Miracle

The last day the fear returned with a vengeance. I prayed deeply to be free of the sticky attachment to all of it – and suddenly, it was gone.

The fear energy still is here – but it now feels like a dummy- love bursts through. It does not matter anymore. From this state of mind there is only rest.

My young friend Leni Dubel just wrote on Facebook that illnesses are beings – messengers – they come to heal. Many cancer patients know this deeply after a while – by going through it, there are shining insights. My strongest experience as a breast cancer patient 15 years ago was that I learned that my choice is everything:

I was under the radiation machine, it was the 12th day and the nipple was badly bruised – it seemed that it was rotting and drying up. I heard myself exclaim: Archangel Michael, I want your rays to go through this machine instead of the x-rays.

In that very moment, there was a great Light and I knew without doubt that my prayer had been fulfilled.

From that moment, the effects of the machine-radiation reversed, and the breast returned to it original healed state of being. I also knew that there were no more signs of cancer.

What if I got that cancer to get to that moment – KNOWING that Spirit heals all if I CHOOSE it?

It seems to me that Cancer made it possible for me to get to that moment where I took that chance to ask for help from Spirit, being willing to suspend any beliefs that the body’s illnesses and pain were more powerful that Spirit. It was a huge leap of faith for me, and it was instantly answered.

The strangest and most wonderful surprise for me is that I still feel that fear-energy strongly – but it really has nothing to do with me. I can  hold it, or just let it be, and I c an bless anybody in this fear and agony in their ability to choose love instead.

This is said with the utmost tenderness for all who says ” but I DO choose Love, and nothing happens.”

This was my experience for many years – and it brought me to explore all those parts of me who were selfhating and bitter and filled with vengeance. Carrie Triffet showed me in her last book “The Frickin Map is Upside Down” how important it is to LOVE them just as they are – no fixing – loving them WITH their hatred, with deep patience and compassion – loving them as they are. And as A Course in Miracles says – ” we cannot heal what we still have not accepted and loved.”

I don’t love the hatred. I love the part who hates.

*******

In the right menu you will find my three books. In these days, my book ” Healing Crisis – 108 ways to turn crises into possibilities” can give you creative playful means to deal with the fear and transform your regulations to it. Like this one:

54) YOUR ANCHOR

What served as an anchor for you when you were a child? What did you ”come home to” – inside yourself or outside? Maybe a favorite day-dream – do you remember the theme? Pets? Music? Nature? Reading? Walking? Making art?  Knitting? Wood-work?

Contemplating this anchor –why was it an anchor?  WHAT is it that was – and is – such a nourishment and comfort for you?

How could you use this anchor now, during the crisis?

(Source of inspiration:

Serge Kahili King, PH.D. http://www.huna.net/

and this:

108 GROUNDING / OVERWHELM[1]

Walk around in the room: point at objects and name them out loud. Do it until you start feeling that you are inside yourself. Then do a variation: point at a thing and name it something else: point at pillow and name it cheese, point at a TV and name it flower, point at the table and name it circus…the dog comes in, and you name her sunshine. Do this for at least ten minutes, and then sit down and see if you can remember some of the new names you invented.

The exercise has a wonderful ability to ground us, shove us out of rigid control-modes and let us laugh – and then, additionally, allow the subconscious to show us what it plays with. Right now.

When we are in a crisis, we are also stuck in a rigidly controlled space. When we are stuck inside it, everything we do or think is perceived through a veil of mistaken identity: I AM that which suffers. To break through this false identity gives you a new footing: suddenly you can see yourself AND the crisis – but you are no longer caught in it. Exercises like this one push you out in free air: yes, there is a crisis in your life right now – but there is also play and creativity.

And you might also enjoy re-naming your crisis, too – ! Instead of” crisis,” you might try out “popcorn.”

“I am in a deep popcorn right now.”

Did you giggle just a little?

