The Scull in the Theater

A Course in Miracles – a Non-Dualistic teaching – tells us that the world is a dream, and we are dreaming in up – and we are playing all the roles too. We do this to have all kind of experience – since our soul loves experience and loves to learn from it.

My work life was in the Theater – I created stage-and costume-design, was assistant director and translated plays for puppetry.

So my dreams are vital pointers for me. This is the latest one – after several months of mental  confusion and unpleasantness  after an operation in the intestine.

In the dream I was IN my Self all the time – knowing this WAS a dream. I just observed the actions while they happened, intensely moved, and amused by it all.

I was with a WONDERFUL assembly of people – I think they were social workers –  and we had together written and staged a play where the mail role was a SCULL.

In the first production my husband and I staged for The Norwegian Theater, a big shining scull played an important part as DESTINY. This was a play where objects floated through air – “Black Theater.” The actors were covered in black velvet from top to toes, and the objects/puppets were  placed in a “gate of light” on the stage.

Right now, in the dream, I am sitting in the audience and looking down at an actor with a puppet or prop two rows in front of me – it is a scull. The scull is intensely attractive and beautiful and delicate to me – and funny: right now, the actor makes the Scull bites him in the ear – “Listen, you! Pay attention to me!”

So this is an invitation to laugh – I am asked to see through the illusion of death. And to LISTEN.

Meaning: yes of course horrors happen here in the world – meaning the world of illusion, but in the REAL WORLD they are seen as props, used to give the soul experience. And in each experience, ac. to A Course in Miracles, we have a choice: look with love or fear.

So in the dream I am now paying attention to me dreaming this – I am lucid. And ACIM teaches that in reality, there are only two states of mind: LOVE – and FEAR. Fear is the realm of the egoic mind – the mind that perceives itself a separate from its Loving Source.

My mind is now ordering a translucent scull/ object of death and illusion/ to lovingly nib his maker’s earlobe. Hey you. This is a dream. Pay attention the teaching.

Awake now, I thank my main spiritual guide – Anna- and she says, Leelah, YOU made this creation – I am just sitting here, laughing my head off. (My spiritual leaders  are  very straightforward. )

Photo Source: Photo by Kyle Head on Unsplash

MELIMINGMEN

At about 0400 I was experimenting with how I could relate playfully to  pains and cramps. I found arm-movements and a rhythm , and started to find invented sounds/words to go with the rhythms. It is always amazing to see how the body-mind loves this combination. I got out of bed and gave my body over to free movement and silly invented words to this rhythm. Soon a flowing sensation filled me, and I gave it all over to the body.

How magical this is – every time I do it –   I see how strong the mental mind insists that I NEED TO SLEEP AND STAY LYING DOWN. It lies through its teeth. I got up and danced, found sounds and made-up words: Clurr. Mingmit. Sodilla vanilla. Composit Marx. Fuelling muelliwording ding dong boo. I did this until I found a word I really liked

PELIMINGMEN.

How would a Pelimingmen move if it was a sentient being? I dance “pelimingmen” and it is a very happy dance, it ends with arms up, hands bent outwards – like a presentation of a gift to the gods. -The gods are very happy with the gift, I dance some more, noticing the joy and peace that is present.

And that the pain is there, but is in no way bothering me.

The Ming Men acupuncture point is at the point directly opposite the navel, which roughly translates to “Gate of Life” or “Gate of Destiny,” and it is regarded as one of the strongest points to strengthen the overall constitution in Chinese and Tibetan Medicine.

My Self obviously knows how I need to use bodily movements to get to this point.

Try it: place a palm outside the MingMen – the exact opposite of the navel – or turn the palm, if it feels better. Place the other palm outside the heart, in a distance that feel good – or on the body. Experiment with moving the hands off/back to the body until you know how your body loves this.*

I wow to remember this – MOVEMENT is needed. Playfulness and movement.

This is my favorite moving emoji in the whole world.Just to share how little it takes to make me giggle and relax

Allowing the Body to Dance

This is Paolo – my beloved professor in my education i Expressive Arts Therapy. This video is here mainly because I need to watch it now and when – to remember his delightful Swizz-English – and how he taught us to see the world with the Heart and through Art.

I found my tribe

Choosing Love

I am as God created me – says A Course in Miracles and Way of Mastery. And how is that? Pure Love – all powerful. Not the small Leelah-identity – the Holy Self that I am, that we all are in our essence. The Buddha Nature. The Atman. The Christ.

