For anyone with dissociation and fragmentation
18 Aug 2019 Leave a comment
in Healing, My three books, Presence, Spontaneous Transformation Tags: breath, breathing, dissociation, Donna Eden, Donna Eden Energy Medicine, earth, Lauren K.Walker, lungs, malignant, muscles, panzer.muscle panzer, Self, soul, structures, The 5-elements, Yogi Sounds
SAKINA
28 Jul 2019 Leave a comment
in Healing, Now, Presence, Sufism Tags: Attacker, Creator, Energy Medicine, God, identification, Inner peace, itching, motionlessness, practice, Presence, sakina, Self, stillness, Sufi teacher, Sufism, swelling, the beauty we love, thoughts, Tibetan lamas, Truth
After sitting with the inner attacker and embracing him, my body went crazy: so much old repressed energy cascaded out, the body swells and is intensely itchy. What at last alleviated it was my steadfast decision to remember Who I am and to acknowledge it – the more i did it, the more I knew it was TRUTH.
Clear inner message: Energy medicine with balancing the meridian system is OK – AND you need to find your connection with Me.
In the morning saw that a person – a sufi teacher♥ – had “liked” a post – and I knew that this hardship is part of the path I am called to walk THROUGH – and its tenacity has its root in identifying with the resistance to Love, like the Attacker:
I need to stop seeing these patterns as ME or MINE – since then I am identified with it and illness may happen. In the huge physical manifestations last night I notice that what was healing was my insistent and repeated practice of “AM ONE SELF – joined with my Creator, unlimited in power and in peace.” Suddenly the itching was there, but the identity with it had gone – now I could just BE there and breathe through it – it was not ME any longer, not “my” body.
Here is the text God via the blog writer “Inner Peace” wanted me to read again:
– Qur’an 13:28
Solitaire or Self
25 Jul 2019 Leave a comment
in A Course in Miracles blog, Healing Tags: abuse, body, confusion, fear, guilt, ignorance, mother, Patience, Self, shame, Solitaire, urinary infection
Everything is coming to me to gift me
I’ve got an urinary infection – I bleed. I feel quite calm – this is not cancer – this is the past coming up to be given full awareness and compassion. I start sitting with it, breathing with it, blessing it, and it starts to talk like living thing – even a person. We become intimate, and I am a mother to it now, cradling in my arms, as strange as that sounds. I remember the way my body showed what could not be mentioned – the pain and agony in my lower body: not only abused by others, but abused and rejected by me – this is what we do when we are mishandled in any way – blaming ourselves – the wrong person is feeling the shame.
Now, sitting with it tenderly – I breathe all the shame back to the ones who placed it on me – knowing that they too received this great inner pain from someone else – and that in the beginning, there is just confusion and ignorance, and we put a “me” on that – like it belongs to a somebody. It belongs to the thought system of fear – called ego – and now we can sort it out.
Another break with the past:
I want to feel the freedom and release I feel when I win a game of Patience ( that happens many times in a row these days ) WITHOUT depending on an electronic game – I want to find it while linking up with my Self.
With great resistance I decided to NOT play again, and intended to find the same peace without the Patience.
The energy is still reverberating through me as I write this – big waves, tensions slipping out, tears running.
Gifts from the Universe
05 Jul 2019 1 Comment
in Blog Awards Tags: “As above, communication, gift, Hermesgistus, PC, scam, Self, so below", soul, spam, telecompany
I live after the adage: “As above, so below, as within, so without, as the Universe, so the Soul” – believed to be said by Hermes Trismegistus.
This was a spam that popped up on my beloved writer forum for two days – each time I tried to log in. I talked to Kit about it – how awful it felt to be locked out from the group – not reading the others’ poems this week, not being able to play with charades on another thread. I thought this COULD not be something my Self had “made” – but took advantage of the disgusting feeling I got at not having others to read and comment on my work.
Then I decided – YES, if I really can’t get in any more, I WILL write poems all the same. I also saw the pun: this was from TELENOR – the biggest Telecompany in the land I currently live and work. Telephone = metaphor for connection: a free gift from them sounds very good to me. And now I am giggling: it IS really a free gift to realize that I am not depended on others to create – and I made a vow to create each day ANYWAY, even if only for a minute.
