Personal or Collective

For many months now, at about 5pm CET-time, a deep field of agony has filled me – and many times I have wondered if it could not be personal. As long as something in me grabs it to herself and her “story”, I end up eating it away – and so I have prayed deeply for help to find out  how to deal with it in  a healing way.Today I watched, for the second time, a marvelous film called “La Fine Fleur” –

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt11190652/

Toward the end – just before the situation arrived where the main person believed “ it is hopeless, I will lose it all” I started to feel the usual agony that has repeated itself for months – and recognized i’ts essence. And in a huge wave of gratitude I realized that what had visited me was just the emotional charge of the belief “It’s hopeless, I will lose it all.” Simply said – this is the way it feels.

As soon as I recognized that this was not “mine” – and it is certainly not true – the energy poured right through me and down into the ground. I wonder how many of us are plagued by all the collective turmoil – and how many takes it personally. It is a vast difference in experience: if it is “mine”, there is resistance, judgment and story in it – and my personal nervous system will be engaged. If it is recognized as “ours” it feels like Grace to allow it to pass through.

Toward the end – just before the situation arrived where the main person believed “ it is hopeless, I will lose it all” I started to feel the familiar agony that has repeated itself for months – and recognized its essence. In a huge wave of gratitude I realized that what had visited me was just the emotional charge of the collective belief “It’s hopeless, I will lose it all.” Simply said – this is the way it feels.

As soon as I recognized that this was not “mine” – and it is certainly not true – the energy poured right through me and down into the ground. I wonder how many of us are plagued by the collective turmoil – and how many takes it personally. It is a vast difference in experience: if it is “mine”, there is resistance, judgment and story in it – and my personal nervous system will be engaged. If it is recognized as “ours” it feels like Grace to allow it to pass through.

KEY

Losing keys is a common dream for most of us. And the symbol means different things to different people.

This summer, I lost two keys hiking in the woods – to my entrance door and my bike. I returned several times, walking the same trail, searching.-

Then, later,I mislaid my keys repeatedly,but found them after a lot of stress.

The latest: I wanted to copy my main key and give it to a neighbor, in case I needed them to get in in case I needed help – I live alone and am 76 years, so good for me to know I can call somebody and they will be here pretty soon.

The key-man tried to copy it three times during three weeks. The copied key did not open the door for me. When I returned, he insisted it was because my original key was WRONG. He called out each time, when I left: THIS TIME IT WILL WORK PERFECTLY! But it really didn’t.

So I at last got that this was a “lesson” as A Course in Miracles calls it – something we have called to ourselves to heal and resolve with love.

I recognized an intense urge to smash the keys in the counter in front of him to prove that I was right and he was wrong. And remembered what Jesus says in the Course: Beware of perceiving yourself as unjustly treated. – He tells us that whatever we experience, after having decided that what we want most of all, is to fully wake up to our true identity – we experience it because we have called it to us in order to find a solution that is based on a loving response rather than the ego-solution of being right.

I stated my intention to SEE the key-man with loving perception – and I saw his terror of something going on that he could not control. Hm, where have I had those thoughts – and what do I want to control? Well, VERY MUCH still. My body and pain and aging for once …

So after the third time of wrong keys I went back to him and returned them and got my money back – 200 kroner.- In numerology, 2 is the number of separation. He called after me that it is because my original key is FALSE – needing the last word, and my heart opened wide.

Then the dreams started – the last one this morning – I had a new large house, but I could not lock the main door from inside, so everybody was free to just walk in and invade the space. Then I had a new dream, where I lost BOTH my glasses and my key and the bus stop to get home.

So this is the question, dear friends and readers – if these were your dreams, what would the key symbolize?

I can’t wait to read your suggestions in the commentary field 🙂

***

Immediately after this, when I was looking for an image with keys, this opened on my desktop:

Thank you for purchasing Richard Miller’s webinar, Deepening your Inner Resource:
Your Unbreakable Wholeness of Being . Kindly follow the instructions below to access
the webinar.

Will share later ! 🙂

Catastrophe Child

 These days  I am working my way – with great help of the Universe – all the way down/in to the center of disaster.. It is very explosive in there.

As I use what happens around me to discover what inside me needs to be seen and loved, the last thing was that  I needed a new Water Heater. The old one leaked – it urgently needed a new safety valve. The Water Heater inside – mirroring  The Fire- and Water-element in me – needed to be balanced. As my Plummer told me: it was EXPLOSIVE.

I was watching and sensing into this explosiveness inside, telling it that help was  coming.

Then – after having paid  the equivalent of 700 USD for  the new Water Heater, it LEAKED because of inner pressure-! That’s when I aha’ed – it all was helping me to see this inner pressured explosive part.

I told “the inner pressure” I was on to it. But in fact, I did not know HOW to find this part, since it had hidden itself so effectively.

So –  the Plummer fixed the leak – which demanded two  more very expensive parts = 1200 USD

I felt extremely frightened about a knob that regulated the heat – since I thought that I could make the whole big thing explode. My Plummer mailed me and explained, I did not understand a word, but was willing to hang in there and ask until I understood.

I went into my healing room – there was a BIG spider crawling out on the floor from behind the couch, just where my patients in expressive Arts Therapy / healing/ use to sit. The place of the patient – pointing to the “sick and catastrophic” inner part of me.

Spiders are a big symbol for fear –

As soon as it understood that I had discovered it, it ran back under the coach – but I had a glass in  my hand, firmly deciding on catching it under the glass, and then sliding a bit of  cardboard under it.

Unfortunately I happened to break some legs of it before I caught it – meaning to me, that I CAN dissolve the fear inside me – limiting it from running wild

I told the spider I was so sorry for its pain, and ran outside and threw it on the stone slabs, stomping on it.

And feeling very excited about  having found this hidden catastrophe energy inside my body – solar plexus, head and other places too – I now can do my favorite meditation: inviting Love to breathe through me, and surrendering the fear to IT – all I have to do, is breathe and surrender.

But I need to actually DO it 🙂

 

 

Metaphores

As some of my readers will know, I live from the  belief that my outer physical world and body mirror what goes on in my mind. So when I dream of a loose molar, I see it a cornerstone of the belief system ( teeth are symbols of beliefs in my world.) In this case, I had asked my mind to show me what the intense pain and tensions in the neck was about.

I talked to the neck – and it turned into a vile and vicious voice that called me a damned hussy who it would love to see tortured – since I did not follow its advises to live after the old belief system of fear any longer. Since I knew it has only one purpose – to keep me “safe” – I listened deeply and thanked it for its hard work – and I started to bless it. I allowed LOVE into my breathing, and gradually a soft melting happened in the neck. Now that I was focused on the pain as something IN me and nothing that I WAS , I could separate the pain as just energy, and breathe  love into it.This may be a process with many layers – but, miracles happen frequently in my life, so -😊

In my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love” ( see right menu) I have collected lots of  synchronicities that show me when I am aligned to Source. Like this one:

I was on my way to the Hospital for some tests, and told myself, “ I love myself just as I am right now.” The first person who served me had  a white Tee-shirt with this text on: “ I love myself just as I am.”

Photo by Luke Leung on Unsplash