 

[1]  Source of inspiration for this exercise: Keith Johnstone: Improvisation and the Theatre
©1979, Methuen Publishing, London

http://www.keithjohnstone.com/main.aspx?id=73

 

 

 

Lonely Girl in the Heart Comes Alive

In the usual night agony, I heard a clear and no-nonsense voice: sit up right now!

I did, and in a king of whoosh I saw that the carrier of the agony energy was my spiritual ego – the one who has followed 10 Mystery schools  and  a zillion of trainings and and and and still feels this agony/rage/anxiety/death wish/killing lust.

It’s simply the whole “false” identity, the perceived “separate one” – the one who sees herself as NOT healed and worthy and a failure – she is ALL OF THAT.

And after reading Carrie Triffet’s last book – about the importance to completely utterly love the “subterranean self” – or those parts of us we have kept as a secret…that I fully acknowledge her presence, and realize how unavoidable it is to continue AS her. From now on relating TO her – is my intention.

Now, this night, I saw that I was asked to intend to LOVE ALL OF THAT – the whole old package of “the ego though system” as the Course calls it – all those parts of me that I had attached to those thoughts and called MINE and ME.

IT was strange to get up in the morning – it felt different. I could neutrally watch “her” and all her thought patterns – but they did not attach to me. That much. I witnessed her go bananas when she lost something on the floor – for the first time did I allow her to yell and curse and it felt just fine and NEUTRAL. No judgment.

She like very much to be praised for having been such a good girl – and I enjoy doing that, loving her, truly loving her, embracing her with what Carrie calls “the rose-golden Light.”

Bow this is weird and wonderful: the above in blue attached itself here ABOVE the text that I had composed on Word and copied. When I clicked glue in, it came too – helping me realize that what I wrote today was the continuation of the blue text.  Clearly  this is archetypal matter.

Lonely Girl in the Heart

 

In the middle of the Heart

there is a fog of woe and wonder –

so little known to itself,

so dreamingly absorbed in the

layers of illusion.

But look:

it’s floating in the Sun of the heart!

I am so lonely so lonely

and I do not know of my fears –

I sense them only when I am held

but very carefully, or I’ll burst into a million little pieces

someone has stolen my words

and my hopes

but my story is still here

under the layers of centuries.

I have a right to tell the story,

but who are the listeners?

A great light and soft love surround me when I finished writing the above, and a Voice speaks:

Child, listen – I am your mother, Aurora – Queen of the Heart

And I know that She has listened to it all

 

The inner Child is doubting that Aurora is real: “Please give me a sign, Blue – let me see this name within three days!”

Next day I read in the column for TV/radio: “Arcadian radio and The Arcadian Explorer’s editorial Staff continue their trip down Mississippi on the riverboat Queen Aurora.”

*

Today is 23.March 2020 – 22 years after I wrote the above, as a part of my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love”  – and I found the child, the Heart -and -body connection was made, and my whole experience of life has changed.

Before that, earlier today,  I sensed with deep grief that I truly wanted to be grounded – but there has always been something that refuses to be inside the body. I have sensed there is a root connection through my feet and the perineum – but I wanted the feeling/energy of the dissociated child  to be fully incarnated. I prayed deeply for help with this, and suddenly I KNEW that she was HERE – inside me – and the mother of all griefs burst forth. I have never cried like THAT before – completely new quality – now embracing all that loneliness.

Do you know what more is present:

My creativity – and two years of crazy wolf hunger is GONE

JUST GONE

The constant inner strong bumping pulse in the midsection – gone

So now I knew how I feel – and how SHE felt – so I decided to play with her with words. It felt like an adorable little girl of 4 years was present, a separate being – and I communicated with her just as I would do with a girl of flesh and blood.

It was very helpful to have worked with “parts” most of my 30 years as a therapist 😊

She has been behind the wolf hunger – and the impossibility to do anything creative and playful. Now she composed an adorable story about a pig who had the moon inside her and spread moonlight all over her surroundings.

I am aware that this energy of her needs time to solidify and integrate. Of course! Bless her!

