It was LONG dream and I enjoyed every moment of it – since I knew nothing was real and could harm me. It felt exactly as i feel now -writing on the PC. So this might be a dream too of course – AND A Course in Miracles tells us it is.
The fun thing is, that I worked as a stage and costume designer in Norwegian Theatre for 20 years – som I know all about creating trustworthy illusions:)
At one point in the dream I attended a big meeting with a very known guru. I sat down with him. Two men behind me told me I should ask his credentials, and i told them i am not interested in that, i want someone with Heart.
It turned out that he did not have that, so I simply left
It was a LONG dream, I don’t remember any of it now – but the feeling of not taking the dream seriously sticks to me even now. Which reminds me that I teach A Course in Miracles- which teaches that this world is a dream, and only LOVE is real. It says that we can be harmed by nothing but our own thoughts of fear, hatred and attack – and if we haven’t forgiven these places/thoughts/energies inside, we will have them meet us from the outside. When we react to something on the outside, it is because it/ they are pointing to something inside us that still haven’t been seen and forgiven.
We do not forgive or condone acts – we find where we have thought or acted in the same thoughtless way, and forgive ourselves for our lack of presence – and we forgive the other for the same lack.
I used the Course as a big help when I wrote When Fear Comes Home to Love– since I wanted a trusted Source to point to, when it came to sharing what I and my patients in expressive Arts Therapy experienced. I also soon experienced in my practice as therapist that there was Something Big and Beautiful and Humorous present when we worked – It was completely trustable. The patients noticed it to, when I pointed it out – and this knowing, that their life was not something random planned by craziness, was hugely important for their trust in the process.
The book is guided by a Loving Inner Master I named BLUE – and it also has a plethora of synchronicities that both myself and my patients experienced – which was a big help in trusting the process when it seemed random and dangerous.
I have noticed that many readers have told me that they do the same with success – they ask a question – “please clarify *this to me” and then they flip the book open and put their pinky some place on the page. The answer is always there.
A miracle is happening for me.I have for months had a dispute with our largest Phone-communication company – ( which for me is a symbol for the highest LOVE.) They have sent me a new adapter and it just would not bring the connection. Something in me knew that this was going to be a great lesson – the sysmbols are about communication – and that it was helpful to know that the connection I deepest wanted, was the connection with LOVE/GOD/Source/whatever we call it.This morning, after AGAIN feeling unjustly treated by customer service – and being certain I was RIGHT about it – I watched the first video with Autumn and Prune Harris. – This is a series about how to align with the energy of Nature – now Autumn – and I was for the first time willing to ask inside what the theme was that held me back. I was immediately brought back to my very early decision to perceive myself as hated by God – because of the horrors happening to me. I was shown the choice of my soul before this incarnation – to experience a life in a body which would be the opposite of being protected – and then – in spite of it all – finding LOVE. The REAL thing.
In one huge crying fit I saw all the persons participating in the various abuse-versions as roles in the drama that I had written and produced and play the leading role in – decided on that level before physical incarnation. I had wanted to have such a life be lived through fully – explored fully – and then coming to the realization that my soul has written the script – because it wanted most of all to prove to itself that LOVE can heal it all – and most important, heal my own perceptions.
I have been working deeply with this theme the last 50 years – and today was a deep breakthrough in simplicity – it has all to do with MY CHOICE to believe that I am a victim as my identity.
I can see my parents and brother clearer now – the correction has been put in motion – I can feel it. I believe I will experience to be close to LOVE and God again – and be sure to forgive any signs from the outside to mirror unforgiven stuff from inside.I am in awe of the perfect orchestration and TIMING of it all – including Prune’s bout with Covid 19 and her request for us all to send love and light and balance to EVERYBODY who needed it – and her rapid recovery. Everything is possible.
In When Fear Comes Home to LoveI wrote 49 examples of how God ( naming It BLUE in my book) intervened playfully when I needed it most.
Here is one such story:
A clairvoyant woman tells me that I have a wonderful big heart with potential for great transformation. “I doubt that” says my ego. I feel a strong impulse to visit a special book-store nearby, they have religious books and images, and I want paintings of Jesus and Mary, and hope to find some that are not sugary.
I don’t find any images that my heart loves. I find a small bowl of metal pins, and put my hand into the bowl and pick one. It says Leelah in red writing – and it shows an image of a little amorine who is shooting an arrow of love into Leelah’s heart.
Here is BLUE – the sacred animal in the cover of my book When Fear Comes Home to Love.
Just today – more that 30 years since I wrote it – do I realize why the Holy came to me as an animal. I smile and smile as I realize that the animal carries no baggage – while Jesus and God carry more baggage than Chicago Airport.
