UPSIDE DOWN

Christmas crib made by girl 7 years old

This is a tiny crib made  by my daughter when she was 7. Plasticine figures – the crib is one inch, both Joseph in red and the bull has lost a leg, the glass angel has lost her lower part – but we can mend that with imagination (and a little glue.)

Yesterday, when i put the crib up, I shocked noticed that the tiny Christ figure missed!!!!!! Instantly a wave of guilt washed over me: Oh no oh no oh no I was not worthy of this miniature wonder I had forfeited my chances for Heaven etc etc.

Then I remembered – I am the Holy Child of God and gave thanks that I would find that little modeled Jesus – 8mm long –

As I placed the crib, I found myself turning the crib around –

and there He was LOL

I had seen it all upside down

Just as A Course of Miracles teaches 🙂

Christmas Crib made by girl 7 years old

Here is the crib, upside down

***

Another thing, upside down:

I recently sent HILARYON STORIES ( see right menu) to a dear friend – 83 years old. He is a pastor/clergyman, and was a close friend of my brother, I sort of grew up with him very close. He also was/is tall and dark haired and beautiful and kind and…my kind of hero. He wanted to read my book  so I sent it to him – and today he phoned me and said that he reads it each evening – and “it makes me calm.”

Slowly it dawns on me – it IS guided by Love.

How scary to write it down – just so.

But it is obviously true – the reader in my last post said so too: it is healing.

Warm and happy feedback for Hilaryon Stories

Second review of Hilaryon Stories:

Hi dear one, I finished the book – and miss it dearly! I wish, I could read on every night from now on!

The sense of it all still escapes my mind, yet it left me feeling uplifted and joyful, playful and very grateful!
When I did a little grounding meditation yesterday, I decided to visit my belly from the inside. ( My belly has been like seven months pregnant for years, feeling uncomfortable. I believe, I shut it down in many ways.) So I let my awareness travel down there and found only darkness and barren land. Then, suddenly it started to transform! I saw grass growing, and streams meandering – looked like Ireland. A change again and it was a kind of Hobbitton ! Flowers, little houses and JOY! Abundance everywhere! Little people dancing, singing, eating, creating! Perhaps not so dissimilar to Hilaryon…
My life force energy was moving as a strong tingling in my lower belly! I just loved it!

Thank you so much from my Heart of Hearts!!!

If any reader of this blog may want to have look, here’s a link. My muse told me from the start it would be healing – and now I hear it is true.

here is a link to the Amazon US page. European may go to Amazon UK.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/-/e/B00DZ3EID4

 

How Hilaryon Stories happened

About 11 years ago I participated in a writer group on a Harper Collins digital platform for budding authors, called Authonomy. We wrote Flash Fiction ( max 1000 words)each week, and voted for the one we liked best.

As soon as I wrote  what is now the first chapter in Hilaryon Stories, I felt deeply hooked into the material. A door had opened, there was playfulness and freedom and JOY inside, and my voice was intimately joined with the text.

Later I wrote more chapters from Hilaryon, and recognized that I would write a novel.

I was deeply in love with my main character, Croc, who turned out to be a reincarnation of the old Egyptian Master Imhotep – physician, architect and spiritual master.

I ended what is now the first part of the book 4 years ago.  I missed the characters very much – and after 2 years I could not stand it, and asked Spirit, “what would be a great theme for part 2?” “Would you consider to explore the energies of the Old Testament  – ha, the word correction gnome wrote the old Statesman! 🙂 the feud of power and hatred between Ramses and Moses? and that old version of God, of course –

YES, I would like to do that – I wanted to find out how  that God could accept murdered babies as a way to prove his power over Ramses. The idea was to just write and TRUST that the chapters somehow would work all of this out. And the Part Two opened with Johan Sebastian Bach ( who entered the book in the middle of Part One) being thrown out in the cold by his third wife.

When I had said a clear YES, magic  and synchronicities started to happen – which made me sure I was on the right track.

 

If you click on the book in the right menu, you may find out if this is for you. No way Spirit has planned this for me, Leelah, alone 🙂

 

London Subway

Having fun today with London subway stations – and borrowing the first verse from Baccus Olypus , a poet friend:
 
SUBWAY
 
(First verse borrowed from Baccus’ poem: )
 
From an opposite seat
he stares when he thinks I’m not looking
He doesn’t know that I hear the bones in his neck grind
and his eyes swivel –
 
And there
They disappear into his head
That sinks into his shoulders
That slump and sink into
His belly
 
Brent Cross
 
My God
Now only his feet are left
And now a sucking black void
 
Gunnersbury – Ickenham
 
I bend down and look closer
 
Canada Water
 
And I am sucked in too
What a bloody sucker I am
 
Cockfosters
 
Too late
 
Epping
 
End station – Killburn
 
with sorry asses chained to their
sins and lamenting their guilt
 
“Welcome workers to
Crystal Bloody Palace
hang your hopes on the peg there,
here is much to do
and atone for
and we will help you with that –
scum!”
 