How did I make myself a hit for this scam? by constantly asking the Universe for help where i still am caught in old beliefs and energy-stuckness.
And after constant barrage of the sign for two whole days, and me taking that clear decision, today the writer forum is clear and available again – and my PC is healthy and well functioning.
The Virgin Mountain
30 May 2019 Leave a comment
in A Course in Miracles blog, Healing, My three books Tags: anchoring, body, dance, Die Jungfrau, Donna Eden, dream, drug addicts, drugs, empath, enegry medicine, mountain, numonous, power tools, Self, shift, True Self, Virgin
After I found out what I truly wanted to experience, it happened this morning. I had wanted to experience being fully anchored in my body, present, healthy, ALIVE and happy – no longer being a vacuum cleaner for others’ negative energies.
In this life I have explored all kind of energies, and it has been adamant for me to learn fully to be able to be WITH them and not “become” them.
I had a dream this morning, about living temporarily in a house with many people – and in one room there were drug addicts, heavy smokers, it smelt of booze and old sweat and darkness. I did not look forward to spend the night in this house – and i woke up.
Feeling this energy when i woke up, I realized I had identified with it – “this has something to do with “me.” No, I corrected myself, this has to do with old memories of being subjected to these energies, having felt them fully as a small child and then told myself that feeling like this, meant that I must be horrible!
Doing as all empaths do – and must learn to undo: identified with the energies, thinking it is ME, and then making up stories about what kind of person “I” must be.
Now, awake, it gradually happened that I lost that false identity and KNEW who I was – as God created me, eternal Self, invulnerable, wise,all-loving.
And so I could envision myself standing there WITH these people with these energies – fully anchored in the original Self – and just radiating this. No talking necessary
The images of those persons dissolved completely. I saw that I had had this dream to discover that there still was an energetic connection between these kind of people and energies – and the true ME.
It was beyond description beautiful to feel the real true Me as Presence – and from that True Identity, just allowing the others to live according to their beliefs and likes – knowing they have the same essence and free will to be and become whatever they choose
Then I fell asleep again and had a numinous dream:
I stand in front of a huge mountain, pyramidal in shape, but the sides are longer than the base. It is called the Virgin ( I once visited the Mountain Die Jungfrau in Switzerland, and found some relics on the top that I later attached to a power tool.)
The Virgin had something falling down like a waterfall from the apex – it looked like pure white light wool. I saw that another woman – a well known energy medicine woman who cured herself of ME and all kind of allergies when she was young had once hanged onto that wool while it swayed and danced in the wind and had been truly hurt by it, almost crushed. I found one tiny edge of it and held on – knowing I would not do as Donna had done and be hurt.
Then I saw that it was pure gold that waterfalled down the mountain. It was glorious and numinous and I shivered and cried.
I want to BE at a place of Being where I CAN dance with that gold and be strengthened by it.
I will and can do that when I fully have anchored my true Self in THIS body.
The suffering self leaves the driving seat
13 Dec 2018 Leave a comment
in A Course in Miracles blog, Healing, Now Tags: anger, Atonement, Cataract, choice, choosing, Christ, Christ's vision, comfort, costume, creation, eye, fear, healing, identification, identity, infections, Jayem, Jeshua, love, operation, pain, Self, suffering, suffering identity, the Right Eye, Way of Knowing, wine
The eye was very painful the whole night until ca 5am. There were coagulated morsels and strings of something that looked like resin around the eye.
“Infection” said intuition.
I asked myself what I wanted with this creation.*** There were many layers: there were definitely perks with going through pain and being a good girl, i decided that it certainly justified wine etc. afterwards.
And this identity is, as most of my readers here will have noticed, A HUGE part of my identity – what I call ME.
I looked at the wine bottle on the kitchen sink and realized that choosing wine and “comfort” I had completely identified with that wrong-minded identity. “My” justification was ” But I DESERVE it.”