The image also shows how the Holy is always present in every situation – even the very darkest ones
This is BLUE – the symbol of embodied LOVE
Here is a short snippet
“Allow me to present the Blue to you – The Presence of Love within the Myth. When I started to write this book, my idea was to explore the figures within the Image and the Myth, and find their stories and healing potential. But three years into the manuscript Blue made Her[1]* entrance.
It was during one of my agonized sleepless nights. I started to pray, and found myself talking into my little dream-recorder which stays in bed with me. I decided to pretend that I was God and knew the answers to my agony. I asked, and “God” answered. It comforted me.
This repeated itself for almost a week. Then the ego butted in and persuaded me to stop these conversations. It wanted me to take the credit for the book, not the Divine.
That stopped the process very effectively.
But then I sat down and wrote down the conversations – and saw the wisdom, humor and Light within The Answering Voice. The moment I knew, with a wave of gratefulness, that these dialogues were going to be an important part of the book, I also knew that The Voice belonged to the sacred-looking blue animal in The Image, under the root. In that revelatory moment, the structure and intent changed: before, I was trying to write a book to be accepted by the academic world, to “prove” my worth to them – a futile and impossible scheme of the ego – now it became clear to me that Blue had planned it all! So this book is written to remind us all of that Guiding Principle within, Who faithfully leads us toward our awakening.
Conversations with Blue are meandering throughout this book, and the text is also spiced with short examples of Divine play, through the form of synchronistic events and magic “coincidents.” With deep compassion and humor, She shows us how She leads us and plays with us, and how darkness can be seen as layers in an onion, opening to the radiant Light at the center.
The following dialogue is one of the very first:, from 1997. Blue’s voice is in italics:
Talking with Blue / 1997
I am here to remind you that you are a child of God – and that ALL your journeys, stories, poems and images point toward Me. I am your sunny garden, your golden haven, your sacred heart – your one and only Mother and Father. Come home to Me now – I AM LOVE. I am here to urge you to RECEIVE YOURSELF.
Who are you, Blue?
I am you. There is no separation.
Can I call you God? Can I call you Christ?
You can touch whatever consciousness you want with your heart and intention. If you address Christ, His answer will be filtered through your consciousness and through your mind. And you will give My voice the voice you have been conditioned to use.
If you address Christ, it is from the Christ-source the answer will be given. How you hear it and receive it, is up to you, and will be refined through experience – much like an artist grows into her true form. –When you – and all humans – are communicating like this, you are doing yourself a huge favor: you are taking away control from the ego, and stepping outside its prison doors, into fresh air. I repeat, I AM YOU – there is no separation, except in your mind.
Dearest Blue – why have you taken the form of an animal in my image?
To show you my playfulness… I am Divine playfulness, cohabiting with the demons under the root – so you shall not take it so very seriously, my dear.
BUT IT IS SERIOUS!!!! IT IS HORROR!!! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING!!!!!
What is horrifying is to be trapped in the illusion that this Child is all you are. You need to have tremendous compassion for the Child – and at the same time recognize that you are also one with Me. The role of Child, this unhealed soul-fragment – “the one who suffers in hell” – is meant to be healed through the “Greater You.”
There is a GREATER REALITY (10) where you experience all as One. –You and I planned this drama – don’t get stuck in it! You are not the roles, you are not even the drama – but you are responsible for making the drama conscious, so you can step out of it. Yes – don’t get stuck in it, my love, PLAY WITH IT. As every actor knows, it is necessary to step out of the role. Child and Fuckeat are not YOU – it is something you explore to discover the dark places within you that you still haven’t loved and healed.
You cannot really choose love and light without knowing what darkness, denial and hatred is. When Adam and Eve were in Paradise, they did not know that it was good – before they seemed to fall from Grace.
So when you and your fellow-travelers experience and explore your root-hell, you will then have the necessary experience of torment-awareness to choose the opposite. But this choice becomes available only after having fully experienced and accepted your own tortured feelings.
Realizing the hellish drama as your own creation, [2]* will give you the impetus to choose love.
And please have fun doing it!
The essence in The Lesson of The Root is recognizing your error in identity – and then to choose again!
*
[1]*In the text, I may use ‘Her’ for Blue, our sacred Self, or Holy Spirit in Course-language. Blue is of course non-denominational – but in my experience, She has the quality of Divine Mother.
[2]* The Leelah-figure, according to the Course, creates absolutely nothing – the part of the mind that creates is outside time and space and has nothing to do with this body/personality we believe ourselves to be.