I looked for the sucking black void
I found it
 
Seen enough
Going back up
 
Sharing Cross
Mile End
Olympia
 
Temple
Embankment
 
Seven Sisters
 
High Gate
 
Green Park

What do you Want?

I took a course in Yoga for Lungs today! What do my lungs need to tell me? A partner danced it for me – I need to actually consciously, with will and choice, receive the Light from Above. Shivers when I write this.

Going home by bus afterwards was really complicated – the first snow had arrived, and there were mile long ques. I actually knocked on a car windows to ask if the person was driving in my direction. A woman said yes, and then drove in a different direction, which chocked me a bit – now I was even longer from home. I stood at a bus stop there to return to where I had come from – aaargggh – and a car stopped right at my bus stop. The woman inside did not see me, she was talking in her cellphone. I walked to the car and knocked at the window. She put the phone down and took me in. I said inside; “I am ready for a miracle now. Give me joy!”

The woman was gorgeous with many long rastabraids, and not from my country. After some minutes she told me she was going in another direction than me, and I said OK , I can walk from here – when she said, how many minutes to drive from here? “Five” I said, and she said “ I will drive you home.”

Shivers up my back. She told me how she had needed 5 minutes help from someone today, and nobody would help her – so she chose to help me instead.

My heart opened wide, I was touched that she reacted to others unhelpfulness with helpfulness and told her. We found out that we were both textile artists  – how about that! We shared or names –she was BEA –  and a huge light and warmth opened up between us.  I shared the joy I FELT and she nodded, YES I feel it too! When she stopped to drop me off, I said “ I will never forget you, Bea – and she said “ Leelah, I will never forget you!”

And I won’t. Never.

 

 

 

 

 

*Hilaryon Stories* is published today

-and I am happy and so very relieved. MY FIRST NOVEL!

Many years ago I  was part of a writer group where we wrote flash fiction – short stories, top 1000 words, each week. Each member took turns  giving the weekly prompt. The start of  the world Hilaryon – and my discovery of it – was a story I wrote to the prompt: The 12 Commandments. That’s where I first met the wonderful CROC – the wise and gentle  wizard of Hilaryon. As I wrote more stories from that Universe, it became clear that Hilaryon is a state of existence adjacent to our world Gaia – and that one ends up there if the longing is very very strong – a longing to be received in the highest expression of oneself – both as artist and as  Being.

Our group died ( we were part of an experiment by Harper Collins to find new and exciting writers, and HC found new ways and deleted our platform.) But I wrote on my own, knowing it would be a book. Wonderful synchronicities and magic moments happened frequently, giving me the necessary stamina to go on. The end of first part was written ca 6 years ago, and I was very pleased with it – but after two years pause from the Hilaryoners I was overtaken by longing, I had to go on with a part two. I asked my Muse – who later showed up to be Master Hilaryon – and he suggested I chose a theme that had to do with strong polarities. I immediately  thought about the Old Testament feud between Pharaoh Ramses( it is not known which one) and Moses. I had big trouble with that version of god who ordered babies to be killed to teach Ramses a lesson ( I did not particularly like Ramses either) – and my Muse told me this would be a very healthy endeavor to bring light into the One mind we all share – and heal my own perceptions!

Johann Sebastian Bach showed up on Hilaryon in the first part -he turned out to be one of Croc’s oldest friends from Egypt in olden days, where they both had played and sung the Sakkara-pyramid into being. It also turned out that Croc was the reincarnation of the Great Imhotep: – vizier,  chief physician and architect 5000 years ago.

Johann Sebastian became a model for anyone with great loss  and longing in his soul (  In reality, he lost ten of twenty children, both parents before he was 11 and his first wife.) Now, in Part Two, both he and Croc had children, Leaf and Mo, both 11, who were crazy about each other – and  the old hatred entered Hilaryon  through a long and spooky staff.

So I started Part Two, where Johann Sebastian Bach was in big trouble – his 3.wife had thrown him out and the weather was spooked.

I received the chapters randomly, and my Muse insisted that I had to trust and write whatever as it came – and it would find its place in the puzzle. Johann Sebastian’s music turned out to be very important, I placed musical interludes within the text, so the reader could hear the music that mirrored Bach’s emotions there and then, on YouTube.

In between were months were nothing seemed to happen,and then suddenly I could, f. ex, get an idea crochet a woolen white egg and fill it with ten minuscule babies – and place it into the text. I could not plan ANYTHING – just TRUST and TRUST some more that all would turn out perfectly.

It did. I even stitched the cover you see above. It turned out that Hilaryoners love to sew and stitch.

If you click on any book in the right menu you will get to the book’s site and read more.

If you want to buy, here is place where you don’t have to pay shipping: The Book Depository Just search for Leelah Saachi and the book that you want.

 

 

GLORIA

3 miracles!

Yesterday morning: working the usual way with dark energies – suddenly seeing the little girl surrounded by Lightbeings, and  feeling / seeing the light and energy all through her and me. This is being healed now– there is nothing I need to do.

This night: the same deep agony as always – and the deep insight, not to be doubted at all: YOU don’t need to go through this any longer.

