Stitching is divine

It is proved!

Yesterday I was doing a stitching exercise in an online course I am following. For the first time i enjoyed playing with the technique, not having to “produce” something to be judged and compared.

I thought. When I went to bed, a thought came: ” It really is – meaningless.”

Really? Playing and exploring isn’t OK then?

” Put your hand in the ” Word- bag” said Blue.

In my word bag I have collected hundreds of words that I offer to clients who want to learn to write without fear. I always teach them that PLAY is one of God’s attributes

Here is what I drew:

Gud is the Scandinavian name for God

Receiving my Self

I wrote two poems these last days. I knew I liked them a lot – and I wanted to RECEIVE them with all of me.

I stood up, stretched my arms up  toward Self and prayed to be helped RECEIVING MY SELF, the beauty and bubbling creativity that comes through me.

AND IT CAME! Rushes of bliss flowed through me, intense joy and gratitude without bounds

AT LAST  RECEIVED ♥

My Others

Moanie Molly is mean on Mondays

frivolous on Fridays and

satyrical on Saturdays

 

Pretty-bow Prune tinkers with truth

on Tuesdays and

tortures toddlers on Thursdays with

a terrible smile of too- twinkling -teeth

 

Wednesday is my day – Woolly Wendy

is my wame. I call them in through

my windows of welcome

I wind them warmly into my

wet and woolly wembrace,

tucking them in, wriggling and wailing

wrapping them up in well-meaning waffle words

 

Sunday is sublime-day.

All of us together.

Singing in the supersonically choir of sunflowers,

Visiting soothsayers and sweet-shocked solicitors,

Swimming in star shined seas of sovereign surprises,

Summoning slithering salamanders

and cute little ducks.

Then we go home

and sleep the slumber of

sincere sinners

and saints

*

OTHER

You think you can avoid me

Climbing the highest mountain

I am your  holy ground

Diving the profoundest depths

I am the reflective surface

Traveling straight forward

I am the tail you bite

You look at me and shiver at the

Dark mask

And I am looking at you through the slits,

Stretching my arms out towards you

You see threat

I see you

Heart  broken open

No other

 

 

 

 

 

 

Liberation of the Root-chakra

For old readers, who has followed this blog for some years – you will remember the “morning-gloom-and-doom” that has stayed in place, whatever else I have done healingwise.

These glorious days I see it as my greatest liberator.

Let me repeat that with an exclamation mark!

These glorious days I see it as my greatest liberator!

The last two days it has come with a ferociousness that is remarkable – and luckily I remembered this advice I had received recently:

“Scary difficult memories/energies/sights: Now you have the choice NOT to launch into your habitual patterns of resistance, but to stay with the rawness and discomfort of the situation – and let it transform you. ALLOW IT to set you free!”

And as soon as i dropped the identification with the feelings – I am NOT this, I am the awareness of it – it dropped, and it was tolerable. I talked lovingly to the part that had held on to the pattern of resistance as a surviving/coping mechanism, and honored for her choice to do that – she kept us alive and reasonable sane – well, sane enough to go through educations, get a job, get married etc etc – all the stuff we call life.

As soon as I saw this as a gift, the energies started to move. The part of me went through several layers –  intense terror, then dense fields of confusion and thought-spin – then huge rage and anger, then deep grief, then loneliness –  then I allowed it to wash through me, but knew all of this belonged to her – that little one that had gone through all of that. I was in the observer-position – and the part was not fused with me any longer, and could feel it all. I felt it with her, but did not identify with the “me” in it -it was just energy, it had come for a reason – to be seen and acknowledged and held and honored, so “she” and I could finally experience the LOVE that surrounded all of that.

The little one asked the Light “why wasn’t you there when the awful thing happened!” and the Light gently and lovingly told her :

“We were there when it happened. You dissociated from the trauma, and your fear and horror prevented you from seeing our presence. Now you know that we were there – and in that way, you will feel safe being in touch with the repressed feelings later. We have witnessed it, and our love and space for you will melt the negative energy-fields still clinging to your aura – as you yourself find forgiveness within.”