(10) At the time I was receiving this loving Voice, I was also deeply into Emmanuel’s Books: ‘Greater Reality’ is his term for Heaven.
So – being available for healing and correction – is quite a rollercoaster for me. For me, this white wonder poised on the cliff – and the human who saw the smile of it – is a mirror of the balancing out in a mind and soul like mine – dark and light.
Lately two strong symptoms seemed to be overwhelming : One of xerostomia – dryness inside the mouth and palate – and swollen legs. Google tells me this means I am an old woman and must be prepared of this bother. FFFt I say, this comes to set my mind on something I have overlooked because it is repressed and judged deeply – and it exists in the one mind we all share. So I looked at it, and saw myself in a situation ruled by immense hatred – and I embraced the hateful me. Immediately water flowed back into my mouth and eyes.
Right away a strong ache in the right shoulder and arm comes up. OK, I include you too. Yes, I have repressed my Right Mind ( as A Course in Miracles names it) to a severe extent, since I have been very focused on symptoms of pain and trauma in this life – and I have not been so good at balancing it out with just sitting and breathing and relaxing into the arms of Love. There has been an insistence to find out what it means, and then unravel and heal it. That is the way of the left brain.
That feels wonderful when I succeed – and very frustrated when I don’t, since small mind insists on being in control and get things.
But Queen Aurora does it differently.
AHHH 🙂 I just wanted to link you up to a very recent post about Queen Aurora – and look what Blue did -just what I needed to see right now
bliss
It only took eight years LOL – very well spent they were, since I decided to befriend this ” ego” instead of judging it.
*
For new readers: BLUE is the name of a blue animal on the cover of my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love.” S/He turned out to be the speaker of the Voice for Love.
Here is a small picture of Her/ Him:
She is so content with being right where she is, under root – knowing that it all will turn out perfectly
The more symptoms I have got the last weeks – and the more I have focused on the symptoms and worried and moaned and tried to think what to DO – the more frequent the symptoms have become, the more vicious and serious-looking. Law of energy:whatever I give my focus to, grows.
Last day I was in town. When I left the bus, a feeling of being in mortal danger was thrown on me – my whole lung area ached in a way that made me believe I was having an heart attack. I was passing through a crowd of people, when a young and beautiful man looked at me and smiled: ” I am a monk and a yoga teacher. ” I did not hear the rest, since I had left my hearing aids at home – I just smiled behind the darn mask ( he wore none) and continued to walk – suddenly noticing that the chest was perfectly OK.
His Presence and radiance had reminded me Who I am am / Who we are
This night when new symptoms were coming up I went to the Course who told me not to focus on symptoms on illness – and instead rest in my Self -remembering my true identity. So I did – and in 20 minutes or so deep pains, itchings and symptoms melted away. I could clearly feel the shift in thinking and frequency, and knew: “I will let let God / Self/ take care of this.”
From this level of consciousness I started to bless and honor all beauty in my life, and a supreme peace of mind spread. I found it did not mattered if I lived or died, as long as I embraced this Self – since here was Peace.
And it had taken all these illnesses lately to bring me here.
lonely girl in the Heart
30 years ago, when writing “When Fear Comes Home to Love”, I painted this image as an expression of a state of mind of the inner child, lost in confusion and states of deep loneliness and isolation ( ICEolation) and wrote this text to it:
In the middle of the Heart
there is a fog of woe and wonder –
so little known to itself,
so dreamingly absorbed in the
layers of illusion.
But look:
it’s floating in the Sun of the heart!
I am so lonely so lonely
and I do not know of my fears –
I sense them only when I am held
but very carefully, or I’ll burst into a million little pieces
someone has stolen my words
and my hopes
but my story is still here
under the layers of centuries.
I have a right to tell the story,
but who are the listeners?
A great light and soft love surrounds me when I finished writing the above, and a Voice speaks:
Child, listen – I am your mother, Aurora – Queen of the Heart
And I know that She has listened to it all
*
I doubted that Aurora was real, and prayed: Blue, please, give me a sign – let me see this name within three days.
Next day I read in the column for TV/radio: “Arcadian radio and The Arcadian Explorer’s editorial Staff continue their trip down Mississippi on the riverboat Queen Aurora.”
I am asking, since I seem to exist in dimensions with laws outside the physics of the world. Or – let’s say that I am “here” which seems to be in my house, and therefore ruled by physical laws – but my Guidance has no problem in manipulating physical instruments, like the radio-receiver. This is very practical when it comes to my connection with the Holy – God, Christ, The Universe, All that is – my Self – because when It started to twix the physical instruments many years ago, I realized that it had an intention with that – to make me notice that the Universe was on “my side”, wanting to assist me. At that time – about 25 years ago – I was exploring the common themes among my Expressive Arts Therapy patients and during some years I found ten archetypes we all had in common – described in my book When Fear Comes Home to Love.
