Always new beginnings

Yesterday  morning  I wrote this poem and posted it on a poetry-forum I love. The feedback was so nice! The last line speaks of always new beginnings – and it seems that I am opening a door to much gentler and fun journeys.

Playville by Nonsington

I left Gloomsbury early morning

It drizzled, and people on the train platform stood lined
up in straight rows, olive green raincoats, soaked tennis shoes
and dripping noses

No one waived

The Villages of Blueburn and Doomsbury whiffed past my
window, leaving a slight headache and a reminder of
rather old shoes

I ate a cucumber sandwich and took a sip of my
thermos with Earl Gray
while we made a short stop at Dullington.
A man at the platform had slid down from his bench,
His Times lay open beside him, pages slowly and
delicately turning, like being read by somebody
not really there.
His mops sat at his head, slowly turning its face after the train

At Gigglington a clear flute fanfare was heard, windows went
down and April air with scent of lemons filled
my compartment as the train softly slid onto the platform,
where a tiny jazz band with mice clad in white dresses with
red polka dots played “God Save the Queen” on banjos.

The train speeded up and there we were, in
Sidetrackington. I stayed for many years until
enough, moved on to the next train and did not move a muscle
when we arrived at Boreington or Dullington – even though
the Railway Hotel looked smashing and they had a
horn-orchestra welcoming visitors.

Glamour City, however –
Freshly and pop-ishy decorated with gaudy
posters of faces of fame and fortune
I had to look a little closer
I heard the whistle in the last second
and hopped aboard again
Helped myself to a cuppa Lapsang Souchong and
a biscuit with Brie and two shrimps

Starting to feel expectant…where would my destination be?
I passed Simplicity, Hopewell and Faithington,
And although I really enjoyed the station of
Peacington, with its clear little lake with
3 swans and a Willow,
I could not see myself staying there

So –
Here I am now – in
Playville by Nonsington
The whole town is a theater, we all star,
And the Mayor welcomed me with
A bouquet of peacock feathers and
a glass of Moet & Chandon
I took his hand and we formed a
meandering chain, dancing in
a spiral into the marketplace
where the play never ends
and we all constantly end up in
always new beginnings

In the evening, I met with a core-group of A Course in  Miracles-teachers. I found myself being held and moved through a situation I have dreaded for months.I had felt for a while that I needed to move on – and I dreaded to tell them this – especially the group leader. It turned out that it was just the ego that had constructed its own little drama of being judged and ostracized and what have you – so when the time come, and  I was called upon, I gave it all up to Holy Spirit – and the words flowed effortlessly and lovingly. I had heard such a harsh critic of me in my mind – being prepared for it –  and it turned out to come from my own mind, all of it.

There was only support and love from them all

Today, I met my daughter and we went to  a sculpture park  – and I found my favorite sculpture- it is called ‘Dance’ by George Cutts.

I love how the two slender pillars of steel turn into a dancer for the viewers

I took a video of it – it’s good to turn the disturbing sound off.

I Choose Love

The Great Bell Chant with words from Thich Nhat Hanh

There is no pain – or: pain is subjective

No subject – no labels – no pain!

At least: that is my experience

When i woke with the usual raging pains, a thought arose: what if this isn’t really painful – what if you are just telling yourself it is…

I remembered lesson 193 in A Course in Miracles:

All things are lessons God would have me learn.

It says:

Forgive, and you will see this differently.

I sent awareness into the “pain” – was it really “painful” or was that just a label I had given it?

It was just sensations

Nothing else

Anything else would be labels that connected “me” to it, making a story about that “me”

Right now, what is happening in the body is what feels like huge energy movements – but “huge” is a label too,let me remove that –

and voila-

what is here is movement of energy

removing the label “heavy headache”

hmm – interesting

I truly see this differently

I must have been willing to forgive 🙂


I choose the joy of God instead of pain

With a giggle I see that today’s lesson in the Course is nr 190, I choose the joy of God instead of pain. I have enjoyed pasting paragraphs in blue of it in my post

Here follows what I took down in my recorder this early morning.What is so wonderful is that I was One with that Voice -Leelah melted into it – so now, I allow It to speak to those of you who need to hear exactly this. I love you!


You who have tremendous pain in your life –  frequent pain,chronic pain – it is not really the pain you fear – you fear the suffering.And suffering comes because when we seem to be in tremendous relentless pain, most of us turn away from it – or against it – resisting it.

What if this pain is not what it seems to be. What if it is our great possibility for connecting – RE-connecting with Love? What if our habitual chronic resistance pattern in the ego is the problem?

Turn toward it, my friend – and it stops being suffering and turns into suchness.

It is your greatest friend.

