Transformation

My PC crashed – at the end of two days with very dark energies in and around me. I recognize this energy as one of the 10 archetypes in When Fear Comes Home to Love – “Fuckeat” is the very shadow of humanity.

The Mephisto-part.

Earlier, I saw “him” as something I wanted to avoid –  I judged it –  but then I bought  this book “Bringing the shadow out of the dark” by Robert Augustus Masters. There are clear exercises showing how to stay with the dark materials within – astonishingly simple, but often challenging. I discovered they obviously  work.

For about 20 years I have had bi-monthly sharings with a close friend who is a gestalt therapist. We have together worked with energies in the way that when one of us has felt something strong, we have BOTH breathed and explored the energy as not Mine or Yours, but It – just energy as such.

We  soon discovered that our PCs mirrored the connection between us. EX when we lost the sound, there could be parts of us that did not want  to LISTEN. When we discovered what the PC connection mirrored, it  – the disturbance -always – through 20 years of work – cleared up.

So the preparation for my work this weekend has been just marvelous.

I SAW that Fuckeat shadow – inside me AND collectively- how intensely lonely it is – it was not hard at all to be compassionate with it – and even understand, on some level, how one can be at a place where one just sabotages all attempts for liberation. One of the voices within it that I truly recognize is ” better not try that – you will just fail and  etc etc etc”

– well, in short, this time that voice truly listened, and it was not hard at all to embrace it.

So this morning I went to the PC again and tried to turn it on – I was willing to put the whole thing in a big wheel bag and  go by bus and walk to the city to deliver it to my genius PC workers – just thought I would try it again one last time.

The same warning shields came up. I did not react. I did some walking in stairs-work out.

 I came back to it, blessed it and turned it on. All is normal again.

For me, it has always been about sharing – that takes the stuff out of the repress-area. I truly don’t want to be seen as some special miracle worker – just deeply want to share what the Universe shows me is real and true – because I CAN share it. And when I DO share it, I take this stuff out of the deep repression-chamber  it usually lives in.

I truly believe that what ONE of us do, we do it for ALL – I believe there is ONE mind, and we all share it. Different  fragrances – but ONE mind.

And so this is a sharing with anybody visiting my blog – I love you and see you – and I do believe we are all part of the big awakening.

Elephant entering a door and gets out as a giraffe . Changing mindset and different approach concept . Life changing decision and new opportunities . This is a 3d render illustration from Pixabay

Everything is Possible

A miracle is happening for me.I have for months had a dispute with our largest Phone-communication company – ( which for me is a symbol for the highest LOVE.) They have sent me a new adapter and it just would not bring the connection. Something in me knew that this was going to be a great lesson – the sysmbols are about communication – and that it was helpful to know that the connection I deepest wanted, was the connection with LOVE/GOD/Source/whatever we call it.This morning, after AGAIN feeling unjustly treated by customer service – and being certain I was RIGHT about it – I watched the first video with Autumn and Prune Harris. – This is a series about how to align with the energy of Nature – now Autumn – and I was for the first time willing to ask inside what the theme was that held me back. I was immediately brought back to my very early decision to perceive myself as hated by God – because of the horrors happening to me. I was shown the choice of my soul before this incarnation – to experience a life in a body which would be the opposite of being protected – and then – in spite of it all – finding LOVE. The REAL thing.

In one huge crying fit I saw all the persons participating in the various abuse-versions as roles in the drama that I had written and produced and play the leading role in – decided on that level before physical incarnation. I had wanted to have such a life be lived through fully – explored fully – and then coming to the realization that my soul has written the script – because it wanted most of all to prove to itself that LOVE can heal it all – and most important, heal my own perceptions.

I have been working deeply with this theme the last 50 years – and today was a deep breakthrough in simplicity – it has all to do with MY CHOICE to believe that I am a victim as my identity.

I can see my parents and brother clearer now – the correction has been put in motion – I can feel it. I believe I will experience to be close to LOVE and God again – and be sure to forgive any signs from the outside to mirror unforgiven stuff from inside.I am in awe of the perfect orchestration and TIMING of it all – including Prune’s bout with Covid 19 and her request for us all to send love and light and balance to EVERYBODY who needed it – and her rapid recovery. Everything is possible.