These forms of energy seemed to rule us – and we all seems to have been abused in some way – physical, sexual or mental.
So the All That IS knew I needed help, and it amused Itself and us with arranging seemingly weird “coincidences” when we painted or were creating stories. ( The book is prop-full with these “signs” – with the title ” Blue is Playing.”) I named IT Blue, since I SAW the Divine as blue-)
Back to this morning – I was turning on a favorite music program and there was no sound. I turned the receiver up to maximum, and when I put my ear close to the loudspeaker I could hear a faint whiff of sound.
Then I “heard” a giggle ( it actually is felt within my body as pure playfulness) – and I found myself pondering ” hmm – do I simply have to TURN UP my listening / receiver? – ahh – could it be my reception to the Holy I need to turn up?”
Then this poem came floating in:
How can I listen to you when the Sun is on
the day swarms around me with cries for attention:
Poinsettia, table, legs, teddy in sofa,
the book titled BREATH
and OH the Beech outside the window
like a slender dancer
You need to scream to me, God
Nonono 🙂just turn your Love-receiver up
tuning in to Joy-station
let it take youBolero by Ravel
***
I went out for a hike
Everyone smiled radiantly to me
I was overwhelmed by beauty
and IT was within everybody and everything
Most of the thick old and sick wood has been removed now – I have a glorious VIEW
This was thick wood with trees going up to at least 50 meter. Here was a wall of graffiti in the thick of the wood before – now openly strutting
The wall of that mountain is about 100 meter tall – 33 feet – and I have never SEEN it since the wood was too dense
What a lovely word – Passover. What if humanity is truly passing over an old old schism in these Coronadays – forcing us ( helping us) to change our perception from fear to love – choosing love as our preferenced filter to look at anything – the Coronavirus in particular.
Some of us have the strange habit of choosing to welcome whatever illness that comes to us. I have learned this from my beautiful friend Leni.
So I welcomed the Coronavirus to say hi. I saw her as the epitome of Femininity – and that her intention with arriving now, was to manifest deep change in our outmoded fear based thinking. I personally notice the ways she makes it more difficult to breathe – I already have lungs that have a weakness, and deep breathing brings up feelings. When we don’t breathe fully, all those old pesky feelings can go downstairs and compromise our immune system.
Now most of us will be visited by what we have pushed down – and that will teach us how to shift our outmoded thought system thoroughly.
Lately I have had most of the symptoms – except fever, which I almost never have. I have felt my lungs contract when in a fear based state of mind – sensing the C-presence- and as soon as I have reminded myself that I am Spirit, created in the image of Source, the breathing gets OK again. Then I have actually seen the image of the Corona smile at me. Saying gently: resisting makes it real for you. Surrender to me – like now – and you will flow through.
I know that surrender to it does NOT mean saying ” Oh it is not use, it is deadly, it is much stronger than me blah blah.” Surrender – to me – means:
It is here to teach me something – to give me a gift. Please show me the gift – and I surrender to what is shown to me.
Take it or leave it folks:) I am not here to tell you what to do, but to share what works for me.
And for that reason, I will share here some reviews of my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love” – (look in the right menu) since my readers here may just have something in common with the way I think and feel and vibrate 🙂
I have choose some of the shorter ones.
Feather
5.0 out of 5 stars Pure Love
Reviewed in Germany on 8 June 2016
Verified Purchase
This book is pure Love. It is truth. It is the sweetest and most precious book I have ever read. Thank you sooo much Leelah:)“Don’t run away from grief, o soul. Look for the remedy inside the pain. Because the rose came from the thorn and the ruby came from a stone.”
-Rumi
*
Gr8fulme1
5.0 out of 5 stars Healing Old Wounds
Reviewed in the United States on 22 May 2014
Verified Purchase
The other reviewers have beautifully described this amazing book. I will just add the following: Although there has not been sexual abuse in my past, the process in Leelah’s work resonates with the deep healing of old wounds of any size. I read this book slowly and stop often to allow the material to do its work on me. Then when I pick it back up, it seems that Spirit (“Blue”) had me start reading at just the perfect time for an issue or question that’s currently up for me. This book is an awesome sharing of a powerful journey of emotional healing and spiritual awakening. Spirit is so good, loving, and helpful. This book is good medicine. Bless you, Leelah, for sharing love, clarity, & intelligence in your work. Bless you for your courage and vulnerability in sharing your story. Your willingness blesses us all. I am grateful.
