Belonging

Yesterday a deep ache started in the right side of the ribcage. I listened to it; it gradually grew to very painful. I told it I was here, listening, and was grateful that it communicated with me. It abated a little. I asked if it would give me an image. It was ugly and dark – and in my training I experience that darkness comes from judgment. When I sensed into it, it felt age-old, a beast with scales and warts – homeless, cast out, not belonging to a tribe.

I started to bless it in its opposite qualities: – I bless you in your feeling of safety, being a part of a tribe, being respected.

it abated enough for me to realize it has let down its guard – and that it may take a while.

But in bed it came to me – “Do the Core Transformation-process with it.”

The CTP goes like this:

1. We know the hurting part has a positive outcome for us – we ask what the Part /P wants to accomplish with this pain. Answer: To be noticed and accepted fully.
2. Q; Thank you! Please step into that feeling ( giving time) If you had that, fully and completely – through having that, what is it that you want more, that is even more important?
3. A: to be part of a big group – and feeling safe there

For each round, the hurting part got closer to its innermost need – to be part of a group/ tribe and BELONG to it – seen, loved,respected.

The last 2 years, this has been denied us

The part at last stepped into the feeling of being an intimate member of a group – indispensable, trustworthy, loved, respected – and when I asked what may be even deeper and more important than that, a huge Light field came moving in from the left and the part just melted into it.

Long pause. The Divine Light felt indescribable. And it let me understand that being, existing in this Light gave it all it wanted – since everybody already existed within that Light.

It took a deep breath and dissolved.

No more pain.

As therapist and healer, I love this method – you don’t have to “go back to the trauma and feel it fully” anymore – therapy and healing today is much more about energy than a “me” that is traumatized.

This method is super simple, and the victim aspect has simply vanished. I can never really know of something belongs to “me” or if a chunk of the collective mind is coming through me to be seen ,accepted, loved and released – anyway, I feel relieved and grounded. I am here to meet it with love and not judgment. For sure not condoning the acts – but realizing that cruelty is a twisted way of asking for help. And there are thousand ways to be there with HEART and asking for help to see the act and person with eyes of love.

Helplessness and the Fixer

In the Corona journey we all are taking there are these days a collective bone-tiredness, a profoundly deep “ I can’t take this one more second.” The ones of us who are in an awakening process will notice this more acutely. I had one such day yesterday.

There is an old collective pattern: “I have to DO something about this. I, ME, the separate I, has to DO something or find out something -it must be something I have done wrong. There is a deep feeling of impotence and helplessness: I MUST do something – and nothing helps or works.

This is the very archetype of helplessness. In Non Duality (A Course in Miracles) I am helped to discover that this small I does not exist as a separate being – it is part of the collective mind that is convinced it has succeeded in separating itself from God /Source /Universe/Love.

The Corona virus has made these old fear patterns visible for us all. “I can’t breathe fully and freely” is one such pattern – and most of humanity has not been raised to breathe fully and freely, since that would allow us to be in touch with painful overwhelming emotions.

Personally, I have been caught in the belief that “this is something I must cope with – tackle – fix.” Then I try more and more and more to fix it – and that strengthens the feelings of powerlessness. I now give power to the belief that I, small mind,Leelah, has to do this.

I noticed that anything I did within this pattern, strengthened it. As long as I saw myself as a separate struggler and victim, I tangled myself deeper into the very archetype of helplessness.

I noticed that for me, the solution was: OH there I go again. ( smile.) I choose to drop these thoughts and rest in Love.

Now helpless-thoughts are not mine anymore – they just are humanity’s  thoughts – and Love flows into my mind. I notice I am willing to receive help from Love – and I am available for Love-thoughts.

It is good to make space for these energy frequencies. I can just sit with this as a meditation – making myself available – but even better for me is taking a hike in the wood.

 

Holy place in the wood

Sacred peace

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Saying NO – and the Covid 19

My friend Leni Dubel ( you find her at Facebook ) had a near-death experience when she was younger, and in that numinous space she was contacted by guides and helpers who shared methods for dealing with our shadow in any way – including illness/corona

With her permission, I want to share her method here:

I have seen incredible changes in my own life by welcoming and loving each issue that happens. Surrender is also extremely powerful when it comes to being in control of the issues and no longer attracting them. Remember, your soul has its own agenda. Your reaction to these issues fuels your soul’s learning experience. When you are no longer reacting negatively to the issues, the learning stops for your soul and it does not need to continue with that particular issue anymore.