 

I feel tired in a healthy way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Changing how we perceive the Coruna virus

For those who do not know me so well – I am an artist, writer and Expressive Arts Therapist, and I teach A Course In Miracles, give Past life-regressions and more.

Lately I started a group – CorUno – meaning the One Heart we all share – where the purpose of the group was to  re-imagine the components of the virus in a purely loving and friendly way. My intention with this was:

Since we are all parts of ONE mind, we all have the power to interpret the component in the Coruna Virus any way we like. AND when we make a new interpretation, something happens within our self – and within our nervous system, where our fear may create havoc these days.

Here is the image of the virus – and below are the offerings so far:

OFFERING –

As you listed those colours in the virus I immediately thought of the colours ascribed to the alchemical process – usually black, red, white (or gold – which I prefer to white) – I guess the gray is a light black (?) – it sure feels like it could be an alchemical process! 🖤❤️🧡

OFFERING

I’m having quite a journey with the visualisations. I gave up looking at the virus from a distance and instead allowed it to approach me. This morning it felt like I was sitting inside it, like inside a chrysalis (puppe). Once I surrendered to it, it felt, and still feels, very calm, peaceful, slow, and the only and perfect place to be right now ❤️🙏

OFFERING

The image that came up for me was a sunflower. So I looked up the meaning of sunflower: “The sunflower puts itself in position to directly receive the sun’s gaze. It symbolizes faith and adoration for ALL that is, because of this the sunflower is often regarded as a very spiritual flower. They are therefore a symbol of true faith and loyalty to something that is much bigger and brighter than themselves. “. Now isn’t that a good reminder 🌼

OFFERING

Hello There – when Leelah asked for visualisations my mind emptied but nothing came, except to imagine the virus smiling at me – it felt quite ‘innocent’ and peaceful – still does 🥰

OFFERING

I see all the dots as different musical notes of harmony. Some are flute notes, others are harp and violin. All represent universal love and healing. Listen. Listen. We are loved.

OFFERING
This morning I saw – without even intending to – the red dots as small children holding sacred fires in their hands, the fires were in bowls of gold. The babies were then sitting in a circle that surrounded the image. I heard the babies’ happy voices, and I still get shivers when i describe the holiness of it all. The yellow dots were all fuzzy baby birds – chicken, ducks, I don’t know – the gray was silk, and it emanated tenderness and protection. The white was snow lanterns – very soon we will see them as light filled.

I invite you to LISTEN to the sounds emanating from this image – they feels like blessings

OFFERING

I feel calm and relaxed, more than I have felt in a long time. It is as though the virus has released the heavy tension I have had in my body for many years. In spite of the serious situation, I can see the future «as bright that I have to wear shades»!

OFFERING

A luminous colored sphere glows and moves above my head. The red lights move in space and I dance below and feel joyful and free 🌺

OFFERING

I saw a beautiful rose unfolding, transforming into paper fireworks in many colours, and abundance gently raining down on the whole world. I felt oneness and connection. And I saw white figures all connected to both the earth and the sky, all being lifted up, some just a bit above the ground, and a few all the way up to heaven. I felt deep peace and grounding.

OFFERING

This is what came through me as my visualization-experience:

I am looking at a circular pond in the center of a young birch wood. There are red lotuses in the pond, and the flowers are open so I can see that there are happy newborn babies lying in the flowers – softly undulating in the blue water.

A circle of mothers are sitting around the pond, looking at the babies with radiant expectation. The babies are now floating toward their mothers and being received with intense happiness.

OFFERING

Last night the Coruna image came to me without calling for it. It felt like The Divine Mother opening her arms, inviting me to see that One Heart we all share that beats in all things – and then of course in the Covid-19 too. I relaxed, and seemed to be in a vast and friendly wood, and these trees were all standing  around me waiting to love me – as soon as I was willing to see the virus with love and not believe all the fear propaganda.