In When Fear Comes Home to Love I wrote 49 examples of how God ( naming It BLUE in my book) intervened playfully when I needed it most.

Here is one such story:

A clairvoyant woman tells me that I have a wonderful big heart with potential for great transformation. “I doubt that” says my ego. I feel a strong impulse to visit a special book-store nearby, they have religious books and images, and I want paintings of Jesus and Mary, and hope to find some that are not sugary.

I don’t find any images that my heart loves. I find a small bowl of metal pins, and put my hand into the bowl and pick one. It says Leelah in red writing – and it shows an image of a little amorine who is shooting an arrow of love into Leelah’s heart.

Angry – and

Enough already!

I have not been able to to paint/draw for about 2 years now. All that comes is ANNGRRY pieces like this. And so I stopped resisting and gave it space – which felt glorious.

The today, when I watched it, I grabbed a pen and started writing. This is word for word that came:

A day in May

has much to say
about my way
to form and slay
 the SHALS and MUSTS
and eat and scream
and dive in stream
and dip and swim
and laugh and beam
and come alive
is bestest way
with giggles and
a form of pray
that whispers lightly:
It's just a dream.
Now come alive 
and have ice cream

I notice the turnaround into “dive in stream”, and enjoyed the change in energy in that shift.

I had just ended a session with a friend and  suggested creative means for her to deal with huge rage. So I thought I would do that too.

These poems – silly as they are, are so healing for me. They just come. Such blessings. I think one of the Divine’s attribute is playfulness and silliness. I also experience that any form of play is transformative – I will set the intension to allow what comes through me / patients  with curiosity and wonder – always trusting that what we have started, not knowing where it will go, WILL go into wonder and transformation, when we let it.

If you are interesting in case-stories from my 30 year practice as therapist, you might read some reviews of When Fear Comes Home to Love

Bewitched Princess

I live from the old adage – As within, so without. – I have chosen to believe that whatever I react to from outside, mirrors something inside I still have not forgiven and released.

I am currently given to explore the archetype of the Bewitched Princess – within myself. She is the one who is lured into mountains by Trolls – and ends up believing in her bewitched role: guilty, sinful, slutty… and wanting more of that kind, “cause that is who she IS.” She is an inner “gestalt”, and she is available for light. My job as an awakening human is to learn to relate to the archetypes inside my mind with compassion, Light, love. As I use the methods I find most effective ( which are constantly developing) the influence from the darker archetypes lightens -I can more easily recognize “ah, there she is -” – no more identification, just a recognition of something that needs my attention and Love.

This is a fairytale that we find in most cultures – Beauty and Beast is one variation – and in 1974 I had stage design and puppet design in a production in Oslo New Theater, The Companion – with my brilliant husband Karel Hlavaty as wizard of the technical stuff. He was a master of illusions, professor in Puppetry and technology, and was one of the small group in Praha who developed the method of Black Theater and brought it to Europe – via Laterna Magica, the famous Czech theater in Prague.

Karel flied from the old Czechoslovakia in 1968 when it was invaded by the Soviets, came to Norway and we met at the Arts and Craft College where I took my Bachelor. He got a teaching job – and he wanted me as his assistant. To be honest, he wanted me in other ways too. I was 24. He was 49… and dark, gloomy looking and with a tremendous charisma. We ended up working together in Norwegian Theaters for 20 years until he died in |1988.

He introduced Norway to Black Theater and other experimental forms. The rod puppets below are made by me, and belong to a Norwegian Fairytale called ” The Companion”

Here the princess is with the troll, as depicted by Carl Larsson, Swedish artist

And here the Bewitched One hangs by my bedroom window. As I woke this morning, the sun shone right through her costume – which is what transformation is all about. We need the Light of Divinity – or Holiness – to help us see through the dark form to the eternal innocence inside. And more and more these days I discover the truth in this – that LOVE is eternally present as the essence of all – from Troll to Princess.