*
My remark: When I was in the process of writing the book, Blue told me that what Gr8fulme shares is exactly what any reader would experience – if you have a question about something – and set an intention to be answered, and then open the book randomly ( or even “hear” a side-number inside) – read that page and you will have your answer. It is my deep conviction that Spirit/ your Self / will lead you to the exact place where you will find your answer – since all Spirit /Self wants for us, is that we start to trust our intuition and find our knowing that we are LOVED and assisted always.
seekingspiritualgrowth
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Book
Reviewed in the United States on 9 October 2013
Verified Purchase
Leelah made the inner journey to her true self possible for others to observe by sharing her writing openly. I feel gratitude for her vulnerability and showing it is possible to come through all the lies we learn and perpetuate thus proving it is possible to get through the web of lies to the true self where LOVE resides in each of us. This is an especially remarkable gift for those of us who have undergone trauma at a young age. Not being a victim is the phrase of the day, however for those who were victims at very young ages it can take much work and love from self and others to come into realizing we don’t have to identify with that victim once she had been heard and loved back to wholeness.
I am playing online games. – There is a website with different “curio games” – old Chinese solo board games and others. I admit I visit there fairly often – and that they are a bit addictive…so I went there now and said to the Great Boardgamer, The Universe:
What do you want me to experience here?
This Chinese game is all about finding sign-pairs and deleting them, and then new ones will pop op. They are all in intricate layers. Finding them all and deleting them all successfully may take about 15 minutes – but the patterns are randomly given, so succeeding here is rare.
The Universe gave me ONE try – and then a big sign came up: “You have no more choices!”
My One choice has to be:
LOVE
I LOVE it when Blue plays with me like that. “When Fear Comes Home to Love” is full of these “Blue is playing” ♥
You might like to click on the book and see if it opens on one of the “Blue is playing”s. Just click on the cover and a menu opens on the left side. If you want to play with The Universe too, just set an intention to find a piece that will be particularly meaningful to you right now – take a breath expect the best and click it.
if you want to share, please do so in the comments below.
This is about the power of decision as Jeshua /Jesus teaches in A Course in Miracles and “Way of Mastery.”
I obviously has a Self who loves to have fun.
After last days webcast, I have practiced a lot: I choose – I decide.
And so my electrical and electronic devises co-play with me. That started with the outdoor-lamp some 7-8 years ago – then the cellphone and its alarm and its clock ( recently its time showed 1.5 hours in my future – meaning “ I am living in my future, not here, now.”
So true. It brought me right bake to HERE
Yesterday, my electrical toothbrush started acting up. It started and stopped without my pushing the button.What is that about, Blue? “YOU decide when to turn on and turn off. Be IN the action.” Oh of course! Thank you.
Then I got an idea to go to the food-store and to listen to a podcast in my mp3. I can’t find the mp3. Searching, irritated, scared . When I pass the bathroom there is a loud crash. I open the door – the electrical tooth-brush WITH its pretty heavy holder has jumped off the cupboard it stands upon and landed in the middle of the floor.
When I stop and breathe, I know I forgot to choose consciously – I now feel a clear difference energetically between deciding “I will go the food-store and listen to the mp3” and TRULY putting my will and Presence behind that decision.
Everything around me is concerting in putting me in the right place of decision.
I made this stick horse to my daughter 35 years ago. In Norway , we have the expression “to ride a stick horse” when you english-spoken people say “have a bee in the bonnet.” Once, when a dear friend rode her stick horse for the umptieth time, I found the actual stick horse and showed her and said please demount from that horse you are riding. Very rude I was, but it worked.
Afterwards, Blue told me I’d be needing this horse again to point to it next time Betty rode it – but she never did.
I needed it for me LOL
This night I did another LONG Core transformation process with a part in me that has been 1000% CERTAIN that the way she sees things IS THE TRUTH.
It was extremely unpleasant for a long time – she felt like admitting that if she “could” be wrong, it would mean all things of horrible things about her. One thing was that she would be insane – since she would swear on her life that she was right.
With lots of patience and will to proceed forward, something shifted and she ended up in God’s arms, smiling and happy, seeing that all that mattered in life was to remember that perception rests on beliefs that we have told about ourselves and the world – and that other people has other perceptions.
Entering the living room, I saw that the stick horse – that I had jammed between a shelf and the wall – had fallen down, now leaning toward a recliner 🙂
For new readers: this symbolic happening belongs to a long series of synchronicities in my life, that Blue – my inner Guide – employs to demonstrate the truth in humorous ways. I have posted many of them in earlier posts – if you want to read more, search “Blue is playing.”
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Leaving the womb: entering life fully 