To welcome and love the issue without defending against it you: 1. Pretend that you are holding a sword and shield and then set them down.2. Welcome the issue as if it were a person, into your home or imagined sacred meeting space. 3. Take a second to love and then thank the issue. To surrender the issue you simply pretend that the issue is a present and give it to your Guides, the Universe or whomever you pray to. And then surrender all of the worry to it as well. You are not allowed to think about it after this. You can do this as often as you’d like. It will probably take some practice. And with the thoughts that you have about anything negative you simply want to tell those thoughts “no” each time that they surface. This will help to release them from their catacombs so that they no longer have manifesting power over your life.

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I (Leelah) have recently been overwhelmed with negative self talk with strong energy. I now started to say NO! when the thoughts popped up, and it was some of the most effective strategy I ever have experienced. It stopped immediately – and then it seeped back. In A Course in Miracles, the main thing Jeshua/Jesus teaches us is that we/ some part of us/ CHOOSE everything that happens to us – and this NO is choosing again! And there is a big difference between saying NO from judgment – and just saying NO as a decision to not accept hateful thoughts into my mind any longer – I will not rent space to them in my mind, as Jeshua says in Way of the Heart.

I used Leni’s method to invite the energy of the Corona in, in the very first beginning of the year 2020. She appeared to me like a queen. I saw that she came to create great and necessary changes in the human collective mind. I started a group at Facebook where I invited people to visualize the virus in its rather beautiful rose-ish image – and allow it to transform into something that would allow us to see its true beauty behind/within the physical form. It is my experience that when we transform an image of something, we also transform the energy of that image.I invited us to see it with Christ’s vision.

I have also had friends who have got the Covid-19 – and who used their spiritual practice to intend to see it WITHOUT fear. The minute they truly SAW that it was the fear about it, that was harmful, they healed within hours.

I’ll repeat that: I have learned to recognize that it is not the virus itself that is hurtful – it is our thoughts and fears about it – our unconscious beliefs that we are being punished for our guilt etc.

Please hear that I am sharing my beliefs about it, and the experiences I have had because of the teachings and what I have experienced with students/clients the last 32 years and myself.

Here are some of the answers I got from the Facebook group – experiment:

The little but then large blue barbed balls of chaos outside of us flying at us attacking us, entering the body spinning like wild then slowing down met by pink golden light balls surrounding the virus calming the virus overtaking the virus calm loving peaceful forgiving. Transforming the blue spiked balls into pink golden light and love. Changing the spirit of mankind into compassion and trust and truth. The virus no longer exists for eternity. 🌻

*

I saw a beautiful rose unfolding, transforming into paper fireworks in many colours, and abundance gently raining down on the whole world. I felt oneness and connection. And I saw white figures all connected to both the earth and the sky, all being lifted up, some just a bit above the ground, and a few all the way up to heaven. I felt deep peace and grounding.

I feel calm and relaxed, more than I have felt in a long time. It is as though the virus has released the heavy tension I have had in my body for many years. In spite of the serious situation, I can see the future «as bright that I have to wear shades»

*

This morning I saw – without even intending to – the red dots on the virus as small children holding sacred fires in their hands, the fires lay in bowls of gold. The babies were then sitting in a circle that surrounded the image. I heard the babies’ happy voices, and I still get shivers when i describe the holiness of it all. The yellow dots were all fuzzy baby birds – chicken, ducks, I don’t know – the gray was silk, and it emanated tenderness and protection. The white was snow lanterns – very soon we will see them as light filled.

I invite you to LISTEN to the sounds emanating from this image – they feel like blessings

*

Please know that I in no way am interested in pushing my beliefs and Faith on my readers. I want to share what is true for me, and what is seen as true in my spiritual teachings.

And feel free to comment, as always 🙂

The Monster fear

In a dream, a huge monstrous male figure approaches me. He is about 30 meters away – and the energy in the top of the thighs backside is tremendously painful and dark.

Still, I know in my heart that this is not cause for hiding in any way  – it is the collective human fear of LOVE – of melting into LOVE and losing our cherished “me-part” – or maybe clearer, becoming aware that the I-part is NOT our true identity.

I see this monster as our collective denied LOVE-part- and look at the monstrous form it takes. But what I am called to, is to find gratitude for its arrival – and for my insight that this is a true gift: here is my/ our/ deeply denied Holy Self – and it is inside this scary form.