The last paragraph is part of the book ” When Fear Come Home to Love” which I present in the right menu. I have “known” this for 30 years – but these days, it feels like a much more comprehensive healing – like i visit it through many layers. It feels blissful each and every time i get to this place – it is only the resistance, and my identification of this victim, that keeps the pain and energies going. WITNESSING the pain FROM the Self – the loving Observer – transforms and transmutes it.

And now to the fun stuff – the synchronicities after such a lovely process. I get out of bed, and are nudged to open one of the many creative journals I have in front of me in the bookshelf. I open it randomly, and find this image:

The freed Root wicenter

After taking a photo of this to share, I found my had going into another cupboard and taking out a miniature book. I opened it on this page:

 

 

A way to Healing chronic illness/disorders

More on Dragons and Princesses – the 7 week online play-shop I will lead, starting January 1st.

“Dragons” relate to illnesses and “chronic problems” we seem to have – and how we will deal with them instead of “trying to heal” them.

When we change our relations to our wounds – our illness, our pain – we give it the space it needs where it can open up – be seen playfully and with wonder – and therefore be transformed. As long as we hate it and want to fix it, we prevent it from moving and changing – because we have judged it as bad and “shouldn’t be here.”
The more we try to “heal it”, the more we cramp around it, the more resistance is created around it. And then we judge and resist the resistance…no wonder the dragons hold on tight to their treasures.

Just being with it – playfully – creates an extension of the soul you wouldn’t have found if the “illness” had not come to you. This is grace and this is strength: no more victimhood, but an opportunity to open up to look at it differently – with playfulness and “not knowing.”

Only then will the dragon tiptoe out of the darkness – no longer attacking us with flames and horrible sounds – and the princesses will become visible.

Please notice: no expectations for “artistic results.” You need not have any former experience – I assure you, when we just meet up with our willingness and trust in Spirit, magic happens – and also wonderful synchronicities.

Wanna play?
Registration for Dragons and Princesses started 15th of November – just pay a deposit on 500 NOK (= ca 50 GBP) to PayPal – leelah11@gmail.com. The rest – 1250 NOK – is paid 20th of January 2018 – or the date that most of you get paid from your job 🙂

Any questions: please ask in the comments here.

WELCOME

 

Big Surprise

Today, more on play and creativity –
(preparing the scared and reluctant ones for the “Dragon and Princesses”-online course that starts January 1 2018 on Facebook)

here is a short demonstration of play that transforms:

Think of a word. I’ll demonstrate. * Devil.” ( Fear: oh noo!) Oh yes: it comes for reason, Leelah – and that’s what you can lead this course: you trust the process, and demonstrate what will happen when the course participants receive words they immediately will want to reject.

Okey then, lets play and see what comes:
Once upon a time there was a little devil who lived on a mountaintop all by himself. It was dreary and dull, nobody to bug and scare, just wonderful views wherever he saw.

So he uttered a minuscule HELP ME, and there, he sank right down into the top and down-down down, and around him were nothing but angels and laughter and whatever he did and yelled and cursed, there was nothing but giggles, they simply did not take him seriously.

So he started to swear a lot, and the angels immediately played with that,”fuck fluck fickety suck cluck cluckcluck” and there was hens all around him! ” Satan!” he yelled, and the angels went ” satan platan tomaten weights-a-ton – haten daten peyton Place!!!”
“screw you!” he yelled, and the angels came quite near and tickled him and sang “screw you, lulu, honeyhonylulu toodle toodle doo!”

So he started to giggle too, and the cutest little angel wings sprouted from his former black and nubby body

and frankly, that was end of him.

(And right now – believe it or not – my new and expensive security program declared ” End of the program.”

Comments received with joy

Putting the Demons to the Sacred Bonfire

 

About 1 ½ month ago, I got a strong pain in the right knee. That was the time when I first posted about my vision of a seven week online course: Dragons and Princesses. About changing our relationship to our dragons – illnesses, problems – through play and creativity and sharing. Spirit showed me how the very dynamics of the illness would be changed, when we stop relating to them with resistance and judgments, and open to them with curiosity, wonder and play instead.