I have  some months now experienced a kind of “drying out” – it seems my kidneys have been in trouble. What I have done, is practicing knowing that 1) I have created this/ my soul has chosen to experience it all/ – and so I don’t want this any longer, I want LOVE – I Choose Love.

It has felt like something huge saying NO with bushy eyebrows -and so I asked  inner guidance for help, and was sent to Paige Apgar

I wanted to have cords removed – energy strands that connect us energetically to people in a draining way – but the Universe wanted something else, and through the session she was shown 7 different incarnations and  chakras that still was carrying some of the brunt from disasters and violence.

I felt the energy move and there were wonderful releases – so I thought the effect would be deeply felt afterwards. But there was seemingly no effect at all!

Then – 24 hours later, at the start of the latest night, I was repeating the ” I choose LOVE” – and the effect was, for the first time, profound

I believe that what Paige and her divine helpers did, was removing frozen trauma from my soul. Some of it several thousand years old. No problem for Divinity, who knows that time is a construct who allows us to play a myriad of different circumstances in a myriad of lifetimes – and the Self, Who knows that it really happens only NOW

Thank you my radiant joyful Self Who always connect me with precisely the people/ happenings I need to fully wake up – in perfect timing.

Lucid Dreaming

It was LONG dream and I enjoyed every moment of it – since I knew nothing was real and could harm me. It felt exactly as i feel now -writing on the PC. So this might be a dream too of course – AND A Course in Miracles tells us it is.

The fun thing is, that I worked as a stage and costume designer in Norwegian Theatre for 20 years – som I know all about creating trustworthy illusions:)

At one point in the dream I attended  a big meeting with a very known guru. I sat down with him. Two men behind me told me I should ask his credentials, and i told them i am not interested in that, i want someone with Heart.

It turned out that he did not have that, so I simply left

It was a LONG dream, I don’t remember any of it now – but the feeling of not taking the dream seriously sticks to me even now. Which reminds me that I teach A Course in Miracles- which teaches that this world is a dream, and only LOVE is real. It says that we can be harmed by nothing but our own thoughts of fear, hatred and attack – and if we haven’t forgiven these places/thoughts/energies inside, we will have them meet us from the outside. When we react to something on the outside, it is because it/ they are pointing to something inside us that still haven’t been seen and forgiven.

We do not forgive or condone acts – we find where we have thought or acted in the same thoughtless way, and forgive ourselves for our lack of presence – and we forgive the other for the same lack.

Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash

I used the Course as a big help when I wrote When Fear Comes Home to Love– since I wanted a trusted Source to  point to, when it came to sharing what I and my patients in expressive Arts Therapy experienced. I also soon experienced in my practice as therapist that there was Something Big and Beautiful and Humorous present when we worked – It was completely trustable. The patients noticed it to, when I pointed it out – and this knowing, that their life was not something random planned by craziness, was hugely important for their trust in the process.

The book is guided by a Loving Inner Master I named BLUE – and it also has a plethora of synchronicities that both myself and my patients experienced – which was a big help in trusting the process when it seemed random and dangerous.

I have noticed that many readers have told me that they do the same with success – they ask a question – “please clarify *this to me” and then they flip the book open and put their pinky some place on the page.   The answer is always there.

 

This May Be an End to the Rollercoaster

Those who has followed this blog for a while will have noticed a rollercoaster quality – the victories seem to drop into very low valleys and then travel up again.

This night I asked from my heart that my guides gave me a clear dream of some kind of physical acts I could take that would create love, play and vitality for others and myself – a kind of project. And I was given a dream where I taught and lectured at the senior center where I live in the same way I have done with my one to one students since 1988. Something landed in me this time – I woke up and knew I would do it.

I have watched this magic worked with every student – something happens when we come together to play freely and just follow the process. This spirit of playfulness is, I believe, the very essence of Who we are – pure exploration and fun. WE let go of what we think we are supposed to do to heal – and just dive into THIS very moment. What are you thinking about NOW? how would that thought be transformed into e.g a sound? a doodle? words? etc etc. The ego and control is stunned and surrenders – and wonders happened – and people just see that there is Something within them that leads them forward to places of joy and surrender they would not have fathomed.

A former close neighbor of mine is a vital person of that senior-center – I will contact him and ask for the best person to contact – and I will also contact two old theater friends who both have lectured there.