Which I is that? The separated one. The suffering one. The small self. And I was radiantly aware of myself as a role – beliefs I have taken on through parents, teachers, ancestors, society – in short, the world.
I had taken her on, like an old costume -I had NOT acknowledged the Self in me who had experienced the great realizations under the knife. By choosing to tell myself “I DESERVE this now” I had failed to see that this suffering-me believes that suffering MAY at least justify being comforted. That is her perk
Which is really a cost!
And of course, that victim -identity can have infections.
I know that my true I cannot.
As long as I mainly identify with this girl, I will never wake up.
I realize that I chose that suffering identity last evening who took her comfort from wine and food. And that is why the eye hurt so much and looked so infected.
It was my thinking that was infected. The thoughts themselves are neutral – but the moment I attach an I am to the thoughts, I have declared it to be my identity.
I reached out to my Way of Knowing-group on Facebook and asked for prayers – for affirmation of my true Self, my true I/eye.
Within 1/2 hour my eye healed. ♥ Pains gone. Slightly red, but no more gunk oozing out. What an enormously important lesson I gave myself: you HAVE inner parts/patterns – meaning, they are in your soul as memories – but I AM the One Who chooses what I will identify with. To be aware of the little one and comforting her is so very different from believing I AM her.
*** In “the Way of Knowing” by Jeshua, channeled by Jayem, Jeshua teaches us that as sovereign souls we create our response to everything that happens to us. When we make choices out from the separated self, we choose out of fear and anger and confusion, and we may choose to “suffer to atone for sins.” Choosing from Self is always choosing to see with Christ’s vision – looking for the eternal Love within the perpetrator.
comfort
Christ Consciousness
05 Nov 2018 Leave a comment
in A Course in Miracles blog, Healing, My three books Tags: Christ Consciousness, Christ Presence, christ self, energy, healing, identity, patients, pattern, Self, survival mode, the Helper-archetype, therapist, When fear comes home to Love
Last webcast on lesson 11 of Way of Knowing with Sarita Premley. The guided meditation was very helpful – I always am more present when I listen to them alone in bed afterwards – I get distracted by all the energy info coming in from the images/persons on the screen
So when Sarita asked, “What do you really want to KNOW this life “– there was direct transmission via images and impressions. First there was the idea of being of service – but what truly came up as something I really have WANTED, was this:
I want to KNOW myself as a sovereign soul/Christ/Self, and BE/radiate this state of Presence to others.
In my book When Fear Comes Home to Love where we explore certain fear-archetypes-traps and how to relate to them, there is an archetype I have called Bird – after the big painting I was “given” to “download” as a painter, where all the archetypes are present as figures. The main one that I and all my patients through 30 years have had and been driven by, is what we may call “The helper/therapist-archetype” the one that derives her/his worth by this work – to her/his own detriment.
I have worked diligently with its energy for years – and yesterday, after our webcast, I noticed that my whole house was filled to the brim by my neighbors’ energy ( those from Kosovo that I have talked about earlier.) It even SMELLED from them – a quite different smell than the familiar one.)
So now I was planted in the middle of the old pattern: I am one who always pick up others unconsciousness that they have split off, and hold it for them.
I did that for 30 years as therapist without finding out what to do about it and almost always felt sick after sessions. “Giving it back” afterwards never really worked. Yesterday I saw the seed -belief – I NEED to do this as a survival mode – taking the others crazy-energy inside as a way of control it.– I truly believed it would save me from being attacked again, since I now had it inside already – but as Abraham reminds us, then I just hold a frequency that attracts more of the same.
So I saw the original choice and owned it, no problem – and affirmed that I WANTED this absolute KNOWING that I was this POWERFUL Christ Presence, WANTED to KNOW myself as That, FEEL myself as that.
And I came into this body in quite a new way – very anchored. It has lasted the whole day (included a visit to the Dental Hygienists who does rather painful work.)
