Healing old memories of oral abuse

Pain in the neck –

Do you ever have one? I have one – and it is now identified, seen as neutral and can evaporate.

IS vaporizing.

Writing this, I sense the freed energy moving down into the lungs and heart and abdomen – while I yawn and yawn and yawn.

I can see the frenzy of that energy wreaking havoc throughout its journey: the neck – back of the head – now I can sense there is a whole kind of de-frosting starting there and spreading. Big nausea – welcomed.

Forgiving the whole pattern, forgiving the echoes made throughout the body, faithful body, doing it’s very best to deny it all and repress the energy into the mouth and the teeth. “This is NOT NOT NOT real, go away image, go away imprint, this is not happening to ME:”

It happened to the body – and so I identified the body with ME.

But in A Course in Miracles, I learn that the body is NOT who I am – I am Spirit, healed and whole and innocent.

For each big yawn now, the neck and body are releasing the physical energy

It feels – exquisite.

Now I know why I lost my beautiful soprano! – The energy of singing sent the vocal cords into vibrating and made the whole singing area a disaster-area. It opened up to the memory I had shunned, sounds that must not be heard, cries that were forbidden.

My soprano was spectacular. I lost something extraordinarily beautiful.

And I recognize that the venom and deep disrespect of women that the semen contained, the very energy of that, is what REALLY had to be repressed and denied – seeing my female soul and body as disgusting, a container for that disgust.

And of course, the child thought this disgust had to do with her.

No wonder the singing had to stop.

Now, the singing may be on its way back it seems – it may take long time

I don’t care

I am free

I am as God created me

****

I tried to find an image of a girl singing – and all I got was performing girls with mics and costumes

you have to visualize this one for your self :

about 4 years old – standing outside in a meadow – summer – and just singing because the beauty needs to be expressed

Presents

When I sat down at the table at my daughters Saturday, there were heaps of presents. They were exquisitely wrapped, and I felt a sinking in the stomach. “This is over the top” an inner voice said. Every detail was prepared to perfection – but there was a sensation of deep desperation about it all.

The effect on me was nauseating.

For me, it is like this: if it feels good for both the giver and the receiver, the gift has true value. If not, there are underlying unconscious expectations:

I give to be seen as “loving” ( which I secretly “know”I am not.)

I give to feel safe ( “now I will not be attacked)

I give something to be loved and to feel valuable and good.

The more gifts, the more I show how much I love

I know my daughter as a radiant teacher of love, so this was gift to me on a higher level – it happened to show me something. And only late 24 hours later in the night today did I discover: – what we were caught in, was the archetype of CHILD, that I describe in When Fear Comes Home to Love.

A Course in Miracles describes it like this:

“T-16.VII.1. It is impossible to let the past go without relinquishing the special relationship. 2 For the special relationship is an attempt to re-enact the past and change it. 3 Imagined slights, remembered pain, past disappointments, perceived injustices and deprivations all enter into the special relationship, which becomes a way in which you seek to restore your wounded self-esteem. 4 What basis would you have for choosing a special partner without the past? 5 Every such choice is made because of something “evil” in the past to which you cling, and for which must someone else atone.”

CHILD is the part of the psyche that thinks itself inherently unworthy and loved in her essence: – you only GET love by following others’ expectations – a special relationship is based on the belief in separation. You adapt and perform and adjust – but in your essence, there is something inherently WRONG with you. You exist for others, period.

I started to explore the expectations CHILD may have behind giving gifts: to be loved, to feel safe, to be seen as nice and good and special in many ways. I became acutely aware that the horrible sensations and energies I have felt for two days now came from Child – and I recognized it as a soul gift from my beloved daughter.

For all that I have not accepted and owned as mine, I cannot embrace and forgive. And the gift in this presentation was to present a lot of presents that were over the top – both in wrapping and economy. The agony came from all that this Child in us has repressed: the need to be loved and held, valued just as s/he is – seen in her particular character and treasured just like s/he is.

