The Light Holder

Just after I wrote the last post -some minutes later – I managed to turn over a DVD-ledge. It crashed into a big shelf that my husband had placed over the stairs to the ground floor – and this glass lightholder stood on the edge of it and fell over

It did some somersaults down the stairs – and ended on the hard floor at the end of the stairs. Whole.

The humpty bumpty fall

I went down the chairs – and the light holder was still whole. I asked, ” what is this the metaphor of?”

I heard” That which holds the Light can not break”

I love that this sign came right after I posted the last blogpost

I will remember that I – and everyone – hold the Light – even if I may forget.

I intend to remember

That which holds the Light

Sunbeam and Wave

Photo from Shutterstock


 
 
 
 
 
 

Yesterday I asked a question on my Way of Mastery-group. One woman gave an answer with a projection in it- I felt the sting and the instant resentment – and I remembered to ask myself where I had done that? Hm 😊
And what came out of that was life changing for me. I have lately wanted to know more deeply what Jeshua means with “your object of CREATION”*** since the forgiveness-exercise is all about working with that object.
I sensed that the OOC is the story I have made, where I seem to be separate from other beings, seems to be placed in a certain time and in a certain space where memories come from, and movements in my nervous system, all the characters involved in that story-object, my feelings and emotions and sensations in the body, how I breathed in that situation- everything physical and mental and emotional that happened that I called me and MINE – “this is about ME.”
And then, the judgments are the judging way I looked at the neutral acts in the story:  you/they/should/shouldn’t have – you are X ( stupid, wrong, the whole chalabang.)

I sensed the impact of this story of guilt and projection in the body, breathed and cried and released and forgave and embraced and blessed, and fell asleep and had a magnificent dream where I was FREE and related to various people in wheelchairs etc 😊 with lots of humor and freedom, and met wonderful people, and remembered I had a new and supersuper car somewhere – but I had currently forgotten where I have parked it!  LOL

And this insight-angel embraced me:

Truth is – I am the wave in the same big sea we all live, I am the sunbeam from the One same Sun we all share – and as long as I remember my connection with my Source – and recognize where my power and safety come from, acknowledging it – then I know where I belong.

And in the moments where I forget and believe am rootless and miserable and wrong – I need just lovingly correct myself and remind me of my origin. There, I can with clear eyes look past sin and guilt and fear and recognize that that comes from a choice of perception that creates fear. I can start with blessing all I see – including myself and my fearful perception. I can ask to see that the ones who stumble and do evil, have temporarily forgotten the Sun and the Sea. I can remember it for them, blessing them WITH that knowledge. I have noticed that it may be very simple – when I smile to someone who seems to be in a worry-place, they  MAY pick up where that smile comes from, and seemingly in front of my eyes, step out of a dark dream and smile back

Marcos Paolo Prado, from Unsplash

*** from his Way of Mastery-course

 

Leaving the Womb – Entering Life Fully

Is the title of this blog, starting 11 years ago.

Womb meaning a place of gestation – not yet living one’s life- but preparing for it. In my way of looking at it, you also swim in the mind of your mother – and all the ancestors, I’d say.

I am in awe of the beauty and rationality of the path I have chosen – or the path choosing me. The last month or so my throat has become gradually sorer and more constricted, and this morning I took it seriously:  this is an energy/creation coming up for healing.

As soon as I sat down for it, deep crying came, it felt wonderful. The inner crying part told me it was terrified of SPEAKING OUT – being heard – “having a voice” – as NOT having one was in childhood a must for keeping silent, keeping the family secret.

As soon as the part felt and sensed that I now allowed it and listened, I could separate out “my creation” as Jeshua calls it. A creation is what the Son of God = US ALL – create when something “bad” happens and we judge it. The energy contracts, and there is a magnetism around it now – and as soon as we judge it, we have told ourselves it has something to do with US. And since we have chosen to believe it, it HAS – says Jeshua- that is the power of our decision.

He then teaches us – in A Course in Miracles and in his Way of Mastery- trilogy – how to forgive our creations and allow them to be dissolved in the Light of Christ – which is our birth right. Just like the Buddha field is for Buddhists – the Atman is for Hindus – etc.

So I did the forgiveness process, and there were deep waves of release and gratefulness as I went through it. The “chronic” pain and soreness in the chest and throat is abating.

And funnily – something in my left ear is clearing up too – it had not been willing to HEAR this before, and now it has.

And here is a strange thing:

In my twenties, I started to have a feeling / knowing I was actually two persons – there was another physical “me” out there – a body.

I sang in a big choir from I was 16 to 23 or so- when I lost my soprano from one day to another. I sang first soprano and stood in the first row of singers, and my conductor stood on the podium 3 meter away from me. So he knew my face very well – wouldn’t you agree? And one rehearsal he took me apart after rehearsal and chastised me: “ I saw you this night down by the docks, in a horrible state of mind hanging between two drunk sailors.”

Well – that was quite a shock – since I was sleeping in my bed and never out in town at all. Others tell me they have seen me other places too.

Now, as I have studied creation for the last 40 years, I believe there are parallel dimensions – and I believe that this other “me” that Oscar Raum saw, could actually be me in this parallel dimension.