In moment when your YES comes, you look at it – and gradually it dawns on you that you are the eternal loving embracing awareness of it. And you were never something else.

You are never in pain. And that is why you have chosen to come here to this earth this life, to experience situations and stories which brings this pain in this body –  forgetting who you really are, believing you are a victim of it.

You have chosen that, my Beloved – in order to wake up in full acceptance of it- in full gratitude, innocence and curiosity embracing it – thereby transforming it and transmuting the energy into the blazing incomprehensible Light that is your true nature.

W-pI.190.7. The world may seem to cause you pain. 2 And yet the world, as causeless, has no power to cause. 3 As an effect, it cannot make effects. 4 As an illusion, it is what you wish. 5 Your idle wishes represent its pains. 6 Your strange desires bring it evil dreams. 7 Your thoughts of death envelop it in fear, while in your kind forgiveness does it live.

All the “parts” of the Beloved  who think they are in pain, taking the stories and its experiences seriously, and therefore resist it: – I am that part of you that says ” I LOVE YOU” to yourself. “I remember Who I am. I have chosen this pain to find out that I have wanted it -to return to Who I am, to have the willingness to embrace the pain, to truly recognize what I am. As I speak this, there are still pain sensations everywhere – but I am not taking it serious, it is not “mine,” it has nothing to do with What I am. I bless this moment, I bless every “part” of the one mind who I see as other than me, that truly believe it is in danger, being tortured,beaten,abused. I know of behalf of all of us, it is not so.

W-pI.190.9. Lay down your arms, and come without defense into the quiet place where Heaven’s peace holds all things still at last. 2 Lay down all thoughts of danger and of fear. 3 Let no attack enter with you. 4 Lay down the cruel sword of judgment that you hold against your throat, and put aside the withering assaults with which you seek to hide your holiness.

It is the Beloved choosing – to go into horrendous pain and darkness, to bring Christ into it – and thus embody Christ. This is how we being heaven into earth.

As I am in this process – and having my center now in That which receives it in gratitude – I can talk to these “other parts” of me: “How alone you felt in those moments.How utterly alone you felt – and still, I was there.You couldn’t see me, since you had chosen to make the pain and situation real – in order to be able to transcend it and transform the energy of it NOW.In order to fully experience the pain completely, you had to cut Me off. This was your choice – to go in to the separation to experience all the flavors of it, and to return to Truth by loving what you had created. To come to this place – now – where you truly know you were never alone – and where everything happening in your life – everything – have been needed to bring you to where you are now

I bless you in your willingness to wake up.Thank you for being willing to know that the pain is real – believing in that story of a vengeful god- which is the very root of the ego thought system.

Right now I/Leelah/ is in the very center of the chronic pain in the  center of the chest – the painful cough-place. This is the seat of the denial that anything painful happened in the dream to the dream-me.

You who read this, may right now ask yourself, where in your body is your hiding place, which you still unconsciously hold on to, to still be “you” – the separate made up- you who are special?

and if you are honest, can you find that part who has made you special because of your special story of suffering?

How old is it? what is it telling itself?

Breathe into that sentence and that place, deeply. Sense the Holy Spirit in that breath – He is that close. Ask for help to forgive everyone involved, in all time, space and dimensions.

Be willing to be with whatever comes up – Christ is there with you. You can feel Its frequency of Love. Know it is just a re-play, that it is over, it has come up to be seen and blessed and released. And it will release when you stop judging it, when you see it as pure energy who now comes to -at last – be healed, through you.

The stories in your cell-memory of victimhood – simply recognize them as that – scenarios that your radiant Self chose to go through, to be able to anchor the energy and later – now – transform it through true vision.

Turn toward Love

Turn toward Love

Can we see how we / the Sonship /has placed ego’s contorted face of fear between the separated me and Truth. We have called it dark and evil and abhorred it and judged it and demonized it…this is what we have believed is Love- no wonder we fear it –

W-pI.190.8. Pain is the thought of evil taking form, and working havoc in your holy mind. 2 Pain is the ransom you have gladly paid not to be free. 3 In pain is God denied the Son He loves. 4 In pain does fear appear to triumph over love, and time replace eternity and Heaven. 5 And the world becomes a cruel and a bitter place, where sorrow rules and little joys give way before the onslaught of the savage pain that waits to end all joy in misery.

You don’t chase demons away, you turn toward them and recognize the terrified child within them, whose feelings and needs we denied

You forgive ourselves, and You surrender

W-pI.190.10. Here will you understand there is no pain. 2 Here does the joy of God belong to you. 3 This is the day when it is given you to realize the lesson that contains all of salvation’s power. 4 It is this: Pain is illusion; joy, reality. 5 Pain is but sleep; joy is awakening. 6 Pain is deception; joy alone is truth.