And when I turned my head on the pillow this morning and was met with the sight above, it felt like The Holy Rays of Light shone right through the old costume of bewitchment. And deep inside, a blessed warmth grew through an ice cold part of me.

In the story, the main character – Johannes – gets a mysterious Companion who knows well all the levels of magic and transformation, and assists Johannes in getting the princess he wants so much. But since she now is bewitched, she won’t have him. The Companion assists him on his way into the mountain to lure and listen to the conversations between the Troll and The Princess – to find out how to purify her and change her back into her free self and to cut the head of the Troll/ The Bewitcher, whom we all have inside.

So there were two puppets starring as princesses – here she is in her True Self. My poster to the left shows The Companion and Johannes, and the magical holy Sword of Truth behind them.

In my book “ When Fear Comes Home to Love” I describe my own and patients’ path from being “swallowed” by archetypes and  back into the Light that is our true Nature. By working with these themes for 25 years I detected ten archetypes – all of them well described in Myths and Fairytales. And now, with Karel through 20 years, I got to explore them even more in costumes and characters in our productions.

The Jekyll and Hyde Syndrome

During my first 20 years I was raped and abused by my father – he did this when being in a Mr Hyde – state of mind. That had the curious effect that after the deed, both he and I  switched back int the “normal” Dr.Jekyll – state – and  no-one now knew what had happened.

A complete switch in consciousness, a split in the psyche  – it took me the first 38 years of my life to  open up  and find that split off / dissociated child.

My father’s Dr. Jekyll part I loved, and had a lot in common with – the love of literature, art, music , and playing silly word games. Some of the most beautiful memories involve my father and I in various situations of Silence and beauty.

After a lot of education and years in many sorts of therapy, I started my private practice as Expressive Arts Therapist and later became supervisor for students in the education.

After ten years of practice or so I started to recognize clear patterns of symptoms and behaviour in 99% of my patients – and from inner guidance I was helped to see that they were sent to me because I was supposed to explore the archetypes in the common psyche of this kind of soul sickness. When the work went deep and down and scary, I called intensely for help from the Divine and was answered in the most loving  and wise and tender ways – and I became aware that all this was meant to be chronicled in a book I was supposed to write.

As the work with my students developed and the 10 archetypes became clear, more patients showed up, always demonstrating the themes I most needed to understand- so we explored them through dance, music, painting, writing, storytelling etc – and there was a clear red thread through my patients’ work, that demonstrated that there was Something present through all the modalities and expressions – and that this Something  was holy and utterly dependable.

The synchronicities were over the top unavoidable to notice -and that helped us all realize that we were  moving through a dark landscape with a trusted Guide – and   where I now started to notice how the map could be made.

The map turned into the three books you find in the right menu:

When Fear Comes Home to Love – the Healing Gifts of Art, Play and Forgiveness

Case stories, autobiography, my own spiritual journey with guidance from Divinity and lots of synchronicities. A bonafide map for traversing these dark Jekyll and Hyde-landscapes.

“108 ways to turn crises into possibilities” are some of the most helpful and popular creative exercises that arose in the sessions – they are helpful for anyone being in a crisis.

The third book, Hilaryon Stories  is a novel – Hilaryon is a state of frequency that may look like a planet, where deep trauma and stories of loss play out among my beloved characters. Johan Sebastian Bach is one of them, and playfulness and white hares turn up to play big roles in my characters’ lives

When you click on the book covers you will get to my author page and may read reviews.

***

For the readers who are ready to bring healing and transformation to the dark psychic patterns they may carry, I offer Skype sessions called Transformation. You will get 15 free minutes on Skype where you can ask questions – and if the connection feel OK for both of us, we may set up a session.

A New Human: transformation of suffering, an alchemic process

I have recently practiced ” I choose to want God/LOVE above all NOW.”

It truly has rolled beautifully, until this morning when the usual agony was back. I opened a note-book at my bed table: (Please click on it to get the whole text.)