I woke up, decided to accept and explore this shadow, and fell asleep again. This time I walked up a trafficked street in town, when a young and smiling man put his arm around me and pulled me to the side. He said: “I am just moving you away from that man there who wants to hurt you.”

My decision to not resist that huge shadow brought in loving assistance and care.

*

This quote is from Rilke, on of my favorite poets. It holds the essence of all my work as teacher, student,healer and therapist

Lost Keys Found

Waking up with desert-mouth – thinking, I will start to stink if this continues – no water in mouth, only bacteria

I found myself saying  – well – I just allow this to be healed.

And then it started to heal!

Water seeped into my mouth – tears came – while I was shown images of group of shunned ones – living in colonies like the leprous.

I realized how much I avoid using the word God and Jesus  – strong memories of being persecuted – much safer to hide who I am and what my faith is

AS the water returned, I noticed that I HAD just found The Keys to the Kingdom – to heal, I just need to allow healing to happen and trust  the process

And the irritation about the lost keys just evaporated – without losing them, I would not have been able to appreciate Spirit’s play with metaphors. And I had found that healing is available as soon as I allow it – and hopefully, get most of my parts with me on it:)

I allowed my misperception to be healed –  that I was a “lesser” human being.”

And then later,I got this photo  as a prompt in my Writer Group, and wrote this poem:

 

Prophet 

Dressing for war today-
Wearing my banger on my back
Ready to fire
And blast somebody’s fake face off
Smiles like
Explosives painted with puppies 
and rainbows
Those folks who give you their hand
And smile until you want to
Run run run

I put my ragged uniform on
Stiff with sweat and angst
And memories filling my pockets
Like crushed bird eggs
This time , no more trusting and 
being shot in the back
The bile bitter in my throat
When suddenly
A piano
Where there should be none
I know it should not be here
It IS here
And Der Vogel als Prophet shimmers from it

My father played that so very well
My mother standing behind him, hand on his shoulder
my inner guns silenced
I do not want them to, I want to fire
But that little prophet -
The battlefield sighs just once
And the war is over
I cannot stand that it is over
It is over

Lost Keys and Vengeance

The ego goes amuck – it is dying and knowing it.

I went for a long hike in the wood yesterday, took many photos, and lost my keys to my house and my bike -which is my vehicle for traveling fast.

Since I now hike without the old fear and victim-identity, I don’t get tired. I went up very steep trails and did not breathe heavy -what a miracle!

After 1,5 hours, when I was almost home, I noticed the keys were lost.

I might have lost them when i took this photo

I grabbed a bite and an orange and decided to take the hike from the other direction. I was certain I would find the keys! I asked the people coming toward me if they had discovered the keys, and some of them offered to call me if they found them. They were all compassionate and beautiful. And then I met the most radiant of them all – shivers up my spine when I share this. He seemed ageless, wore clothes that were well worn and loved, he had a sack from the stone ages. When I asked if he had found the keys, he was all ears. I noticed that his eyes were remarkable – such warmth and love and kindness! He offered to look for the keys and give me a call – but he had no cell phone. “I could take your phone number-“ he said  while searching for a pen. He smiled and said “ I have everything I need with me. – ” and took out a ball pen and a crumbled paper with a list. “ Ah, there is my grocery list” he smiled – but he used such a quaint word that I was taken aback – he called it “ the  colonial” – which is a word we used for the grocer shop in the fifties. And he certainly did not look like he was in his 70ies!

So I did not find the keys. At home, I opened the key safe outside my door and found the spare one – had a soup and went out again to search again, to no avail.

or here

More nightmarish dreams in the night – deep guilt for having malnourished my daughter (which is what my ego dished out) – and gradually it dawned on me that it was my perception of it all that needed healing. I gradually remembered that all happens FOR me and not against me- to help me forgive my perceptions – and I realized that my deepest interpretation of all of this was “ I have lost my keys to the Kingdom and this is a well deserved punishment for being so – so  RECKLESS and CLUMSY and WRONG!

Leelah,What was it with that man on the trail that you loved? Who WAS love?

He knew who he was, he was completely peaceful. He was filled with Presence. He trusted LIFE in all its flavors.

Ah. This is it: I choose to trust all of this. My keys will return to me or not, I will trust anyway. I will trust to park my 40 year old gear less bike without locking it – knowing that it is part of my undoing the old way of fearful thinking that NO DIVINITY takes care of me.

Trusting the process.

All the beautiful synchronicities tell me otherwise. Thy will be done:)