I AM ONE SELF

The last 6 months or so I have worked with a brilliant copyeditor  for my novel. “Hilaryon Stories – the Botany of Loss and Longing and White Hares.” During that process, the old pattern of confusion and distractions have played with both of us – the most silly and unthinkable digital pranks have shown up; there has been a lot for me to catch hold of and tend to inside.

I have prayed constantly to see all this differently – to see each other  as innocent and not stupid and wrong.

When my cover formatter joined us, there were impossible errors showing up in the text on the back cover – and pointing out these errors to him and calling him to  correct them called up tremendous fear. I sensed the Fuckeat archetype rising– and telling me if I did this to B, he would come after me and kill me.

It felt so very convincing – this is what lies under the common belief “ I am stupid. There must be something wrong with me.”

Until I remembered the energetic law – what I focus on, I empower.

So after a month with this constant fear and new errors each day, I decided to deal with fear differently. I found one of my small notebooks and opened it. It said ( bolding is mine: )

Lesson 95 I AM ONE SELF

11. Begin the practice periods today with this assurance, offered to your mind with all the certainty that you can give:

I am one Self, united with my Creator, at one with every aspect of creation, and limitless in power and in peace.

Then close your eyes and tell yourself again, slowly and thoughtfully, attempting to allow the meaning of the words to sink into your mind, replacing false ideas:

I am one Self.

Repeat this several times, and then attempt to feel the meaning that the words convey.

12. You are one Self, united and secure in light and joy and peace. You are God’s Son, one Self, with one Creator and one goal; to bring awareness of this oneness to all minds, that true creation may extend the allness and the unity of God. You are one Self, complete and healed and whole, with power to lift the veil of darkness from the world, and let the light in you come through to teach the world the truth about yourself.
13. You are one Self, in perfect harmony with all there is, and all that there will be. You are one Self, the holy Son of God, united with your brothers in that Self; united with your Father in His Will. Feel this one Self in you, and let It shine away all your illusions and your doubts. This is your Self, the Son of God Himself, sinless as Its Creator, with His strength within you and His Love forever yours. You are one Self, and it is given you to feel this Self within you, and to cast all your illusions out of the one Mind that is this Self, the holy truth in you.

I have felt this Self each time I have sat down with it – so I have used the fear and distraction-occurrence to choose to rest in THIS instead.

When at last the cover was clear, I broke the trance of fear and chose to mail the formatter, addressing the underlying rage and revenge-energy, owning my part of it and telling him I wanted to see some of his beauty-images, not only the dark ones. He answered with love and humour and 3 images radiating truth.

After this, my sleep was filled with light and humorous dreams. I dreamed I had borrowed a heap of clothes from a store, I needed none of them – and a friend  told me she had returned them FOR me. What a sign – to give up the idea that I have to “do it all myself.”

And each time I have felt negative sensations this night I have said “I AM ONE SELF” and have felt how Its energy suffuses and melts the low frequency.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Virgin Mountain

After I found out what I truly wanted to experience, it happened this morning. I had wanted to experience being fully anchored in my body, present, healthy, ALIVE and happy – no longer being a vacuum cleaner for others’ negative energies.

In this life I have explored all kind of energies, and it has been adamant for me to learn fully  to be able to be WITH them and not “become” them.

I had a dream this morning, about living temporarily in a house with many people – and in one room there were drug addicts, heavy smokers, it smelt of booze and old sweat and  darkness.  I did not look forward to spend the night in this house – and i woke up.

Feeling this energy when i woke up, I realized I had identified with it – “this has something to do with “me.” No, I corrected myself, this has to do with old memories of being subjected to these energies, having felt them fully as a small child and then told myself that feeling like this, meant  that I must be horrible!

Doing as all empaths do – and must learn to undo: identified with the energies, thinking it is ME, and then making up stories about what kind of person “I” must be.

Now, awake, it gradually happened that I lost that false identity and KNEW who I was – as God created me, eternal Self, invulnerable, wise,all-loving.