I told Spirit  a happy YES to lead such groups, and then of course the fears and resistance that have to do with “being creative” popped up. It took until this morning to understand: I had listened to fear, and fear said: You have to see to it that nobody sabotages the process.

And I believed that, I really did, and fear grew inside – and the knee hurt more. Until this morning, when I asked Spirit what this was about, and  was reminded what our marvelous leader Paolo Knill taught us in the beginning  of one of our long training periods in Switzerland. “ We will bring our demons to the fire.”

He lighted a candle, and we all brought our demons/fears of creativity to it:

‘I must guess what she wants me to do and do it just perfectly like that, or else’

‘If I don’t do it “right”, I will screw everything up for the others and they will hate me. It will be MY fault. They will hate me!”

‘I am so scared that I won’t find out what the “right” thing to do this exercise is.  I MUST find it!’

‘I must find out exactly what she/ the leader/ means, or else’

‘This is my only chance to be free of my dragon’

‘I will let absolutely NO one know about what I think and feel.” (Under that sentence lies a bunch of demons.)

‘If I sabotage now – not doing it perfectly – it means that I simply don’t deserve to live’

Here is one of my strongest: “ I can’t show the others my own clumsy efforts! I am the group-leader, I must deliver great artistic stuff all the time forgossake!’

Here is a fascistic variety: ‘I can’t upload a photo of my little sculpture to the group – it is too perfect and fantastic, the others can’t deliver up to this standard and so they will lose hope, poor amateurs.’ 

( I know! Ohmygohd!)

So I realized that I wanted to relate to the part that had created this painful knee, and told it “I am here for  you, I  am not going anywhere, I am here to support you to feel whatever you need to feel.” There was an instant visceral connection. I “saw” her as a “little one”, and I allowed her to have her feelings – I was the observer of HER having the feelings. She was thrashing around, like drowning under all these demon-demands, believing they were real, believing they were important to follow and obey for her to be safe. She was also angry and deeply sad

I acknowledged that all of this were perfectly reasonable feelings to have, believing what she did ( and what we all have learned at some point  by parents who themselves had learned the same.)  I saw myself with her, placing my hand on her heart, asking her to feel the love and support from it, encouraging her to allow and express whatever she needed.

(Demon: Nina!! You have to express this PERFECTLY! Or else!!! ( fill in your own ‘or else.’ J)

Nina ( putting him to the sacred fire) I am satisfied with it, sweetie.

The little one felt the love, and knew that the love and support was greater than the first pain. The beliefs unwound, and there was a beautiful release.

The pain in the knee has done its job – I saw what it needed me to see: – how vital it is for us on this course to bring our judgments/demons freely to the sacred bonfire in the Garden – not hiding or suppressing our fear of performance in any way. What if the illnesses can really grow because of our resistance to Love, in form of these judgements? What if judging judgments truly IS demonizing them – what if that were true?

If so, play is the very antidote to illness.

Next post I will share the story about how I created a healing ritual of demons during a workshop of Pottery and Meditation at Ennismore in Cork, Ireland – earlier a Monastery, now a retreat and conference center. It was led by the outstanding Father Donagh O’Shea  OP  – potter and Dominican Father. This story is also a chapter in my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love – the healing gifts of art, play and forgiveness.” in the right menu. It is possible to “look inside” at the Amazon page.

(When posting this to my Facebook wall just now, the application crashed – it said” this is an unknown application.” I knew it was a message from Spirit, who wanted me to look out the window. On the great green field outside my window are two black figures. One of them falls to his knees, like praying for his life.Two kids are playing a game with a gun that spews arrows. They enjoy changing roles from killer to victim. They have costumes and all 🙂

And when I posted it here, this site crashed too 🙂

I acknowledged the big unconscious collective fear we all have on “creating” – I told myself, OF COURSE you are afraid of posting this -and Firefox found it and let me re post it 🙂

In A Course in Miracles, the world is an illusion – a play

It says we all have played all the roles, to explore separation

I don’t judge it anymore – and I also want to wake up fully

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Invitation to online Playshop in healing

This quote from Rainer Maria Rilke is since 1988 the motto for my work as Expressive Arts Therapist at my studio; “Yes to the Soul.”

