PERFECTION

The Queen of Chameleons

The closed-off room

The fear of taking space – for my self

I closed it off when I had to, to adjust instead.

Inside that room was a compressing machine,

doing a truly magnificent job. The stuff that could have

joyed up a whole world now compressed into

one quadrate centimeter closed-off self

of atomic bomb power.

I closed the room and lived outside it as the Queen of Chameleons.

A true master: emerald green head yellow gold paws and violet/blue tail

***

This just came in to my mailbox – from Educare

There is an Order to life

It is not your job to create the Order.
It is your job to yield to It.
Observe, listen, accept and follow.
*

Thank you! All traumatized parts try to create order and sense. Now I have seen her and loved her -and maybe Poetry can do the rest?

 

Old gunk in the cells

I have an intolerable inner itching all over the body. Sensing into it, it hisses and hates. Immediately I recognize it as a signal for a radical choice: turn around and bless it. Accept it. Allow it to breathe and express – let it realize it will be heard and not condemned and judged.

A big room opens at my choice. I am lying in the dark for hours of this outpouring of hatred and hopelessness. I see that my worst experiences with ghosts and demons – those energies, from those souls that decide to stay on this plane after their death – they are here now to be SEEN and accepted and helped.

I did a lot of work with this ca 30 years ago – but then I had a belief that they were somehow doomed and less than me – “they must have done something terrible and this is their punishment” or something like that.

Long time ago I spent the night on an old farm, and it swarmed with ghosts and base, mean energies. Thank God there was a woman there who was NOT afraid, and we went from room to room and called out the ghosts to see the light and return to where they came from. I certainly saw them as something outside of “me.” Not anymore: we create these ghost-like lost beings by violently deciding against looking at them with love,

In the night, I thanked them all for not giving up trying to get me to SEE them with love. I saw that it was my violent resistance to these energies that demonized them. The shift in frequency was remarkable.

This hatred in my mind – there was never given SPACE for it. It was pressured together into a little stone hard ball, it could not even breathe in there. No wonder its rage was explosive.

I forgive all the ghosts that I have fed with resistance and judgments. I forgive all the parents in all incarnations I have had who never have dared to look at this inside themselves. I can now clearly see the same God essence in all – and how by our false perception we pervert it and make it into hate.  Help me realize how important it is to SEE and acknowledge this original hate and give it space to BE and to be seen.

I let go of the thought that I have been unjustly treated – that I am evil – that there is something wrong about me –

I remember our cat, Cleo – she had been rejected by her mother, so we got her when she was only three weeks old. She walked the top of the sofa behind us and hissed and growled, and I understood that she mirrored something in me. Oh yes. Now, 30 years later, I can see the depth of that hidden rage – never been allowed to be a child (or kitten )– with  a stable and safe-feeling mother.

I choose to allow Love to FLOW into all of this. I forgive all the roles I have played. I breathe the breath of Christ into all of it. May Grace take over.

*

After this I have a dream about a horse – free, wild, running just to run free and wild – it is its nature – its horsepower.  My breath is deep and free as I see my inner horsepower free. This is what we access when we have walked through our guarded rooms to the jewel inside.

Then I was given a wild dog called Tycho. That is Greek and means good luck – and hitting the mark. It also means having a good backbone

Next day and night the itching is back – and this time it is about shame. All the ways I have been taught to call myself shameful for acts or thoughts I have taken over from others. How beautiful to now be able to be the welcome and embrace of all those thoughts and energies, and finding the God- essence inside all of them.

Without the “me” and “mine” attached to them, it is just neutral energy, calling for love.

 

 

Smiling and playing music for plants

In a spiritual group recently I posted this:

Deepening practice week 8: I made an intention to SMILE AT PLANTS.

IT FEELS WONDERFUL. I smile a lot now, and of course they smile right back.

Today, I received this:

Next week, Barcelona’s Liceu opera house will emerge from its lockdown-induced siesta by throwing a concert to a rather unusual audience. The attendees will not need masks or gloves, nor will they be required to follow physical distancing rules.