Our World, as the Course teaches it, is the place where God’s One Child ( us all) play out the belief in separation – we have to DO something to EARN love.We deny the inherent value we all have as God’s child. We eat of the Tree of Good AND evil – and the soul does it to find the way to love ALL OF IT, recognizing that the “evil” springs from confusion, forgive and find the love in our heart that can house it all, and transform the energies. Jesus tells us that when I forgive a confused part of the small/separated mind, I have made it a bit easier to forgive – a bit more available to forgive for everybody – since there is only ONE MIND in reality.

And in reality, this (“my”) mind is one with God’s mind – all filled with Love. And since Love loves all things and allows us to play in all ways to experience the consequences of a separated mind, I can turn to Love now – the essence of what I am in truth – and own my choice for separation and all its consequences. Being there NOW, I can extend forgiveness to myself for the choice I made and choose again:

Love.

As this Love starts to permeate my creation, the agony melts and there is a deep knowing that my true value, given me by Love has never been disturbed.

And I can communicate this to my daughter from my soul to hers – and if necessary, I will find words to share with her eye to eye as well.

Some photos of this True Love that I have saved:

This is Anna – grandmother of Jesus . painted by Leonardo DaVinci.

A crushed bowl – mended with gold and love – helping me to see the value in the wound

This photo has followed me all my life – I sucked the forefinger too, and animals were safe

This is in my mind how Jesus would look if he were a cat

Lucid Dreaming

It was LONG dream and I enjoyed every moment of it – since I knew nothing was real and could harm me. It felt exactly as i feel now -writing on the PC. So this might be a dream too of course – AND A Course in Miracles tells us it is.

The fun thing is, that I worked as a stage and costume designer in Norwegian Theatre for 20 years – som I know all about creating trustworthy illusions:)

At one point in the dream I attended  a big meeting with a very known guru. I sat down with him. Two men behind me told me I should ask his credentials, and i told them i am not interested in that, i want someone with Heart.

It turned out that he did not have that, so I simply left

It was a LONG dream, I don’t remember any of it now – but the feeling of not taking the dream seriously sticks to me even now. Which reminds me that I teach A Course in Miracles- which teaches that this world is a dream, and only LOVE is real. It says that we can be harmed by nothing but our own thoughts of fear, hatred and attack – and if we haven’t forgiven these places/thoughts/energies inside, we will have them meet us from the outside. When we react to something on the outside, it is because it/ they are pointing to something inside us that still haven’t been seen and forgiven.

We do not forgive or condone acts – we find where we have thought or acted in the same thoughtless way, and forgive ourselves for our lack of presence – and we forgive the other for the same lack.

Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash

I used the Course as a big help when I wrote When Fear Comes Home to Love– since I wanted a trusted Source to  point to, when it came to sharing what I and my patients in expressive Arts Therapy experienced. I also soon experienced in my practice as therapist that there was Something Big and Beautiful and Humorous present when we worked – It was completely trustable. The patients noticed it to, when I pointed it out – and this knowing, that their life was not something random planned by craziness, was hugely important for their trust in the process.

The book is guided by a Loving Inner Master I named BLUE – and it also has a plethora of synchronicities that both myself and my patients experienced – which was a big help in trusting the process when it seemed random and dangerous.

I have noticed that many readers have told me that they do the same with success – they ask a question – “please clarify *this to me” and then they flip the book open and put their pinky some place on the page.   The answer is always there.

 

Candida as Judge and Jailor

And then it is so – that when we vow to something good, all that is between us and that, will come up to be discovered and forgiven.

Lately, eating and digestion has become almost impossible- instant raging Candida-response. I asked my guides for a dream to clarify, and it came:

I was in a dentist’s office to make an appointment. (Teeth are for me symbols of beliefs.) There was a nurse there, and three other people who wanted appointments too. Gradually the atmosphere changed into viciousness – I got a stern message to wait- and I waited and waited.

The dream then expanded in a Kafkaesque manner – I had acted wrongly and had no idea what I had done – and they all insisted that I knew perfectly well what I had done and continued to shame me. I now was completely at their mercy. I had done something wrong and could not for my bare life see what my sin was.

