Game of Transformation


There is a wonderful boardgame called The Transformation Game from Findhorn – where Joy Drake and Kathy Tyler made it some 50 years ago. The famous Angel cards came from that game.

 The presence of Divinity and very humorous playful guides and angels is powerful, the synchronicities are many – as this latest one I played last Saturday. Six hours it took, we both had a unforgettable experience, and at the end of it a great tiredness took me. I told my coplayer ” I think we have to end very soon – my body is telling me.” I asked the Game for feedback – and the Universal Feedback cards answered me No. I went upstairs to get some water, and on the floor laid this shining orange yogi tea tag

and my tiredness just left

Feedback from the Universe

Weak Signals

Last teaching from the Universe 🙂

Signal on my TV – “weak signal – or none.”

As my readers will know, I live from the  Course in Miracles – saying that the Universe mirrors what is inside me. So weak signal refers to me  that I am not getting the full signal from Source. And that I believe: almost 3 weeks with really painful coughing and weak lungs i fell pretty rotten and weak and not ALIGNED 🙂

So at last I got a repairman from the Telephone/ Internet- provider. He gave me one look, and then grabbed the TV remote control – and clicked open “Source.”

And I had under Source ticked off TV instead of main source…

He clicked on Main Source and all was crystal clear

Most of the time in the biggest agony, there has NOT been an awareness that it is possible to CHOOSE Main Source / God. There has been much bickering and complaints of “dear  Jesus please help me, help me breathe” etc – I have been sucked up and identified with the illness

and I am NOT the illness,

it is there FOR me – now to choose to rest in God WITH it and allow God to do that through me. Finding old old childparts that simply chose to breathe only shallowly to prevent feelings and awareness.

Now I could just BE with her and her feelings -and the lungs opened,

So now the TV AND I am put on Source again.

There is a big tiredness after this ordeal – but it is held now by Love

May you all have a beautiful Christmas!

Holding Others’ Energy

Here is a chapter fro my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love” – see the right menu. When I still had patients, this theme repeated itself for some weeks, so I could find it and name it. And this night I used what I learned at that time to release to my deceased mother’s soul a big bunch of trauma/accumulated repressed stuff.

I have for a week or so had a lung-illness that I thought were going to take my life. Coughing felt dangerous and raw. I asked many times “who does this belong to?” and my mother came up – and today I at last took it serious and called her soul forth, and returned the energy to her with my blessings.

Afterwards, the lungs feel very different. I still cough, but there is nothing threatening about it.

I thought I would post here one of the chapters from WFCHtL – since I experience that many of us do this as a loyalty to our  family  and loved ones – and for me, it has meant that I never really knew what was ME and what was her.

Here is the chapter:

4.1 The gout that was fear /1992

Eric is on the phone:

“I have got this terrible pain in my foot… it has swollen, it takes all of my attention. I can’t come to session today.”

“Do you want to take the session on phone?”

“I think it hurts too much, I can’t concentrate on anything but the foot.”

“What if that foot carried a painful memory. Could we use the opportunity and see what the pain is a metaphor of?”

“OK. I’ll call at 3pm.”

“Fine. Till then.”

*

“How did the pain come into being?”

“It started yesterday… it swelled, it is kind of an inflammation…. I have had this once before, and the doctor said it was gout… it is a bit embarrassing, gout is what older men may get In this moment I recognize and connect the energy to Eric’s grandfather. He died thirty years ago, but in Eric’s’ mind and soul his memory has still a strong effect, and carries with it a sense of horror that makes Eric split off a part of himself.

“Eric – when you speak about the pain in the foot, I get in touch with the energy from your grandfather. Could this pain have something to do with him?”

“I feel cold shivers down my spine!”

“Shall we look closer into this?”

“Yes. I want that.”

“Close your eyes. Allow your consciousness to sink down into your heart…your hands…let it  pass from one hand to the other…note that you choose where to put your attention, you decide, you are the authority…now shift focus – let the awareness go to a place in your body which feels good.”

“…That is my belly. It is absolutely delicious there.”

“Good – let the consciousness go there, rest there a while… let it expand. If you want, allow this delicious energy to follow your consciousness down into the pain in the foot, so the deliciousness can wrap itself safely about the pain… surrounding the pain with love, warmth, support.”