However, they might like to take along a nice comfy pot and some water to prevent their roots from drying out as a string quartet serenades them, fittingly, with Puccini’s Crisantemi (Chrysanthemums).

A total of 2,292 plants will occupy the venue’s seats and listen to the opera house’s first post-lockdown concert when it reopens next Monday. Non-vegetal music fans will also be able to enjoy the performance as it will be live-streamed.

According to the Liceu’s artistic director Víctor García de Gomar, the Concert for the Biocene, played the by Uceli quartet, is intended to help us ponder the current state of the human condition and how, in lockdown, we have become “an audience deprived of the possibility of being an audience”.

For Eugenio Ampudia, the conceptual artist behind the concert, the project will serve to reflect what has happened across Spain and around the world as the COVID-19 pandemic has forced people to retreat from shared public areas.

“At a time when an important part of humankind has shut itself up in enclosed spaces and been obliged to relinquish movement, nature has crept forward to occupy the spaces we have ceded,” said Ampudia.

After the concert, the plants will find themselves in a new home, with each one of them being donated to 2,292 health workers as thank you for their efforts over recent months.

 

Healing the ancestral line

Long times ago, my daughter, then ten, was about to have surgery. I decided to tape the most beautiful music I knew onto a tape she could listen to when under anesthesia. I found that tape today, and I started to text M how filled that tape was with my love for her. I wrote from my heart, and when I read it through, I thought it sounded pompous and bombastic. I got a really strong impulse to delete it – but chose to wait a bit. Next time I looked at the phone, M had sent me 38 hearts.

As I sat and allowed those hearts to be received and embraced, it dawned on me that this fear of being “pompous” comes from my father – and his father before him – far away back. Behind is was a fear of being ridiculed while being innocent and straight ( and presumably not “masculine”.) I set an intention to return it to the original sender and all the related ancestors with my blessings and forgiveness.

This has been a deep healing process for me – and when I “sense into” the energy of returning it with love and no judgment, I can see and sense how that frequency lightens up and is healed far far back into my ancestral line.

So something to ponder about – ask yourself ” who does this belong to?” and if you “hear” a name or “see” a face, let it all be returned, with all the love you can muster for the agony of so much self hatred and guilt.

And may I invite you to have look at my three books in the right menu. “Hilaryon Stories” is the last one – a novel about healing deep old hatred with playfulness and music.

 

PLAY

These are extreme times. Everything humanity pushed down is coming up to be faced. As long as we face it with fear and judgments, it will stay. Facing it we must, if we choose to wake up to what does NOT work – outmoded thought systems of greed and fear, of them and us. And to start to bring Love into that, we need to look at our outmoded belief systems: where we have allowed fear to hold the reigns. Which is pretty much everywhere, I notice in myself – the judgments are queuing  up to be heard as true.

I notice the queue of judgments and I turn towards it, breathing the sweet Loves Breath that Jeshua teaches us in Way of Mastery. I allow this breath to infuse the judgemental queuing up to be heard as valuable advise: you should DO more. Learn more.READ more.

I sit with this part of me that has learned that intellectual knowledge is paramount in this world, and highly valued – and that Nature is something that we can take and grab and use for our own bodily needs, with no concern for ecology.

The judger within says to me:” I am so deadly tired. I can never relax. ALL the time I must get you to work even harder to understand, to make you fit in, to save you.” I breathe the Loves Breath into all of that, and the cramps slowly relax enough to let the Christ-suffused breath to seep in and do its wonder. And Blue, my inner guide, tells me to pick up my own book at the night table: When Fear Comes Home to Love -the healing gifts of art, play and forgiveness.  I open it randomly on page 238:

4 Sacred Play / 1994

I am never as happy as when I play. And as you will have noticed, so is Blue – our Divinity!

Play is about trusting – and enjoying! – the process from second to second. It is precisely this trust or faith we need to heal our relationship to The Myth, and start to transform the old patriarchal patterns.

In this chapter I am going to share examples, and some methods to deal with “stuff” in a playful way.

