake now, I thank my main spiritual guide – Anna- and she says, Leelah, YOU made this creation – I am just sitting here, laughing my head off. (My spiritual leaders are very straightforward. )
The sweetest from the communal health workers, tiny and radiant Li from Sri Lanka, visited today with the very simplest way for me to take prescribed pills: a roll of tiny plastic bags. I just rip them of at the correct date.
This came after days and days of struggle between me and the communal workers – I was feeling like a small child that could not be trusted – and this night I loudly told The Universe what I wanted:
To be seen and treated like an adult, able to remember and take care of taking her medicines without being controlled.
And exactly so it happened
This is what a Course in Miracles is all about: stating the truth about myself and everybody – we are as God created us – radiant souls – expecting to see that in everybody, blessing them in this vision- expecting the very best
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Leaving the womb: entering life fully 