“I am doing it now.”

“And now be aware of everything you are experiencing while focusing on the painful foot: inner images, memories, colors, forms, sounds – all is relevant as long as you focus on the foot, and your intention is clear. – Oops- we forgot that one. What is your intention with this?”

“My intention is to come closer to the pain and fear within the foot to release it! – I see a bonfire… I see the yard by my mother’s childhood- home … my grandpa is lying at the one big window, he is dying… I and my cousin are peeping through the window and see him lying there, and I sense a strong and ominous fear.”

In this moment I see “something” release itself from Grandpa’s psyche; float out through the window and into Eric.

“Eric – it looks to me as something from Grandpa’s fear came into you, and that the ominous fear you are feeling is coming from him. Could this be the right time to let it go?”

Eric is crying.

“I see it! And I see that what I feared most, I took into myself and made mine – because I could more easily control it when it was inside me!”

“What kind of pay-off have you had from this?”

“It has been a way for me to protect myself.”

This I recognize from my own life: by taking over mother’s and father’s split off soul-fragments and take them into myself, I got a sense of control that seemed life-important for me at that time.

“Now I see what is behind his fear: I see a little boy, it is Grandpa as child – he is scared to death of going insane, he is franticly scared of not getting out of what feels like a prison. It looks like he is sitting inside a box. It is very narrow.”

“Do you want to go on carrying him inside any longer?”

“No – Grandpa shall have him back.”

“Anything you want to tell the boy, before you part?”

“We thank each other. I have needed him, he thanks me for letting him stay with me since Grandpa died, so he wasn’t homeless.”

Eric breathes deeply when he is being thanked by the little boy.

“Is he ready to go home to Grandpa, Eric?”

“There must come somebody to follow him, he says – there comes Grandpa! A big and loving angel is following him. I open the door to the box where he is sitting, and he runs straight to Grandpa who receives him… they go into the light now – they are melting into one…!”

Pause

“Now I am completely present. Right here. Now I am only Eric.”

Three days later he calls: the gout has almost disappeared.

UPSIDE DOWN

Christmas crib made by girl 7 years old

This is a tiny crib made  by my daughter when she was 7. Plasticine figures – the crib is one inch, both Joseph in red and the bull has lost a leg, the glass angel has lost her lower part – but we can mend that with imagination (and a little glue.)

Yesterday, when i put the crib up, I shocked noticed that the tiny Christ figure missed!!!!!! Instantly a wave of guilt washed over me: Oh no oh no oh no I was not worthy of this miniature wonder I had forfeited my chances for Heaven etc etc.

Then I remembered – I am the Holy Child of God and gave thanks that I would find that little modeled Jesus – 8mm long –

As I placed the crib, I found myself turning the crib around –

and there He was LOL

I had seen it all upside down

Just as A Course of Miracles teaches 🙂

Christmas Crib made by girl 7 years old

Here is the crib, upside down

***

Another thing, upside down:

I recently sent HILARYON STORIES ( see right menu) to a dear friend – 83 years old. He is a pastor/clergyman, and was a close friend of my brother, I sort of grew up with him very close. He also was/is tall and dark haired and beautiful and kind and…my kind of hero. He wanted to read my book  so I sent it to him – and today he phoned me and said that he reads it each evening – and “it makes me calm.”

Slowly it dawns on me – it IS guided by Love.

How scary to write it down – just so.

But it is obviously true – the reader in my last post said so too: it is healing.

Warm and happy feedback for Hilaryon Stories

Second review of Hilaryon Stories:

Hi dear one, I finished the book – and miss it dearly! I wish, I could read on every night from now on!

The sense of it all still escapes my mind, yet it left me feeling uplifted and joyful, playful and very grateful!
When I did a little grounding meditation yesterday, I decided to visit my belly from the inside. ( My belly has been like seven months pregnant for years, feeling uncomfortable. I believe, I shut it down in many ways.) So I let my awareness travel down there and found only darkness and barren land. Then, suddenly it started to transform! I saw grass growing, and streams meandering – looked like Ireland. A change again and it was a kind of Hobbitton ! Flowers, little houses and JOY! Abundance everywhere! Little people dancing, singing, eating, creating! Perhaps not so dissimilar to Hilaryon…
My life force energy was moving as a strong tingling in my lower belly! I just loved it!