And so I could envision myself standing there WITH these people with these energies – fully anchored in the original Self – and just radiating this. No talking necessary

The images of those persons dissolved completely. I saw that I had had this dream to discover that there still was an energetic connection between these kind of people  and energies – and the true ME.

It was beyond description beautiful to feel the real true Me as Presence – and from that True Identity, just allowing the others to live according to their beliefs and likes – knowing they have the same essence and free will to be and become whatever they choose

Then I fell asleep again and had a numinous dream:

I stand in front of a huge mountain, pyramidal in shape, but the sides are longer than the base. It is called the Virgin ( I once visited the Mountain Die Jungfrau in Switzerland, and found some relics on the top that I later attached to a power tool.)

The Virgin had something falling down like  a waterfall from the apex – it looked like pure white light wool. I saw that another woman – a well known energy medicine woman who cured herself of ME and all kind of allergies when she was young had once hanged onto that wool while it swayed and danced in the wind and had been truly hurt by it, almost crushed. I found one tiny edge of it and held on – knowing I would not do as Donna had done and be hurt.

Then I saw that it was pure gold that waterfalled down the mountain. It was glorious and numinous and I shivered and cried.

I want to BE at a place of Being where I CAN dance with that gold and be strengthened by it.

I  will and can do that when I fully have anchored my true Self in THIS body.

 

The suffering self leaves the driving seat

---

The eye was very painful the whole night until ca 5am. There were coagulated  morsels and strings of something that looked like resin around the eye.
“Infection”  said intuition.

I asked myself what I wanted with this creation.*** There were many layers: there were definitely perks with going through pain and being a good girl, i decided that it certainly  justified wine etc. afterwards.

And this identity is, as most of my readers here will have noticed, A HUGE part of  my identity – what I call ME.

I looked at the wine bottle on the kitchen sink and realized that choosing wine and “comfort” I had completely identified with that wrong-minded identity. “My” justification was ” But I DESERVE it.”

Which I is that? The separated one. The suffering one. The small self. And I was radiantly aware of myself as a role – beliefs I have taken on through parents, teachers, ancestors, society – in short, the world.

I had taken her on, like an old costume -I had NOT acknowledged the Self in me who had experienced the great realizations under the knife. By choosing to tell myself “I DESERVE this now” I had failed to see  that this suffering-me believes that suffering MAY at least justify being comforted. That is her perk

Which is really a cost!

And of course, that victim -identity can have infections.
I know that my true I cannot.

As long as I mainly identify with this girl, I will never wake up.

I realize that I chose that suffering identity last evening who took her comfort from wine and food. And that is why the eye hurt so much and looked so infected.

It was my thinking that was infected. The thoughts themselves are neutral – but the moment I attach an I am to the thoughts, I have declared it to be my identity.

I reached out to my Way of Knowing-group on Facebook and asked for prayers –  for affirmation of my true Self, my true I/eye.

Within 1/2  hour my eye healed. ♥ Pains gone. Slightly red, but no more gunk oozing out. What an enormously important lesson I gave myself: you HAVE inner parts/patterns – meaning, they are in your soul as memories – but I AM the One Who chooses what I will identify with. To be aware of the little one and comforting her is so very different from believing I AM her.

 

*** In “the Way of Knowing” by Jeshua, channeled by Jayem, Jeshua teaches us that as sovereign souls we create our response to everything that happens to us. When we make choices out from the separated self, we choose out of fear and anger and confusion, and we may choose to “suffer to atone for sins.” Choosing from Self is always choosing to see with Christ’s vision – looking for the eternal Love within the perpetrator.

 

 

 

comfort

 

 

 

Christ Consciousness

Last webcast on lesson 11 of Way of Knowing with Sarita Premley. The guided meditation was very helpful  – I always am more present when I listen to them alone in bed afterwards – I get distracted by all the energy info coming in from the images/persons on the screen

So when Sarita asked, “What do you really want to KNOW this life “– there was direct transmission via images and impressions. First there was the idea of being of service – but what truly came up as something I really have WANTED, was this:

I want to KNOW myself as a sovereign soul/Christ/Self, and BE/radiate this state of Presence to others.