*
I want to speak to you about something that is very close to my heart. It is about how play, creativity, and silliness can be magical door-openers into what we have run away from – in a safe way.

I am here today to extend an invitation for a playshop (not workshop.) Some days ago, Spirit came through loud and clear and presented a structure for pioneering groupwork. Those who resonate with this will come together for a 7 weeks online playshop. Our intention is to bring healing to something we still haven’t accepted, embraced and forgiven – a “dragon.” As Rilke points out, it needs our help – and the help will come from our Self (Source, Higher Power, inner guidance, God, call it what you want.)

True healing happens when we come back into alignment with our essence. Trying to heal is struggle. Allowing intuition/Source to lead is something else altogether.

I am calling out to those playful dedicated souls who want to wake up and see through the dragons of illness, pain and victimization. That does not necessarily mean that illness and pain disappears: it means that we discover that they truly offer potentiality for great transformation.

And when we put our swords of judgment and resistance away, the dragons may relax and let the princesses out – the princesses being our own denied innocent needs and feelings. It is my experience, working like this the last 29 years in private practice and teaching it, when we stop opposing the illnesses/pain/problems, and instead opens to them with interested curiosity, creativity and PLAY, wonders may happen and princesses have been known to come out and jig happily.

(You who just decided “ Oh I can’t do that. I knew it. I don’t belong here“ – come back. Of course you are.)

We will each pick one dragon – a dis-ease, an illness, physical or emotional. We will set an intention of changing our relationship to it – from wanting to get rid of it – fix it – or “try to heal it” – to simply allowing it to BE and ***allow*** Source to take care of with it. It can do that only when we step back and get another perspective: creativity and

PLAY

When we are playing, we are stepping back from our limitations and our incessant drive to fix and perform and have validation from outside. Play opens you to a level of consciousness where more of YOU can come out. And we are receiving the magic of changing perspective on the dragon, on pain, on ourselves.

When WE step back, willing to play with the exercises***, not doing them for anybody but ourselves, to play and explore, then LOVE is free to flow into it in ways that are surprising and fun. And transforming! And even if the dragon may not be transformed, our MIND will be: we will be aware of that Something that directs our “creations”, we will notice themes arising in the group that show our connectedness. Maybe we will discover that there is so much more to our lives than what we have believed possible. What if we even may have seen through the veil of separation – seeing the illness as a messenger and an opportunity to love this part of us deeper.

***Practically: I will send you a creative exercise each Monday for seven weeks. It will be one theme each week. You need absolutely no “artistic” talent or practice. It is not about the result – it is about our willingness to play and explore and allow the love and energy inherent in the exercises to just express itself, just follow it where it wants to go. If you can only draw stick-men, that’s perfectly fine. Experience tells me that the more we trust and surrender to the process of simply doing these simple exercises, without trying to heal our dragon, the more freedom and space we give to our expressions. The more we get out of the way, Love can step in.

We will have a private group on Facebook, where we can post photos of our doodles, sketches, word-plays, photos etc. It is not to be judged. I see clearly – and sweat when I write this , like my body is underlining it for me:

Change will happen in our relationship to the dragons when we allow them to transform through our playfulness and non-seriousness – simply trusting and surrendering to a process we cannot control.

And precisely THERE Love and transformation enters.

I am sending this out now to find you. If you resonate, please email me with your name and mail address. There are only 2 places open.

About me:
In short: I have a studio – “Yes to the Soul” – where I since 1988 have worked with those who want to wake up to our true nature, and have used play and creativity as the main means for this. The process has always shown us that there is Something that leads our stories and expressions – and that this Something is nothing else than your own playful innocent magical Self.
*

Invitation to 7 week online course in healing dragons

This quote from Rainer Maria Rilke is since 1988 the motto for my work as Expressive Arts Therapist at my studio; “Yes to the Soul.”