4.1 I am Leelah: teasing Mudmonster with rhythm / autobiography / 1998

I was attending a Psycho-synthesis-group, and the leader was giving us principles from the “Conversations With God”- books by Neale Donald Walsch as assignment: “Being The Highest That we are, we encounter that which we are not.” We were to contemplate the forces that we encounter, that we are not – an assign those to the other group-members, so that they could play them back to us.

I picked the forces “death-wishes,” “cold,” “dissociation,” “loss,” “darkness,” “apathy” and “fear” – and I gave each of the seven group-members one of the forces, and asked them to personify them and challenge me.

They withdrew in the corridor outside the room and mumbled together, agreeing on a strategy.

Then they entered. Massive attack was circling me: I was cornered.

I felt numb and paralyzed. Then angry. I started to fight with words: I argumented with them! VERY BAD CHOICE. They pinned me to the floor. I asked for another try.

This time, I was just present: listening to their threats and demeaning ways.

Suddenly I started to play: I span their sentences into a rhythm, and sang them back to them. Whatever they told me, I created a verse from it: they fed me with material for creation. I used their hate-talk as ingredients for a rap. In two minutes the atmosphere was transformed! They were completely bowled over – and they were laughing! It was impossible for them to stay in the roles of negativity when these word-rhythms came along.

The secret? NO RESISTANCE. Using whatever energy coming at me as food for play.

Later during the same group we are given questions, and answer them:

What is your greatest vision?

To draw forth the creative power in people and teach people to honor it and USE IT. To help people discover – find – God in PLAY and creativity.

What gives you passion?

To improvise and play and lead groups!

Who are you when you do this?

I AM DIVINE PLAY! I AM LEELAH!

I am sitting with my journal, answering the questions in writing. I am burning inside. The name Leelah reverberates inside in a strong rhythm. I ask silently: “Am I really Leelah? Give me a sign!”

As I say these words, I am looking at a building outside the windows. It has lots and lots of windows. Only one is lighted. In the same second I ask for the sign, the light goes out of the window.

Now, Mudmonster*** would have me believe that this sign shoved me that I was NOT Leelah – but the strong rush of energy through my body, and the tears streaming down my cheeks told me otherwise.

*** Mudmonster is one of the archetypes I describe in the book – the part of us that paints the devil on the wall to warn us of what MIGHT happen.

***

Lately I have heard from some of you that when you try to buy one of my books, you get  a sign that says ” this book is not for sale in your country.”

Which is bullshit 🙂 Try again, friend – try again – and let me know so I can bring it on to Amazon 🙂

Jubilation Springer

This is a Jubilation springer – in case you wondered

it is about 10 cm tall.

I found this sprig in the wood lately – and thought “how marvelous Nature is, to do this peculiar almost circle-bough.” So I brought it home, hoping that it would be made into something creative and playful.

And it did! yesterday!

You see, I am an artist – and I wither if I can’t express myself with art and playfulness. For some reason I have not been able to express myself in  visual arts for almost 2 years –  but yesterday night, I heard  the bough call me from downstairs when i was going to bed and I followed the impulse.

I took 2 grams of clay and made his snout, open – and glued on two black pearls as eyes. A red fringe for some reason lay of my desk, so I glued it to his head – and a bit to his tail. Gave it some color, and there he was.

And here he is ♥

 

SPRING CLEANING

The last days, at ca 3pm cest, a huge field of consciousness takes me over, and I start getting thoughts and beliefs: I NEED TO DO SOMETHING

A friend messaged me the same – and that helped me SEE and recognize the invisible belief behind that enormous wave of consciousness

So I wondered about this and found a collective human thought- and as all collective thoughts, it is about God and we being guilty and sinful and needing punishment to pay off that guilt. And that God is not my God, but ancient parts of me believe in him, and I bet these ancient parts are alive in you too

The may be stuck cozily into a room that is named “silliness – I am a rational being, there IS no God” or this room: “ I must do The Right Things-or else” ( what the heck IS The Right Things?) –

Or this room: “God is out to get me – I am full of unnameable sh*t. I MUST not know what I have done, it will be the end of me. “

Yes, and this room:- “ there is nothing I CAN do. But I must DO something!”