In my book When Fear Comes Home to Love where we explore certain fear-archetypes-traps and how to relate to them, there is an archetype I have called Bird – after the big painting I was “given” to “download” as a painter, where all the archetypes are present as figures. The main one that I and all my patients through 30 years have had and been driven by, is what we may call “The helper/therapist-archetype” the one that derives her/his worth by this work – to her/his own detriment.

I have worked diligently with its energy for years – and yesterday, after our webcast, I noticed that my whole house was filled to the brim by my neighbors’ energy ( those from Kosovo that I have talked about earlier.) It even SMELLED from them – a quite different smell than the familiar one.)

So now I was planted in the middle of the old pattern: I am one who always pick up others unconsciousness that they have split off, and hold it for them.

I did that for 30 years as therapist without finding out what to do about it and  almost always felt sick after sessions. “Giving it back” afterwards never really worked. Yesterday I saw the  seed -belief  – I NEED to do this as a survival mode – taking the others crazy-energy inside as a way of control it.– I truly believed it would save me from being attacked again, since I now had it inside already – but as Abraham reminds us, then I just hold a frequency that attracts more of the same.

So I saw the original choice and owned it, no problem – and affirmed that I WANTED this absolute KNOWING that I was this POWERFUL Christ Presence, WANTED to KNOW myself as That, FEEL myself as that.

And I came into this body in quite a new way – very anchored. It has lasted the whole day (included a visit to the Dental Hygienists who does rather painful work.)

I saw at night how the old identity was geared  to “help” only by taking over others garbage – and that it helped me feel very good and helpful and powerful ( but also VERY angry and filled with revenge-thoughts.) I know that believed I had no choice in this – and yesterday I was clear that I had: I could choose instead just KNOWING that my True Presence  is enough – TRULY! And being anchored in it will give me the necessary info about how to intervene or NOT.

I sat with that knowing for a very long time, confirming my choice again and again – THIS is what I desire. And what helped me was the KNOWING and bodily feeling that this IS my true identity.

From intellect into body-awareness – what a journey

It feels so very  good

Thank you Sarita and group – thank you thank you

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Receiving my Self

I wrote two poems these last days. I knew I liked them a lot – and I wanted to RECEIVE them with all of me.

I stood up, stretched my arms up  toward Self and prayed to be helped RECEIVING MY SELF, the beauty and bubbling creativity that comes through me.

AND IT CAME! Rushes of bliss flowed through me, intense joy and gratitude without bounds

AT LAST  RECEIVED ♥

My Others

Moanie Molly is mean on Mondays

frivolous on Fridays and

satyrical on Saturdays

 

Pretty-bow Prune tinkers with truth

on Tuesdays and

tortures toddlers on Thursdays with

a terrible smile of too- twinkling -teeth

 

Wednesday is my day – Woolly Wendy

is my wame. I call them in through

my windows of welcome

I wind them warmly into my

wet and woolly wembrace,

tucking them in, wriggling and wailing

wrapping them up in well-meaning waffle words

 

Sunday is sublime-day.

All of us together.

Singing in the supersonically choir of sunflowers,

Visiting soothsayers and sweet-shocked solicitors,

Swimming in star shined seas of sovereign surprises,

Summoning slithering salamanders

and cute little ducks.

Then we go home

and sleep the slumber of

sincere sinners

and saints

*

OTHER

You think you can avoid me

Climbing the highest mountain

I am your  holy ground

Diving the profoundest depths

I am the reflective surface

Traveling straight forward

I am the tail you bite

You look at me and shiver at the

Dark mask

And I am looking at you through the slits,

Stretching my arms out towards you

You see threat

I see you

Heart  broken open

No other

 

 

 

 

 

 

Outside and Inside

David Youngblood told me this some years ago – and I wrote it down in one of my many notebooks. Today I felt insane and opened one notebook randomly. And what I need is RIGHT HERE:

“I am only upset at others/someone when they mirror back to my mind a belief which I have denied from awareness. When I blame something/someone (or fear them) it is to avoid seeing the upset and the resolution as they really are (a decision in my mind to stay separate) and to instead maintain an image of myself/other / the world / as I WISH. “

What a relief: OF COURSE I have wanted to see insanity projected outside of me!