I woke up and remembered that this has been a pattern for me in many workshops – the first day the leaders were sweet – and the next, their manner changed into a kind of contempt and “you know perfectly well what you do.” It freaked me out and nobody ever told me what I “did.”

When I woke up, I understood that this is a dream which presents an energy I still have not forgiven. A gift indeed! I ask, “where have I subjected myself to this kind of contempt before?” There are strong pains and tensions around my lower abdomen and vagina – and I remember my father and other men’s energy during abuse – their contempt oozing at the women they abused.

I asked myself, “where have I abused myself with self-contempt?” oh yes – I have for years and years automatically and unconsciously heaped abuse on my sexual organs – since they obviously deserved punishment like this,frequently, and from many. For of course they had to have a reason for their attacks – and I must be deserving it in some way.

So here the self hatred started – my own attack at my sacred feminine parts.

Now I believe that the Candida came as a stern reminder – you do NOT deserve comfort in the shape of desserts and sweets – since your very identity is something horrible and weird and wrong.

This is the gift of the dream – to truly SEE the impact my own old hatred has had on my organs. And on my very sacred Feminine Divinity. I CHOSE it – and I will forgive the choice and choose again

So – everything I “take in” – digest – is influenced, imprinted with hatred – and the premise that hating is just and GOOD, even – “this is a way this human atones for her sins –”

Sigh

What a blessing to SEE this mechanism – on a yet deeper level than before. I am sweating writing it down.

I will now ask the Divine to enter my breath – and I will sit and HOLD IT ALL while breathing Love into it and through it, and the rest is up to the Holy.

*******

Next day I invited the Divine to eat with me each bite I took. I breathed for each bite, I visualized the organs and the candida-place relaxed and forgiven, I talked to the organs , full package :). The Candida eased down quite a bit. Then I had a fear response that originated in the area around the vagina again – and “saw” a little scared girl who was afraid of a male figure. I had the day before read an exercize that Jeshua suggests in Way of Transformation – a way of visualizing the feared figure and placing Light around them in a certain manner. I found myself adapt the exercize to a little girl’s world, in a cartoon-like manner, and it worked wonderfully – I knew I was working with an archetype ( Child) and not “me.”) The moment I KNEW that, a former clinging to the “me”-identity dropped off, and I understood the vast treasure of working with archetypes the way I have done this life. No more regret and shoulds! 🙂

All you need is Love

Sunbeam and Wave

Photo from Shutterstock


 
 
 
 
 
 

Yesterday I asked a question on my Way of Mastery-group. One woman gave an answer with a projection in it- I felt the sting and the instant resentment – and I remembered to ask myself where I had done that? Hm 😊
And what came out of that was life changing for me. I have lately wanted to know more deeply what Jeshua means with “your object of CREATION”*** since the forgiveness-exercise is all about working with that object.
I sensed that the OOC is the story I have made, where I seem to be separate from other beings, seems to be placed in a certain time and in a certain space where memories come from, and movements in my nervous system, all the characters involved in that story-object, my feelings and emotions and sensations in the body, how I breathed in that situation- everything physical and mental and emotional that happened that I called me and MINE – “this is about ME.”
And then, the judgments are the judging way I looked at the neutral acts in the story:  you/they/should/shouldn’t have – you are X ( stupid, wrong, the whole chalabang.)

I sensed the impact of this story of guilt and projection in the body, breathed and cried and released and forgave and embraced and blessed, and fell asleep and had a magnificent dream where I was FREE and related to various people in wheelchairs etc 😊 with lots of humor and freedom, and met wonderful people, and remembered I had a new and supersuper car somewhere – but I had currently forgotten where I have parked it!  LOL

And this insight-angel embraced me:

Truth is – I am the wave in the same big sea we all live, I am the sunbeam from the One same Sun we all share – and as long as I remember my connection with my Source – and recognize where my power and safety come from, acknowledging it – then I know where I belong.