The rooms are all splendidly convincingly furnitured and decorated by the ego – the masterdesigner.In some of my rooms I have to roam through endless labyrinths to the toilet – which then is shockfull of sewage.  Since one of my old beliefs is “nobody will listen to me, I have nowhere to dispose of my sh*t.”

 You will have your own rooms, my friend – as long as we believe ourselves to be separate, there will be guilt.

NOW the Corona virus has brought it up in us all to be noticed. That is a good thing: NOW I can look about and wonder how to relate to it with curiosity and wonder:

I wonder how I could draw this energy? Paint it? Allow random words to come from it – place them together in a poesy structure? How could I allow it to move my body?

When we are caught in the belief, we suffer. When we relate to it – in wonder, we are free and creative. We all have that opportunity NOW.

If you answer “ That will NOT help, I will NOT try AND be disappointed” that is just a thought too –  isn’t it?

After having worked with people since 1988 in this way, I know it DOES work, and it has nothing to do with being clever and artistic – just a little willingness to put away these disaster- thoughts for a while, and just play.

We have them, they are not who we are.

Here is a poem I wrote recently – it is a mirror poem, readable from both sides. My friend told me it helped her, so here it is.

SPRINGSONG / 17.4.20

When you don’t know where to go and what to do

sit down and do nothing.

Breathe the calm unfluttering air

and watch the blackbird sucking it all in and swallow it.

Then allow the song to be exhaled in a musical way

 

while you look at a little boy

and watch the happy dog running over the green green field

then get up and breathe that song back inside

you did a great job indeed,

tell yourself that you did a great job

breathing that joyful song out

 

Breathing that joyful song out

tell yourself that you did a great job

you did a great job indeed,

then get up and breathe that song back inside

and watch the happy dog running over the green green field

while you look at a little boy

 

Then allow the song to be exhaled in a musical way

and watch the blackbird sucking it all in and swallow it.

Breathe the calm unfluttering air

 sit down and do nothing.

When you don’t know where to go and what to do

 

For those who are interested in playful non-demanding exercises to deal with fear and resistance, I have written a book just for this times:

Healing Crisis – 108 ways to turn Crises into Possibilities

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Changing how we perceive the Coruna virus

For those who do not know me so well – I am an artist, writer and Expressive Arts Therapist, and I teach A Course In Miracles, give Past life-regressions and more.

Lately I started a group – CorUno – meaning the One Heart we all share – where the purpose of the group was to  re-imagine the components of the virus in a purely loving and friendly way. My intention with this was:

Since we are all parts of ONE mind, we all have the power to interpret the component in the Coruna Virus any way we like. AND when we make a new interpretation, something happens within our self – and within our nervous system, where our fear may create havoc these days.

Here is the image of the virus – and below are the offerings so far:

OFFERING –

As you listed those colours in the virus I immediately thought of the colours ascribed to the alchemical process – usually black, red, white (or gold – which I prefer to white) – I guess the gray is a light black (?) – it sure feels like it could be an alchemical process! 🖤❤️🧡

OFFERING

I’m having quite a journey with the visualisations. I gave up looking at the virus from a distance and instead allowed it to approach me. This morning it felt like I was sitting inside it, like inside a chrysalis (puppe). Once I surrendered to it, it felt, and still feels, very calm, peaceful, slow, and the only and perfect place to be right now ❤️🙏

OFFERING

The image that came up for me was a sunflower. So I looked up the meaning of sunflower: “The sunflower puts itself in position to directly receive the sun’s gaze. It symbolizes faith and adoration for ALL that is, because of this the sunflower is often regarded as a very spiritual flower. They are therefore a symbol of true faith and loyalty to something that is much bigger and brighter than themselves. “. Now isn’t that a good reminder 🌼

OFFERING

Hello There – when Leelah asked for visualisations my mind emptied but nothing came, except to imagine the virus smiling at me – it felt quite ‘innocent’ and peaceful – still does 🥰

OFFERING

I see all the dots as different musical notes of harmony. Some are flute notes, others are harp and violin. All represent universal love and healing. Listen. Listen. We are loved.