You surrender –   not to the story about evil and victimizer stronger than you

You surrender to Truth. You see through it 🙂

You tell Holy Spirit, “bring it on!”

Doubting thoughts  will come: “I can never come through this – it is far bigger than “me. It is hopeless ”

Of course these thoughts come – you have believed in them and made the world real by doing so. And so you can choose to let them go.

You created this, you wanted to experience it all – and you have

It’s just a mask

You don’t need that anymore

You don’t need to be scared anymore

We don’t need to treasure fear as our protector anymore

Look at what we have created in the multidimensional hologram we think is real

We have experienced it all – not let’s go home

W-pI.190.11. And so again we make the only choice that ever can be made; we choose between illusions and the truth, or pain and joy, or hell and Heaven. 2 Let our gratitude unto our Teacher fill our hearts, as we are free to choose our joy instead of pain, our holiness in place of sin, the peace of God instead of conflict, and the light of Heaven for the darkness of the world.

This video is  from Le Nozze di Figaro  by Mozart.Truly love from a human mind, with all its conflicting bits – but I invite you to look away from the text and just look at the faces of Cherubino and the Duchess  – never did I see this more lovely rendered: the soul surrendering to Love



Forgiving that old testament God

Please excuse this, all lovers of the Bible. I do not mean to offend any of you – this is an example of how a Course in Miracle-student can learn how to forgive his perception of a punishing God: the Course holds that there is no God outside our mind, that we are exactly like Him, and just need to remember Who we are. And to do that, I/we have to remove all the false images we have placed between ourselves and the original LOVE we came from – and my   and the Bible’s perception of Yahveh is one such block for me.

I have always had big trouble with this story in the Bible and Jehovah’s 10 ways of punishing Ramses – and, the punishing was not enough, no, it says that Jehovah even “hardened Ramses’ heart against Him” so that His miracles would make a bigger impact.

Well, historically that seems to be wrong – Tutmose 2 is more plausible than Ramses – but in this case, I don’t care about that, this is just about the biblical story about an overpowering God who shows muscles and reigns by terror for the ones who does not allow “His people” to leave the country

So, as a Course Student, hearing that we need to forgive our image of God, this came to me this morning – and I thought, hmm-mm – yes, I am willing to learn something new, please give me a new perception –

and I got one! YAYYYY!

Blue started to show me how God – Love – always have to approach us where we think we are. And that Egyptian ruler-culture and its hierarchies of gods was built on violence and punishment,and a view of the human that its worth was built on its origin of birth – which class one belonged to.

So then it is reasonable that Love had to come in a form that could bring through that there was a Higher Power than the pantheon of Egyptian gods – and that Yahveh’s 10  gruesome visitations on Pharaoh and the miracle He showed that the Hebrews’ firstborn children were saved, but Ramses’ little son was not(according to the story) – those were signs that were adapted to that time’s customs and ways of perceiving life and power.

I realize that of course God could not have shown up as unconditional love in Ramses’ heart – that was not the way of the Pharaohs – or any ruler by force and dictatorship.That kind of Pharaoh did show up some time later as Akhenaton -and his reign did not last long.

And the only place this seem to have happened anyway, is in the ONE MIND – and in this mind, with a little part I call mine, I have now happily removed the image of this cruel power lusty Jehovah and replaced with Love coming through that era’s perception of power and the divine.

After having let go of this image of God this morning, my body felt light as a feather

Now, later, big tiredness is coming

I am as God created me

My father and I am One

Bird takes off

The very essence of Bird * is to save others – to take the attention away from the awareness that it is really she who needs the healing.

This night I saw so sweetly and clearly through her strategy – beneath it was simply what she told herself while trauma happened:

I will go mad if I allow myself to be aware of what is happening and what is being done to me and what I am doing.

The shift – or rather, the self-inflicted spell:

All the pain belonging to me now belongs to you. You are in mortal danger.

I am your savior.

The sweetness of realizing that the strategy is just a cover up is immense.

Now – 2015 – is my trust in the process and my True Self so strong that I welcome whatever memories and feelings that I denied.

Oh the beauty of allowing others to be as they are – with whatever they seem to be going through – realizing their soul’s choice to experience exactly this – in order to be able to transcend it and transform it.

Jesus’ teaching from “The Jewel of the Christ Mind:”

Your only task is to allow the incomprehensible light to move through you to transform you and to BE you. All Enlightenment is remembrance

A rush of spiritual energy flows through me.

An area is over

I sense and become aware of a sound of vast wings flapping

And there she lifts



* Bird is one of the 10 archetypes in “When Fear Comes Home to Love”



Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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