“This mind-trick seems to replace guilt and fear, but actually maintains feelings of upset. To blame or fear an image of self/other/the World, requires that I believe I am limited to a body and a world of bodies, and it denies the Spiritual abstract reality of my being.

As a first step in letting go of all upset, I want to see in my mind what I thought was outside it”

I instantly see the field of insanity that surrounded me,my family and the men who abused “me” – I recognize it – I have for years of my life thought it was ME and have tried as hard as possible to push it away.

Now I have A Course in Miracles and Way of Mastery and am grateful beyond means that I now can choose again.

What do I REALLY want to see in I. and I.? ( The two persons who I have seen insanity in, threatening my peace.)

I want to see deep peace, gratefulness for all they have experienced, since it has brought us all HERE – I want to see tenderness, gentleness, patience, gratitude, deep inner peace and contentment, inner wisdom, clarity, respect for Self and others – and LOVE.

And how fun it is that both the names of these two whose people who carry the energies that scare me, start with I – so there are only I and I and I LOL –

there never was anybody outside this Big I/Self that we all share

 

 

 

 

 

It just wasn’t there anymore

For the very first time – when the usual morning-agony came – ( I am talking more than 30 years here – deep depression and suicidal thoughts) – there was no resistance and no judgment. Just quiet. Guess what happened to the agony

God happened

Self happened

No control happened

Now the ego is very quiet, it stands to my left and looks up and wonders “how did i manage that? I must remember it so I can replicate it.”

Truth is, it wasn’t THERE. And truth is, I feel soft towards it too – whatever it is

ARIEL

I dreamt that I was in the city and met a neighbor to my child house home -he was now my age, and with him I was in my SELF -*** It was indescribably beautiful – this is how it feels to live in JOY, I know it now – unlimited all peaceful and joyful – all accepting – overflowing love – BEAUTY! -grace – smiling with all the cells in my body – and he gave me a ring – it was placed on my left middle finger – where now is the ANCH-cross since 30 years ago – OH! – it was like a 2 inch high cylindrical  container of glass/crystal  -with something alive  and sacred inside –

Breathing deeply writing this

Then after a long while, the energy changed and my ring mirrored it – the content inside got muddled

I woke up, felt cold and stiff and horrible, and completely dried out. . I asked for help from the angel of Water, and It did not answer – so I knew there was something more for me to look at.I recognized this frequency as ***something that I do not want any longer,*** that it is a CHOICE I must take. I took it 🙂 Then the water flowed back into my cells.

Then, the test: as soon as I logged on my PC, there was a request from SKYPE – which deals with connections and relations 🙂 would I get the newest version from Microsoft? i clicked yes, and at the same time there was a big reaction of NO! from the nervous system.

All my contacts had disappeared.
At first I clicked around frantically and them i remembered to connect to Source. Then a chat-opportunity showed up. The helper was named ARIEL :

This is from internet:

Ariel is a Celestial Angelic Being within the Angelic Order known as the Archangels. Archangels are responsible for ministering to humans, considered somewhat like “manager angels”, Archangels oversee the responsibilities of Guardian Angels and the other Celestial Light Beings that act as our guardians and guides.
The patron saint of animals and the environment, Archangel Ariel’s name means ‘lion or lioness of God’. Her role is to protect the earth, its natural resources, ecosystems and all wild life and is always available with support and guidance for any activities that involve environmentalism and protecting, healing, rejuvenating, …

“Ministering angel” LOL – of Blue has so much fun me with me! ( Digression: In “When Fear Comes Hone to Love” I have collected a multitude of these sweet synchronicities from Spirit that i experienced, going through the explorations of the dark archetypes those 25 years.(still doing 🙂)

One more pointer to me: When i went through Primal Therapy in the 80-ies, I had ONE antagonist: his name was ARIEL. Now is that name redeemed to me, through THIS Skype-Ariel – who told me: my game is to help you:)

I shared my terror with him, to HAVE TO click on the correct places NOW and he told me again and again that he was there, take your time.