I saw at night how the old identity was geared to “help” only by taking over others garbage – and that it helped me feel very good and helpful and powerful ( but also VERY angry and filled with revenge-thoughts.) I know that believed I had no choice in this – and yesterday I was clear that I had: I could choose instead just KNOWING that my True Presence is enough – TRULY! And being anchored in it will give me the necessary info about how to intervene or NOT.
I sat with that knowing for a very long time, confirming my choice again and again – THIS is what I desire. And what helped me was the KNOWING and bodily feeling that this IS my true identity.
From intellect into body-awareness – what a journey
It feels so very good
Thank you Sarita and group – thank you thank you
Receiving my Self
05 Sep 2018 Leave a comment
in Art and consciousness, Healing, Poetry Tags: bliss, other, others, Petry, poems, receiving, Self, the other
I wrote two poems these last days. I knew I liked them a lot – and I wanted to RECEIVE them with all of me.
I stood up, stretched my arms up toward Self and prayed to be helped RECEIVING MY SELF, the beauty and bubbling creativity that comes through me.
AND IT CAME! Rushes of bliss flowed through me, intense joy and gratitude without bounds
AT LAST RECEIVED ♥
My Others
Moanie Molly is mean on Mondays
frivolous on Fridays and
satyrical on Saturdays
Pretty-bow Prune tinkers with truth
on Tuesdays and
tortures toddlers on Thursdays with
a terrible smile of too- twinkling -teeth
Wednesday is my day – Woolly Wendy
is my wame. I call them in through
my windows of welcome
I wind them warmly into my
wet and woolly wembrace,
tucking them in, wriggling and wailing
wrapping them up in well-meaning waffle words
Sunday is sublime-day.
All of us together.
Singing in the supersonically choir of sunflowers,
Visiting soothsayers and sweet-shocked solicitors,
Swimming in star shined seas of sovereign surprises,
Summoning slithering salamanders
and cute little ducks.
Then we go home
and sleep the slumber of
sincere sinners
and saints
*
OTHER
You think you can avoid me
Climbing the highest mountain
I am your holy ground
Diving the profoundest depths
I am the reflective surface
Traveling straight forward
I am the tail you bite
You look at me and shiver at the
Dark mask
And I am looking at you through the slits,
Stretching my arms out towards you
You see threat
I see you
Heart broken open
No other
Outside and Inside
21 May 2018 1 Comment
in A Course in Miracles blog, Healing, My three books Tags: A Course in Miracles, abstract reality, abuse, awareness, belief, blame, bodies, choose again, David Youngblood, denial, fear, insanity, mind, Self, Spiritual reality, upset, Way of Mastery
David Youngblood told me this some years ago – and I wrote it down in one of my many notebooks. Today I felt insane and opened one notebook randomly. And what I need is RIGHT HERE:
“I am only upset at others/someone when they mirror back to my mind a belief which I have denied from awareness. When I blame something/someone (or fear them) it is to avoid seeing the upset and the resolution as they really are (a decision in my mind to stay separate) and to instead maintain an image of myself/other / the world / as I WISH. “
What a relief: OF COURSE I have wanted to see insanity projected outside of me!
“This mind-trick seems to replace guilt and fear, but actually maintains feelings of upset. To blame or fear an image of self/other/the World, requires that I believe I am limited to a body and a world of bodies, and it denies the Spiritual abstract reality of my being.
As a first step in letting go of all upset, I want to see in my mind what I thought was outside it”
I instantly see the field of insanity that surrounded me,my family and the men who abused “me” – I recognize it – I have for years of my life thought it was ME and have tried as hard as possible to push it away.
Now I have A Course in Miracles and Way of Mastery and am grateful beyond means that I now can choose again.
What do I REALLY want to see in I. and I.? ( The two persons who I have seen insanity in, threatening my peace.)
I want to see deep peace, gratefulness for all they have experienced, since it has brought us all HERE – I want to see tenderness, gentleness, patience, gratitude, deep inner peace and contentment, inner wisdom, clarity, respect for Self and others – and LOVE.
And how fun it is that both the names of these two whose people who carry the energies that scare me, start with I – so there are only I and I and I LOL –
there never was anybody outside this Big I/Self that we all share