It is the I / ME who is removed now. No ME healing stuff – just healing happening through me, me letting it happen. The dark went right through without any trace left.

Third time: even clearer now: I, Leelah, don’t need to do this any longer. Complete relaxation, just allowing it to go through, not being affected at all

 

Bursting into JOY

I had the most astonishing breakthrough into joy this early morning – being strongly prompted to get up and listening to Beethoven’s 9th Symphony, 4th movement. I found an old recording with Simon Carrington as conductor – and the opening “Freunde, nich diese TÖne” felt like a shower from a spring waterfall.

I could not find any recordings with Carrington – but this one with Simon Rattle is accepted too

I sang this 50 years ago with Herbert Blomstedt as conductor – and not before now, truly SEE those words for what they express.

Oh friends, not these sounds!
Let us instead strike up more pleasing
and more joyful ones!

Joy!
Joy!

Joy, beautiful spark of divinity,
Daughter from Elysium,
We enter, burning with fervour,
heavenly being, your sanctuary!
Your magic brings together
what custom has sternly divided.
All men shall become brothers,
wherever your gentle wings hover.

Whoever has been lucky enough
to become a friend to a friend,
Whoever has found a beloved wife,
let him join our songs of praise!
Yes, and anyone who can call one soul
his own on this earth!
Any who cannot, let them slink away
from this gathering in tears!

Every creature drinks in joy
at nature’s breast;
Good and Evil alike
follow her trail of roses.
She gives us kisses and wine,
a true friend, even in death;
Even the worm was given desire,
and the cherub stands before God.

Gladly, just as His suns hurtle
through the glorious universe,
So you, brothers, should run your course,
joyfully, like a conquering hero.

Be embraced, you millions!
This kiss is for the whole world!
Brothers, above the canopy of stars
must dwell a loving father.

Do you bow down before Him, you millions?
Do you sense your Creator, O world?
Seek Him above the canopy of stars!
He must dwell beyond the stars.

The place that opened me this morning ( and the start of the singing) comes at 26:34

 

Tree of Life

In the night, the same usual intense wrong-minded thought patterns engulfed me- and then, a radiant shift: full allowance of it – there it is and I can just embrace it. I am blessing it, walking around with it.

And now JOY IS HERE as a constant

In the nineties I started to study Kabbalah with two phenomenal teachers, Andreas  and Peter. In 2000 they started The Rite – a 3 year school in Kabbala, walking all the paths between the Sefirot up the trunk of Tree of  Life . I believe we had 32 initiations

For some reason I pick up my Initiation Journal from the three year Rite from the bookshelf. It opened on the next to last Rite: Beth –  and  the path between Binah and Kether.

Beth may stand for House – House of God – The Universal Home  – The Infinite Womb of Fertility.

The Rite showed to two polarities where  the relentless and merciless melts into Unio Mystica – Kether.

Just as it happened some time ago this morning

Now I wonder if I may have walked the path up the Tree through  my nine years of blogging too

I will enjoy looking through the journal again

I entered into the living room.The doorbell clang again: this time, to my ears, much softer. Slower. Like the most motherly embrace: welcome Home

 

Breaking the tooth/pattern

About a week ago I felt bad and wanted to give myself a treat – my own recipe of nut/seed/dates/cocoa-mix. They need to be frozen to keep, so I bit into one and broke my front teeth with a loud crack.

I found out that that tooth is connected to the stomach – and the stomach reacted with huge pains and fever. Something inside insisted that I had an opportunity to relate to this with something more energy medicine – like surrendering, like accepting that this was a gift. One whole night I communed with Holy Spirit, Who came through as never before: crystal clear channeling. I asked for help from the Comforter – His/her other name 🙂 very specifically: come into my lungs and the wound, fill it with Light. I felt it as a physically hot wave of light and healing, it lasted for hours.

I got an appointment with my dentist since 50 years – I love that guy! and he told me we need to get the tooth out and create a bridge. I was there this morning, and all went well  – except a tiny thread of root not coming out.

Asking the Holy Spirit about this – and hearing that what I need to focus on, is JOY. When fear of pain or anxieties of what could happen, appears – choose in that very moment to feel joy instead. And that little root remnant is there for you to occupy you mind to choose JOY EACH TIME you think about that root.

This was clearly not a mental exercize – I was meant to SIT there and do nothing else.

After the operation I went to the Mall nearby. Right outside of Finn’s office, a big car had parked: x cleaning. PURE JOY.

In the mall, a poster of a small boy , smiling to me: he had lost the same tooth in the upper mouth 🙂

A third poster in the Mall praised the JOY of Autumn.

I called my daughter and shared, a little later this joy of autumn flowers arrived.

I felt warm joy – and very fast I thought about doing my favorite  Friday crossword puzzle. One minute – and my doorbell sounded  – no one physical was there. Aha – could I maybe use  some time on joy?

Well, at least a minute…hm, more crosswording – and the doorbell rang for the second time.

No more dawdling

Sitting down, resting in Peace, resting in JOY

Holt Spirit, THANK YOU

 

 

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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