***************************************

Many years ago I wrote a little book: Healing Crisis – 108 ways to change crises into possibilities. You see it in the right menu – click on image for more information and several reviews from people it has helped. In case you would like to have 108 creative and simple exercises to heal your mind of the viral fear going on right now – and step into a playful loving way of relating to your mind, I invite you to take a peak.

And here is  a short taste from the book:

14) THE SAFE PLACE

Sit comfortably, or lay down. You might want a blanket. Close your eyes – and start creating your safe place. It can be outside or inside – it might exist already – in your dreams, in a film, in a memory, in a painting. Perhaps you already have invented this place when you were a child? Now you can CHOOSE among the ingredients you loved the most from various sources, or create it totally new. Maybe it comes to you if you invite it into your mind? What would you need and want to be there? What smells and sounds would you like to be there? What animals or birds? Colors? Landscape? Angel maybe?

Take the time to really experience your safe place. Experience your body and your breath. Stay there as long as you want. You can return anytime you want – and no-one is allowed to enter unless you invite them.

A  5-star review by Jed Oliver

Reviewed in the United States on July 3, 2013

 

 

 

 

About eating problems and sexual abuse

This is about some foods and sexual abuse.
*
I love ecological yogurt with granola from quinoa – but until now, I have felt tremendously tired after eating it. I see it like this: some part of my self is terrified – for whatever reason – and use a lot of energy to repress what she feels while eating it. I asked what it could be? Answer: Semen.
Of course! This very small inner girl has told herself 1) that yogurt has a kind of texture like semen has -and having been a receiver of intense sexual abuse as very small, semen meant being part of a torture that also made it very hard to breathe – meaning life-threatening trauma. 2) And then she did what we all did when traumatized in any way at all: we told stories about ourselves, what it meant about us – how despicable we must be, how absolutely wrong in any ways and form.
So for this inner girl, yogurt has meant “semen” and all the horror connected to that – and she has believed in the stories she made up about her despicable self – and she has repressed it as hard as she can while I eat.
Now – the later years, all kind of digital signals have come to my aid to assist me in awakening. Today, it was the fire-alarm in the kitchen that started up and made me think, “What is this inner alarm mirroring, that goes on full alert now, as I am preparing my breakfast?”
So I asked and immediately heard “semen.”
I talked to her with all my love and motherliness – how proud I was of her, how much I loved her, and told her very clearly that yogurt is OK and healthy – and that she will never taste semen again.
Never.
After quite a while I could sense a deep relaxation in my intestines. I asked her if she was up for a try? And that I would stop eat it the second she wanted.
Then I ate a healthy bowl with the yummy stuff.
And for the first time, I felt no tiredness after my yogurt meal. I felt an ice cold instead – and  I see that as frozen life-energy. I sat with it for about 45 minutes, and now it slowly seeps out.
This old imprint – “inner child” may also be the one who craves sweets and sugar. NO WONDER 🙂  she needs a lot of loving motherly talk and listening – with no judgment ever. And since she now receives that motherly sweetness – she just MAY let go of any cravings – we will see 🙂
PS. If this has meaning for you in a helpful way – you may benefit from looking into my books in the right menu.

Blessing the opposite

As many of us, I have hidden influences from this incarnation or before that – many of them inherited from ancestors, as newer science will tell you. Some of you will recognize a tendency to sabotage yourself: – this pattern may be such a gestalt/entity, and it may be a way you have told yourself you are not worthy unless you do x and x,a way you try to fix yourself and perform as a way to earn value.

Which is of course futile – our value is intrinsic.

When such a part of our Self has had time to develop throughout several incarnations – and we always have succeeded in repressing it – it has become very powerful and strong and will exert a strong influence on us – often being mirrored back to us from the outside: in my case, editors delivering LOTS of errors and complaining that it never has happened before. Or stuff getting lost in the mail –  or the PC constantly telling you ” this does not work” ( and then it works)

So I have a possible solution for this, my friends and readers: blessings.

