I awoke this early morning from the most disgusting feeling of being guilty. “Holy Spirit, help me clear this.” I was told to do the TAT-pose, and said the first statement: “Everything that led up to me resonating, identifying and connecting to this happened.” Spirit told me to breathe the connected breathing that Michael Brown describes in The Presence Process, and it immediately brought up such amounts of phlegm that I had to sit up. I remembered that the only way out is through, so I kept breathing. Then I was right inside a core-trauma: “I am dying – and if I die now, this insanity and violence will follow me as spirit after the body dies. I MUST NOT HAVE THIS FEELING, I WILL GO TO HELL”
Now there is a belief with consequences!:)
A wave of gratitude and feeling of waking up happened:
NOW I can feel it: this is just a memory, an age-old imprint that the personality has taken for real and therefore given creative power. It has had no power whatsoever to harm Who I am in Truth: I am here – now – willingly allowing the feeling to be integrated. So many times did this person believe she was close to death this life – and always did she judge and deny this feeling, with hellish consequences.
I cannot die. I am Presence shining through all this. Raging pain flares up everywhere in the body and dissipates. My left arm goes numb, my right hand feels like it is impaled. Thoughts about crucifixion comes up – and the Course’s teaching that we only feel pain as long as we identify with guilt. According to the Course, Jesus did not feel pain: He knew He was not the body, and He knew He was as God created Him: Spirit – healed and whole and innocent.
How closely connected to the “me” is guilt. It/me cannot exist without it: the “me” is “proof” that separation is real
Without the “me”, the guilt has nothing to attach to
Thoughts of crucifixion come up again. I hear:
Only that which is corruptible can die. Spirit is forever.
The rest is innocence