And after this idea, I realized that more stuff would spring from this – in a much more orderly and structured way that before. There is no sensation of overwhelm this time. I am writing lists of what to do and when, and enjoying myself.

And ending with a nice surrealistic image from Unsplash.com – taken by Dominik Vanyi

In the playful process I am describing, everything is possible -and so the very life-force of creativity dips into us – or we into it – with astonishing results and insights

Blue

Here is BLUE – the sacred animal in the cover of my book When Fear Comes Home to Love.

Just today – more that 30 years since I wrote it – do I realize why the Holy came to me as an animal. I smile and smile as I realize that the animal carries no baggage – while Jesus and God carry more baggage than Chicago Airport.

The image also shows how the Holy is always present in every situation – even the very darkest ones

This is BLUE – the symbol of embodied LOVE

Here is a short snippet

“Allow me to present the Blue to you – The Presence of Love within the Myth. When I started to write this book, my idea was to explore the figures within the Image and the Myth, and find their stories and healing potential. But three years into the manuscript Blue made Her[1]* entrance.

It was during one of my agonized sleepless nights. I started to pray, and found myself talking into my little dream-recorder which stays in bed with me. I decided to pretend that I was God and knew the answers to my agony. I asked, and “God” answered. It comforted me.

This repeated itself for almost a week. Then the ego butted in and persuaded me to stop these conversations. It wanted me to take the credit for the book, not the Divine.

That stopped the process very effectively.

But then I sat down and wrote down the conversations – and saw the wisdom, humor and Light within The Answering Voice. The moment I knew, with a wave of gratefulness, that these dialogues were going to be an important part of the book, I also knew that The Voice belonged to the sacred-looking blue animal in The Image, under the root. In that revelatory moment, the structure and intent changed: before, I was trying to write a book to be accepted by the academic world, to “prove” my worth to them – a futile and impossible scheme of the ego – now it became clear to me that Blue had planned it all! So this book is written to remind us all of that Guiding Principle within, Who faithfully leads us toward our awakening.

Conversations with Blue are meandering throughout this book, and the text is also spiced with short examples of Divine play, through the form of synchronistic events and magic “coincidents.” With deep compassion and humor, She shows us how She leads us and plays with us, and how darkness can be seen as layers in an onion, opening to the radiant Light at the center.

The following dialogue is one of the very first:, from 1997. Blue’s voice is in italics:

Talking with Blue / 1997

I am here to remind you that you are a child of God – and that ALL your journeys, stories, poems and images point toward Me. I am your sunny garden, your golden haven, your sacred heart – your one and only Mother and Father. Come home to Me now – I AM LOVE. I am here to urge you to RECEIVE YOURSELF.

Who are you, Blue?

I am you. There is no separation.

Can I call you God? Can I call you Christ?

You can touch whatever consciousness you want with your heart and intention. If you address Christ, His answer will be filtered through your consciousness and through your mind. And you will give My voice the voice you have been conditioned to use.

If you address Christ, it is from the Christ-source the answer will be given. How you hear it and receive it, is up to you, and will be refined through experience – much like an artist grows into her true form. –When you – and all humans – are communicating like this, you are doing yourself a huge favor: you are taking away control from the ego, and stepping outside its prison doors, into fresh air. I repeat, I AM YOU – there is no separation, except in your mind.

Dearest Blue – why have you taken the form of an animal in my image?

To show you my playfulness… I am Divine playfulness, cohabiting with the demons under the root – so you shall not take it so very seriously, my dear.

BUT IT IS SERIOUS!!!! IT IS HORROR!!! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING!!!!!

What is horrifying is to be trapped in the illusion that this Child is all you are. You need to have tremendous compassion for the Child – and at the same time recognize that you are also one with Me. The role of Child, this unhealed soul-fragment – “the one who suffers in hell” – is meant to be healed through the “Greater You.”

There is a GREATER REALITY (10) where you experience all as One. –You and I planned this drama – don’t get stuck in it! You are not the roles, you are not even the drama – but you are responsible for making the drama conscious, so you can step out of it. Yes – don’t get stuck in it, my love, PLAY WITH IT. As every actor knows, it is necessary to step out of the role. Child and Fuckeat are not YOU – it is something you explore to discover the dark places within you that you still haven’t loved and healed.

You cannot really choose love and light without knowing what darkness, denial and hatred is. When Adam and Eve were in Paradise, they did not know that it was good – before they seemed to fall from Grace.