I then remembered that I had already painted three images of this process many years ago. Luckily I saved them in a file on my PC – here is how it may look when we, as Self, embrace the darkness – and what it then turns into ♥

Here it is absorbed

and these two images show the next two stages in the transformation process

As you see, the darkness has transformed into a Menorah – a light-giver

Core Transformation

I am doing a process from a book called  Core Transformation by Connierae Andreas.

The part of me that constantly distracts me from relaxing and sitting down to just be – or meditate – turned out to distract me in order to be able to feel relaxed herself Only when I felt constantly occupied and mentally frizzled could she relax – since me “relaxing” meant allowing up images and memories that could not be survived for a little girl.

The journey back to Source felt wonderful. After each answer from her, I thanked her and breathed and felt it inside.

What do you get from distracting me?

I get close to myself. I get more into my body, I can even feel what I want and need. That feels incredibly good. I trust myself more, I am more a friend to myself. It feels wonderful!

What would that give you ( that was even deeper?)

It brings me in touch with a deep longing. To feel this longing feels essential.

To feel that longing deeply – what gift would that bring you, that was even deeper?

I would know that I was loved by God –  not alone.

And would there be something even deeper than that, that you would get?

That God is inside me – always – I am never alone. I cannot lose Him/Her.

And what would you have if you had this too? What would it give you?

And here came the great release:

I would extend that light to others. Show it – and see that it is received and treasured.

Thank you! And having that –what would be even more profound?

Having that would give me perfect eternal joy.

Having this joy – and living from it – how would that make your life different?

I am perfectly guided by Love. Everything I need is provided. Situations too. I would simply be played by Source, trusting from moment to moment, enjoying it tremendously. Knowing where to go, whom to say what to. No planning for myself – no more worries. Being danced by Joy, living in a wave of perfect trust outside time. Life lifing me 🙂

Thank you! How does this state of Joy transform your need to keep me distracted?

The thought of distracting you is impossible. I would only share this unchanging joy with you – anything else is impossible.
*
Then I did the timeline-experience. It felt great to move that pure joy-energy through all the stages of “my” childhood and later traumas and shocks.

AND: patience is called for here. I sat down this morning and felt a need to distract myself. Felt disappointment at first – then I decided to log on to Word and share this. I realize that I don’t need to resist the need to distract when I arises – the ability to just look at it now and not judge it is utterly beautiful.

Liberation of the Root-chakra

For old readers, who has followed this blog for some years – you will remember the “morning-gloom-and-doom” that has stayed in place, whatever else I have done healingwise.

These glorious days I see it as my greatest liberator.

Let me repeat that with an exclamation mark!

These glorious days I see it as my greatest liberator!

The last two days it has come with a ferociousness that is remarkable – and luckily I remembered this advice I had received recently:

“Scary difficult memories/energies/sights: Now you have the choice NOT to launch into your habitual patterns of resistance, but to stay with the rawness and discomfort of the situation – and let it transform you. ALLOW IT to set you free!”

And as soon as i dropped the identification with the feelings – I am NOT this, I am the awareness of it – it dropped, and it was tolerable. I talked lovingly to the part that had held on to the pattern of resistance as a surviving/coping mechanism, and honored for her choice to do that – she kept us alive and reasonable sane – well, sane enough to go through educations, get a job, get married etc etc – all the stuff we call life.

As soon as I saw this as a gift, the energies started to move. The part of me went through several layers –  intense terror, then dense fields of confusion and thought-spin – then huge rage and anger, then deep grief, then loneliness –  then I allowed it to wash through me, but knew all of this belonged to her – that little one that had gone through all of that. I was in the observer-position – and the part was not fused with me any longer, and could feel it all. I felt it with her, but did not identify with the “me” in it -it was just energy, it had come for a reason – to be seen and acknowledged and held and honored, so “she” and I could finally experience the LOVE that surrounded all of that.