And in the moments where I forget and believe am rootless and miserable and wrong – I need just lovingly correct myself and remind me of my origin. There, I can with clear eyes look past sin and guilt and fear and recognize that that comes from a choice of perception that creates fear. I can start with blessing all I see – including myself and my fearful perception. I can ask to see that the ones who stumble and do evil, have temporarily forgotten the Sun and the Sea. I can remember it for them, blessing them WITH that knowledge. I have noticed that it may be very simple – when I smile to someone who seems to be in a worry-place, they  MAY pick up where that smile comes from, and seemingly in front of my eyes, step out of a dark dream and smile back

Marcos Paolo Prado, from Unsplash

*** from his Way of Mastery-course

 

Metal and Grief

Hi all – I have been in a state of energetic hold lately that is simply hellish. After many hours I remembered  to open my own book at the night table – When Fear Comes Home to Love –( see right column) and found the answer – which for the thousandth time or more tells me that it is not the emotions/feelings/pain/energy  that is the problem – it is the way I identify with /relate  to all of it.  The words in italics come from Blue, my inner guide.

 

This is not YOURS – it is mind stuff. It is a force field generated by the collective unconscious. Within this force-field is your denied protest and forbidden anger from your childhood and youth – completely cut off from your awareness. Please note that you carry insane anger from your father and your other tormentors too. Your denial of the energy – “this does not happen” – demonizes it and attracts negative entities and thought-forms. This is nothing special about you: all humans unwittingly add to the demonic fields by judging and repressing their negative feelings, instead of just feeling them. Just start to notice the sensation of “me” and “my” in connection to feelings: this structure, this identifying with the “someone” you think you are – the ego – creates the darkness .The ego thrives on this. Just notice the energy of the anger now, without telling yourself it is YOURS – just forgive all that drama. You don’t have to DO anything – just notice it as it is in the body: ”ah – anger “– and see “the demonic” fall away like dirty old snow. It will have nothing to stick to any longer, as soon as you give up identification with it
***

After reading this, I was led to Eden Energy Medicine website – a group where we can share what needs to be healed/transformed and helped by Eden Practitioners. There were two videos there that helped me move out of that horrible vortex of hopelessness, and so I wanted to share it with my readers.

here is Prune Harris:

and here is Melanie Smith:

Much love!

New Frequencies of Thoughts -New Species

Today, on my way home from our nearest town, it rained, I had three bags, face mask and was a bit tired  – and I realized, I am supremely satisfied and happy in that moment.  My face mask always feels very unpleasant – I feel a bit suffocated, and there is dampness inside. NOW the air inside felt – not only pleasant, but pleasurable. The air felt vigorous!! I realized that my overall frequency had increased.

This lasted for hours. Nothing had changed in my world, but everything was different. Everything was a joy to experience

At home, I had my bi-monthly dyad-session with my friend Kit. We have done this for more that fourteen years and we are very happy with what happens.

I have her permission to share this:

She told me that she for the first time had been hacked – and how unpleasant it felt. She allowed those feelings, breathing into them- and then she said, “What I really want is to offer the hacker my love.”

There was a huge shift in energy. We sat with that for a while, and she added “Everything is a portal. A possibility for transformation.” We shared times where we have been invaded – and how the process had taken years: we need first learn to take care of ourselves, setting borders etc – and gradually we come to see that everything/everybody we react to, mirrors some part of ourself that needs love and forgiveness. When we love that inner part, more than often the outer manifestation changes.We realized the level of healing we had obtained by “hanging in there” for so many years. And that most of the time, the latest year, had consisted of not knowing where a process wanted to go, and just follow with interested curiosity.

At the end of our time, a dog across her street started to yelp. That dog was chained outside a shop, and did not like to be left. -Each time this has happened, we have asked where we feel left – or “what does the dog complain of today?”and then we talk to the dog “inside” and love him/her, and always when we make that connection the dog stops yelping.