Blessings have that immediate effect that it melts and softens any contracted energy inside or from others. If a person annoys you, burst into blessing – and bless him/her in the opposite of what they are expressing. If they are grumpy, bless them in their kindness, their patience, their compassion. If they are fearful, bless them in their groundedness, their connection to their Self/any spiritual being that comes to mind – bless them in their memory of being a child of Love/God – bless them in their ability to receive deep motherly/fatherly love, comfort, security etc.

You will feel very good after this – since when we bless, we receive the same as we gives.

Don’t tell people you bless them 🙂 just go at it and you will see a difference.

 

 

True Value

Readers who has been around for some time will know that I live after the  word of wisdom by Hermes Trismegistus: As above, so below – as outside so inside – i.e.what goes on on the outside ( called “life” :)) mirrors something on my inside.

So I lost my Visa card. Instant terror! What did I automatically tell myself: I am alone. I will be tricked and abused and tricked some more. I must have done something wrong. Oi vey is mir!

Seeing that these are all old beliefs in victimhood, I place myself with a red shawl in a cosy sofa and investigated what went on on automatic. And what was this fear REALLY about – what might a Visa card symbolize?

For me, treasure – money – well, VALUE is a better word.

And I realized it symbolized  the mind’s old fear of losing God’s love – the fear at the moment of separation, that A Course in Miracle names ” the Tiny Mad Idea.”

So I sat there and God was giggling inside me at that truly mas idea that S/He could be lost – as S/He is my innermost essence that I share with EVERYONE.

******

I have written a Novel – you see it in the right menu: Hilaryon Stories. That book started as a hint from Holy Spirit – to write a novel where the feud between Pharaoh and Moses would be in-woven – albeit not as those two as characters. So I did – through 6 years I followed my Muse who sent me inspiration for 32 chapters that came randomly, not in succession. I had to trust completely that it would all come together harmoniously in the end, and it did.

You are very welcome to click on the book and read more – the first reader ( not family 🙂 told me that her energy changed while reading it – from depression to joy.

Taking Nourishment

Dream:

I participate in a HUGE  Writer Convention with HUGE  amounts of food and flowers a people from all over the world. This is clearly a celebration of sorts, and I have brought my most beautiful clothes – light, blue,veil-ish, Goddesslike.

It’s lunchtime at the end of our convention, I am walking around for some reason, not sitting down to enjoy the marvellous food. Maybe I do some packing on my room – and when I return to the dining room, all food has gone – I have not been nourished – everyone else are full and happy.

I make a big ruckus to the butler, and he says it is too late – and I explode in the unfairness of it –I have PAID FOR THIS-  he can’t get me just a little food from all the rest that has been sent back to the kitchen? No, that would be a misuse of the waiters, he said – I’d had to push them – and I say, with loud voice: then push them! He looks at me abhorred, how self-centred and abominable I am – and recognize inside: he is me.

I walk to my room, and there is a friend writer I really like – she admires a white feather hanging on a mirror and tells me how much she admires my husband’s work ( he and I have obviously stayed here before, and his feather is still here.)  Now the correction gnome says that feather should be FATHER.

 

I am taken under the arms  by Anna, my guide, and sat up in the bed.” Now look at these old pattern: I am being unjustly treated – I am not able to be nourished – there must be something wrong with ME –  the father/husband will always take all the glory – this will never change, IT IS HOPELESS and I give up.”

I forgive myself for choosing to create this, to experience this. How easy it has been to be entrenched in this through thousands of years – and now it has come up to be released.

I hold the separated me in my arms and love her and breathe with her. For the first time I do this, there is a CLEAR shift in energy between us: I am “the Fairy Godmother ” and she is the human child, left out, deeply undernourished, nobody truly SEES here gifts and her tremendous beauty, and so she tells herself she is wrong – and unworthy.