And so comes the beauty and wonder symbolism – he asked if i was willing to give him control of my computer so he could install the new program –

Of course I gave him that, and he thanked me for my trust 🙂

And voila, all my contacts are back
and i have the link to the contact/chat/page of Skype ♥

I have that link! ( And i wrote “I have that THINK:))

Thank you beloved SELF for hammering it in with so much joy

*** This symbolizes to me that only in connection to “my neighbor” ( anyone) am I in my SELF – we cannot reach Heaven on our “own.”

Invitation to online Playshop in healing

This quote from Rainer Maria Rilke is since 1988 the motto for my work as Expressive Arts Therapist at my studio; “Yes to the Soul.”

*
I want to speak to you about something that is very close to my heart. It is about how play, creativity, and silliness can be magical door-openers into what we have run away from – in a safe way.

I am here today to extend an invitation for a playshop (not workshop.) Some days ago, Spirit came through loud and clear and presented a structure for pioneering groupwork. Those who resonate with this will come together for a 7 weeks online playshop. Our intention is to bring healing to something we still haven’t accepted, embraced and forgiven – a “dragon.” As Rilke points out, it needs our help – and the help will come from our Self (Source, Higher Power, inner guidance, God, call it what you want.)

True healing happens when we come back into alignment with our essence. Trying to heal is struggle. Allowing intuition/Source to lead is something else altogether.

I am calling out to those playful dedicated souls who want to wake up and see through the dragons of illness, pain and victimization. That does not necessarily mean that illness and pain disappears: it means that we discover that they truly offer potentiality for great transformation.

And when we put our swords of judgment and resistance away, the dragons may relax and let the princesses out – the princesses being our own denied innocent needs and feelings. It is my experience, working like this the last 29 years in private practice and teaching it, when we stop opposing the illnesses/pain/problems, and instead opens to them with interested curiosity, creativity and PLAY, wonders may happen and princesses have been known to come out and jig happily.

(You who just decided “ Oh I can’t do that. I knew it. I don’t belong here“ – come back. Of course you are.)

We will each pick one dragon – a dis-ease, an illness, physical or emotional. We will set an intention of changing our relationship to it – from wanting to get rid of it – fix it – or “try to heal it” – to simply allowing it to BE and ***allow*** Source to take care of with it. It can do that only when we step back and get another perspective: creativity and

PLAY

When we are playing, we are stepping back from our limitations and our incessant drive to fix and perform and have validation from outside. Play opens you to a level of consciousness where more of YOU can come out. And we are receiving the magic of changing perspective on the dragon, on pain, on ourselves.

When WE step back, willing to play with the exercises***, not doing them for anybody but ourselves, to play and explore, then LOVE is free to flow into it in ways that are surprising and fun. And transforming! And even if the dragon may not be transformed, our MIND will be: we will be aware of that Something that directs our “creations”, we will notice themes arising in the group that show our connectedness. Maybe we will discover that there is so much more to our lives than what we have believed possible. What if we even may have seen through the veil of separation – seeing the illness as a messenger and an opportunity to love this part of us deeper.

***Practically: I will send you a creative exercise each Monday for seven weeks. It will be one theme each week. You need absolutely no “artistic” talent or practice. It is not about the result – it is about our willingness to play and explore and allow the love and energy inherent in the exercises to just express itself, just follow it where it wants to go. If you can only draw stick-men, that’s perfectly fine. Experience tells me that the more we trust and surrender to the process of simply doing these simple exercises, without trying to heal our dragon, the more freedom and space we give to our expressions. The more we get out of the way, Love can step in.

We will have a private group on Facebook, where we can post photos of our doodles, sketches, word-plays, photos etc. It is not to be judged. I see clearly – and sweat when I write this , like my body is underlining it for me:

Change will happen in our relationship to the dragons when we allow them to transform through our playfulness and non-seriousness – simply trusting and surrendering to a process we cannot control.

And precisely THERE Love and transformation enters.

I am sending this out now to find you. If you resonate, please email me with your name and mail address. There are only 2 places open.