This time my association was to an old inner image of a child in a hole in the ice – having left all hope go. This time I found myself reassuring her that she WAS out of the ice – this was just a reminder of her earlier overall catastrophic mind. She realized it at once and I became wonderfully warm inside. Maybe just a few more times and she will be integrated.***

*** This inner child is part of an archetype that I explore with my students in my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love.” You find it in the right menu, and can read reviews on the Amazon page if interested,

Kit suggested that we may have been trained by our process to have climate-friendly thoughts – and as she said this, I got an image of what I have read many places: there are NEW species “coming in”  – the scientists don’t know how – but new animals, new plants and new bugs arriving – and even some creatures popping up in a different continent than before. Maybe when a certain amount of people has raised the frequency of their thoughts – from fear and limitation to Love –  this may  be mirrored in new creations of life – new species.

If you google “new species” I think you will be surprised.

Here are a few examples: A marvelous new flowering plant from Mexico. Image © 2019 Jonathan Amith.

The newly described cat-eyed cardinalfish. Image © 2019 Mark Erdmann.

Vandalized Wood

My hundreds of years old wood

I love the way it felt like going through a tunnel, the light playing on the trunks

Yesterday I went for a hike in my beloved wood, close to my home.

It was not there. It had been cleared – lumbered – and as I walked through the familiar path, the views were now open – and the scars were everywhere.

It was a shock  –  MY wood had been vandalized!

Now you might read the description of the wood like your own inner wood/soul landscape – like C.G Jung would.

I felt like all my safety and support had been shaken up and pulled up – like my entrails  now was hanging out of my mouth – sorry for that graphic image folks –

I was talking to my daughter in my cell phone as I walked, and I noticed how cool I was describing it – hmm I will feel this deeply when I come home, I knew.

I share this, since I have understood that many of my readers have been abused in some way – and some of them are bi-polar – so they will be able to pick up the healing energy as they read the post through, and BE HELPED just by hooking into the energy of forgiveness and healing of abuse of any kind.

I believe I have come into this incarnation to do just that – clear the structure of archetypal pain of “the victim” on as many levels as I can.

As soon as one of us chooses to see our wounds with love and forgiveness, that healing is AVAILABLE for all – and now it is up to everyone to truly accept it for themselves. That has taken 76 years in this life for me

As a therapist since 1988 – and supervisor for 20 years -I have gathered mine and my patients’ healing experiences in my book “ When Fear Comes Home to Love.”

Take a breath here

I felt very bad at home – and was convinced it was COVID-19: I was feverish and it was REALLY hard to breathe. It lasted all day and much of the night, and in the morning, I called out for Anna – Jesus’ grandmother – who always for some wonderful reason has been infinitely close.

I invited her to breathe with my lungs, and in a minute or two all the symptoms were gone.

So I asked: Where have I vandalized a landscape as vast and wonderful like this wood?

Ahh – it was my inner wood I had vandalized.

I immediately recognized it:

This happened when I returned home when I was about 4 years old and hade been brutally abused in a wood close by.

 I got home, I don’t know how, and rang the bell. My mother came out and SAW me – there was a terrified look on her face as she SAW what had happened –

and then she turned it into something I had wrong wrong – ripped  and soiled my clothes.

In that shattering moment when I understood that I would NOT be comforted – I could NOT share what had happened and my experiences of it – the inner vandalizing started. I told myself this must be something fundamentally WRONG with me – and my salvation was of course to start bettering everything about me.

That procedure was in itself a recipe for self hatred.

Here is in short the forgiveness-process that Jeshua gives in the Way of the Heart.

