Time- demands

Oh I discover how much TIME is the main keeper of the separation-thought- this night had such a complete chaotic dream about MY time and OTHERS time and that I must not  take others time, and they must certainly not think it OK to  take my time – and oh, this is what have been one of the ways I have whipped myself the most – “don’t waste the precious time with silly things” – and it is the WHIPPING that I notice – the demands that  time is REAL and that divine timelessness is not a state of mind to love and to exist in

– can you sense the energy frequency of all those demands  – and how the “I MUST I SHOULD I OUGHT TO rises from it, making us slaves of time

Oh I am perfectly aware of the fact that as long as we believe ourselves to be separate beings and I have made an appointment with people it is good to not make them wait – since we all “down here” in the world  believe in it ( I think the Easterners don’t have the same grip on it as the Westerners, and certainly the tribe-people see time as much more flexible and pliable) – but what I am discovering is that it is a concept, believed in as true and real -and when I drop that belief, my day is completely different – and things fall into place in the most natural way

I may have written this before –  the sessions I have with students/clients seem to vary from 10 minutes to a lifetime – that is the feel of it – and in reality, they are 1.5 hours

Maybe the sessions that seem to last forever, we do work of healing that spreads through the hologram of dimensions in a very effective way

The time aspect may also be the reason that some clients stopped the process after just one session – yes 🙂 and then they return for more after 7 years. 7 years! “Now we are ready” they say – and that’s when it started to become fun

After that chaotic dream, my head felt like a bomb with toxic waste. I stretched out my hand and grabbed the wisewordnotebook lying there, opened it randomly.

“Let this rest in the space pf No Demands” it said.

My experience is that without the belief in the need for time, there are no demands

just a flowing HERE and NOW

This is a poem you can read from both ways: from up-down and also from down up.

Just like this world, where Truth is turned upside down

*

HELL
Descending into your oldest grief
That of being ice-bonely alone
Free tumbling down in the abyss
Stonewalls whisper unworthiness

I Will Not Fall!

Allowing yourself to be fully falling
Your head bursts into endless cracks
Your vision turns inward
There it is: the Christ Child
Smiling to you inside of you –

Wake up wake up
Breathe breathe
Here Now
HEAVEN

On time and attack and puppets

A friend in  Facebook-group posted yesterday a guidance he received from inside about time:

“Time is but your fantasy. It is of your making. It is your monster. Yet, it is not real. For, just like love has no opposite, neither does eternity. Place your belief, your treasure in that which is Truth and the miscreation of time will simply cease to seem to be. For, in Truth, reality does not rest in time. It but rests in the eternal. Time is a child’s toy. That is all. Forgive that toy for the dreams you gave it. Yet, love it. You made it. Find the joy in your creation. To do otherwise is but to blame it, thus giving it the appearance of control. Simply love your creation. Say then, ‘This is good. This is perfect.’ And, have gratitude for your makings. For without them, the function of forgiveness would be incomplete. Time, therefore, is not a monster or ‘evil’ creation. When chosen to view it through the lens of love, you will but see it is merely a device for awakening the Christ. Truly, look upon it with love. Breathe into it. Play with it. It is but a toy.”*

It had a tremendous impact on me – it felt like I was de-structured, and I asked Jesus for help to explore this further.

Dream:

I see my daughter within a time-line – I see the time stretching out from her to me, and before and after – she is about ten-eleven, and I am my age now – 71 – she screams for help and is in panic – I pick up the total fear, I wake up. I sense the fear it in a lot of body parts and start to breathe LovesBreath, just being with the strong fear – sensations filling up the body. I ask for help to see what kind of fear this is, and fall asleep again.

Now I am in a wood. There is a black animal beside me,as high as my leg when it stands on its back legs. It is frantic, jumping at me, and i stretch a hand toward it to help it and it snaps at my hand, thinking it is being attacked and must protect itself by attacking back. It is locked into the belief that it is under deadly attack. I look at it and see that its whole black skin on its back is in cramps,and recognize in the dream that these are my cramps( I have a lot of those.)

My hand is now holding its skin on the neck, and its cramps are cramping the very neck-skin. I try to fight it, shake it away, bad choice – this can’t be shaken off.

I realize I must not fight, but love, and at this thought my hand is looser. I just stroke  the animal lovingly. I sense the tremendous cramps it is in, in the state of panic of being under a mortal attack.
As I stroke it a speak lovingly to it, it eases up a little – and then i see it.
It is a puppet

I animate it

it is my creation

I know that this animal is the same as what I saw dominating my daughter ,screaming out in fear

It is the very cry from the soul in its creation of attack and defense
It is locked in the cramp of these beliefs

I wake up, and immediately try to figure out what to do with this – that I MUST heal this – but HOW – and realize with a great smile that this struggle energy is upholding the puppet/false attack/defense-pattern.