*
I want to speak to you about something that is very close to my heart. It is about how play, creativity, and silliness can be magical door-openers into what we have run away from – in a safe way.

I am here today to extend an invitation for a play shop (not workshop.) Two days ago, my Self came through loud and clear and presented a structure for pioneering group work. Those who resonate with this will come together for a 7 weeks online play shop. Our intention is to bring healing to something we still haven’t accepted, embraced and forgiven – a “dragon.” As Rilke points out, it needs our help – and the help will come from our Self (Source, Higher Power, inner guidance, God, call it what you want.)

True healing happens when we come back into alignment with our essence. Trying to heal is struggle. Allowing intuition/Source to lead is something else altogether.

I am calling out to those playful dedicated souls who want to wake up and see through the dragons of illness, pain and victimization. That does not necessarily mean that illness and pain disappears: it means that we discover that they truly offer potentiality for great transformation.

And when we put our swords of judgment and resistance away, the dragons may relax and let the princesses out – the princesses being our own denied innocent needs and feelings. It is my experience ,working like this the last 29 years, that when we stop opposing the illnesses/pain/problems, and instead opens to them with interested curiosity, creativity and PLAY, wonders may happen and princesses have been known to come out and jig happily.

(You who just decided “ Oh I can’t do that. I knew it. I don’t belong here“ – come back. Of course you are.)

We will each pick one dragon – a dis-ease, an illness, physical or emotional. We will set an intention of changing our relationship to it – from wanting to get rid of it – fix it – or “try to heal it” – to simply allowing it to BE and allow Source to take care of with it. It can do that only when we step back and get another perspective: creativity and

PLAY

When we are playing, we are stepping back from our limitations and our incessant drive to fix and perform and have validation from outside. Play opens you to a level of consciousness where more of YOU can come out. And we are receiving the magic of changing perspective on the dragon, on pain, on ourselves.

When WE step back, willing to play with the exercises***, not doing them for anybody but ourselves, to play and explore, then LOVE is free to flow into it in ways that are surprising and fun. And transforming! And even if the dragon may not be transformed, our MIND will be: we will be aware of that Something that directs our “creations”, we will notice themes arising in the group that show our connectedness. Maybe we will discover that there is so much more to our lives than what we have believed possible. What if we even may look through the veil of separation – seeing the illness as a messenger and an opportunity to love this part of us deeper.

***Practically: I will send you a creative exercise each Monday. It will be one theme each week. You need absolutely no “artistic” talent or practice. It is not about the result – it is about our willingness to play and explore and allow the love and energy inherent in the exercises to just express itself, just follow it where it wants to go. If you can only draw stick-men, that’s perfectly fine. Experience tells me that the more we trust and surrender to the process of simply doing these simple exercises, without trying to heal our dragon, the more freedom and space we give to our expressions. The more we get out of the way, Love can step in.

We will have a private group on Facebook, where we can post photos of our doodles, sketches, word-plays, photos etc. You don’t have to. It is not to be judged. I see clearly – and sweat when I write this , like my body is underlining it for me:

Change will happen in our relationship to the dragons when we allow them to transform through our playfulness and non-seriousness – simply trusting and surrendering to a process we cannot control.

And precisely THERE Love and transformation enters.

I will post Q and A’s about the details

And a good long list of “what If’s” that will help if the dragon convinces you that you are useless.

We will start Monday 25th September. I am sending this out now to find you. If you resonate, please mail me your name and mail address. Registration starts September 15th
*
About me:
In short: I have a studio – “Yes to the Soul” – where I since 1988 have worked with those who want to wake up to our true nature, and have used play and creativity as the main means for this. The process has always shown us that there is Something that leads our stories and expressions – and that this Something is nothing else than your own playful innocent magical Self.

Colorgobbling

How powerful words are – and images!