FORGIVENESS Jeshua
1. “Use your ordinary experience in each day to observe what pushes your buttons… As you go through your day, observe when you feel as though you are in contraction. Are the muscles of the body tight? Is the breath very shallow?… That is a sign that you need to do healing within yourself… Therefore, count it a blessing if you feel disturbed.” (page 35)

“Begin to breathe deeply and rhythmically. Let the body softened and relax, and ask: ‘What is it within this person’s energy that is really causing my reaction?’ You will see it right away: “Oh, they are so critical. Criticism pushes my buttons.“ Then ask yourself: ‘When have I done that to another?’
“Watch the image dissolve and disappear from your mind. Bring your awareness back to the present moment and that person that just pushed your button… within yourself, forgive them for allowing the energy of being (e.g.) critical to temporarily make a home in their mind. And merely ask the Holy Spirit to see the innocent light within them.” (page 36)

I made a choice in that moment – to squeeze out any inner signs for needs – like comfort, like “being saved.” Because, said my mind, my mother surely HAD TO BE RIGHT – I had to trust my mother.

And this glorious night, as I used the forgiveness formula with Anna present – breathing through me – I watched the image of the two of us dissolve in light and disappear from my mind. I saw the innocent light around and in  us both – and I recognized our soul contract: – she and my father had soul-signed up to play these roles for me, so I at last in this incarnation could get a good hold of it all, look at it with love, forgive it and let it go. ***

***

I have been working with this theme for over 30 years. It has taken a lot of work and stubbornness to get to this place.And the trees had grown REALLY tall and the Light had trouble getting in to it.

My daughter suggested in the phone that I might return and present the de-lumbered wood with gifts. I see myself walking through it and singing and dancing to it – giving my energy to the place which is now open to new growth.Most important – now LIGHT can reach all the way down to the very ground.

I hope this experience has done this with me: cleared me out for receiving LIGHT all the way down to my very roots

And here are som more photos of the old wood:

 

You can see the light blue spot to the left – that is a broader hiking trail to the top of the mountain. Now all the trees you see here are cut down. There is free access to the main path to the top 🙂

Forgiveness

This blog is the place for me to share openly ( often with embarrassment) – to support myself in giving my self a voice, and share the insights and gift from my spiritual and creative process.

In my Course in Miracles blog, I share the lessons from the universe where I use what I have learned through the Course and the three books by Jayem; The Way of the Heart, the Way of Mastery and the Way of Knowing.

In the Way of the Heart, chapter three instructs us thoroughly through the forgiveness process, as Jeshua/ Jesus explains it and learned it.

FORGIVENESS Jeshua
1. “Use your ordinary experience in each day to observe what pushes your buttons… As you go through your day, observe when you feel as though you are in contraction. Are the muscles of the body tight? Is the breath very shallow?… That is a sign that you need to do healing within yourself… Therefore, count it a blessing if you feel disturbed.” (page 35)
“Begin to breathe deeply and rhythmically. Let the body softened and relax, and ask: ‘What is it within this person’s energy that is really causing my reaction?’ You will see it right away: “Oh, they are so critical. Criticism pushes my buttons.“ Then ask yourself: ‘When have I done that to another?’
“Watch the image dissolve and disappear from your mind. Bring your awareness back to the present moment and that person that just pushed your button… within yourself, forgive them for allowing the energy of being (e.g.) critical to temporarily make a home in their mind. And merely ask the Holy Spirit to… see the innocent light within them.” (page 36)
2. “It is very, very important to let each day to be sufficient unto itself. When you end your day, always truly end it… As you take a deep breath as you rest your head upon the pillow, look upon of the whole day, embrace it with your consciousness, and as you let your breath go out, say silently to yourself: ‘I release and forgive this day. It has been perfect. And it is done.’” (page 38)’

I have studied this for many years – and it is amazing how many layers there has been for me to see the simplicity in it. Example: This night I found issues with betrayal from a brother – and looked for a situation within me where I had done the same. I could see it – and what was more important was, that I could see that at that time I thought I had no choice – I thought I HAD to stay with that man,since inside me was a terrified little girl who was raised to believe that she could NOT take care of herself – so I traded “safety” for “being supported.”

This time I embraced her – and also fully embraced my mother who also had that pattern – and my brother too – and saw how it all was splendidly set up for me for truly experience all flavors of it this life. Now waves of light flowed into me, and I gradually could see the sacred essence of them all – and recognize the “contracts” we set up before this incarnation – to play these roles in our family to make these energies available to be seen, known and transformed. Since it is not possible to forgive anything I haven’t first embraced.