OFFERING
This morning I saw – without even intending to – the red dots as small children holding sacred fires in their hands, the fires were in bowls of gold. The babies were then sitting in a circle that surrounded the image. I heard the babies’ happy voices, and I still get shivers when i describe the holiness of it all. The yellow dots were all fuzzy baby birds – chicken, ducks, I don’t know – the gray was silk, and it emanated tenderness and protection. The white was snow lanterns – very soon we will see them as light filled.

I invite you to LISTEN to the sounds emanating from this image – they feels like blessings

OFFERING

I feel calm and relaxed, more than I have felt in a long time. It is as though the virus has released the heavy tension I have had in my body for many years. In spite of the serious situation, I can see the future «as bright that I have to wear shades»!

OFFERING

A luminous colored sphere glows and moves above my head. The red lights move in space and I dance below and feel joyful and free 🌺

OFFERING

I saw a beautiful rose unfolding, transforming into paper fireworks in many colours, and abundance gently raining down on the whole world. I felt oneness and connection. And I saw white figures all connected to both the earth and the sky, all being lifted up, some just a bit above the ground, and a few all the way up to heaven. I felt deep peace and grounding.

OFFERING

This is what came through me as my visualization-experience:

I am looking at a circular pond in the center of a young birch wood. There are red lotuses in the pond, and the flowers are open so I can see that there are happy newborn babies lying in the flowers – softly undulating in the blue water.

A circle of mothers are sitting around the pond, looking at the babies with radiant expectation. The babies are now floating toward their mothers and being received with intense happiness.

OFFERING

Last night the Coruna image came to me without calling for it. It felt like The Divine Mother opening her arms, inviting me to see that One Heart we all share that beats in all things – and then of course in the Covid-19 too. I relaxed, and seemed to be in a vast and friendly wood, and these trees were all standing  around me waiting to love me – as soon as I was willing to see the virus with love and not believe all the fear propaganda.

***************************************

Many years ago I wrote a little book: Healing Crisis – 108 ways to change crises into possibilities. You see it in the right menu – click on image for more information and several reviews from people it has helped. In case you would like to have 108 creative and simple exercises to heal your mind of the viral fear going on right now – and step into a playful loving way of relating to your mind, I invite you to take a peak.

And here is  a short taste from the book:

14) THE SAFE PLACE

Sit comfortably, or lay down. You might want a blanket. Close your eyes – and start creating your safe place. It can be outside or inside – it might exist already – in your dreams, in a film, in a memory, in a painting. Perhaps you already have invented this place when you were a child? Now you can CHOOSE among the ingredients you loved the most from various sources, or create it totally new. Maybe it comes to you if you invite it into your mind? What would you need and want to be there? What smells and sounds would you like to be there? What animals or birds? Colors? Landscape? Angel maybe?

Take the time to really experience your safe place. Experience your body and your breath. Stay there as long as you want. You can return anytime you want – and no-one is allowed to enter unless you invite them.

A  5-star review by Jed Oliver

Reviewed in the United States on July 3, 2013

 

 

 

 

Game of Transformation


There is a wonderful boardgame called The Transformation Game from Findhorn – where Joy Drake and Kathy Tyler made it some 50 years ago. The famous Angel cards came from that game.

 The presence of Divinity and very humorous playful guides and angels is powerful, the synchronicities are many – as this latest one I played last Saturday. Six hours it took, we both had a unforgettable experience, and at the end of it a great tiredness took me. I told my coplayer ” I think we have to end very soon – my body is telling me.” I asked the Game for feedback – and the Universal Feedback cards answered me No. I went upstairs to get some water, and on the floor laid this shining orange yogi tea tag

and my tiredness just left

Feedback from the Universe

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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