Kit talked today about two ways looking at things/situations:

  1. The judging look –  aka the character ” The Colorgobbler” by Tor Åge Bringsværd,  in the drama ” The Country Where Everything was Different.” I have never heard a better way to describe what judgment really does – with people and their souls. I designed costumes to that play 35 years ago – and only today was I, with Kit’s playful help, able to expand my vision and see the color-gobbling/sucking aspect of judgment. And what a help that is, to stop this automatic inner judge most of us have.

2)The playful look: the clown, the poet, the fool.

If you want to play with sitting with both alternatives, you will sense the energetic effect I am sure

*******

This silly playful poem came through me yesterday:

On the beach

Would you be willing to be
a beach to me he said…
strewn with striped parasols and little huts
with yellow mats
and  azure blue water

I might, she said,if you are willing to
be the fresh towel and the lavender soap
in the hut
and the shower with freshwater
outside it

we looked at each other
we liked the answers
the sun shone in perfect strength
our bathing suits were new
the wind was perfectly gentle

and since we were in the tropics
the night just exploded on us

there were fireflies
but we were nowhere to be found

 

Liberation

I am doing a 30-days forgiveness practice from Way of Mastery, and last night I saw a black iron pole through the chest. Just as if I had been inside a Dracula’s body:) The release was s w e e t

Then next level of it came up – and it turned out that I was forgiving stuff in the root chakra. And then Blue reminded me of the image I painted 1998:(see photo of the tree below.)

The Bird in the crown-part is the archetype of the “savior” who needs” to “save” others to achieve value. I have found Bird in all my patients, and much of my forgiveness-work now are finding part of her in my bodymind and forgiving all my judgements of her – oh my! – and instead honoring her for her intense wish to be of service.

This image later became the cover of my book – which is about the exploration of the figures/archetypes in the Tree.

This morning I was nudged to look through the photos of the Image again – and since this healing of the root came up for me now, in our chapter 6-exploration,I want to share the very process of receiving the Image and the energy, that lead up to my work. It feels like this is the time for a new LIGHT into it – and into the root chakra we all share.

Here it is:

“During my education in Expressive Arts Therapy in Switzerland, our class gathered in Gwatt by Thunersee a couple of weeks in May to explore our birth families through painting, sculpting and storytelling, under the magic leadership of Mariagnese Cattaneo. Each of us was to visualize our family as a tree, and then paint the tree (see the Image / the cover). Afterward we made a story from the painting and shared it with a partner. The day after, we expanded the work further – making rapid sculptures of our family members from all kind of materials. I choose clay and painted tissue-paper.

As I closed my eyes during the visualization of my family tree, a tremendous energy soared through me. A door to a blocked and hidden room inside me opened – now the freed energy rushed forth to greet me. “Pay attention! This is important!” was the clear message within the experience. A melting sense of gratitude and release opened my heart and soul – something within whispered “at last” and relaxed deeply.

The image of The Tree presented itself with great force and detail. I painted as if in a trance, with lightning speed, serving the Image as well as I could – not censoring any of the strange mythical figures. The Image commanded faithfulness from me, and my feeling of curiosity and wonder grew as I allowed it to come through me.

After having written down the story coming from The Image, and having shared it with my classmate Aaron, The Image and Story would not let me rest. I decided to create a healing ritual from The Story. I did this with Aaron as co-player and witness. The insights were startling.

I sensed I was being shown something that must not be interfered with intellectually, not analyzed or controlled in any way. Once again, Aaron and I took my sculpted family out into the friendly Swiss wood, just outside our painting studio, to unravel them and explore their mystery and gifts of healing. The ritual exploration was done within a circular sacred space we created, and showed us with uncanny clarity the split within my family’s psyche. One the one side, there was blind need and terror, caused by trance-like sexual abuse. It was accompanied by the denial of the acts and all the pain they caused, which created the adapting, conforming survivors. The family had successfully dissociated from this. And then we all had dissociated from our Self and the light within – our true I Am. This was the beginning of the process that connected me to my forgotten personal story or myth – which later turned out to be a blueprint of the collective Myth, described in “The Jekyll and Hyde-family.”***

***A chapter in the book

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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