I am trying to heal the cramp by cramping 🙂

How wonderful information: this is seemingly locked in TIME, and what is locked is a false identity, stuck in panic of believing it is under attack.
My puppet.

The comedy of it is also that I this life has worked in prof.Theater for 20 years, with stage and costume design – AND I have made LOTS of puppets.
so I am thoroughly trained in working with illusions -and also of seeing how excellent puppeteers always “become” the puppet they are talking for and animating –

*Posted with Eddie’s consent

Innocence

♥This journey of coming to a place of Innocence ♥

Twice now I have written here – and twice the whole post has disappeared, even though I marked and saved it – and both times, that sentence of innocence comes instead 🙂

Thank you, Blue

Third time counts 🙂  AND I get that this is about knowing I AM on this journey to complete utterly innocence – like Jeshua talks about in The Way Of Mastery

Last evening I discovered that my bottom rock belief and fear is “I am the scum of the world.”
Later in the evening I started sabotaging myself again – many times – and discovered that “i” enjoyed being “punished.”

Big released breath: “i” liked the energy of being punished – it felt “safe.”

WOW

I have for years ‘known’ that ‘the punished’ wants punishment to pay off the horrid guilt it believes it carries AND IDENTIFIES WITH – but I never FELT it until last evening. There is a vast space between intellectually knowing and feeling, being present with.

Jesus showed me an image I have explored before: ‘me’ laying on a pedestal, young Mayan virgin being sacrificed by having my heart cut out while alive, and the priest who does it is Benjamin – my friend now.

What was new now was that i felt the pillar of all hatred and anger that he had in his face and soul when he lifted that dagger, and I looked him in the face -and I sensed that in the second before he killed me, I  took all that into me as ‘me.”

In this life, i have explored that same hatred/rage/disgust at women from my father’s possessed “Mr.Hyde” when he raped me as a small child – and thought that this hatred came from him.

But it has always been my* choice to create it and explore it and be on both sides of it – to find THAT which embraces it and transforms it. And fully knowing that all of it happens in this 3-dimentional illusory world that consists of our collective fears and beliefs projected out.  This is how Jeshua describes “the world” in the last lesson of The Jewel Course:

The things of this world will no longer hold any value, meaning, or purpose. For it is given unto you to understand that although this world was created in error (I speak not of the trees. I speak not of the clouds. I speak not of the blessed rain and precious soil of your Holy Mother, but of the world of ideas constructed based on the belief in and guilt for, Separation), that world is going to be corrected.)

And the thing is – when that energy-frequency  presents itself now, via others around me, I can embrace it – when I am ALONE.

So Benjamin and I will be alone now ( otherwise he comes together with a beloved friend)  and the fear is tremendous that I will feel this – AND IDENTIFY WITH IT.

And YES, I see that I have created this  to truly find the innocent-space to embrace it all, and see it dissolve into Light, which Jeshua says will happen to this “phenomenal” world, as we all withdraw our projections of separation from the planet.

And I choose: If I identify with it when he is here – I will accept and love myself just as I am – and bless the situation and let go of any thought that “i” have to FIX this.

 

*my choice: By this me is meant the ME beyond time and space, the “spirit-me.”

 

 

 

waiting for your Breath to play me

this unlit light

Dare to say the dangerous prayer:

Holy Nothing, take everything that’s not You and leave me here, naked, stripped of every pretending and striving.  Only in the Nothing, only as Nothing, only as No One, will I ever find what I’m looking for.  So take my quest for enlightenment and take my fears that I’m a schmuck and just leave me here without a clue, completely open.  No idea what I am or where I’m going.  Just here, the quiet open, waiting for your Breath to play me.

We don’t need any improvement.  We don’t need anything more.  We just need to stop and notice.  And let be whatever’s here, meet it.  Until we have the kind of heart that’s so empty for having kissed everything in it, that it can kiss anything and call it Beloved.

There are a few kinds of peace.  There’s one that can be shattered…

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Surprise

Surprise

My soul burst out in butterflies today
and then delivered me from all those lies
I was cocooned in, holding me grotesquely sway
in bitterness and blame, and opening blue skies
instead, oh, breathing out the sweetest prayer –

dear Love, I see that beauty never dies

I flew and watched and found my wings so versatile
I had become the very substance of God’s smile

 

Not alone

Old parts visiting

Lately, I have been doing TAT on coming into this body – and inviting dissociated parts to come back. I did not take into consideration that the energies/frequencies that these parts held would seem to create havoc in the nervous system And I share this here because of the many of us who found it necessary to dissociate parts of ourselves -and the wonder and beauty – and also maybe havoc – it will create to take them back. Just writing about it now makes the energetic havoc from this night and day return – and I have to write this fast, so the illusion will not run away with me.

There were strong heart palpitations – and the shock-waves they made were felt in the midsection – like a big hand down there were hitting the stomach hard. There was nausea, hard to breathe, cold sweating . and a strong belief: “ I am dying. I must get to the hospital NOW.”