Thank you so much from my Heart of Hearts!!!

If any reader of this blog may want to have look, here’s a link. My muse told me from the start it would be healing – and now I hear it is true.

here is a link to the Amazon US page. European may go to Amazon UK.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/-/e/B00DZ3EID4

 

How Hilaryon Stories happened

About 11 years ago I participated in a writer group on a Harper Collins digital platform for budding authors, called Authonomy. We wrote Flash Fiction ( max 1000 words)each week, and voted for the one we liked best.

As soon as I wrote  what is now the first chapter in Hilaryon Stories, I felt deeply hooked into the material. A door had opened, there was playfulness and freedom and JOY inside, and my voice was intimately joined with the text.

Later I wrote more chapters from Hilaryon, and recognized that I would write a novel.

I was deeply in love with my main character, Croc, who turned out to be a reincarnation of the old Egyptian Master Imhotep – physician, architect and spiritual master.

I ended what is now the first part of the book 4 years ago.  I missed the characters very much – and after 2 years I could not stand it, and asked Spirit, “what would be a great theme for part 2?” “Would you consider to explore the energies of the Old Testament  – ha, the word correction gnome wrote the old Statesman! 🙂 the feud of power and hatred between Ramses and Moses? and that old version of God, of course –

YES, I would like to do that – I wanted to find out how  that God could accept murdered babies as a way to prove his power over Ramses. The idea was to just write and TRUST that the chapters somehow would work all of this out. And the Part Two opened with Johan Sebastian Bach ( who entered the book in the middle of Part One) being thrown out in the cold by his third wife.

When I had said a clear YES, magic  and synchronicities started to happen – which made me sure I was on the right track.

 

If you click on the book in the right menu, you may find out if this is for you. No way Spirit has planned this for me, Leelah, alone 🙂

 

London Subway

Having fun today with London subway stations – and borrowing the first verse from Baccus Olypus , a poet friend:
 
SUBWAY
 
(First verse borrowed from Baccus’ poem: )
 
From an opposite seat
he stares when he thinks I’m not looking
He doesn’t know that I hear the bones in his neck grind
and his eyes swivel –
 
And there
They disappear into his head
That sinks into his shoulders
That slump and sink into
His belly
 
Brent Cross
 
My God
Now only his feet are left
And now a sucking black void
 
Gunnersbury – Ickenham
 
I bend down and look closer
 
Canada Water
 
And I am sucked in too
What a bloody sucker I am
 
Cockfosters
 
Too late
 
Epping
 
End station – Killburn
 
with sorry asses chained to their
sins and lamenting their guilt
 
“Welcome workers to
Crystal Bloody Palace
hang your hopes on the peg there,
here is much to do
and atone for
and we will help you with that –
scum!”
 
I looked for the sucking black void
I found it
 
Seen enough
Going back up
 
Sharing Cross
Mile End
Olympia
 
Temple
Embankment
 
Seven Sisters
 
High Gate
 
Green Park

What do you Want?

I took a course in Yoga for Lungs today! What do my lungs need to tell me? A partner danced it for me – I need to actually consciously, with will and choice, receive the Light from Above. Shivers when I write this.

Going home by bus afterwards was really complicated – the first snow had arrived, and there were mile long ques. I actually knocked on a car windows to ask if the person was driving in my direction. A woman said yes, and then drove in a different direction, which chocked me a bit – now I was even longer from home. I stood at a bus stop there to return to where I had come from – aaargggh – and a car stopped right at my bus stop. The woman inside did not see me, she was talking in her cellphone. I walked to the car and knocked at the window. She put the phone down and took me in. I said inside; “I am ready for a miracle now. Give me joy!”

The woman was gorgeous with many long rastabraids, and not from my country. After some minutes she told me she was going in another direction than me, and I said OK , I can walk from here – when she said, how many minutes to drive from here? “Five” I said, and she said “ I will drive you home.”

Shivers up my back. She told me how she had needed 5 minutes help from someone today, and nobody would help her – so she chose to help me instead.