The little one asked the Light “why wasn’t you there when the awful thing happened!” and the Light gently and lovingly told her :

“We were there when it happened. You dissociated from the trauma, and your fear and horror prevented you from seeing our presence. Now you know that we were there – and in that way, you will feel safe being in touch with the repressed feelings later. We have witnessed it, and our love and space for you will melt the negative energy-fields still clinging to your aura – as you yourself find forgiveness within.”

The last paragraph is part of the book ” When Fear Come Home to Love” which I present in the right menu. I have “known” this for 30 years – but these days, it feels like a much more comprehensive healing – like i visit it through many layers. It feels blissful each and every time i get to this place – it is only the resistance, and my identification of this victim, that keeps the pain and energies going. WITNESSING the pain FROM the Self – the loving Observer – transforms and transmutes it.

And now to the fun stuff – the synchronicities after such a lovely process. I get out of bed, and are nudged to open one of the many creative journals I have in front of me in the bookshelf. I open it randomly, and find this image:

The freed Root wicenter

After taking a photo of this to share, I found my had going into another cupboard and taking out a miniature book. I opened it on this page:

 

 

Messiah and messiness

There has been much working and transformation in the night lately. The good news for me is that I have passed the place where I think I am a victim of this, and that “I am doing something wrong.” Nope. I am sharing this to check if these may be themes for many of us – working within the “insanity-spectrum.”

I have a friend who had a murderer as grandfather…he was also a very famous writer, enormously creative. This woman and I really hit it together with this spectrum of energies – and it so happens that she might play out something that I need to relate to in a new and forgiving way. So she did, it seemed completely insane. and I used some days to sniff myself into it slowly, and found out that it was my insane filters and judgment of the creation object that felt so horrid. So coming that far, it transformed, but the body feels like crap a lot of the time. And also there is bliss in everyday living – people I meet, people who stop the bus from driving on when I am a little late – smiles everywhere – and the joy of just walking around.

And still, the states of mind where i feel completely crap – frequently – but they are seen through so much easier.

So I had a dream where I dreamed about a former client messing up a room for therapy – and me being extremely irritated – and in another part of the dream, another woman, who happened to be my daughter, demonstrated a model she had made for a musical expression – it was beyond beautiful and light.

What is new is the insight coming when i wake up – realizing that the mess-part is allowed to exists “down here”. and that it is necessary “down here” to show me what I do not want, but with no judgment. My friend pointed out to me that the mess-ness points to Messiah for her – Who turns away from rigidity, seeing it as a possibility for transformation – and we were in awe when we again realized the miracle of interested curiosity and playfulness.

Exploration does not have rigidity as its polarity – since rigidity can be playfully explored in all its levels of fear and resistance. For me, it looks like a polarity may simply be death.

Big Surprise

Today, more on play and creativity –
(preparing the scared and reluctant ones for the “Dragon and Princesses”-online course that starts January 1 2018 on Facebook)

here is a short demonstration of play that transforms:

Think of a word. I’ll demonstrate. * Devil.” ( Fear: oh noo!) Oh yes: it comes for reason, Leelah – and that’s what you can lead this course: you trust the process, and demonstrate what will happen when the course participants receive words they immediately will want to reject.

Okey then, lets play and see what comes:
Once upon a time there was a little devil who lived on a mountaintop all by himself. It was dreary and dull, nobody to bug and scare, just wonderful views wherever he saw.

So he uttered a minuscule HELP ME, and there, he sank right down into the top and down-down down, and around him were nothing but angels and laughter and whatever he did and yelled and cursed, there was nothing but giggles, they simply did not take him seriously.

So he started to swear a lot, and the angels immediately played with that,”fuck fluck fickety suck cluck cluckcluck” and there was hens all around him! ” Satan!” he yelled, and the angels went ” satan platan tomaten weights-a-ton – haten daten peyton Place!!!”
“screw you!” he yelled, and the angels came quite near and tickled him and sang “screw you, lulu, honeyhonylulu toodle toodle doo!”

So he started to giggle too, and the cutest little angel wings sprouted from his former black and nubby body

and frankly, that was end of him.

(And right now – believe it or not – my new and expensive security program declared ” End of the program.”

Comments received with joy