From one day to the next I lost my singing voice and had to leave my beautiful grand choir. Devastated – but something inside relaxed, knowing that she did not have to press through tensions to be a first soprano anymore.

So now I spoke to that duplicate, and felt release and even deeper crying – and then I saw that what I had subjected to abuse was my true VOICE – I had cramped it and judged it and squeezed it into contraction, rejecting it.

And OH how I want to have the fullness of it back now – without any more cramps and abuse.

We’ll see 🙂

Below is the FREE VOICE of the Heart we all share. And all the imprisoned ones remember the Voice and listens.

And here is a video with PURE VOICE – no talk – can anything more beautiful than this exist?

Chocolate

Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash

When I was very small, disastrous things happened to me  for quite some years, and it was forbidden  – and impossible – to talk about it. I managed to repress it. But when it happened  again, the need to be heard and comforted was tremendous. My mother saw the agony, and was not able to – for reasons I now see with love – to truly open to me and allow me to talk. She did the best she knew– she gave me chocolate. I liked the dark variety best – it was called LUNCH.

There was much chocolate in my childhood – for the grown-ups too –

For past two years now, I have struggled with eating disorders. It has felt as a ravaging inner beast. Any food without sweetening in any way– honey is excellent -tastes dull and pretty hard to swallow. To just write that sentence down feel good and liberating.

I bought the one delicious cookbook after the other – since one way the disorder manifested was the absolute belief that I was starving to death, and to check that feeling-sensation I had to prepare all meals – to just improvise with what I had available was impossible. It was BIG CRISIS chiming in the background, and I was identifying with it.

And suddenly this morning in bed, it was just – possible 😊  to BE with that girl from the past.

I recognized that the awful feelings of “I am starving” was a GIFT – the energy was HERE now, to be dealt with as my creation. It had been MY CHOICE at the time in childhood to accept and believe that food had to be sweetened – or I would simply die and go directly into hell.

This belied * belief ( what a great typo!) came from my gift of sensitivity of energies – I had for a long time in “disaster-country” sensed the dark vicious energies embracing the situations. I had bathed in that frequency –  and the entities and beings there were hell-like.  So I “understood” that NOT eating sweets would just rip away all defenses and put me into this hell.

Now I saw that this all now rested on my choice: to believe that I am a victim NOW of hellish beings – or to be willing to recognize that I had co-crated the darkness – brought it up close to me – by believing  NOW, as adult, that they still had the power to hurt me.

They really don’t – since NOW – this sacred NOW – I can choose again. I used the forgiveness-method from Way of Mastery – that Jeshua tells us that he also practiced in his training for mastery.

And so I forgave the judgment I had placed upon my creation* :  I had judged myself to be evil and “wrong” and not worthy a shit – that was the meaning I gave the ongoing horribleness.

And what I have learned is that it is NOT what happens to us that creates trauma – but what we tell ourselves that the trauma means about US.

Yes, Jeshua says – it is what you choose to believe- and give power to, that drives your life as a seemingly separate human being.

So now I used the forgiveness-formula ( ps: you can read the WOM books free ***)- and ended up allowing myself to witness how the old traumatic images dissolved -I allowed it to.

Today has a quite new freedom to it. I have to be vigilant not to fall into the old automatic – and sometimes that happen – but my intention is clear: I want to BE with those sensations, those energies/emotions of “ I am gong to die if I am not taken care of NOW.”

And suddenly a whole level of inner critical voices seem to have left

***that link did not work. here is the url: https://www.christmind.info/t/wom/

Oh WOW this is amazing

After studying A Course in Miracles since 1984 and also Way of the Heart, Way of Transformation and Way of Knowing – oh am i not a  FABOLOUS stuudentt – I realize that I has not understood much of it. In fact, very little. But what is so AMAZING is that when I started to read it anew, i discover that Jeshua says the same in all paragraphs :  God is but Love, and therefore so are you.

So this morning dreams with huge spiders with thin thin LONG legs everywhere – and similar antics – arrived – like ghosts of unnamed nightmares in the deepest recesses of the One mind we all share. -In deep agony I woke up and remembered this is not who I am – and grabbed The Way of the Heart book at my night table:

(p31) The point is, there is nothing that you see that is not pervaded by the Perfect Radiance of God’s Holy Presence–nothing. The stone, a leaf, a piece of paper blown by the wind, even the shoutings of fear and anger from anyone yet contains within it–if you would receive it–the Perfect Love of God. For your Father does not ever recoil or withdraw from the unlimited and perfect Extension of Himself. And God is but Love. And if you did not abide wholly in that Love in this moment, you would immediately cease to exist. I don’t just mean die; I mean, literally, cease to exist. There would be no trace of thought, or memory in any mind, of you. It is only because Love Is that You Are.

This is so fun – so i got The Way of Mastery-book too and opened it:

 As the journey that you’re on begins to end, you will come to see that darkness is nothing more than a part of your own beingness which has been neglected and not loved. For when you love what you perceive as darkness, you reclaim it as a part of yourself. And by loving it, you transform it. And the power you had given it by separating it from you, returns to you where it truly abides.

And WITH this Truth inside me I can sit with those weird-feeling energies, feel them and breathe –

and i notice a giggle coming up