 

As the Holder and Embracer, I sense the human agony-deep grief in not been seen in one’s Self, of being constantly compared and pushed. I have also been the pusher and non-seer, and also the Judge of the ones who push others – it’s all food on the egos convention-table.

It is sweet beyond words to cry it and feel it all through – this longing to be seen as Self.

I shift between being the Self – so VERY different from the human child in energy and frequency – and the child who at last is being heard and held.

I forgive my creation

I have learned so much

Now I desire to be Who I am

I am currently reading “Anna, Grandmother of Jesus” by Claire Heartsong for the second time, and  am being drawn deeply into all the descriptions from that time – and all of Anna’s initiations and experiences from 600 continued years life as that Self– both spiritually and as a human Essee. She is my guide now, and very close.

Deep insight-  This comes NOW, because I am on a ten-day cleanse in eating habits – and it has taken me way out of my comfort zone, and deep into purification of toxicity. I truly see how enormously much our eating habits and ways of “comforting ourselves”  contribute to our attachment to the small self. Only when I at least took the choice to let go of bread and  all the conventional and artificial sweeteners, did this energetic shift happen. And first now could I truly love the little one who needs so much to be loved, just as she is – the dis-identification was over, and the Wise Grandmother Me came forth fully. There was just tremendous eternal PEACE.

To all bread lovers: I realize it’s nothing wrong with eating bread – or anything – as long as it is done with love and not as a substitute for love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Being with it

I was having a dream with much awkward nakedness and acts and not pleasurable feelings- yiiikes – and woke up and told myself it comes to be released. So I breathed and was with it – and after 3-4 minutes the Light came.

Then I fell asleep again and had this short vision: a vase with beautiful fresh wildflowers stands on the floor in the living room. I say out loud: Who came with this? and a short and stout man with dark boots and little wings on the boots floats down to me and says ” they came from God.” He looks like a plumber – but it is Hermes the messenger of course plumbing his way through my nervous system/energybody and saluting me for at last BEING with all in gratitude.

No more having to find out “where it came from.” Just breathing and being there, curious.

Oh what a wonderful spiritual practice I have! How trustworthy!

Have a great day, all

Game of Transformation


There is a wonderful boardgame called The Transformation Game from Findhorn – where Joy Drake and Kathy Tyler made it some 50 years ago. The famous Angel cards came from that game.

 The presence of Divinity and very humorous playful guides and angels is powerful, the synchronicities are many – as this latest one I played last Saturday. Six hours it took, we both had a unforgettable experience, and at the end of it a great tiredness took me. I told my coplayer ” I think we have to end very soon – my body is telling me.” I asked the Game for feedback – and the Universal Feedback cards answered me No. I went upstairs to get some water, and on the floor laid this shining orange yogi tea tag

and my tiredness just left

Feedback from the Universe

Weak Signals

Last teaching from the Universe 🙂

Signal on my TV – “weak signal – or none.”

As my readers will know, I live from the  Course in Miracles – saying that the Universe mirrors what is inside me. So weak signal refers to me  that I am not getting the full signal from Source. And that I believe: almost 3 weeks with really painful coughing and weak lungs i fell pretty rotten and weak and not ALIGNED 🙂

So at last I got a repairman from the Telephone/ Internet- provider. He gave me one look, and then grabbed the TV remote control – and clicked open “Source.”

And I had under Source ticked off TV instead of main source…

He clicked on Main Source and all was crystal clear

Most of the time in the biggest agony, there has NOT been an awareness that it is possible to CHOOSE Main Source / God. There has been much bickering and complaints of “dear  Jesus please help me, help me breathe” etc – I have been sucked up and identified with the illness

and I am NOT the illness,

it is there FOR me – now to choose to rest in God WITH it and allow God to do that through me. Finding old old childparts that simply chose to breathe only shallowly to prevent feelings and awareness.

Now I could just BE with her and her feelings -and the lungs opened,

So now the TV AND I am put on Source again.

There is a big tiredness after this ordeal – but it is held now by Love

May you all have a beautiful Christmas!

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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