My heart opened wide, I was touched that she reacted to others unhelpfulness with helpfulness and told her. We found out that we were both textile artists  – how about that! We shared or names –she was BEA –  and a huge light and warmth opened up between us.  I shared the joy I FELT and she nodded, YES I feel it too! When she stopped to drop me off, I said “ I will never forget you, Bea – and she said “ Leelah, I will never forget you!”

And I won’t. Never.

 

 

 

 

 

*Hilaryon Stories* is published today

-and I am happy and so very relieved. MY FIRST NOVEL!

Many years ago I  was part of a writer group where we wrote flash fiction – short stories, top 1000 words, each week. Each member took turns  giving the weekly prompt. The start of  the world Hilaryon – and my discovery of it – was a story I wrote to the prompt: The 12 Commandments. That’s where I first met the wonderful CROC – the wise and gentle  wizard of Hilaryon. As I wrote more stories from that Universe, it became clear that Hilaryon is a state of existence adjacent to our world Gaia – and that one ends up there if the longing is very very strong – a longing to be received in the highest expression of oneself – both as artist and as  Being.

Our group died ( we were part of an experiment by Harper Collins to find new and exciting writers, and HC found new ways and deleted our platform.) But I wrote on my own, knowing it would be a book. Wonderful synchronicities and magic moments happened frequently, giving me the necessary stamina to go on. The end of first part was written ca 6 years ago, and I was very pleased with it – but after two years pause from the Hilaryoners I was overtaken by longing, I had to go on with a part two. I asked my Muse – who later showed up to be Master Hilaryon – and he suggested I chose a theme that had to do with strong polarities. I immediately  thought about the Old Testament feud between Pharaoh Ramses( it is not known which one) and Moses. I had big trouble with that version of god who ordered babies to be killed to teach Ramses a lesson ( I did not particularly like Ramses either) – and my Muse told me this would be a very healthy endeavor to bring light into the One mind we all share – and heal my own perceptions!

Johann Sebastian Bach showed up on Hilaryon in the first part -he turned out to be one of Croc’s oldest friends from Egypt in olden days, where they both had played and sung the Sakkara-pyramid into being. It also turned out that Croc was the reincarnation of the Great Imhotep: – vizier,  chief physician and architect 5000 years ago.

Johann Sebastian became a model for anyone with great loss  and longing in his soul (  In reality, he lost ten of twenty children, both parents before he was 11 and his first wife.) Now, in Part Two, both he and Croc had children, Leaf and Mo, both 11, who were crazy about each other – and  the old hatred entered Hilaryon  through a long and spooky staff.

So I started Part Two, where Johann Sebastian Bach was in big trouble – his 3.wife had thrown him out and the weather was spooked.

I received the chapters randomly, and my Muse insisted that I had to trust and write whatever as it came – and it would find its place in the puzzle. Johann Sebastian’s music turned out to be very important, I placed musical interludes within the text, so the reader could hear the music that mirrored Bach’s emotions there and then, on YouTube.

In between were months were nothing seemed to happen,and then suddenly I could, f. ex, get an idea crochet a woolen white egg and fill it with ten minuscule babies – and place it into the text. I could not plan ANYTHING – just TRUST and TRUST some more that all would turn out perfectly.

It did. I even stitched the cover you see above. It turned out that Hilaryoners love to sew and stitch.

If you click on any book in the right menu you will get to the book’s site and read more.

If you want to buy, here is place where you don’t have to pay shipping: The Book Depository Just search for Leelah Saachi and the book that you want.

 

 

GLORIA

3 miracles!

Yesterday morning: working the usual way with dark energies – suddenly seeing the little girl surrounded by Lightbeings, and  feeling / seeing the light and energy all through her and me. This is being healed now– there is nothing I need to do.

This night: the same deep agony as always – and the deep insight, not to be doubted at all: YOU don’t need to go through this any longer.

It is the I / ME who is removed now. No ME healing stuff – just healing happening through me, me letting it happen. The dark went right through without any trace left.

Third time: even clearer now: I, Leelah, don’t need to do this any longer. Complete relaxation, just allowing it to go through, not being affected at all

 

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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