Still – something kept me back.

Returning home later in the day, the inner message was clear: you are re-living the bodily echoes of the times you/small child/ was visited by these sensations in situations where you could not in any way process what went on in the nervous system, and what you told itself that it all meant, that you were experiencing this. I opened one of my many wise-quote notebooks, and found this: “ …I realized that my belief of having to fight through life on my own was creating the (…) and that that belief is just an illusion…once I realized that my belief of having to fight through this situation ON MY OWN -was creating this situation ( …), and that this belief IS just an illusion, everything changed in the most miraculous way….”

I am sorry I have lost the name of the sister/brother who wrote this – thank you!

The strong physical symptoms almost instantly stopped. Instead, there came a violent sobbing and calling for Mom, and a part who screamed I am scared I am so scared. I “held it” and listened to it and let it express itself. It repeated itself some times, and then abated – and I knew that what worked, was the realization that this was a great gift of healing – now all these palpitations and symptoms were nothing more than an old tape, being played back in consciousness, and this time listened to and embraced in love.

When I sat down to write this, the symptoms started to repeat itself. I understood that there was something going on now and did not realize that I again had been sucked into the old belief of having to struggle/suffer through this alone. I went into the living room to get a pen, and saw that the entrance light had gone out. The ones who have followed this blog for a while will know that the divine uses this lamp to correct my beliefs. I stood before it, acknowledged that I was stuck in temporary darkness, and said, “ I call on the Light that I am – to center myself in that, while I write about these symptoms. The lamp answered instantly, and the symptoms disappeared again.

Reminder: Help me to remember always that it is my belief in separation that CREATES this situation/these symptoms. This is the only thing that needs correction: my belief in separation – which is an attack on my own Christed Self.

Thank you thank you thank you, Jesus, for healing my perception – and thank you, dear sister who wrote those insights in a Forum I visited.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Out-of-body

This is a first for me. It may have been the case all my life – but only now did it become clear. Well worth sharing for people interested in healing, energy, and the soul.

This morning I got this mail from Tapas Fleming*

It is about helping parts of the soul to reintegrate in the body. In psychology , dissociation is part of this – in shamanism, soul-loss is wider explained. For anyone interested in symptoms of soul-loss, just google it

I bought the video and listened to it. At one place, we are asked to have a conversation with those parts/one part- I heard a distinct voice saying “I don’t want to to come back to you.” Strong heart palpitations accompanied it. So I told it that i loved it and that I never would try to force it.

After seeing the video I was guided to use the Emotion Code -chart – and by dowsing I found the part – stuck in a feeling of helplessness. It seemed to be much older than THIS life – but also influenced by the sheer helplessness in this life. I asked it if it would feel safe and OK to receive a healing with Holy Spirit and a special magnet that I have, that I would move over the Governing Meridian which fuels the nervous system. It said yes.

After only moving the magnet the third time, the release of energy started – like standing in a shower of light. I sense it now too, writing this. It was followed by deep gratitude and peacefulness. Relaxation.

And my heart is at peace for now 🙂

*

Here is Tapas’ mail with links, for those who want to buy that  – as I see it  – very helpful video.

*

*Dear TAT Friend,

It’s been a total surprise to find out what a huge percentage of people are not fully in their body! How can you tell if you are not fully “in” your body? For some people, when they try a technique for personal transformation that seems to work for everyone else but doesn’t work for them, it’s a red flag that this could be the issue. Especially if pretty much every technique that works for others doesn’t work for them. It’s likely that person isn’t in their body fully.  

Here are some of the circumstances that foster this condition: car accidents, surgery, physical traumas, emotional traumas, sexual or physical abuse, being born into families where you are unwanted, being raised in families with alcohol, drug or other active addictions are happening, emotionally toxic work environments, and even prolonged periods of intense stress. A lot of times when situations like this occur, people actually energetically retreat from their bodies in self-defense. They just don’t come all the way back sometimes and may not be fully aware of it. They feel like, “Heck, no!  It’s not safe to be there!”

Things just don’t work right if a person’s not fully present in their body. It’s like trying to drive a car from sitting on top of the roof: no go. Physical illnesses can be much more persistent and it can be harder for you to shift from illness into healing. You can even feel mentally overwhelmed when you’re not fully in your body.

So I made a video for you that walks you through the process of fully settling into your body with the help of TAT. It’s super easy and I think you’ll like it!

If you’re partly in your body, it would be like being able to reach the steering wheel of the car by laying down on the roof of the car, but not being able to reach the gas pedal or the brakes. If you’re fully present in your body, you have full power to function much better and create the kind of life that makes you happy.

I think you’ll like this video because I’m talking into the camera, directly to you. My boyfriend said it’s like sitting down with me in a cafe and having a personal conversation.

Lots of love,

Tapas