So when you and your fellow-travelers experience and explore your root-hell, you will then have the necessary experience of torment-awareness to choose the opposite. But this choice becomes available only after having fully experienced and accepted your own tortured feelings.

Realizing the hellish drama as your own creation, [2]* will give you the impetus to choose love.

And please have fun doing it!

The essence in The Lesson of The Root is recognizing your error in identity – and then to choose again!

*

 

[1]*In the text, I may use ‘Her’ for Blue, our sacred Self, or Holy Spirit in Course-language. Blue is of course non-denominational – but in my experience, She has the quality of Divine Mother.

 

[2]* The Leelah-figure, according to the Course, creates absolutely nothing – the part of the mind that creates is outside time and space and has nothing to do with this body/personality we believe ourselves to be.

(10) At the time I was receiving this loving Voice, I was also deeply into Emmanuel’s Books: ‘Greater Reality’ is his term for Heaven.

 

 

The Cosmic Dance

Yesterday: completely sleepless night – and the whole day was pure hell – prop full with feelings of meaninglessness, non-worth,death wishes. I ate a lot of ice cream

Somehow deeply I knew this was something coming up to be released. So- after ca 20 hellish hours , at about 10 pm, I could sense the whole “cloud” of it seeping away – just as the daylight also abated in Norway. I slept and I dreamed and the dream was wonderful.

I asked my self this morning – “what was the one act I could have done yesterday, that would have helped me?
And I saw myself embracing myself, saying ” You are not alone. I am here with you all the time, I am not going anywhere.”

Then, Facebook presented me with this painting I posted one year ago – the Dancer. She sits on a shaman drum I made 30 years ago – this is the innermost life eternally dancing us all, whether we are aware of it or not. And grim as it seems, the whole 20 hours were part of that dance.

The Cosmic Dancer

This tremendous force of Life and Joy and Is-ness represents the transformation of the ten archetypes I describe in my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love” – you can find it in the right menu. The archetypes exist in every person on the planet who in any way has been subjected to abuse – children and adults – mental,emotional,physical and sexual abuse in any form. The book shows ways to be free, in case stories, poems, paintings and autobiography. If you click on the image in the right menu, you will be taken to a page where you can read reviews.

Lucid Dreaming

I have for a while now intended to have lucid dreams – which means, becoming aware that I am the dreamer of the dream. That has happened some times, and the feeling is pretty  wonderful I think. And this morning I had one too – after having discussed lucid dreaming with my daughter yesterday.

The scene was very non-specular- a bunch of people, most of them with their back to me, waiting for something/someone -? ( Me of course!)

I saw them, and asked myself, “could this be a dream?” I got a YES, and in my hand I had a potato-peeler – like this one.

I pushed it into the back of some of the persons, and it went right through, like air. The person did not react at all – but dream-Leelah did: I sensed an electric unpleasant feeling in my midsection!

Hm.

Carl Gustav Jung ( whom I actually met once in a lucid dream LONG ago) said that all dream-persons are parts of our self.

So If I harm some of them, I also harm myself.

Sorry, dream-Leelah. Good learning.

And so to something quite different – or not-? Since we are all dreaming up this world ( says Jeshua/Jesus in A Course in Miracles and Way of Mastery, and every Non Dualist ( there really is not such a title, but but.) Yesterday I visited with M a wonderful exhibition from 1960-1977 – a bit surrealist it seemed – and we found it by entering some stairs I never had noticed before in this huge museum. There was a ginormous chest of drawers, filling a whole room – and I photoed these two drawers:

 

This is the kind of silliness that is pure healing for me. I hope you have good giggle!

Grafitti and Clouds

Went for a hike in the wood, found some sweet taggers doing their play at a wall-ruin intended for this. I shared a story from 13 years ago when i discovered an area in this wood where some very inventive taggers had made an art exhibition of their own. They had tagged on big card boards and attached them with POLICE TAPE to trees. Hmm.

It looked magical.

Today, at the same place, nature had taken her space back. I wanted to share a couple of the work (I intentionally blurred the pieces:)

This was from a bigger piece, broken off. The colors were sensational in their beauty

A piece of beauty

“The heavenly castle.” I went back to the exhibition after dark

And this one – I named it The Guardian –

Some places they had attached bigger pieces to trees – so it was clearly an exhibition.

Now its all gone – and I am glad I took those pictures

An here is a sweeter thing:

 

🙂

and these beautiful clouds: