Christ Consciousness

Last webcast on lesson 11 of Way of Knowing with Sarita Premley. The guided meditation was very helpful  – I always am more present when I listen to them alone in bed afterwards – I get distracted by all the energy info coming in from the images/persons on the screen

So when Sarita asked, “What do you really want to KNOW this life “– there was direct transmission via images and impressions. First there was the idea of being of service – but what truly came up as something I really have WANTED, was this:

I want to KNOW myself as a sovereign soul/Christ/Self, and BE/radiate this state of Presence to others.

In my book When Fear Comes Home to Love where we explore certain fear-archetypes-traps and how to relate to them, there is an archetype I have called Bird – after the big painting I was “given” to “download” as a painter, where all the archetypes are present as figures. The main one that I and all my patients through 30 years have had and been driven by, is what we may call “The helper/therapist-archetype” the one that derives her/his worth by this work – to her/his own detriment.

I have worked diligently with its energy for years – and yesterday, after our webcast, I noticed that my whole house was filled to the brim by my neighbors’ energy ( those from Kosovo that I have talked about earlier.) It even SMELLED from them – a quite different smell than the familiar one.)

So now I was planted in the middle of the old pattern: I am one who always pick up others unconsciousness that they have split off, and hold it for them.

I did that for 30 years as therapist without finding out what to do about it and  almost always felt sick after sessions. “Giving it back” afterwards never really worked. Yesterday I saw the  seed -belief  – I NEED to do this as a survival mode – taking the others crazy-energy inside as a way of control it.– I truly believed it would save me from being attacked again, since I now had it inside already – but as Abraham reminds us, then I just hold a frequency that attracts more of the same.

So I saw the original choice and owned it, no problem – and affirmed that I WANTED this absolute KNOWING that I was this POWERFUL Christ Presence, WANTED to KNOW myself as That, FEEL myself as that.

And I came into this body in quite a new way – very anchored. It has lasted the whole day (included a visit to the Dental Hygienists who does rather painful work.)

I saw at night how the old identity was geared  to “help” only by taking over others garbage – and that it helped me feel very good and helpful and powerful ( but also VERY angry and filled with revenge-thoughts.) I know that believed I had no choice in this – and yesterday I was clear that I had: I could choose instead just KNOWING that my True Presence  is enough – TRULY! And being anchored in it will give me the necessary info about how to intervene or NOT.

I sat with that knowing for a very long time, confirming my choice again and again – THIS is what I desire. And what helped me was the KNOWING and bodily feeling that this IS my true identity.

From intellect into body-awareness – what a journey

It feels so very  good

Thank you Sarita and group – thank you thank you

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dark Night of the Soul

With permission from Pamela Kribbe, this is an excerpt from her book “Dark Night of the Soul.” I love to quote this here – I found my personality-type perfectly described in the beginning of her book, and it has been a huge help for me, since the description so clear.

And so it might be helpful for some of my readers too.

These words come from  Pamela’s Mary Magdalene – channeling:

Those patterns that repeat themselves – now look at them as boulders in a stream. They are still worn down and pushed by the water that moves past them. Remember that you ARE the living water! The more you remind yourself of this, the more you can reclaim the energy from the boulders and stones in the stream.

There is pain from the past that continues to be there, you don’t have to downplay it, but neither do you have to hug those boulders from the river. You only have to remind yourself that YOU are the water!

I am this huge waterway – an actual life-force. The flow has no judgments about the boulders that it encounters – it engulfs them.  You do have a choice!

The more you withdraw your identity from these blockages, the rocks that lie there, the more easily the current can dislodge them and carry them down with the flow. They are dislodged and liberated because your release your identity with them and instead identify with the dynamic moving water. The water is your Soul and it cannot be restrained.

Our soul is not at all troubled by the boulders and their size, because It knows they are an integral part of the landscape of life. Try to, when you feel you are imprisoned within one such boulder, to HEAR the water rushing by.

About darkness:

Do not be afraid of darkness  –  welcome it! When you say yes, it begins to release and flow, and that is the art of living this life. And when you can’t really say yes to this, remember that there is something in you that still says yes. That is what will save you and bring you further along – trust in life!

 

The Dream of Sloppiness

This morning I had a dream where I was about to serve a supper for about 30 people. My mother and I did it together. The guests were all seated, and I discovered that there was no PLAN or structure here. The kitchen (which was enormous) with all kind of equipment was in complete chaos: there were a lot of grilled chickens EVERYWHERE – but I knew that I could not be certain there were FULLY COOKED with no Campylobacteria. Sloppy!
 
My mother was even more distracted than me, we were both worried about what the guests were thinking (and judging) so I tried to yell at HER to not make this MY FAULT.
 
VERY usual feeling, this: THEY need and expect something from ME and all my attention goes on HOW I am perceived by THEM.
 
So I asked Guidance for help and It said “19.” That means quote 19 in my wise-words-book at my night-table. I picked the book up – and it was already opened on 19! Which is the note I am sharing here. And I notice HOW excellently I am aligned with Source each time I ask for guidance – but else “I am having a really sloppy receiver that could tune into many different channels at the same time.”
Here is the quote from Abraham.  What is in italic is what I need most of all to focus on NOW:
There are a lot of people who know they are empathetic, they are sensitive to Energy – but we don’t want you to be sensitive to all of the energies. That would be like having a really sloppy receiver in your vehicle that could tune into many different channels at the same time, and all you want to do is listen to some satisfying music but you’re getting all this static and chat because your tuner isn’t tuned. That’s really what it’s about.
 
It takes a little practice, but most of all it takes understanding why you do it. And why you do it is because you’re trying to exercise your influence over them by getting them to see you as you want them to see you. So you’re real interested on an almost word by word basis, thinking I say this and then you respond, I say this and then you respond, and you care too much about their response. We want you to not care at all about anybody’s response to you.
 
Let your relationship with your Source Energy be what’s dominant to you. Most people, first of all, don’t really know that Source exists for them, they don’t know that Source is interested in them, they don’t really understand that your Inner Being is projecting a steady thought that you could pick up on, they don’t understand that they have an Inner Being who has an opinion about everything that they have an opinion about, so therefore they don’t understand their own Guidance System. So most people have sort of been frantically searching for some form of guidance from someone. And when you really, really care about it, then you’re looking for it everywhere.
 
Q: Yeah. I’m trying to separate mine from theirs, it’s what I feel like I need to do.
 
A: It doesn’t have anything to do with them, it’s only about what’s going on with you. Some years ago we offered an analogy, a really good one, really appropriate for this conversation: We said imagine a light board about as big as this carpet, and it has all of those little LED lights on it and you’re one of the lights. So, you focus on something and you light up based upon what you’re focused upon, and every other light on the vibrational board that is where you are lights up, too. And that equals your world; that’s who in the room is a vibrational match to you.
 
And you can control how you light up. So let’s say they’re all lighted up on something that is not beneficial, like disease or war, but you’re not because you’ve been meditating or you’ve been playing your musical instrument or you’re tuned-in, tapped-in, turned-on, so even though they’re lighted up that way, they have no influence and no attraction power in your life experience because you’re offering a different vibration.
So what we’re getting at is you pick the tune that you’re strumming, you pick the vibrational frequency that you’re broadcasting, and only things that are a vibrational match to that would be in your sphere of influence, or you in the sphere of that influence.
Does that make sense?
Q: Yes, that makes total sense.

The choice to deny oneself to survive

Each day/night I am doing the  Core Transformation Process

It is SO effective! I worked through an archetype this morning – the false helper *- I saw how excruciatingly important it was for her (me/you/us all ) to repress the longing to be seen and love and counted and then giving up all the trying and instead shifting the energy from me to others: instead of helping myself – being there for myself – I will put all the energy on one card; becoming the perfect helper. From now on I am looking for painm and problems in others, so I can comfort them as a substitute for needing comfort myself.

When I did it this morning I did it with that 4-year old Leelah-helper – no words of consolation or loving attention when she returned home from group rape.  – Only my soul could think out such a splendid way of arriving at where I am NOW – now I  TRULY can appreciate that child!  and now true forgiveness pours out like a waterfall – oh the joy! and the laughter!

You know – that little one arrived at CORE in just two steps – shivers down my back now – 1st: I want to be seen as important I want to count-  and the 2nd: I NEED TO FEEL JOYOUS! To be able to express it and have it WELCOMED!

And THERE WE WERE – in the arms of LOVE

 

* “Bird is the title I have given this archetype in the book you find in the right menu: When Fear Comes Home to Love. Click on it and you will be able to read more in the reviews.

Stitching is divine

It is proved!

Yesterday I was doing a stitching exercise in an online course I am following. For the first time i enjoyed playing with the technique, not having to “produce” something to be judged and compared.

I thought. When I went to bed, a thought came: ” It really is – meaningless.”

Really? Playing and exploring isn’t OK then?

” Put your hand in the ” Word- bag” said Blue.

In my word bag I have collected hundreds of words that I offer to clients who want to learn to write without fear. I always teach them that PLAY is one of God’s attributes

Here is what I drew:

Gud is the Scandinavian name for God

Open the Door!

Recently when my alarm went off ( false alarm) and I clicked the code to turn it off, that code ( symbol: old learned way of turning it off) DID NOT WORK. The Alarm screamed and howled, and I went frantic and clicked some more. Then a deep inner calm: Blue said ” do the very opposite.”

I opened the entrance door wide – the alarm instantly stopped.

Teaching: open your heart to what you before have closed off to and kept away as “threats.”

So this morning, the usual morning agony of extreme overwhelm started – and this time, I immediately knew: this is NOT a threat, it is an opportunity to remember Who I am.

I relaxed and allowed it. knowing fully that I can TRUST GOD now.

The chaotic energy  from the collective human mind poured in – and when it was met with curiosity and wonder, it transformed.

I yawn just by writing it down.

I AM WILLING TO TRUST NOW – and I will celebrate it! YESSS!! HOORAYY! I DID IT!!!

Since what I give thanks for, grows and is attracted to me

This is so vitally important to remember: each time I now become aware that something has changed in my mind, I will celebrate it, give thanks for it, write it down, make it MATTER – truly make it  essential and wonderful in my life.

I see that old mind that I have fed with fear, for aeons ( the word-correcting-program suggested “canons”🙂 )  is like a child – and that I am in charge. I am the elder, the Observer, I am connected to my Source, and in this state of no resistance and fear, I act. And when I forget, hey, there I go again. breathe now, breathe deeply, connect with Mother Earth, connect with the Core.

The mind instantly tell that it does not know how – and I tell it again: you don’t have to, child. I am the Elder, I am in charge.

I wrote a poem the day before yesterday – it came automatically. It aforesaid  what I have realized fully this morning.

Here it is again.Look at the blue:

OTHER

You think you can avoid me

Climbing the highest mountain
I am your holy ground

Diving the profoundest depths
I am the reflective surface

Traveling straight forward
I am the tail you bite

You look at me and shiver at the
Dark mask

And I am looking at you through the slits,
Stretching my arms out towards you

You see threat

I see you

Heart broken open

No other

Receiving my Self

I wrote two poems these last days. I knew I liked them a lot – and I wanted to RECEIVE them with all of me.

I stood up, stretched my arms up  toward Self and prayed to be helped RECEIVING MY SELF, the beauty and bubbling creativity that comes through me.

AND IT CAME! Rushes of bliss flowed through me, intense joy and gratitude without bounds

AT LAST  RECEIVED ♥

My Others

Moanie Molly is mean on Mondays

frivolous on Fridays and

satyrical on Saturdays

 

Pretty-bow Prune tinkers with truth

on Tuesdays and

tortures toddlers on Thursdays with

a terrible smile of too- twinkling -teeth

 

Wednesday is my day – Woolly Wendy

is my wame. I call them in through

my windows of welcome

I wind them warmly into my

wet and woolly wembrace,

tucking them in, wriggling and wailing

wrapping them up in well-meaning waffle words

 

Sunday is sublime-day.

All of us together.

Singing in the supersonically choir of sunflowers,

Visiting soothsayers and sweet-shocked solicitors,

Swimming in star shined seas of sovereign surprises,

Summoning slithering salamanders

and cute little ducks.

Then we go home

and sleep the slumber of

sincere sinners

and saints

*

OTHER

You think you can avoid me

Climbing the highest mountain

I am your  holy ground

Diving the profoundest depths

I am the reflective surface

Traveling straight forward

I am the tail you bite

You look at me and shiver at the

Dark mask

And I am looking at you through the slits,

Stretching my arms out towards you

You see threat

I see you

Heart  broken open

No other

 

 

 

 

 

 

False Alarm

False alarm: choosing the ego

Last night I set the alarm, and then forgot it and went down the stairs to turn out the lights and the alarm went on.

And it stuck. The code did not turn it off. The alarm company called, I did not take it, since I could not hear them because of the loud howling noise. It lasted and lasted , it was STUCK. Somehow I registered that this was a SIGN. “Do something completely new” said Blue, I opened the front door and the alarm instantly stopped.

Now, instead of relaxing and digesting this – no more expecting attackers, forgive your old perception – I went into a grand acting out the fear and rage that was inside me. I mailed the Alarm-company and told them what a lousy alarm-system they had given me and how un-trustworthy their company was. I was really into all of that acting out, I felt  that I “took care of myself.” What I took are of was the ego, the old role of the attacked child.

So, after all of this drama, I went to bed and did a Core Transformation-process with the old alarm-setter inside my mind. She certainly saved my life by “installing the alarm” at that time. Now I want to turn it off and turn on LOVE and safety instead. It took long time, but we made it to the Core, and it felt wonderful. I thought I would have the most beautiful sleep, but of course there were COSTS from openly acting out my fear and rage, making it real.

I had a crazy dream where gangs of hooligans swarmed into my house and pretended it was theirs. They even stole my door handles – they could not be locked out! Then, toward the morning, one young man who had NOT  been disturbing me, did a most wonderful loving thing: he dismantled one of the door handles in his own house and gave it to me.

I woke up, deeply touched, and saw that I had invited those crazy invading forces in – just by having demonstrated that “I” was attacked last night by the Alarm company doing a bad job.

I attacked myself with that rage and those accusations. And so I felt the old feelings of not being able to protect my body, and projected it viciously and fully consciously on “the Installer of the Alarm” = me.

Great lesson!  May I remember this the next time I feel the urge to lash out and scream my anger, justifying my feeling unjustly treated.

I disowned the Truth: what I Am can never be attacked or threatened.

It feels like piercing an old poisonous boil. The pus is coming out, thank God

 

Sunflower in September

New experiences re the False Helper Syndrome– which is to me an unkind label: I prefer the Utterly Confused Helper. I am still using The Core Transformation process.

I have found that the defense parts are really willing to draw back and allow space when I acknowledge how life-saving they were when we put them in charge. Today I had a 30-40 of them sitting in a half circle 30 meters away. They had popcorn too.

I have found that instead of wants and desires, often needs are offered. I am working at finding the distinction between them.

The first need was:
I want you to fully listen what I feel and need – without saying ONE thing in  defense and without touching me.

next:

I want you to see when I am happy and let me be happy without commenting.

Next: I want to see that you feel/are safe, so I don’t need to take care of you. I want to KNOW that you have all the resources you need to feel safe and adult. Only THEN can I know what I feel

These steps were adamant for her to start going deeper:: first feeling anger/ rage – and then to be seen in her terror and fear, and never to be held: there is a deep understanding in the confused helper that as soon as s/he is HELD, s/he will feel the needs of the other – and her mandatory rule is “The other ALWAYS comes first when it comes to needs.”

I recently had an experience with a beloved friend – she is a psychiatrist – and when I expressed an agony she immediately embraced me – HARD – I could hardly breathe. All my self-awareness went swoop into her.

So there is a super strong automatic in the energy shift here, between a confused helper and the other.

The next next deepest desire or need was: “ I want you to acknowledge that you did not WANT to see what happened to me – without ANY explanations and any “OHHH I am so sorry” at all. As long as there is guilt, I will have nothing of it.”

The next deepest:

That you SEE Me – the Self – see the goodness, the love, the patience, the wisdom, the tenderness in this Self. That you see that all this happened, it is over, we don’t need to play these roles anymore. DONE

The deepest: That I KNOW with all of me that my worth is intrinsic, and never depends on how I help and serve others.

THERE was  and is the Peace of God.

The sunflower – I discovered it yesterday. It blooms right in front of my face when I go out – and it stands under a bush, so it has to bend forward  and then bend up  to catch the sun. What is so beautiful to know that somehow a sunflower seed decided to root there – and how did it get there?

MOONSICK

 

Talking with Moon

 

Me and Mimsy and Terrible Dill
And Ma and sick little June
Were climbing the hill in the month of Aprill

To talk to the blistering Moon

Our June had mumpsies
And boils and fears
We all had scrumpsies
And buckets of tears
And that’s why we climbed
The old grassy hill

To speak to the Man in the moon!

Stop it! I said, and Ma yelled YES!
We are tired of boils and fears!
We want you to shine in green for a change
Since June is lergic to silver moon
And now could you please see to rearrange

That nasty old silvershine soon!

Then TERRIBLE happened. Down came frogs
And silvery lizards and slithery scrogs
The man in the moon yelled Nay, I won’t!

And we sat in the grass and cried.

And me and Mimsy and Terrible Dill
And Ma and sick little June
Sat on our bottoms and down we sled

Down to our cottage and went to bed
And Terrible Dill said
Ma, I know:
Buy super green Goggles for June instead
And Ma said I WILL! YES I WILL!

***

The photo is taken by Tuasmalo-

https://www.facebook.com/pg/tuasmalou/photos/

 

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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