About me:
In short: I have a studio – “Yes to the Soul” – where I since 1988 have worked with those who want to wake up to our true nature, and have used play and creativity as the main means for this. The process has always shown us that there is Something that leads our stories and expressions – and that this Something is nothing else than your own playful innocent magical Self.
*

Invitation to 7 week online course in healing dragons

This quote from Rainer Maria Rilke is since 1988 the motto for my work as Expressive Arts Therapist at my studio; “Yes to the Soul.”

*
I want to speak to you about something that is very close to my heart. It is about how play, creativity, and silliness can be magical door-openers into what we have run away from – in a safe way.

I am here today to extend an invitation for a play shop (not workshop.) Two days ago, my Self came through loud and clear and presented a structure for pioneering group work. Those who resonate with this will come together for a 7 weeks online play shop. Our intention is to bring healing to something we still haven’t accepted, embraced and forgiven – a “dragon.” As Rilke points out, it needs our help – and the help will come from our Self (Source, Higher Power, inner guidance, God, call it what you want.)

True healing happens when we come back into alignment with our essence. Trying to heal is struggle. Allowing intuition/Source to lead is something else altogether.

I am calling out to those playful dedicated souls who want to wake up and see through the dragons of illness, pain and victimization. That does not necessarily mean that illness and pain disappears: it means that we discover that they truly offer potentiality for great transformation.

And when we put our swords of judgment and resistance away, the dragons may relax and let the princesses out – the princesses being our own denied innocent needs and feelings. It is my experience ,working like this the last 29 years, that when we stop opposing the illnesses/pain/problems, and instead opens to them with interested curiosity, creativity and PLAY, wonders may happen and princesses have been known to come out and jig happily.

(You who just decided “ Oh I can’t do that. I knew it. I don’t belong here“ – come back. Of course you are.)

We will each pick one dragon – a dis-ease, an illness, physical or emotional. We will set an intention of changing our relationship to it – from wanting to get rid of it – fix it – or “try to heal it” – to simply allowing it to BE and allow Source to take care of with it. It can do that only when we step back and get another perspective: creativity and

PLAY

When we are playing, we are stepping back from our limitations and our incessant drive to fix and perform and have validation from outside. Play opens you to a level of consciousness where more of YOU can come out. And we are receiving the magic of changing perspective on the dragon, on pain, on ourselves.

When WE step back, willing to play with the exercises***, not doing them for anybody but ourselves, to play and explore, then LOVE is free to flow into it in ways that are surprising and fun. And transforming! And even if the dragon may not be transformed, our MIND will be: we will be aware of that Something that directs our “creations”, we will notice themes arising in the group that show our connectedness. Maybe we will discover that there is so much more to our lives than what we have believed possible. What if we even may look through the veil of separation – seeing the illness as a messenger and an opportunity to love this part of us deeper.

***Practically: I will send you a creative exercise each Monday. It will be one theme each week. You need absolutely no “artistic” talent or practice. It is not about the result – it is about our willingness to play and explore and allow the love and energy inherent in the exercises to just express itself, just follow it where it wants to go. If you can only draw stick-men, that’s perfectly fine. Experience tells me that the more we trust and surrender to the process of simply doing these simple exercises, without trying to heal our dragon, the more freedom and space we give to our expressions. The more we get out of the way, Love can step in.

We will have a private group on Facebook, where we can post photos of our doodles, sketches, word-plays, photos etc. You don’t have to. It is not to be judged. I see clearly – and sweat when I write this , like my body is underlining it for me:

Change will happen in our relationship to the dragons when we allow them to transform through our playfulness and non-seriousness – simply trusting and surrendering to a process we cannot control.

And precisely THERE Love and transformation enters.

I will post Q and A’s about the details

And a good long list of “what If’s” that will help if the dragon convinces you that you are useless.

We will start Monday 25th September. I am sending this out now to find you. If you resonate, please mail me your name and mail address. Registration starts September 15th
*
About me:
In short: I have a studio – “Yes to the Soul” – where I since 1988 have worked with those who want to wake up to our true nature, and have used play and creativity as the main means for this. The process has always shown us that there is Something that leads our stories and expressions – and that this Something is nothing else than your own playful innocent magical Self.