To see Jekyll and Hyde-abuse as a valuable lesson for us who want to wake up is what my books are all about – how can I use it creatively – poetically – how can we create art out of it?

Since art and playfulness is the very essence of our true Self

Maybe that is good question for you too – “what has my experiences led me to believe / do/ think that is truly valuable?

IF not, I would not have been able to write ” When Fear Comes Home to Love” which has helped so many – students /patients/readers .

and the 108 creative exercises in “108 Ways to Transform Crises into Possibilities” –

and Hilaryon Stories – a novel

When you click at the images, you will be led to reviews

Christ coming toward m

Free Communication

When WordPress  introduced its new block system, and I lost all the old signposts of this well-known virtual landscape, my nervous system went into panic. It told me that I would now lose my ability to express myself fully and share from my heart and creativity. My work consists of finding outer and inner symbols and finding their correspondence inside my physical body and relating lovingly to them there – please see below for further explanation.*

Two days ago  I already had a video session with a great guy. When I asked WP for assistance in a mail, I let all of my desperation hang out, and they were moved by it and gave me a video session for free.But  this great guy immediately  started taking me into the new stuff, and instead of interrupting him and telling him EXACTLY what I needed, I tried to follow and uunnnderstannnd 🙂 -and there I was, prisoning myself in the old patterns and habits of a girl who could not find her voice and share her needs. Now I noticed myself just zonking out, but that WordPress Angel told me he would  see to it that I got yet another session free, with another helper some days later.

I processed the desperate feelings in my body , it took some days actually, I am  thorough  stubborn person –  so one whole day I just wallowed in self pity and ate caramel candies. But today I told Kyle, my newest WordPress angel, what I needed: I needed to be shown precisely what to click to have a visual image on the screen where I could orientate myself  – like in the old WP-modality.

Not only did he give me precisely what I asked for – allowing me to stop him and interrupt him when I needed it – he told me he would send me a video recording with our session ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

So now, the inner body tensions literally slid off – I knew I did not HAVE TO UNDERSTAND RIGHT AWAY what I was told.

The memory of  my father screaming “ are you stupid or what! has pushed my mental capacities to try to understand – frantically – instead of trusting God/ the Heart /Universe /  my Self/ All That Is – feel free to call it what is Highest for you. That old horrible imprinted memory is in its healing phase now –  and I can see clearly that he just reacted like HIS father had reacted to him – trying to make me understand, since the mental capacity has been WAY overvalued in our ancestral line. An still is in the patriarchal way of thinking. Look to mr. Trump if you don’t know what patriarchal thinking is.( I have read that he had a similar way of upbringing, bless him!)

And dear readers, I went directly from my Kyle-session to write this post – and remembered enough to find the right blocks to click to make the new vaster WordPress landscape look more familiar. Talking metaphorically, I have cleansed the soil of toxic waste, chopped down dead bushes and trees, helped an old brook to find a new direction and more space, I have invited in the ants and the birds and the necessary insects. I have dedicated the landscape to my Holy Self, my divine creativity and playfulness , and now bunnies and does and birds of all kinds ar moving in – and also foxes and wolves, since they are all needed in the vast cycle of Life.

*Symbols – or As Without, so Within

My PC may scramble and do strange things. Internett is a symbol for our mind – right? That’s where we all hang out. In A Course in Miracles – that I actually teach and am ordained in – there is ONE mind, and we are all parts of it – and we all explore in our seemingly separate lives bits and peaces of it that we still haven’t loved and blessed and forgiven.  I notice these unloved parts in others “without” and find them inside the body – e.g I hate it when people are angry at me – hm, where have a judged ands repressed my own anger?  ” ah, it’s there, in the lungs” and give these bodyparts my love.I use  a simple efficient structure I have learned from Carrie Triffet – it melts, and often I don’t need to repeat and repeat the pattern. I give sessions in this – look under Services. Which is where I will put it after having a late breakfast 🙂